Conflicted
How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes
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Narrated by:
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Matthew Lloyd Davies
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By:
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Ian Leslie
About this listen
Drawing on advice from the world’s leading experts on conflict and communication—from relationship scientists to hostage negotiators to diplomats—Ian Leslie, a columnist for the New Statesman, shows us how to transform the heat of conflict, disagreement and argument into the light of insight, creativity and connection, in a book with vital lessons for the home, workplace, and public arena.
For most people, conflict triggers a fight or flight response. Disagreeing productively is a hard skill for which neither evolution or society has equipped us. It’s a skill we urgently need to acquire; otherwise, our increasingly vociferous disagreements are destined to tear us apart. Productive disagreement is a way of thinking, perhaps the best one we have. It makes us smarter and more creative, and it can even bring us closer together. It’s critical to the success of any shared enterprise, from a marriage, to a business, to a democracy. Isn’t it time we gave more thought to how to do it well?
In an increasingly polarized world, our only chance for coming together and moving forward is to learn from those who have mastered the art and science of disagreement. In this book, we’ll learn from experts who are highly skilled at getting the most out of highly charged encounters: interrogators, cops, divorce mediators, therapists, diplomats, psychologists. These professionals know how to get something valuable—information, insight, ideas—from the toughest, most antagonistic conversations. They are brilliant communicators: masters at shaping the conversation beneath the conversation. They know how to turn the heat of conflict into the light of creativity, connection, and insight.
In this much-needed book, Ian Leslie explores what happens to us when we argue, why disagreement makes us stressed, and why we get angry. He explains why we urgently need to transform the way we think about conflict and how having better disagreements can make us more successful. By drawing together the lessons he learns from different experts, he proposes a series of clear principles that we can all use to make our most difficult dialogues more productive—and our increasingly acrimonious world a better place.
©2020 Ian Leslie (P)2020 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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William Ury, co-author of the classic best seller on negotiation Getting to Yes, has taught tens of thousands of people from all walks of life - managers, salespeople, students, parents, lawyers, and diplomats - how to become better negotiators. Over the years, Ury has discovered that the greatest obstacle to successful agreements and satisfying relationships is not the other side, as difficult as they can be.
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WIN,WIN,WIN!
- By Leslie on 05-09-15
By: William Ury
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Surrounded by Idiots
- The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business (and in Life)
- By: Thomas Erikson
- Narrated by: David John
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
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Author Thomas Erikson explains that there are four key behavior types that define how we interact with and perceive the people around us. Understanding someone’s pattern of behavior is the key to successful communication. Erikson breaks down the four kinds of behavior types - Reds who are dominant and commanding, Yellows who are social and optimistic, Greens who are laid-back and friendly, and Blues who are analytical and precise - and explains how to identify and interact with each type of person.
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Should be titled "why I hate reds"
- By Dave on 08-24-20
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The Art of Connection
- 7 Relationship-Building Skills Every Leader Needs Now
- By: Michael J. Gelb
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
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These days, many of us find it easier to avoid face-to-face contact in favor of technological shortcuts. Why take the trouble to meet someone in person when we can simply send an email or a text? But as Michael Gelb argues in this compelling book, the meaningful relationships that come from real interaction are the basis of success. In The Art of Connection, Gelb offers listeners seven methods of developing better rapport in their professional and personal lives.
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Packed with powerful principles.
- By Jade/Clinton Phillips on 01-27-18
By: Michael J. Gelb
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The Power of Strangers
- The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World
- By: Joe Keohane
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 51 mins
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In The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane sets out on a journey to discover what happens when we bridge the distance between us and people we don’t know. He learns that while we’re wired to sometimes fear, distrust, and even hate strangers, people and societies that have learned to connect with strangers benefit immensely.
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Not worth a credit
- By Eringatang on 07-24-21
By: Joe Keohane
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The Upside of Your Dark Side
- Why Being Your Whole Self - Not Just Your "Good" Self - Drives Success and Fulfillment
- By: Todd Kashdan, Robert Biswas-Diener
- Narrated by: Jeff Cummings
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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In The Upside of Your Dark Side, two pioneering researchers in the field of psychology show that while mindfulness, kindness, and positivity can take us far, they cannot take us all the way. Sometimes, they can even hold us back. Emotions like anger, anxiety, or doubt might be uncomfortable, but it turns out that they are also incredibly useful.
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Boring and learned nothing
- By Taryn on 07-25-16
By: Todd Kashdan, and others
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Mindwise
- Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want
- By: Nicholas Epley
- Narrated by: Nicholas Epley
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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You are a mind reader, born with an extraordinary ability to understand what others think, feel, believe, want, and know. It's a sixth sense you use every day, in every personal and professional relationship you have. At its best, this ability allows you to achieve the most important goal in almost any life: connecting, deeply and intimately and honestly, to other human beings. At its worst, it is a source of misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict, leading to damaged relationships and broken dreams. How good are you at knowing the minds of others?
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Finally gave up - no real point
- By Thomas on 05-12-14
By: Nicholas Epley
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Willful Blindness
- Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril
- By: Margaret Heffernan
- Narrated by: Margaret Heffernan
- Length: 11 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Margaret Heffernan argues that the biggest threats and dangers we face are the ones we don't see - not because they're secret or invisible, but because we're willfully blind. A distinguished businesswoman and writer, she examines the phenomenon and traces its imprint in our private and working lives, and within governments and organizations, and asks: What makes us prefer ignorance? What are we so afraid of? Why do some people see more than others? And how can we change?
