
It's Not You
Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
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Narrated by:
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Ramani Durvasula PhD
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Maria Shriver
About this listen
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently?
As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
Deeply compassionate and revelatory, It’s Not You examines how narcissists hijack our wellbeing and offers a healing path forward. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching, and helping clients navigate the landscape of narcissism, Dr. Durvasula unpacks the oft-misunderstood personality, showing how to identify the telltale signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist and protect yourself from their toxic influence. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep us stuck in these cycles, grieve the losses, create realistic boundaries, learn the fine art of discernment, and recover your sense of self after years of invalidation.
Healing and thriving after or even during a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. It's Not You shows that the first step is to stop trying to change the narcissistic person, stop blaming yourself, and start giving yourself permission to foster your autonomy and sense of self outside of this relationship.
©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast
“Dr. Ramani has written the book on narcissism for our times, not simply because it upends everything we thought we knew about this personality, but because it gives real people a sense of hope…that they can heal, that they can move forward from these relationships, that it’s not you.”–Maria Shriver
“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
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-
Story
Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. If you're looking to listen to this audiobook, you're likely heartbroken and looking for some guidance, support, or understanding. As someone who has been through the hell of a narcissistic relationship, I can offer you all three, and I hope this audiobook can help you make sense of this heartbreaking time.
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Horrible! Read if you want to become a narcissist!
- By DJ on 01-21-21
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist
- Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (The Narcissism Series, Book 1)
- By: Debbie Mirza
- Narrated by: Debbie Mirza
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
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This book CHANGED MY LIFE!
- By Mojo on 12-19-18
By: Debbie Mirza
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Out of the Fog
- Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
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THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject
- By Alexandria Filipowski on 10-23-19
By: Dana Morningstar
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Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1)
- Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships)
- By: Linda Hill
- Narrated by: S. L. Albert, Vicky David, Alene Sorensen
- Length: 12 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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This groundbreaking book includes four books that will teach you from start to finish, everything you need to know about Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD, as well as how to recover from each one of them.
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Better understanding and clarity
- By Amber Glover on 02-15-23
By: Linda Hill
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The Narcissist's Playbook
- How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself from Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Other Types of Manipulative and Abusive People
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?...Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop. The Narcissist’s Playbook can help. You can take back your life.
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powerful
- By All Dolled Up on 01-17-20
By: Dana Morningstar
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30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control in Personal Relationships
- By: Adelyn Birch
- Narrated by: Kitty Hendrix
- Length: 1 hr and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Identifying covert emotional manipulation is tricky. You sense something is wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on the problem. This powerful book will reveal to you if manipulation is at play in your relationships. It will open your eyes. You will learn 30 tactics manipulators use to get what they want. You will also learn to spot the warning signs within yourself that expose covert manipulation is taking place, even if you can't identify the specific tactics being used.
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This book can change your life!
- By Cat O. on 04-04-18
By: Adelyn Birch
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Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
- Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding
- By Alesia Braund on 11-18-20
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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If Only I'd Known!
- How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
- By: Chelsey Brooke Cole
- Narrated by: Chelsey Brooke Cole
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic abuse creates a tidal wave of confusion, hypervigilance, and overthinking. You have trouble thinking clearly, remembering things, or taking in new information. And because these changes are happening to you, you begin to wonder: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make this relationship work? Am I fundamentally broken? And that's exactly how narcissistic abuse works—it happens so subtly that you believe the insecurities you're experiencing are "you" instead of "what's happening" to you. This audiobook covers unique information related to narcissistic abuse.
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This book is amazing.
- By Juan Servin on 01-03-24
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Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
- How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 19 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Although clinical research has been conducted on narcissism as a disorder, less is known about its effects on victims who are in toxic relationships with partners with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder engage in chronic devaluation and manipulation of their partners, a psychological and emotional phenomenon known as "narcissistic abuse". Unfortunately, the full extent of what narcissistic abuse entails is not taught in any psychology class or diagnostic manual.
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Finally
- By zero on 12-08-16
By: Shahida Arabi
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Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change - no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or 22nd) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start.
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The best
- By Icebound on 02-13-19
By: Dana Morningstar
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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: The Complete Guide to Recover from Emotional Abuse, Identify Narcissists, and Overcome Abusive Relationships
- Break Free and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Linda Hill
- Narrated by: S. L. Albert
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic abuse is hard to make sense of. One day, things are going great, the next, you’re left emotionally torn to pieces. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery guide will help you set healthy boundaries and make sense of the complex. It will give you actionable steps you can take toward achieving healthier relationships. When you have no idea how to properly handle narcissistic abuse, it will linger, escalate, and go on far longer than it should. It’s time to clear the muddy waters. This guide offers a deep dive into the forces that drive narcissistic abuse.
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lame. not much help. wasted credit
- By Anonymous User on 08-13-23
By: Linda Hill
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Covert Narcissism
- Signs of a Covert Narcissist, Ways to Protect Yourself from Their Manipulation and How to Deal with Their Narcissism
- By: Louisa Cox
- Narrated by: Heidi Baker
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Covert narcissism is a hidden and concealed form of narcissism, making it all the more difficult for the abuser to be confronted or "outed" for their behavior. Covert narcissism is a passive-aggressive, hostile, and toxic form of abuse that makes victims feel hopeless, unheard, hurt, and confused by the abusers' behavior.
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Good
- By John Galt on 08-10-19
By: Louisa Cox
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What Happened to You?
- Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
- By: Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry
- Narrated by: Bruce D. Perry, Oprah Winfrey
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
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I waited more than 30 years for this book.
- By Gary S. on 04-28-21
By: Oprah Winfrey, and others
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It Begins with You
- The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life
- By: Jillian Turecki
- Narrated by: Jillian Turecki
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Jillian Turecki’s holistic, compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach to love has attracted a devoted following of millions. In her highly anticipated debut book, she makes clear that if you want a meaningful relationship filled with connection, security, and intimacy, you have to look within. The common denominator in all your relationships is you. Drawing from decades of experience helping clients heal themselves and their relationships, It Begins with You introduces the 9 core truths we must accept in order to change our lives.
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shallow..
- By slc on 01-30-25
By: Jillian Turecki
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Disarming the Narcissist (Third Edition)
- Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
- By: Wendy T. Behary LCSW, Jeffrey Young PhD - foreword, Daniel J. Siegel MD - preface
- Narrated by: Joana Garcia
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on fan feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.
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Makes me dislike Narcissists even more!
- By Kirsty Gastrow on 06-23-22
By: Wendy T. Behary LCSW, and others
Radical acceptance! Compassionate approach!
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Powerful Support for victims of Toxic Abuse
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Best book in narcissism and narcissistic abuse
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author is great
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Soothing and refreshing
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Cant say enough on how good this book is.
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Well written and easy to digest.
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Read this book!
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exact truth
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Brilliant, life changing!
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