Blindsided by His Betrayal: Surviving the Shock of Your Husband's Infidelity
Surviving Infidelity, Advice from a Marriage Therapist, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Cathi Colas
About this listen
Your husband cheated on you, and now you don't recognize yourself.
You used to be so together, so trusting. Now you're falling apart and doing things you would have never even considered doing, such as:
- Obsessively checking your husband's email and Facebook accounts
- Going through his cell phone history while he is in the shower
- Freaking out if he is 10 minutes late (or if you text him and he doesn't reply right away)
- Questioning whether you are attractive
- After a rare happy moment with your husband, getting really, really angry and raging at him out of nowhere
You're scared. Angry. Obsessive. Devastated.
One minute, you hope your marriage will make it. The next minute, you want to kill him. (And the other woman, too.)
All of this makes you feel like you are losing it. Sometimes you worry that you are going crazy. You wonder if you'll ever be the same again.
You are not crazy! You are having a normal reaction to being blindsided by your husband's betrayal! Your reactions are completely rational and expected responses to such a painful experience.
This book will help you figure out what to do as you deal with these explosive emotions. It's important that you understand that your feelings—erratic and unpredictable as they may be—are normal. You need to understand why you feel the things you feel and what to do with those feelings.
Dr. Caroline Madden, infidelity expert and marriage therapist describes:
- Posttraumatic Affair Syndrome (PTAS)
- Seven actions you want to take but should not (as they may backfire horribly)
- Understand the thoughts that plague you
- Twelve actions that will help you get back to the woman you were
- The stupid things your husband says and why he says it
This book does not take a position on whether or not you should stay in your marriage.
©2016 Caroline Madden (P)2018 CAROLINE MADDENListeners also enjoyed...
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
- A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
- By: Patricia Evans
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
- By curious23m on 08-16-15
By: Patricia Evans
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What to Do When He Says, I Don’t Love You Anymore
- An Action Plan to Regain Confidence, Power, and Control
- By: David Clarke PhD
- Narrated by: Kyle Tait
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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"I don't love you anymore." These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In I Don't Love You Anymore, Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed. Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend - weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back - Clarke offers an approach that essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse. He outlines the biblical view of marriage and more....
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This is a book is about adultery
- By Tamu Smith on 02-23-21
By: David Clarke PhD
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
- Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away
- By: Gary Chapman
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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encouragement through another chance
- By Brookley on 09-19-18
By: Gary Chapman
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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Talking to Crazy
- How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life
- By: Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: L. J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears? In his book Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his best-selling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
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Dissapointed
- By Aaron Olson on 11-04-15
By: Mark Goulston MD
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You
- Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
- By: Andrew G. Marshall
- Narrated by: Andrew G. Marshall
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You - a real-life relationship guide from couples' counselor Andrew G. Marshall - partners and individuals who have "fallen out of love" or want to rekindle the love that once was will learn how to use Marshall 's program with impressive results. This is a much-needed book to help men and women of all ages in any type of committed romantic relationship to truly understand love and to point out the everyday habits that undermine growing together.
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If you feel stuck in a relationship, this book is a MUST!
- By Christopher on 05-09-19
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The New Codependency
- Help and Guidance for Today's Generation
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Lorna Raver
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term codependency. In The New Codependency, she clears up misconceptions, identifies how codependent behavior has changed, and provides a new generation with a road map to wellness.
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Please offer with different narrator
- By Janie on 11-12-09
By: Melody Beattie
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Deal Breakers
- When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away
- By: Dr. Bethany Marshall
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?
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I Cried Thru The First Thirty Minutes...
- By Kimberley on 02-20-08
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We Love Each Other, But . . .
- Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last
- By: Ellen Wachtel
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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We Love Each Other, But... offers simple, practical tips that will help you restore and strengthen a relationship that has gone off track. It lays out the nuts and bolts of building relationships so they continue to be gratifying over the long haul. Dr. Ellen Wachtel shows how, even when you feel like giving up on a relationship or marriage, you can recapture why you fell in love in the first place. Dr. Wachtel promises that there is more and suggests simple ways to keep vitality in relationships.
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Some interesting material
- By Scott on 10-25-12
By: Ellen Wachtel
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For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition
- What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
- By: Shaunti Feldhahn
- Narrated by: Shaunti Feldhahn
- Length: 4 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Discover the truth he wants you to know! The man in your life is keeping secrets. They’re so deep inside he barely knows they're there, much less how to talk to you about them. Yet he genuinely wants you to "get" him - to understand his inner life, his fears, his needs... In her landmark best seller For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman - single or married - needs to know.
