New Teeth
Stories
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Narrated by:
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Fred Berman
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By:
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Simon Rich
About this listen
Laugh till you cry in this new collection of stories from the “Serena Williams of humor writing” (New York Times Book Review) about raising babies and trying to learn how not to be one.
Called a “comedic Godsend” by Conan O’Brien, and “the Stephen King of comedy writing” by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with New Teeth, his funniest and most personal collection yet.
Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents’ annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper “The Big Nap”, a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of “a world gone mad”.
Equal parts silly and sincere, New Teeth is an ode to growing up, growing older, and what it means to make a family.
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Critic reviews
"Rich presents parody, absurdity, observational wit, the sudden shift in a familiar premise, and a surprising touch of sweetness and charm throughout.... [New Teeth is] so consistently funny, so exceptional in its imaginative use of parody as to be near genius. A fertile mind provides many smiles in this entertaining collection - and more than a few out-loud laughs." (Kirkus, starred review)
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Welcome to the Monkey House is a collection of Kurt Vonnegut's shorter works. Originally printed in publications as diverse as The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and The Atlantic Monthly, what these superb stories share is Vonnegut's audacious sense of humor and extraordinary range of creative vision.
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Classic Vonnegut
- By Michael Carrato on 08-17-06
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
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Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
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The Hour I First Believed
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 25 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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When high-school teacher Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, while Caelum is away, Maureen finds herself in the library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed. Miraculously, she survives. But when Caelum and Maureen flee to an illusion of safety on the Quirk family's Connecticut farm, they discover that the effects of chaos are not easily put right.
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excellent all around yarn
- By G. on 01-10-09
By: Wally Lamb
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The Vanishing Season
- By: Joanna Schaffhausen
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Ellery Hathaway knows a thing or two about serial killers, but not through her police training. She's an officer in sleepy Woodbury, Massachusetts, where a bicycle theft still makes the newspapers. No one there knows she was once victim number 17 in the grisly story of serial killer Francis Michael Coben. The only victim who lived. When three people disappear from her town in three years, all around her birthday - the day she was kidnapped so long ago - Ellery fears someone knows her secret. Someone very dangerous.
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Engaging mystery debut!
- By robbie mcgraw on 06-15-18
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Fault Lines
- A Novel
- By: Emily Itami
- Narrated by: Lydia Wilson
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Mizuki is a Japanese housewife. She has a hardworking husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful Tokyo apartment. It’s everything a woman could want, yet sometimes she wonders whether she would rather throw herself off the high-rise balcony than spend another evening not talking to her husband and hanging up laundry.
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Confused by the choice of narrator
- By Bri T. on 02-13-22
By: Emily Itami
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Impostor
- Alexander Gregory, Book 1
- By: LJ Ross
- Narrated by: Hugh Dancy
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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After an elite criminal profiling unit is shut down amid a storm of scandal and mismanagement, only one person emerges unscathed. Forensic psychiatrist Doctor Alexander Gregory has a reputation for being able to step inside the darkest minds to uncover whatever secrets lie hidden there, and soon enough he finds himself drawn into the murky world of murder investigation. In the beautiful hills of County Mayo, Ireland, a killer is on the loose. Panic has a stranglehold on its rural community, and the Garda are running out of time.
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Great beginning to a new series
- By Maine Knitter on 11-03-19
By: LJ Ross
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3 ½ stars. Some clever ideas.
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Funny and Inspirational!
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Amusing at first...
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Welcome to Heaven, Inc., the grossly mismanaged corporation in the sky. For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love.
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Fun book!
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Screwball
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Before he was “Babe” or “The Sultan of Swat” or “The Great Bambino”, George Herman Ruth was just another teenage misfit at St. Mary’s School for Boys. But Ruth has something the other boys don’t, and when Baltimore Orioles manager Jack Dunn watches him throw a baseball over a building, Ruth gets the chance to punch his ticket out of the orphanage. All he has to do now is make the team.
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Great Story, not for kids
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3 ½ stars. Some clever ideas.
- By Jane on 12-20-14
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Fun book!
- By Melea on 04-22-13
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Before he was “Babe” or “The Sultan of Swat” or “The Great Bambino”, George Herman Ruth was just another teenage misfit at St. Mary’s School for Boys. But Ruth has something the other boys don’t, and when Baltimore Orioles manager Jack Dunn watches him throw a baseball over a building, Ruth gets the chance to punch his ticket out of the orphanage. All he has to do now is make the team.
