The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life
The Wise Lesbian Guide Series
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Narrated by:
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Amber Ault
About this listen
Is your relationship "always about her?" Does it seem condemned to an endless break-up/make up cycle? Do your friends think your girlfriend is bad news? If you are stuck in a confusing, exhausting, crazy-making relationship and looking for a way to make sense of your girlfriend's self-centered, erratic, or volatile behavior, you need The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting On With Your Life. In one small volume, Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW spells out how three "personality disorders" (Narcissistic, Anti-social, Borderline) account for much of the toxic "come here/go away" "I love you/I hate you" and "it's all about me" drama that keeps good women in relationships that are great every once in awhile but wretchedly crazy-making most of the time.
While other books explore the rise of narcissism, surviving the abuse of psychopaths, and dealing with people who have borderline personality disorder in general, this book takes a lesbian-specific look at the devastation that these personality disorders can cause in relationships and the special challenges facing women in same-sex partnerships with personality-disordered women.
In The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on With Your Life, Dr. Ault, a clinical sociologist and psychotherapist, draws from clinical literature and experience, expertise in LGBT culture, and a series of interviews with lesbian and queer women who experienced relationships with toxic partners to help you determine if the trouble you are experiencing in your relationship is rooted in a partner's personality disorder. She reviews common toxic relationship dynamics, the costs of staying with personality disordered partners, common personality disorder patterns, and why you might have been vulnerable to getting involved with a personality disordered woman. Perhaps most importantly, she provides specific skills you need to use if you are preparing to exit a toxic relationship, and detailed strategies for recovery, once you are free.
Every person deserves to be in a happy, joyful, supportive relationship. As we move into an era in which same-sex partners have access to legal marriage, it is perhaps more crucial than ever that we clarify our expectations for same-sex relationships and become skilled at choosing partners with the capacity to fully participate in mutually respectful, reciprocally supportive, life-enhancing relationships.
You deserve to be in a relationship that promotes your happiness, health, and peacefulness. If your current relationship undermines your ease, well-being, and productivity, this book can help you get clearer about what is not working and how to take action so that you can open yourself to the possibility of having the relationship satisfaction you deserve.
©2014 Amber Ault (P)2014 Amber AultListeners also enjoyed...
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
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I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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When Friendship Hurts
- How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You
- By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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We’ve all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a failed friendship can make your life miserable, threaten your success at work or school, and even undermine your romantic relationships. Finally there is help. In When Friendship Hurts, Jan Yager, recognized internationally as a leading expert on friendship, explores what causes friendships to falter and explains how to mend them - or end them.
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Boring and patronizing
- By KDS on 11-17-22
By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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The Breakup Bible
- The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
- By: Rachel Sussman
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
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Prodependence
- Moving Beyond Codependency
- By: Robert Weiss
- Narrated by: Corey Gagne
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In Prodependence, Weiss presents a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence, accepting and even celebrating human interdependency in ways that are healthy and life-affirming for each person.
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Great content but horrible voice
- By Amazon Customer on 03-23-21
By: Robert Weiss
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The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care
- A Savvy Guide to Help Young Women Flourish, Thrive and Conquer
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you in an abusive or unhappy relationship? Do you try too hard to please your friends at the expense of your own needs and wants? Are you subservient to others and do you find yourself unable to become independent? Do you suffer from negative self-talk? These are all signs that your self-care regimen is deficient in some way. The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care tackles the common problems of effective self-care with practical suggestions for practices that will create a sustainable, lifelong self-care routine.
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Very helpful
- By Joan Sarratt on 03-08-18
By: Shahida Arabi
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Dealing with Toxic People
- A Survival Guide to Deal and Heal from Toxic People, and Empower Yourself to Achieve Big in Life
- By: Chris Genson
- Narrated by: Maria McCann
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Dealing with Toxic People is a solution-oriented book that throws light on one of the most important issues in today's world. Listeners will be able to learn every possible technique to help get rid of toxic people in the best possible manner.
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AMAZING, Great Book!
- By Elise Whitehouse on 04-18-23
By: Chris Genson
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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Addict in the House
- A No-Nonsense Family Guide Through Addiction and Recovery
- By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, Darren Kavinoky - foreword
- Narrated by: Denice Stradling
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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If you’re the family member of an addict, you may feel confused, guilty, and scared of doing the wrong thing. And when you don’t know how to help, you may find yourself in a codependent role. Addict in the House offers a pragmatic, step-by-step guide to dealing with a loved one’s addiction, from accepting the reality of the disease to surviving what may be repeated cycles of recovery and relapse. You’ll learn how to encourage your addicted loved one to get help without forcing it and finally find the strength to let go of codependence.
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was okay.
- By Michelle on 05-02-19
By: Robin Barnett EdD LCSW, and others
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The No Contact Rule
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being his or her backup plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding up back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship.
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I can not recomment this book highly enough!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-14-17
By: Natalie Lue
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Most people, if asked, would deny that they'd ever had fantasy relationships, as they are associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that's nonexistent. However, it's time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of texts, email, Facebook, online dating, and casual relationships, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb-filled fantasy relationship.