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Life changing
- By Jill on 10-19-13
By: Shaunti Feldhahn
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This audiobook is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity. Learn the tools to fix your marriage. Avoid the (sometimes fatal) mistakes I've seen so many men make.
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Horrible, but with some helpful information
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Rebuild the lost trust in your relationship, heal from the trauma of infidelity, and create a stronger, more resilient marriage with a proven program based on 22 years of clinical experience. Nothing hurts more than discovering your partner has been unfaithful. But an affair doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or that your relationship is over. Many couples have recovered from infidelity and saved their marriages. You can too.
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Questions to Ask a Cheater
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Thank you
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The Betrayal Bind
- How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst
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What happens when your partner, your primary person, in an instant, becomes a source of danger and pain? The Betrayal Bind introduces new language, concepts, and imagery to explore the crucial relational dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing.
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Sex With a Cheating Person?! NO!
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How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair
- A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
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Once an affair comes to light, many unfaithful persons "wake up" and want to save their marriages. Yet they usually make terrible mistakes in their bungled attempts to win back their partners' trust. Linda J. MacDonald, an infidelity specialist for 23 years, has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful persons' success or failure to mend their marriages after the wrecking ball of an affair. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair offers practical advice for those who've strayed and want a second chance.
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Very Helpful
- By Peppertaz on 03-04-17
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Fool Me Once
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You've discovered that your husband has cheated on you. Maybe, you've discovered incriminating emails or text messages from his lover, or worse, you have actually seen them together. Your world is crashing down. You feel like a nuclear bomb just decimated your entire world, and you are trying to shield yourself from the fallout. This is very likely the most painful experience you've ever had. You've been sucker-punched in the soul. Infidelity in marriage makes you doubt everything, including your own judgement.
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Best most relevent reading !
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realness
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Questions to Ask a Cheater
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- Narrated by: Clare Radix
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Thank you
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The Betrayal Bind
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Sex With a Cheating Person?! NO!
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Once an affair comes to light, many unfaithful persons "wake up" and want to save their marriages. Yet they usually make terrible mistakes in their bungled attempts to win back their partners' trust. Linda J. MacDonald, an infidelity specialist for 23 years, has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful persons' success or failure to mend their marriages after the wrecking ball of an affair. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair offers practical advice for those who've strayed and want a second chance.
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Very Helpful
- By Peppertaz on 03-04-17
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Fool Me Once
- Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?
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- Narrated by: Cathi Colas
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You've discovered that your husband has cheated on you. Maybe, you've discovered incriminating emails or text messages from his lover, or worse, you have actually seen them together. Your world is crashing down. You feel like a nuclear bomb just decimated your entire world, and you are trying to shield yourself from the fallout. This is very likely the most painful experience you've ever had. You've been sucker-punched in the soul. Infidelity in marriage makes you doubt everything, including your own judgement.
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Best most relevent reading !
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Not 'Just Friends'
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Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
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WORST to Read/Listen to if you are well past D Day
- By K on 02-04-17
By: Shirley P. Glass Ph.D., and others
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Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
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The phrase "broken heart" belies the real trauma behind the all-too-common occurrence of infidelity. Psychologist Dennis Ortman likens the psychological aftermath of sexual betrayal to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in its origin and symptoms, including anxiety, irritability, rage, emotional numbing, and flashbacks. Dr. Ortman sees recovery as a spiritual journey and draws on the wisdom of diverse faiths, from Christianity to Buddhism. He also offers exercises to deepen recovery, such as guided meditations and journaling.
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Religious Slant Takes Away from Seriousness
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Infidelity
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Infidelity: The Best Worst Thing That Could Happen to Your Marriage was written to help couples navigate their way to healing after experiencing the devastating impact of physical and emotional affairs. Listening to this book will allow you the opportunity to process the affair, assess the damage, and make an informed choice about the future of your relationship.
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night time bed story
- By BrownGuy78 on 09-20-22
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I Love You but I Don’t Trust You
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Is my relationship worth saving? Will the trust ever come back? How can things be good between us again? Whether broken trust is due to daily dishonesties, a monumental betrayal, or even a history of hurts from the past, it can put a relationship at risk. This is the first book to show you exactly what to do to restore trust in your relationship, regardless of how it was damaged.
