
The Princess Beard
The Tales of Pell, Book 3
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Narrated by:
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Luke Daniels
About this listen
This princess can shave herself! The hilarious best-selling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.
Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses.
When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails - which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.
This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss - it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong.
But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer - preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!
In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.
©2019 Kevin Hearne, Delilah S. Dawson (P)2019 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Overall
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After years of searching for the next Avatar, the four nations have found peace with Avatar Yun - until Kyoshi, Yun’s friend and servant, demonstrates remarkable bending abilities herself. With the identity of the true Avatar at stake, Kyoshi and her fiery friend Rangi flee the Avatar mansion and find supporters in the daofei - outlaws living in the shadows of the Earth Kingdom. But while Kyoshi, Rangi, and their daofei friends face off against underworld rivals, those who seek to control the Avatar draw close.
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Disappointed.... Not the Kyoshi I knew.
- By Daniel Lopez on 09-21-20
By: F. C. Yee, and others
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How to Summon a Fairy Godmother: A Laugh-Out-Loud Fairytale What-If
- Fairies and Familiars, Book 1
- By: Laura J. Mayo
- Narrated by: Josie Charles
- Length: 11 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Lady Theodosia Balfour has certainly gotten the short end of the stick—her stepsister, the newly crowned Princess Beatrice, is telling everyone in polite society that Theo, her sister, and their mother are evil, wicked, and horrid people who treated her like a slave. Though Theo knows this isn't exactly true, it seems her life is thoroughly ruined by the rumor. With the Balfour family estate on the verge of bankruptcy, Theo's only path forward is a forced betrothal to the Duke of Snowbell, a foul-tempered geezer who wishes only to use her as a brood mare for spare heirs.
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Fairytale Retelling
- By Angela D. on 12-10-24
By: Laura J. Mayo
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Six of Crows
- By: Leigh Bardugo
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder, Brandon Rubin, Fred Berman, and others
- Length: 15 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price - and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone.
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7 Narrators, But That's Not a Good Thing
- By KM on 03-18-16
By: Leigh Bardugo
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Unsouled
- By: Will Wight
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Sacred artists follow a thousand Paths to power, using their souls to control the forces of the natural world. Lindon is Unsouled, forbidden to learn the sacred arts of his clan. When faced with a looming fate he cannot ignore, he must rise beyond anything he's ever known...and forge his own Path.
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Amazingly Addictive and Oddly Cleaver
- By ronnito on 05-31-19
By: Will Wight
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Legends & Lattes
- A Novel of High Fantasy and Low Stakes
- By: Travis Baldree
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Worn out after decades of packing steel and raising hell, Viv, the orc barbarian, cashes out of the warrior’s life with one final score. A forgotten legend, a fabled artifact, and an unreasonable amount of hope lead her to the streets of Thune, where she plans to open the first coffee shop the city has ever seen. However, her dreams of a fresh start filling mugs instead of swinging swords are hardly a sure bet. Old frenemies and Thune’s shady underbelly may just upset her plans. To finally build something that will last, Viv will need some new partners, and a different kind of resolve.
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slice of life
- By Anonymous User on 02-25-22
By: Travis Baldree
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Good Boys: The Lost Tribe
- Good Boys, Book 1
- By: Jeremy Robinson
- Narrated by: Tom Taylorson
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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In the serene backdrop of New Hampshire's Franconia Notch, Micah Taylor, an ex-Army Ranger, finds solace with his loyal golden retriever, Grover. Their peaceful existence is suddenly shattered when a first date with his old friend, Jess Bender, takes an unexpected turn. Bright lights descend from the sky, leading them into the dark woods and a shocking discovery: the Kylonari, an advanced alien species with a special connection to Micah, here on a quest to find "The Lost Tribe"—a colony that vanished millennia ago.
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What a Fun Ride!