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- By Stormy Jones on 07-06-19
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Seymour is the least popular student at Glendale, a private school in Manhattan. His new nickname, “Chunk-Style”, is in danger of entering common usage. But then he meets the new transfer student: Elliot Allagash, evil heir of America’s largest fortune. Elliot’s rampant delinquency has already gotten him expelled from dozens of prep schools. But despite his best efforts, he can’t get himself thrown out of Glendale; his father has simply donated too much money. Bitter and bored, Elliot amuses himself by transforming Seymour into the most popular student in the school.
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Great book.
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Independent rapper, songwriter, singer, and producer Russ sells out concerts across America and around the globe, collaborating with top artists, such as Snoop Dogg, Joey Bada$$, Ed Sheeran, Rick Ross, Lil Baby, Jadakiss, Bia, and Mozzy to name a few. At twenty-seven, he became a bestselling author with the publication of his debut book, IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Now, at thirty-one, Russ returns with a second book even more profound and intimate than his first.
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Therapy in a Book
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Selected Shorts: Funny Business
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From wild and wacky to knee-slapping, laugh-out-loud fun, these humorous tales represent some of the best of recent seasons of the hit public radio series Selected Shorts. Comedian Wyatt Cenac gives a killer performance of Simon Rich’s hilarious tale of woe from the point of view of a condom in a young man’s wallet. Alec Baldwin gives a delightful over-the-top performance of James Thurber’s wonderfully silly classic tale of the day everybody in a small Ohio town thought the dam broke.
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Some very entertaining, some not
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By: Simon Rich, and others
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Call for the Dead
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After an unremarkable interview, Circus agent George Smiley determines the subject of a standard security check—a civil servant in the Foreign Office named Samuel Fennan—poses no threat, nor presents any reason for suspicion of espionage. Hours later, Samuel Fennan is found dead by suicide. Suddenly finding himself under intense scrutiny, Smiley realizes the Circus intends to blame him for Fennan's death. Rather than remain idle, Smiley begins his own investigation into the nature of the man's demise.
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An Understated Adventure that keeps you wondering.
- By urbanmusicgal on 10-25-24
By: John Le Carré
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Under the Paper Moon
- By: Shaina Steinberg
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- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
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It's 1942, and as far as her father knows, Evelyn Bishop, heiress to an aeronautics fortune, is working as a translator in London. In truth, Evelyn—daring, beautiful, and as adept with a rifle as she is in five languages—has joined the Office of Strategic Services as a spy. Her goal is personal: to find her brother, who is being held as a POW in a Nazi labor camp. Through one high-risk mission after another, she is paired with the reckless and rebellious Nick Gallagher, growing ever close to him until the war's end brings with it an act of deep betrayal.
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Short, engaging, and fun mystery!
- By Jason on 05-23-24
By: Shaina Steinberg
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I'm Terrified of Bath Time
- By: Simon Rich, Tom Toro - illustrator
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- Unabridged
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And so begins a hilarious dip into the choppy waters of a nightly ritual that parents and children alike often dread. Filled with soapsuds, rubber duckies, and existential angst, Simon Rich’s book is a splashy tale of cleanliness - and survival. This irreverent treat about facing fear and embracing adventure might just change the way you see bath time (and your bathroom) forever.
By: Simon Rich, and others
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The Last Gifts of the Universe
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Scout is an Archivist who scours the dead worlds of the cosmos for their last gifts: interesting technology, cultural rituals–anything left behind that might be useful to Home and their survival. During an excavation on a lifeless planet, Scout unearths something unbelievable: a surviving message from an alien who witnessed the world-ending entity thousands of years ago.
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Underwhelming
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By: Riley August
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Without a Trace
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Charles Vincent seems to have it all—a beautiful wife, two successful children, and a well-paying career. Yet happiness remains out of reach. He is trapped in a loveless marriage and his job is simply a paycheck. But his life changes forever as he drives along the Normandy coast, heading to their lavish château for the weekend. In one terrifying moment, Charles falls asleep at the wheel and veers off the road, plunging thirty feet down the face of a rocky cliff. Miraculously, Charles survives.
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Hard time finishing
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By: Danielle Steel
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Kiss and Don't Tell
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Five hockey players, a cabin in the woods...and little old me, Winnie Berlin. Sounds like the start of a fantasy, right? But it's not. It's my reality. It all started when I got lost in the middle of the Canadian Rockies. A wicked thunderstorm sent my car mud sliding into a ditch, and for a girl whose survival skills involve finding the nearest Starbucks, I was in deep trouble. Forced to abandon my car in search of help, I stumbled upon a cabin in the middle of nowhere.