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for betrayed women - not men!
- By annonymous on 07-22-18
By: Mira Kirshenbaum
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Cheating in a Nutshell
- What Infidelity Does to the Victim
- By: Wayne Mitchell, Tamara Mitchell
- Narrated by: Sarah Zimmerman
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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After being cheated on, individuals may feel battered by emotion, with nowhere to turn, and no roadmap in sight. International relationship advice authors Wayne and Tamara Mitchell provide that roadmap through Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to the Victim.
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Very anti-forgiveness
- By Mom Of Many on 09-13-24
By: Wayne Mitchell, and others
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Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing
- By: Dr. Kevin B. Skinner
- Narrated by: Dr. Kevin B. Skinner
- Length: 9 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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After more than 10 years of research and study, Dr. Kevin Skinner's Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal offers valuable insight into why a partner's sexual behaviors outside of a committed relationship creates symptoms that match post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This book provides an in-depth view into the lives of individuals suffering from trauma after sexual betrayal. Using his research data from more than 5,000 individuals who have experienced betrayal, Dr. Skinner outlines why betrayal triggers trauma and then provides the essential tools for healing.
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What a healing book
- By AmazonShopper on 06-05-21
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After the Affair, Third Edition
- Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
- By: Janis A. Spring
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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From a clinical psychologist who served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University, received the CPA’s award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and has treated couples and trained therapists for over four decades, this newly updated, award-winning book provides concrete, proven strategies for those who seek to survive their partner’s infidelity and to rebuild the relationship after an affair. This new third edition of After the Affair helps guide both hurt and unfaithful partners through three stages of healing.
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Victim blaming!! Stay away
- By OO on 08-24-23
By: Janis A. Spring
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Healing Your Spouse After Your Affair
- How to Truly Understand Things from Your Partner's Perspective and Provide the Needed Support
- By: Laura Redmond
- Narrated by: Siobhan Hallinan
- Length: 3 hrs
- Unabridged
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Imagine the pain and devastation of discovering your partner has had an affair. The betrayal, the hurt, and the feeling of being torn apart from the person you once loved. You may feel like your world has been turned upside down, leaving you wondering if your relationship can ever be healed. But what if there was a way to mend the wounds and rebuild trust? This groundbreaking book reveals the secrets to healing your spouse after an affair, from understanding their perspective to providing the necessary support.
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Disappointed
- By Gabrielle LaGrandier on 05-26-24
By: Laura Redmond
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The State of Affairs
- Rethinking Infidelity
- By: Esther Perel
- Narrated by: Esther Perel
- Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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An affair: It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the prohibition against it - in fact it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a groundbreaking and provocative look at infidelity, arguing for a more nuanced and less judgmental conversation about our transgressions.
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A compassionate approach
- By Anonymous User on 10-16-17
By: Esther Perel
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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life
- The Chump Lady's Survival Guide
- By: Tracy Schorn
- Narrated by: Laura Copland
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity - but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters - their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs.
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If you have had multiple D-Days BUY this book now
- By Dr. Caroline Madden on 06-07-19
By: Tracy Schorn
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Recovering from the Affair
- Your Guide to Saving Your Marriage After Emotional or Physical Infidelity
- By: Lee H. Baucom PhD
- Narrated by: Lee H. Baucom PhD
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Infidelity does not have to be the end of your marriage. Your marriage can recover and thrive after an affair. But only when you get to the roots of the problem, solve the issues, rebuild trust, and learn to move forward.
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Really Helped! Read it!
- By Sean McClasky on 10-08-24
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Rebuilding Trust
- Guided Therapy Techniques and Activities to Restore Love, Trust, and Intimacy in Your Relationship
- By: Morgan Johnson MA LPC, Gina Senarighi PhD CPC - foreword
- Narrated by: Ann Sprinkle
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Of all the ways relationships fall apart, betrayal can rock us to the core. And yet, for couples or partners who want to stay together and do the work, healing is possible. The old relationships that no longer serve us can be dismantled and reassembled into deeper, stronger, more satisfying bonds than we ever imagined.
By: Morgan Johnson MA LPC, and others
What listeners say about Blindsided by His Betrayal: Surviving the Shock of Your Husband's Infidelity
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Santa's Helper
- 08-09-19
Aligns with all emotions
A must read to understand the emotional rollercoaster of feelings one experiences after betrayal by a loved one. It will validate all those unwanted feelings that become part of life after Discovery and during recovery.