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Just ok...
- By LaKita on 09-13-17
By: Natalie Lue
What listeners say about The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Lucy Louise
- 11-11-20
Incredibly written and empowering book!
This was exactly the book I needed to find! The author is concise and articulate. She provides multiple real life examples of each concept without derailing into lengthy side stories. Most importantly, after defining and providing examples of the various personality disorders, she shifts to focus solely on the needs of the confused partner of a disordered girlfriend, and then she provides very specific advice on how to free oneself from a toxic relationship. I feel extremely empowered after listening to this book, and I plan to start listening again from the beginning while I plan my own exit strategy.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Janna C.
- 04-29-16
Recording needs work....
What did you like best about The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life? What did you like least?
The information is valuable but there are parts where there is a double voice recording
How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?
This was more of an information guide and lecture; so there is no story to change.
Did the narration match the pace of the story?
The narrative had parts that had a dual voice recording. This caused an unwanted distraction.
Did The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life inspire you to do anything?
Yes, I was inspired to research the terms "crazy-making relationships."
Any additional comments?
I would enjoy hearing more from this author and actual lesbians discussing the topic in an ongoing podcast format.
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3 people found this helpful
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- GSM
- 04-05-19
Great read, very important information
This book provides great information and advice to people in these types of relationships. The cases she discusses sound all too familiar. There is a big problem with the recording that most other reviewers mentioned.
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1 person found this helpful
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- MelRod
- 10-28-20
I needed this book.
I loved this book for it’s compassionate and logical approach to helping women get out of relationships with narcissistic women. It helped answer so many questions I had lingering and encouraged me to have no contact with my crazy making ex girlfriend. 10/10 recommendation for a person exiting a toxic lesbian relationship.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rachel2450
- 11-30-14
The Quality of Recording Needs to be Fixed
Where does The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
The book and its messages are good. For anyone dealing with a bad relationship, there are themes and ways to handle conflict that will stand out as useful or applicable, but it does not hurt to mention that not everyone in a bad relationship is dating someone with one of the 3 personality disorders. Bad relationships can be, and are often related to issues other than one partner having a personality disorder. This book exclusively focuses on relationships where 1 partner has one of the 3 following personality disorders :
1. Borderline
2. Narcissistic
3. Anti Social/Sociopathic
From a psychology perspective, this book was very interesting and I enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I didn't think the message would be so narrowly defined by stories and advice tailored just to those with personality disordered partners. I guess it has made me realize my GF isn't as crazy as someone with a personality disorder but it didn't provide the advice I was looking for.
Who was your favorite character and why?
The crazy lesbians! (ha. thats a joke). This question is n/a.
What didn’t you like about Amber Ault’s performance?
As others have said, at the beginning of each chapter there is a mistake in the recording where there seems to be the same 45 second blurb about publishing, dates, etc playing under/on top of the book. It is really distracting and pretty ridiculous that a professional product was published with this kind of major flaw and no one has gone back to correct it.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
No.
Any additional comments?
Nope.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Kindle Customer
- 03-01-21
Very good advice!
Great advice for victims of narc abuse or know someone in that situation. My only complaint is the audio had double voices at times for copyright, and I found that extremely distracting.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Aymeth
- 12-20-18
Terrible edition
The content of the book is good but it sounds like a high school kids project. Voices overlap and the microphone filter sounds as of that on my phone. It sounds like a DIY audiobook.
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- Helen Whitehead
- 12-08-16
required read for all later in life lesbians!
totally adaptable to most any relationship. i was able to see the points that have affected every single relationship in my life from friends to family to husband to girlfriend. this author is brilliant at applying the topics to any perspective.
the second half is dedicated to you. the reader. i froze in my seat as i heard the words i needed to hear. its time to put myself first. 💙
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4 people found this helpful
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- Kim V. Timberlake
- 07-13-14
Too much back feed.
What did you love best about The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on with Your Life?
It was entertaining as well as to the point.
What did you like best about this story?
It talked about the reality.
Any additional comments?
Too much backfeed. Poor recording because you could hear the reader in the back ground begining a new chapter and stepping all over the current reading. Like shadowing. Difficult to hear while two different readings are going on at the same time. Very disappointed by that.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sociology Prof
- 11-02-22
Audio has been correctly re-engineered!
Thanks to everyone who has purchased this book in paper, digital format, or audio! As the author, I'm deeply touched to read how beneficial the book has been to so many. I also appreciate that listeners alerted us to the audio glitch. Although my team tried to correct this early on, the source of the problem couldn't be identified. Several years out, they made another run at it in October 2022 and believe we've gotten it corrected. So --- thanks to those who heard the value of the content despite the glitch with the chapter headers, and to all who left such positive feedback.
As an indie author/psychotherapist/coach, it means the world to me to know my work makes a difference. Please share this book and The Five Step Exit with folks who need them and feel free to be in touch through my website, www.amberault.com.
Many blessings to all of us on the quest to create a healthier world, starting at home.
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