
The Princess Beard
The Tales of Pell, Book 3
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Narrated by:
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Luke Daniels
About this listen
This princess can shave herself! The hilarious best-selling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.
Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses.
When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails - which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.
This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss - it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong.
But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer - preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!
In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.
©2019 Kevin Hearne, Delilah S. Dawson (P)2019 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
In just over a year’s time, Ryia Cautella has already earned herself a reputation as the quickest, deadliest blade in the dockside city of Carrowwick - not to mention the sharpest tongue. But Ryia Cautella is not her real name. For the past six years, a deadly secret has kept her in hiding, running from town to town, doing whatever it takes to stay one step ahead of the formidable Guildmaster - the sovereign ruler of the five kingdoms of Thamorr. No matter how far or fast she travels, his servants never fail to track her down...but even the most powerful men can be defeated.
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Back alleys & backstabbing = bollicking good times
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 07-17-22
By: M. J. Kuhn
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Don't Want You Like a Best Friend
- A Novel (The Mischief & Matchmaking Series, Book 1)
- By: Emma R. Alban
- Narrated by: Mary Jane Wells, Morag Sims
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s 1857, and anxious debutante Beth has just one season to snag a wealthy husband, or she and her mother will be out on the street. But playing the blushing ingenue makes Beth’s skin crawl and she’d rather be anywhere but here. Gwen, on the other hand, is on her fourth season and counting, with absolutely no intention of finding a husband, possibly ever. She figures she has plenty of security as the only daughter of a rakish earl, from whom she’s gotten all her flair, fun, and less-than-proper party games.
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New twist on a period piece.
- By julia ny on 01-21-24
By: Emma R. Alban
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Six of Crows
- By: Leigh Bardugo
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder, Brandon Rubin, Fred Berman, and others
- Length: 15 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price - and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone.
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7 Narrators, But That's Not a Good Thing
- By KM on 03-18-16
By: Leigh Bardugo
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Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Rise of Kyoshi
- The Kyoshi Novels, Book 1
- By: F. C. Yee, Michael Dante DiMartino - contributor
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
- Length: 14 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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After years of searching for the next Avatar, the four nations have found peace with Avatar Yun - until Kyoshi, Yun’s friend and servant, demonstrates remarkable bending abilities herself. With the identity of the true Avatar at stake, Kyoshi and her fiery friend Rangi flee the Avatar mansion and find supporters in the daofei - outlaws living in the shadows of the Earth Kingdom. But while Kyoshi, Rangi, and their daofei friends face off against underworld rivals, those who seek to control the Avatar draw close.
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Disappointed.... Not the Kyoshi I knew.
- By Daniel Lopez on 09-21-20
By: F. C. Yee, and others
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How to Summon a Fairy Godmother: A Laugh-Out-Loud Fairytale What-If
- Fairies and Familiars, Book 1
- By: Laura J. Mayo
- Narrated by: Josie Charles
- Length: 11 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Lady Theodosia Balfour has certainly gotten the short end of the stick—her stepsister, the newly crowned Princess Beatrice, is telling everyone in polite society that Theo, her sister, and their mother are evil, wicked, and horrid people who treated her like a slave. Though Theo knows this isn't exactly true, it seems her life is thoroughly ruined by the rumor. With the Balfour family estate on the verge of bankruptcy, Theo's only path forward is a forced betrothal to the Duke of Snowbell, a foul-tempered geezer who wishes only to use her as a brood mare for spare heirs.
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Fairytale Retelling
- By Angela D. on 12-10-24
By: Laura J. Mayo
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A Plague of Giants
- A Novel
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels, Xe Sands
- Length: 22 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Mother and warrior. Scholar and spy. Rebel and hero. Set in a magical world of terror and wonder, this novel is a deeply felt epic of courage and war, in which the fates of these characters intertwine - and where ordinary people become heroes, and their lives become legend.
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It's a tough one to gauge...
- By Call of Kthalia on 11-19-17
By: Kevin Hearne
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We Are Legion (We Are Bob)
- Bobiverse, Book 1
- By: Dennis E. Taylor
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 9 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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There's a reason We Are Legion was named Audible's Best Science Fiction Book of 2016: Its irresistibly irreverent wit! Bob Johansson has just sold his software company for a small fortune and is looking forward to a life of leisure. The first item on his to-do list: Spending his newfound windfall. On an urge to splurge, he signs up to have his head cryogenically preserved in case of death. Then he gets himself killed crossing the street. Waking up 117 years later, Bob discovers his mind has been uploaded into a sentient space probe with the ability to replicate itself.
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Ignore the Publisher's Summary! This is Amazing!
- By PW on 04-12-17
By: Dennis E. Taylor
ok ridiculously funny
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End of the trilogy had left allot of loose ends.
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hilarious
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Thank you for a great & entertaining story with so much meaning. 💙💙
Love this trilogy!
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Buy this book
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Awesome
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Still my favorite book series ever
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What the Pell!
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Another fun romp
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A Fun Tale!
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