The Princess Beard
The Tales of Pell, Book 3
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Narrated by:
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Luke Daniels
About this listen
This princess can shave herself! The hilarious best-selling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.
Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses.
When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails - which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.
This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss - it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong.
But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer - preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!
In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.
©2019 Kevin Hearne, Delilah S. Dawson (P)2019 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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It began as just another evening of fantasy gaming with James, Karl, Andrea, and the rest ready to assume their various roles as wizard, cleric, warrior, or thief. But sorcerous gamemaster Professor Deighton had something else planned for this unsuspecting group of college students. And the "game" soon became a matter of life and death as the seven adventurers found themselves transported to an alternate world and into the bodies of the actual characters they had been pretending to be....
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A Self Image Cast in Stone Could Shatter
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-19-13
By: Joel Rosenberg
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An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors
- The Risen Kingdoms, Book 1
- By: Curtis Craddock
- Narrated by: Erin Bennett
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Born with a deformed hand and an utter lack of the family's blood magic, Isabelle is despised by her cruel father. She is happy to be neglected so she can secretly pursue her illicit passion for math and science. Then, a surprising offer of an arranged royal marriage blows her life wide open and launches her and Jeane-Claude on an adventure that will take them from the Isle des Zephyrs in l'Empire Céleste to the very different Kingdom of Aragoth, where magic deals not with blood but with mirrors.
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Can't recommend it enough!
- By A Miller on 06-26-18
By: Curtis Craddock
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Over the Woodward Wall
- By: A. Deborah Baker
- Narrated by: Heath Miller
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
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Avery is an exceptional child. Everything he does is precise, from the way he washes his face in the morning to the way he completes his homework - without complaint, without fuss, without prompt. Zib is also an exceptional child, because all children are, in their own way. But where everything Avery does and is can be measured, nothing Zib does can possibly be predicted, except for the fact that she can always be relied upon to be unpredictable. They live on the same street. They live in different worlds.
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Intriguing story! I recommend!
- By Smasher277 on 11-23-20
By: A. Deborah Baker
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Skinwalkers
- By: Wendy N. Wagner
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
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As a young woman, Jendara left the cold northern isles of the Ironbound Archipelago to find her fortune. Now, many years later, she's forsaken her buccaneer ways and returned home in search of a simpler life, where she can raise her young son, Kran, in peace. When a strange clan of shapeshifting raiders pillages her home, however, there's no choice for Jendara but to take up her axes once again to help the islanders defend all that they hold dear.
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eh.
- By Amanda Please on 05-03-16
By: Wendy N. Wagner
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The Sword-Edged Blonde
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- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
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It should have been a case like any other: a missing princess, a king willing to pay in gold for her return. But before he realizes it, private investigator Eddie LaCrosse, a slightly shopworn sword jockey with a talent for discretion and detection, is swept up in a web of mystery and deceit involving a brutally murdered royal heir, a queen accused of an unspeakable crime, and the tragic past he thought he'd left behind.
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No Redeeming Qualities
- By MightyMite68 on 09-27-20
By: Alex Bledsoe
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Of Beast and Beauty
- Daughters of Eville, Book 1
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Everyone dreams of marrying a prince - except for me. I am nothing more than a pawn in my adoptive mother's diabolical plot against the seven kingdoms. I was the chosen tool, her sharpened blade that would cut the deepest into the heart of the kingdom of Baist. But like all deadly weapons, my wedding is two-edged sword that could cost me my soul. For I am Rosalie, one of the adopted daughters of Lady Eville, and it is my duty to enter into a loveless and hate-filled marriage with the narcissistic Crown Prince of Baist.
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OF BEAST AND BEAUTY
- By 🐺 SCARLET PIMPERNEL 🐺 on 11-08-19
By: Chanda Hahn
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Rise of the Shadow Rogue
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- Narrated by: Ryan West
- Length: 17 hrs and 29 mins
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Betrayal cuts deepest when someone you love wields the knife. For Kellik, a once-rising star of Port Gloom's guild of thieves, it also leaves him floating in the bay, bleeding out and without hope or allies. Saved by an urchin and healed by a disgraced saint, Kellick is consumed by a single desire: to find out why his guild master ordered him cut down moments after passing his initiation trial. Burning with injustice, Kellik recruits a number of gorgeous rogues to his side: fallen assassins, dark elf witches, and unnervingly polite necromancers.
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not the harem book I expected, in a good way.
- By Jeffrey on 04-30-19
By: Mike Truk
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The Dagger of Trust
- By: Chris Willrich
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
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Gideon Gull leads a double life: one as a talented young bard at the Rhapsodic College, the other as a student of the Shadow School, where Taldor's infamous lion blades are trained to be master spies and assassins. When a magical fog starts turning ordinary people into murderous mobs along the border between Taldor and Gideon's home nation of Andoran, it's up to him and a crew of daring performers to solve the mystery before both nations fall to madness and slaughter.