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- Veronica Martinez
- 06-21-21
Necessary
so helpful in my time of need! I wish I had known what to do right after to do in order to avoid the mistakes I made and self blaming.
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- Jordan
- 12-06-20
So Helpful
This book feels like the friend you need in a time like this. After listening, I feel like my emotions have been validated and someone out there understands what I'm feeling right now. The author gives practical, no-nonsense tips to get you through these painful first few days/weeks/months/etc. I also like that this book doesn't have an agenda to get you to leave or stay. This is more about you and taking care of yourself during this awful time. Highly recommend.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Megan Mawhinney
- 08-29-20
Great content and well explained
Great little audiobook which explains your feelings and how to cope with them in a clear rational manner
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2 people found this helpful
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- Bethany Arndt
- 06-20-24
Hit the nail on the head with all the emotions and thoughts!
Great book! Great ideas and has a bit of humor as well! Give it a try!
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- Matt Montoya
- 04-05-22
Not just for women
This book is aimed at women and I get why but this can also help men. I caught the mother of my son cheating. Do I want to stay with her? I've had women reach out to me who are more attractive and make more money and let it know they'd be interested, this should be the perfect way to achieve balance, right? Its not just about me and my ego. How will that act hurt my child? I'd prefer we stay together for his sake and yes there is some ego about the idea of him being under the same roof as another man when he is with mom that I can't stomach at all but may have to. This part of the book is going to help me decide that.
Chapter Five:
Actions To Help You Feel Safe
You will not feel safe until the affair is over and you know what happened. You need to know
what you are dealing with. You have a right to know the life you were really living, not the life you thought you were living. The following actions will help you regain control so you can make the best decisions possible.
Good Idea #1: Ask That Your Partner to End the Affair
This is important because it is the key factor in determining whether your Partner is truly
sincere about wanting to make the relationship work or not. In my professional opinion, if they are not willing to cut off contact with the affair partner, you should call a divorce attorney.
Partners may say a lot of things, but you need to watch his actions to determine whether they are genuinely ready to commit to you or whether he is still hooked on the person they cheated with.
To determine this, insist that they end the affair, and follow these pointers to ensure it truly
happens.
You will want to:
• Be on the call when they end it with his affair partner. Understand that they cannot control
what he or she does or says, but expect your partner to tell him or her that there will be no more contact.
• Ask for complete access to all of his email accounts, text messages, etc. This isn’t going
to be forever, but you should have access as long as it takes for you to feel secure. I’m
sure you hate that you are now the partner who checks her Partner’s emails!
• Talk through what you want him to do if and when the affair partner contacts him or her. I
suggest you tell them not to respond at all or to respond with a short “No more contact. I am
rededicated to my relationship.” Ask them to notify you of any contact and to show you the text messages, emails or to let you listen to the voicemails, if he or she leaves any.
• Ask them directly if they can promise to never cheat again. Tell them that if they later decide they are unsatisfied with something in the relationship, you expect them to either work it out with you or to ask for a the relationship to end, not cheat. Make it clear that cheating is not an acceptable option.
If he or she is not willing to do these things, you should be suspicious of his commitment to saving the relationship. You do not want to start the hard work of forgiving him and repairing the relationship unless you know he is completely committed to the relationship.
Good Idea #2: Get the Answers You Need
You’ve probably found yourself asking your Partner the same questions over and over again,
trying to determine why they cheated, what went wrong, why you didn’t see this coming and
what you can do to prevent it from happening again. This is a critical process to get through, but it can also be maddening—both for you and for your Partner. After all, they are tired of answering your questions, and you feel like a crazy person for constantly asking him the same questions.
To get through this, you need to understand why you feel the need to repeatedly ask him
questions about the affair. Then you need to work through your questions in a way that will
help you stop feeling the need to keep asking them over and over.
First: the why behind your need to ask the questions. You’ve been betrayed, and chances are
they were not completely transparent when you first discovered the affair. They probably tried to minimize what happened, and you’ve been asking questions and getting more details with each round of questioning.
This happens because Partners are afraid to tell the whole truth the first time they are
questioned. Sometimes this is just a natural “deer-in-the-headlights” response; they get
caught, and they fear losing you, so they give you a bland, vague, minimalistic description of
what happened. Some Partners are afraid to admit how long the affair continued or how deep it got because they are over the affair partner now and they don't want to hurt you. They truly just want to move forward. They are ready to be done with it, and so they want you to be done with it also.