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✫✫ 4 Stars ✫✫
- By ❤️Cyndi Marie❤️🎧Audiobook Addicts🎧 on 09-29-21
By: Meghan Quinn
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The Mysterious Affair at Styles
- By: Agatha Christie, Anna Lea - adaptation
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England, 1914. The world is at war. Captain Hastings, injured and shaken, is invited to Styles Court to recover. It’s a grand old country house - the family home of his old friend - and a perfect haven. Or so it seems. But in the blistering summer heat, trouble is afoot. Simmering tensions are tearing the family apart, and it all comes to a head in the most horrifying way.
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It’s a perfect audible movie!
- By Malissa Caudell on 11-15-24
By: Agatha Christie, and others
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Orbital
- By: Samantha Harvey
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A slender novel of epic power, Orbital deftly snapshots one day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space—not towards the moon or the vast unknown, but around our planet. Selected for one of the last space station missions of its kind before the program is dismantled, these astronauts and cosmonauts—from America, Russia, Italy, Britain, and Japan—have left their lives behind to travel at a speed of over seventeen thousand miles an hour as the earth reels below.
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Dull
- By ELLEZEE on 02-03-24
By: Samantha Harvey
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A Sorceress Comes to Call
- By: T. Kingfisher
- Narrated by: Eliza Foss, Jennifer Pickens
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Cordelia knows her mother is . . . unusual. Their house doesn’t have any doors between rooms—there are no secrets in this house—and her mother doesn't allow Cordelia to have a single friend. Unless you count Falada, her mother's beautiful white horse. The only time Cordelia feels truly free is on her daily rides with him. But more than simple eccentricity sets her mother apart. Other mothers don’t force their daughters to be silent and motionless for hours, sometimes days, on end. Other mothers aren’t sorcerers.
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Fantastic listen!
- By Teresa Courtney on 08-26-24
By: T. Kingfisher
What listeners say about New Teeth
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kyle
- 11-04-21
Hilarious, Heartwarming and Heartbreaking
Fantastic set of short stories, must listen for any parent or future parent. I could not stop laughing then crying then laughing again at every story. So stupid and silly but also so heavy and thought provoking.
Performance by the reader was also really great and could have ruined the stories if he did not understand the beats, which I think he did a great job of hitting.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Vukodlak
- 01-27-22
Comedy is a serious business.
A collection of short stories, NEW TEETH ranges from bittersweet to damn!! Each chapter asks the question, "What If?"
Sometimes poignant, "Raised by wolves," to sketch material, "Tips for Parenting", and "Clobbo." Simon Rich has the skill to deliver.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Joseph G.
- 11-14-21
funniest book I've listened too
heard Simon Rich on Conan's podcast. this book is hilarious! the performances make each story come alive.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Thor Cheston
- 11-03-21
Brilliant
Brilliant is a very good way to describe this book I hope I now have enough word in this description
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1 person found this helpful
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- JeanniebeannieB
- 06-29-22
Super silly, but fun!
Super silly, but fun! Definitely need to put your 'taking things too seriously' attitude aside. Fred Berman was did a great job as narrator.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Josh
- 10-04-24
This Deserves Better Reviews
This is a great escape in a world full of unchecked tradition. I love its serious silliness.
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- Kevin J. Yellick
- 08-29-21
this one will split your sides you'll laugh so har
FUNNY! this was my first book from this author and I loved it. you won't be disappointed.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Wes
- 10-25-21
Oh. My. God. This is amazing
Heard Simon's interview on Conan's podcast. Bought it that day. All the short stories are great, but "The Big Nap" is seriously one of the best AND funniest short stories I have EVER heard. I've listened to that short story 3 times so far and I bought it yesterday. Glorious comedy. As a comedy writer myself, it's nice to see someone so talented do so very very well. Huzzah!
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- KBergin
- 04-29-22
Impossible to Categorize
What a delicious grab bag of the sublime and the ridiculous. A story may rest on a corny joke, a superhero past his prime, or a psychological examination of the doctor who is jealous of the attention his wife pays to the “Elephant Man.” Yes. There are real historical figures in here. I could never predict what kind of story would come next: hilarity, horror, a blasphemous or ridiculous moment in the life of Babe Ruth, a girl who was raised by wolves dreads their visit with her “normal” family for Thanksgiving. I especially love the quite serious advice on how to handle the “REAL monster problem” when you talk to your children. But what can I say overall?
About 60% of the stories really work. I laughed out loud. I admired the author’s inventiveness. I recommend to anyone who loved the first five+ years of Saturday Night Live.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-13-23
Another excellent one from Simon Rich
Enjoy it. Great writing; great performance. [and here are the additional words required for me to submit this review]
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