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Bard Team 6
- By Kojo on 06-12-24
By: Chris Willrich
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The Devil and the Dark Water
- By: Stuart Turton
- Narrated by: James Cameron Stewart
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It's 1634 and Samuel Pipps, the world's greatest detective, is being transported to Amsterdam to be executed for a crime he may, or may not, have committed. Traveling with him is his loyal bodyguard, Arent Hayes, who is determined to prove his friend innocent. But no sooner are they out to sea than devilry begins to blight the voyage. A twice-dead leper stalks the decks. Strange symbols appear on the sails. Livestock is slaughtered. And then three passengers are marked for death, including Samuel. Could a demon be responsible for their misfortunes?
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A decent yarn
- By Molly on 10-16-20
By: Stuart Turton
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City of the Fallen Sky
- By: Tim Pratt
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- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
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Once a student of alchemy with the dark scholars of the Technic League, Alaeron fled their arcane order when his conscience got the better of him, taking with him a few strange devices of unknown function. Now in hiding in a distant city, he's happy to use his skills creating minor potions and wonders - at least until the back-alley rescue of an adventurer named Jaya lands him in trouble with a powerful crime lord.
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Two stories in one
- By Kirk MacNeil on 10-18-15
By: Tim Pratt
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Prodigy of Thunder
- Chronicles of Anna Atticus Stone, Book 1
- By: Sever Bronny
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The youngest warlock to ever wield lightning, 14-year-old Anna Atticus Stone dreams of attending the prestigious Academy of Arcane Arts. Except her life is a mess. She's friendless, her older sister keeps knocking her teeth out, and her parents constantly argue.
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On the fence
- By Tracey M. Bare on 03-05-22
By: Sever Bronny
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Great for a CIS middle aged dude
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Phoenix Unbound
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Every year, each village is required to send a young woman to the Empire's capital - her fate to be burned alive for the entertainment of the masses. For the last five years, one small village's tithe has been the same woman. Gilene's sacrifice protects all the other young women of her village, and her secret to staying alive lies with the magic only she possesses. But this year is different. Azarion, the Empire's most famous gladiator, has somehow seen through her illusion - and is set on blackmailing Gilene into using her abilities to help him escape his life of slavery.
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Nothing special. Highly predictable
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Besieged
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What listeners say about The Princess Beard
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Troy
- 10-13-19
ok ridiculously funny
well if you like the first two this one won't disappoint i like the fact that they could all just be stand alone books it make more sence if you do read all of them so far thanks kevin , Delilah and luke it was an awsome listen
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- lmitch
- 04-06-21
End of the trilogy had left allot of loose ends.
I really did like this trilogy however there are a lot of loose ends but I would love to see finished. like whatever happened to the gnomes? Isn't there one good human in pell? Did the Snarkivist ever get relieved of his laborious duties in life? whatever happened to the arch of Rita's father? will Toby and ultra ever be revitalized by The Dread necromancer Steve's death honey?
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- Beth
- 10-26-19
hilarious
Loved it so much. i laughed the whole time I listened. made weekend Overtime better.
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- Nancy
- 10-10-19
Buy this book
If you love humor, puns, parrots and Luke Daniels voice, this book is for you. If you are tired of the same old plots, this book is really for you. If your tired of the toxic world in which we live and want an escape, just buy the book. Now.
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- JR’s books
- 10-23-19
Awesome
I read the first two and they were pretty good, but this book here was bay FAR the best one. All I’m gonna say is Vick is the man. Got to listen to this book or go read it.
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- Anna
- 12-31-19
Still my favorite book series ever
Kevin plus Delilah plus Luke equals magnificence! They bring puns and parrots to a new level.
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- Kimberly
- 02-22-20
What the Pell!
This series is a ton of fun. Very creative, sad my trip to the land of Pell is over.
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- Kindle Customer
- 07-18-22
Another fun romp
I really enjoyed all three of "The Tales of Pell" books. The puns are funny and I enjoy the cultural references. I think Luke Daniels does and excellent job narrating. the only thing I felt was kind of annoying in the performance was the parrot drawing out all of the R's. it feels like it really lengthened the book. overall it was a fun conclusion to the series.
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- Merissa Smith
- 02-01-24
A Fun Tale!
Another entertaining tale by this fantastic duo of authors! I hope that there may be more from them even if the series seems to have come full circle! The narrator as always has done a fabulous job as well!❤️
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- Thomas
- 11-09-19
Genius
Brilliantly punny, and the worlds best narrator
Hilarious and touching at the same time. Awesome.
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