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How Not to Be the Blind Leading the Blind
- By Cynthia on 06-29-13
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What Do You Really Want for Your Children?
- By: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
- Narrated by: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
- Length: 4 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Questioning thousands of parents and educators, Dr. Wayne Dyer learned firsthand what people really want for their children. They don't particularly want their kids to go to fancy schools, acquire riches, or live "the good life". They do want them to have personal integrity and high self-esteem, and to grow up with love and peace in their hearts. Children raised the Wayne Dyer way feel useful and needed. They are inner- rather than outer-directed. They live a stress-free life naturally, without resorting to drugs.
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Deaply helpful
- By Dominique on 04-28-15
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Friend and Foe
- When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both
- By: Adam D. Galinsky, Maurice E. Schweitzer
- Narrated by: Tom Perkins
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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In Friend and Foe, researchers Galinsky and Schweitzer explain why this debate misses the mark. Rather than being hardwired to compete or cooperate, humans have evolved to do both. It is only by learning how to strike the right balance between these two forces that we can improve our long-term relationships and get more of what we want.
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Unexpected
- By Garron Rose on 01-05-16
By: Adam D. Galinsky, and others
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The Chimp Paradox
- The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness
- By: Dr. Steve Peters
- Narrated by: Tim Andres Pabon
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
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Dr. Steve Peters explains that we all have a being within our minds that can wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives. He calls this being "the chimp," and it can work either for you or against you. The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This audiobook will help you to recognize how your mind is working, understand and manage your emotions and thoughts, and become the person you would like to be.
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The best way to describe this book is it's an Owners Manual for People.
- By Michael on 08-14-15
By: Dr. Steve Peters
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Winning from Within
- A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change
- By: Erica Ariel Fox
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Life is a series of negotiations, whether or not you think of yourself as a negotiator. From seemingly insignificant daily decisions to major life choices, you negotiate every time you aim to persuade, argue over a decision, or resolve a conflict. But as negotiations and leadership expert Erica Ariel Fox reveals, the most important negotiations - the ones that determine the impact of our actions and the quality of our lives - are those we have with ourselves.
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Enlightening is an understatement
- By Lucas on 01-13-19
By: Erica Ariel Fox
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The Negotiator in You: In Life
- Tips to Help You Get the Most of Every Interaction
- By: Joshua N. Weiss
- Narrated by: Joshua N. Weiss
- Length: 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Negotiation is a skill people need to use every day. In this audio exclusive, learn the negotiation skills required to navigate difficult situations that arise in everyday life. From buying a car to purchasing a home, one needs to know how to effectively negotiate, especially when the other party is a seasoned professional. Harvard professor Joshua N. Weiss, PhD, gives us to tools to negotiate when we have a major stake in the game or when we're perceived as the "weak consumer."
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Quick but insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 12-26-23
By: Joshua N. Weiss
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Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition
- A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions
- By: Gregory Koukl, Lee Strobel - foreword
- Narrated by: Gregory Koukl
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In a culture increasingly indifferent or even hostile to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. Step-by-step, you'll learn the tactics of good persuasion and defense, how to identify the tactics of your opponent, and how to build your case, patiently and practically.
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Awesome Book
- By Dee Venable on 12-06-19
By: Gregory Koukl, and others
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What listeners say about Conflicted
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Dr. Suave
- 01-15-24
The Summary at the end was the icing on the cake. The references regarding Mandela were pretty good
This is definitely in my
Top 5 book of all time . I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to evolve his or her ability to problem solve
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- Bart N Jo
- 03-27-21
Enlightening
Helps me to be better understand how to bring out the best in others in bad situation.
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- FoxMan
- 06-20-21
Some rational thinking about a difficult topic
Excellent book. The power of curiosity, building connections, taking a different perspective than your own. Conflict is constructive, improves your thinking and improves your relationships if you're doing it correctly.
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- chris boutte
- 03-19-21
One of the best books of the year
This book from Ian Leslie quickly became one of my favorites on this subject. Most books that discuss conflict say they have the goal of decreasing polarization and encouraging conversations, but I think they miss the mark. Don't get me wrong, I love books like The Coddling of the American Mind, but it's easy to see how people can feel attacked by the book. Rather than taking a "toughen up" and "be more resilient" stance, Ian Leslie sells his ideas by explaining how conflict is one of the healthiest things we can have in any relationship. Through this book, you'll find how conflict can help with your home, family, work, and intimate relationships.
The first part of this book lays the foundation by explaining that conflict is not only inevitable, but it's necessary. I've seen how true this is because I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life because we're not afraid to work through conflict. I have the best job of my life because my company fosters a culture of healthy conflict and disagreement. If you're not able to challenge thoughts and ideas in a calm, mature way, you can quickly get stuck in an echo chamber that leads to disaster. But how do we navigate conflict in a healthy way? Well, that's what the second half of this book is all about. Through stories and psychological research, Ian Leslie teaches everyone the importance of conflict, and I really hope this book gets the attention it deserves.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Brian
- 08-21-21
Extremely helpful
Good mix of narrative (stories) and content. Beneficial for anyone, whether a romantic partner, a family member, or a therapist.
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