The Science of Trust
Emotional Attunement for Couples
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Narrated by:
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J. Charles
About this listen
For the past 35 years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.
Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect each other, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.
Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.
This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers a detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.
©2012 John M. Gottman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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More than a million couples can't be wrong! And with this updated edition of their award-winning book, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott help you launch lifelong love like never before. This is more than an audiobook - it's an experience. Get ready for deeper intimacy with the best friend you'll ever have. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, in more than 15 languages, is the most widely used marriage prep tool in the world.
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basically just a long advertisement
- By J. Sullivan on 07-06-16
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The Upside of Your Dark Side
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- Narrated by: Jeff Cummings
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In The Upside of Your Dark Side, two pioneering researchers in the field of psychology show that while mindfulness, kindness, and positivity can take us far, they cannot take us all the way. Sometimes, they can even hold us back. Emotions like anger, anxiety, or doubt might be uncomfortable, but it turns out that they are also incredibly useful.
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Boring and learned nothing
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What Love Is
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- Narrated by: Carrie Jenkins
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What is love? Aside from being the title of many a popular love song, this is one of life's perennial questions. In What Love Is, philosopher Carrie Jenkins offers a bold new theory on the nature of romantic love that reconciles its humanistic and scientific components.
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What Philosophy Is and What It Could Be
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I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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Mastering the Art of Quitting
- Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work
- By: Peg Streep, Alan B. Bernstein
- Narrated by: Grover Gardner
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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In Mastering the Art of Quitting, the authors show us how to let go when we need to and how to start over. A guide to increasing our emotional and mental flexibility, assessing our goals, and knowing when to hang in or bail out, it tackles our tendencies to overanalyze, ruminate, and put a positive spin on situations we actually need to avoid. In a culture which perceives quitting as a last resort, Alan Bernstein and Peg Streep show that it’s an essential tool for a happy and successful life. They reveal simple truths which apply to goals in all areas of life including love, relationships, and work.
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Good book but not in audio format.
- By Viktar on 11-25-15
By: Peg Streep, and others
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30 Lessons for Loving
- Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage
- By: Karl Pillemer Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
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Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
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Our Elders Really are the Experts!
- By Cher Finnan on 12-29-15
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Feeling Good Together
- The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work
- By: David D. Burns MD
- Narrated by: Alan Sklar
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Based on 25 years of clinical experience and new, groundbreaking research involving more than 1,000 individuals, Feeling Good Together is filled with helpful examples and tools, such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Relationship Journal, Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the Intimacy Exercise, and more. Using these techniques, Dr. Burns shows you how to resolve virtually any kind of relationship conflict almost instantly.
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Best yet for communications Skills
- By Jeffrey J. Ardo on 03-20-10
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I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You
- Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
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- Narrated by: Andrew G. Marshall
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
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In I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You - a real-life relationship guide from couples' counselor Andrew G. Marshall - partners and individuals who have "fallen out of love" or want to rekindle the love that once was will learn how to use Marshall 's program with impressive results. This is a much-needed book to help men and women of all ages in any type of committed romantic relationship to truly understand love and to point out the everyday habits that undermine growing together.
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If you feel stuck in a relationship, this book is a MUST!
- By Christopher on 05-09-19
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Commit to Win
- How to Harness the Four Elements of Commitment to Reach Your Goals
- By: Heidi Reeder PhD
- Narrated by: Heidi Reeder PhD
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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What do you need besides motivation and willpower? In Commit to Win, Heidi Reeder, PhD, unpacks over forty years of research by psychologists and economists to show that the key to reaching any goal, whether it’s to hit the gym more often or to finally quit that dead-end job, isn’t motivation, willpower, or determination. It’s commitment. Busting the myths most of us believe about commitment, Reeder shows that it all comes down to four variables.
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Practical, but misses passion
- By ANDRÉ on 11-07-14
By: Heidi Reeder PhD
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Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade
- The 5 Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey
- By: Gary Chapman, Edward G. Shaw, Debbie Barr
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're listening to this, you may have a loved one suffering from dementia, and you're looking for hope. The disease has already taken so much, and though you're determined to fight, you're weary. Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade will renew your strength. With guidance from professionals and stories of committed caregivers, you'll learn how others have braved the road ahead and how you can, too. Using the five love languages and other creative ideas, you can discover, like many others, the resilient power of love.
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Informative & Practical
- By kerryleigh on 11-29-16
By: Gary Chapman, and others
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Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life
- A Psychologist Investigates How Evolution, Cognition, and Complexity Are Revolutionizing Our View of Human Nature
- By: Douglas T. Kenrick
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Between what can be learned from evolutionary psychology and cognitive science a picture emerges. In Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life, social psychologist Douglas Kenrick fuses these two fields to create a coherent story of human nature. In his analysis, many ingrained, apparently irrational behaviors—one-night stands, prejudice, conspicuous consumption, even art and religious devotion—are quite explicable and (when desired) avoidable.