- By CarterFSU on 08-22-24
By: Jeremy Robinson
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The Keeper Origins: The Complete Trilogy
- Book 1-3
- By: JA Andrews
- Narrated by: Kate Reading
- Length: 75 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Sable would do anything to break free from the ruthless gang boss she's indebted to before he corrupts her younger sister or discovers Sable's magical ability to sense the truth in people's words. In a last desperate attempt at freedom, Sable stumbles into unexpected help—Atticus, the famous playwright, and his traveling theater troupe. Far more than a means of escape, the mismatched band of actors is destined to become the family Sable never knew she wanted. They help awaken her magic until she becomes the burning symbol of truth that the entire land needs.
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Not done yet will update
- By Mack Florida on 08-17-23
By: JA Andrews
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Cthonia's Reckoning
- The Horus Heresy
- By: John French, Michael F. Haspil, Gary Kloster, and others
- Narrated by: Gareth Armstrong
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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After seven long years of conflict, the Horus Heresy nears its end. But now, as the Warmaster Horus marches on Terra to rip his father from the Throne, the seat of the arch-traitor’s power lies empty. Cthonia, a world once dominated by brutal murder-gangs, is occupied by the Emperor’s praetorians—the indomitable Imperial Fists. For the Sons of Horus, this outrage demands a reckoning.
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Created to sell toys.
- By Lowlight on 06-30-22
By: John French, and others
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The Witch Collector
- Witch Walker, Book 1
- By: Charissa Weaks
- Narrated by: Meg Sylvan, Tim Campbell
- Length: 13 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Raina Bloodgood has one desire: kill the Frost King and the Witch Collector who stole her sister. On Collecting Day, she means to exact murderous revenge, but a more sinister threat sets fire to her world. Rising from the ashes is the Collector, Alexus Thibault, the man she vowed to slay and the only person who can help save her sister. Thrust into an age-old story of ice, fire, and ancient gods, Raina must abandon vengeance and aid the Witch Collector or let their empire—and her sister—fall into enemy hands.
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Horrible narration
- By Paige Roberts on 08-14-23
By: Charissa Weaks
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The Shadow of What Was Lost
- Licanius, Book 1
- By: James Islington
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 25 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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It has been 20 years since the end of the war. The dictatorial Augurs, once thought of almost as gods, were overthrown and wiped out during the conflict, their much-feared powers mysteriously failing them. Those who had ruled under them, men and women with a lesser ability known as the Gift, avoided the Augurs' fate only by submitting themselves to the rebellion's Four Tenets.
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Atrocious. Almost abusive.
- By Captain Spanky Of Nazareth on 06-10-20
By: James Islington
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The Blade Itself
- By: Joe Abercrombie
- Narrated by: Steven Pacey
- Length: 22 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Logen Ninefingers, infamous barbarian, has finally run out of luck. Caught in one feud too many, he's on the verge of becoming a dead barbarian - leaving nothing behind him but bad songs, dead friends, and a lot of happy enemies. Nobleman, dashing officer, and paragon of selfishness, Captain Jezal dan Luthar has nothing more dangerous in mind than fleecing his friends at cards and dreaming of glory in the fencing circle. But war is brewing, and on the battlefields of the frozen North they fight by altogether bloodier rules.
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Characters drive the story. The Narrator rocks!
- By Brian Alsobrook on 11-01-16
By: Joe Abercrombie
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Tress of the Emerald Sea: A Cosmere Novel (Dramatized Adaptation)
- Secret Projects, Book 1
- By: Brandon Sanderson
- Narrated by: David Cui Cui, Bradley Foster Smith, Christopher Walker, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Original Recording
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The only life Tress has known on her island home in an emerald-green ocean has been a simple one, with the simple pleasures of collecting cups brought by sailors from faraway lands and listening to stories told by her friend Charlie. But when his father takes him on a voyage to find a bride and disaster strikes, Tress must stow away on a ship and seek the Sorceress of the deadly Midnight Sea. Amid the spore oceans where pirates abound, can Tress leave her simple life behind and make her own place sailing a sea where a single drop of water can mean instant death?
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The story's great for a dramatized adaptation!
- By optimuslime49 on 09-22-24
ok ridiculously funny
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End of the trilogy had left allot of loose ends.
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hilarious
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Thank you for a great & entertaining story with so much meaning. 💙💙
Love this trilogy!
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Buy this book
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Awesome
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Still my favorite book series ever
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What the Pell!
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Another fun romp
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A Fun Tale!
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