Other Partners are just afraid of your response, so they drip, drip, drip little bits of information, hoping that it will be easier for you to hear the whole story if they feed it to you one little piece at a time.
Other Partners are just plain liars who don't want you to know the truth, and you only find out the details if you keep grilling them and catch them in inconsistencies.
So… why are you compelled to keep asking him the same questions over and over again?
Because you are trying to find out the truth. You want to know what you’re dealing with. You’re trying to determine how serious the affair was. Did they love him or her? Is your relationship and family in trouble? Or was it really just a stupid one-night stand that didn’t mean anything to him?
These are valid questions. However, you may find yourself asking questions that don’t matter
also, questions that aren’t worth exploring and will only damage your relationship.
So… how should you go about asking these questions so that you can stop repeating this
ordeal over and over again? First, write down all the information you believe to be true. Summarize all the questions you’ve asked thus far into the following:
• The affair started and ended at what point?
• Is the affair a threat to your relationship? Did he plan on leaving you and the kids for her?
• Have they completely cut off contact with them? Have they respected the fact that your partner says it’s over? In other words, are they still in the picture, or are they gone?
• What reasoning did your partner use to delude themselves into thinking having an affair was acceptable? In other words: why did your partner have the affair? And what made them vulnerable to thinking it was acceptable to cheat?
These are the answers that matter for your future.
Of course, no answer they give will be a good one. You know that it was not acceptable for them to cheat. But you need to determine how serious the affair was, if it will be possible for them to let go of that person and devote themselves to you and if he can learn a lesson from this. Are they capable of remaining faithful to you?
If you’ve already asked him these questions several times, allow yourself one last time to
question Them. Explain to them that you need to know the answers to these questions, once and for all, so you know where you stand. Point out to him that it’s only fair that you know the whole truth so that you can make an informed decision. Then calmly ask the questions necessary to get the answers you need.
Ssk the questions that matter—the questions that will let you know whether you should have hope that the relationship can heal or not.
Summary: Take Action so You Can Begin the Process of Moving On
If you take these two important actions, you will empower yourself to start moving forward.
While there are many other actions you should also take, these two steps will jumpstart your
recovery.
~~
Was It Really Just an Emotional Affair? How Far Did It Go?
Let him know that you need to know (for sure) that it was only an emotional affair, and that you
need him to come clean with everything. After all, if he didn't sleep with her, he should be able
to show you all the emails and all the secret Facebook messages they sent to each other so you will see that they didn’t have a hotel room booked and that there were no discussions about how great the sex was, etc.
Then discuss what really happened. Did they say they loved each other? What did he mean when he said those sorts of things? Was he planning a life with her? Was he tempted to leave you for her? What did he get from the relationship?
I know the question that plagues you is: “If I hadn’t found out, would he have gone further?” Of
course, you will never know. However, sometimes a man gets caught up in the fantasy, but when it comes down to it he really doesn’t have the nerve to do it. The flattery and attention felt good, but he wouldn’t have let it cross over into being physical. I don’t know your husband. I don’t know if he would have gone farther. But I do know that it is possible for someone to engage in an emotional affair and then chicken out.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Mr. Xtabay
- 07-16-20
REALLY good for the Bewildered
I loved this book. I got it when the suffering had practically made me mental (a week ago!). The readers voice is very comforting, she is perfect for this book. You will be amazed at how much you thought you were overreacting or thinking / behaving like a crazy person, only to discover your thoughts and reactions are very normal given the devastating situation. She covers all grounds. I am not 100% back to my former self (if I ever will be after this) but I absolutely feel better than I did before listening to this book. I recommend this.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Erin
- 03-13-24
•••On Point & To the Point •••
she basically breaks down every emotion and Stage after the Betrayal. Then gives very easy to follow direct steps to get through it. Easy to listen to, My only suggestion would be to slow down her speech. For me it was a little fast, But very helpful I'm reading her next book.
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- DVS
- 01-20-21
Saved me!
This book is perfect for anyone who is just discovered their lover has had an affair. It helped validate the emotional roller coaster I was on, and gave good practical advice on how to heal. Also advice on things to do or not do, some things I would not have thought of because I was too emotionally charged. I am so thankful to have found this!
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- iean f.
- 04-04-22
So Helpful
This validated everything I have thought/felt and provided great insight to explore all options
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