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Rather dated and self-aggrandizing
- By Laurie Frick on 07-21-11
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Thanks for the Feedback
- The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
- By: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Narrated by: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
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The coauthors of the New York Times best-selling Difficult Conversations take on the toughest topic of all: How we see ourselves. Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen have spent the past 15 years working with corporations, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. In Thanks for the Feedback, they explain why receiving feedback is so crucial yet so challenging. They blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice.
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Poor narration ruins yet another good read
- By WordNerd on 08-25-14
By: Sheila Heen, and others
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Excellent summary of their research
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In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict, with more than 90-percent accuracy, whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods.
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This book was a great tool!
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Being in a relationship without knowing how to share your feelings and receive your partner’s feelings in useful ways is like jumping into a pool without knowing how to swim. You can flail around all you want, but it’s not going to keep you afloat for very long—you need to be able to move in any direction at will. Like swimming, knowing how to share your feelings and respond to your partner's feelings will move your relationship in the direction you want: toward more intimacy, closeness, connection, and trust.
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Marriage saving!
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When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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encouragement through another chance
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What listeners say about The Science of Trust
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Amelia
- 01-07-18
This book is fascinating!
Yes it is like a textbook. It was hard to understand the first time I listened to it. I have listened to it so many times now I practically have some of it memorized. The reader is amazing, the book is densely packed with information and dialogue, but he very clearly reads it all. I almost thought it was John Gottman reading it. It is almost a compilation of all his writings, which are amazing good sense, plus more info gained by years of experience.
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- douglas
- 06-10-18
The Key to relationships gold 🥇
The science of trusts is exceptional on the relationship between people truth and Trust. if you can handle the heavy clinical verbiage it is for everyone.
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- Laura Comer
- 08-02-20
excellent couples relationship book
great relationship book with practical changes you can make to relate to your significant other more positively
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- lmitch
- 05-05-21
Not kidding when they say its the science of trust
There was a lot more math and philosophical theories in this book then I was anticipating. At times I felt like I was reading the scientific journal of the experimenter. Overall, this book has a lot of phenomenal information that will help anyone build trusting relationships if they apply the principals.
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- Christopher
- 01-08-19
Good research lacking some practical.
I wish there were more practical aspects to be applied from reading this book. It was good. There were some practical aspects. But I was looking for more ways of applying with the research was saying. I did find the narrator to be a little bit annoying when he was reading quoted text. Particularly when he said the word “yeah” it always came out like a long drawn out question. “Yyyaaaahhh???”
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- Tony Earl
- 01-11-15
The First Solid Foundation for Couple's Therapy
In various classes in theory and practice of the many subtypes of therapy, couple's therapy made me throw my hands up in frustration. Every professor had their own techniques and usually vague or unstated foundations that looked to me more like choices of assumptions than a theory. This grew sharp when every professor in this type of therapy taught things contradictory with the others. Their results were dismal, with rational explanations for why.
Then I read Gottman's 'The Science of Trust' plus listened to this audiobook multiple times each and from the first reading, my view of couple's therapy changed. He has developed an extensively tested model of couple dynamics that apply across age groups, straight/gay, cultural and 40 years of data collection. It works; it makes clear predictions which so far have stood the test of time. It is nothing short of amazing. What to know why your relationship is having problems? What to know how to make it better? Read this book.
If you have a stronger math background, you can follow this with his, Mathematics of Marriage, obviously only in print and maybe e-book from Amazon.
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- Anna
- 05-24-19
Eye opening
It's pretty dense with a lot of math an science, but it's something that appeals to me as a reader and helps me connect with the ideas. But, the advice is invaluable. It helped me see my behavior and my partner's behavior in a new light and gave me hope that it's something that can be fixed.
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- Eric W. Barnes
- 07-05-20
Trust: the most important dynamic of a full life.
This book is one that I will recommend to every person I know who has any interest in securing and thriving in a long-term intimate relationship. I will also recommend it to all of my colleagues who want to succeed with their clients. In fact, unless you are a robot, then I would recommend this book! Trust is everything, so why not dig in deep to understand the most essential ingredient for a full and meaningful life? Gottman did not cut corners in this work, nor did he prevent himself from admitting the limitations of his research. I consider this book an immensely powerful tool as it is engaging and entertaining, while still technical: taking it far beyond the scope of the classic "Self Improvement" content one may shy away from digesting. I'm glad I invested my time, money, and energy in this book!
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- Eitan
- 08-24-19
An eye-opening book
John Gottman did to the science of psychology what Sir Isaac Newton did to the science of physics. He's figured out the underlaying laws and has expressed them in mathematical models. He then uses the models to analyze, explain, predict and treat relationships in ways that no-one else can. I'm sure this book will have a long lasting positive impact on my relationship.
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- Jill Adam
- 03-22-21
Life changing insights
I absolutely loved every aspect of this book. it's heavy, youll want to take your time with this one, part by part. Let the chapters sink in before going on to the nexr. Life changing insightfulness. Thank you Gottman!
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