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The War for Kindness
Building Empathy in a Fractured World
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Narrated by:
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Jamil Zaki
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By:
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Jamil Zaki
About this listen
“In this masterpiece, Jamil Zaki weaves together the very latest science with stories that will stay in your heart forever.” (Angela Duckworth, author of Grit)
Empathy is in short supply. We struggle to understand people who aren’t like us, but find it easy to hate them. Studies show that we are less caring than we were even 30 years ago. In 2006, Barack Obama said that the United States was suffering from an “empathy deficit.” Since then, things seem to have only gotten worse.
It doesn’t have to be this way. In this groundbreaking book, Jamil Zaki shares cutting-edge research, including experiments from his own lab, showing that empathy is not a fixed trait - something we’re born with or not - but rather a skill that can be strengthened through effort.
He also tells the stories of people who embody this new perspective, fighting for kindness in the most difficult of circumstances. We meet a former neo-Nazi who is now helping extract people from hate groups, ex-prisoners discussing novels with the judge who sentenced them, Washington police officers changing their culture to decrease violence among their ranks, and NICU nurses fine-tuning their empathy so that they don’t succumb to burnout.
Written with clarity and passion, The War for Kindness is an inspiring call to action. The future may depend on whether we accept the challenge.
Praise for The War for Kindness:
“A wide-ranging practical guide to making the world better.” (NPR)
“Relating anecdotes and test cases from his fellow researchers, news events and the imaginary world of literature and entertainment, Zaki makes a vital case for ‘fighting for kindness.’ ...If he’s right - and after reading The War for Kindness, you’ll probably think so - Zaki’s work is right on time.” (San Francisco Chronicle)
“In this landmark book, Jamil Zaki gives us a revolutionary perspective on empathy: Empathy can be developed, and, when it is, people, relationships, organizations, and cultures are changed.” (Carol Dweck, author of Mindset)
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Critic reviews
“In a time when it seems empathy is a lost cause and compassion is a dying art, it may not be too late to revive the better angels of our nature. Jamil Zaki is one of the brightest lights in psychology, and in this gripping book he shows that kindness is not a sign of weakness but a source of strength.” (Adam Grant, author of Give and Take and Originals)
"Lucid, stimulating...[The War for Kindness aims] to challenge antiquated views of the brain and human behavior.... Zaki issues a call for concerted action to build empathy in a world he sees as fractured and threatened by escalating tribalism, cruelty, and isolation.” (The American Scholar)
“Jamil Zaki makes the most entertainingly readable argument for cultivating empathy that I’ve read. Seamlessly stitching together his own experiences with fascinating stories and research from around the globe, Jamil lays out the irrefutable evidence for what we may already instinctively be sensing...that in these uncertain times, our ability to cultivate empathy for one another is not only possible, it’s necessary. A must read for anyone willing to peek under the hood of the human heart.” (Amanda Palmer)
“With alarming evidence of our society's rapidly diminishing empathy, Zaki draws on decades of clinical research, along with experiments conducted at his lab, to consider the forces that impact our modern condition… [a] well-researched call to action and an urgent message.” (Kirkus Reviews)
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As a progressive commentator on Fox News and now CNN, Sally Kohn has made a career out of bridging intractable political differences, learning how to talk civilly to people whose views she disagrees with passionately. Famously "nice", she even gave a TED Talk about what she termed emotional correctness. But these days, even Kohn has found herself wanting to breathe fire at her enemies. It was time, she decided, to look into the ugliness erupting all around us.
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Profoundly insightful, important, and digestible.
- By Scott on 04-24-18
By: Sally Kohn
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Viral Justice
- How We Grow the World We Want
- By: Ruha Benjamin
- Narrated by: Ruha Benjamin
- Length: 13 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Long before the pandemic, Ruha Benjamin was doing groundbreaking research on race, technology, and justice, focusing on big, structural changes. But the twin plagues of COVID-19 and anti-Black police violence inspired her to rethink the importance of small, individual actions. Part memoir, part manifesto, Viral Justice is a sweeping and deeply personal exploration of how we can transform society through the choices we make every day.
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Fantastic book!
- By Avie Kearney on 05-21-23
By: Ruha Benjamin
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The Upside of Your Dark Side
- Why Being Your Whole Self - Not Just Your "Good" Self - Drives Success and Fulfillment
- By: Todd Kashdan, Robert Biswas-Diener
- Narrated by: Jeff Cummings
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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In The Upside of Your Dark Side, two pioneering researchers in the field of psychology show that while mindfulness, kindness, and positivity can take us far, they cannot take us all the way. Sometimes, they can even hold us back. Emotions like anger, anxiety, or doubt might be uncomfortable, but it turns out that they are also incredibly useful.
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Boring and learned nothing
- By Taryn on 07-25-16
By: Todd Kashdan, and others
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Emotional Intelligence
- By: Daniel Goleman
- Narrated by: Barrett Whitener
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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It is the tenth anniversary since the first publication of Daniel Goleman's groundbreaking bestseller, Emotional Intelligence, which maps the territory where IQ meets EQ, where we apply what we know to how we live. Spending over a year on the New York Times bestseller list, Emotional Intelligence provided the evidence for what many successful people already knew: being smart isn't just a matter of mastering facts; it's a matter of mastering your own emotions and understanding the emotions of the people around you.
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Good info, hard to listen sometimes
- By Stephanie on 04-16-03
By: Daniel Goleman
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One Nation Under Therapy
- How the Helping Culture is Eroding Self-Reliance
- By: Christina Hoff Sommers, Sally Satel
- Narrated by: Dianna Dorman
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Americans have traditionally placed great value on self-reliance and fortitude. Recent decades, however, have seen the rise of a therapeutic ethic that views Americans as emotionally underdeveloped, requiring the ministrations of mental-health professionals to cope with life's vicissitudes. Today, having a book for every ailment, a counselor for every crisis, a lawsuit for every grievance, and a TV show for every problem degrades one's native ability to cope with life's challenges.
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If you want another perspective
- By Kurt on 03-07-09
By: Christina Hoff Sommers, and others
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Before You Know It
- The Unconscious Reasons We Do What We Do
- By: John Bargh PhD
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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For more than three decades, Dr. John Bargh has been responsible for the revolutionary research into the unconscious mind, research that informed best sellers like Blink and Thinking Fast and Slow. Now, in what Dr. John Gottman said "will be the most important and exciting book in psychology that has been written in the past 20 years", Dr. Bargh takes us on an entertaining and enlightening tour of the forces that affect everyday behavior while transforming our understanding of ourselves in profound ways.
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Political jab
- By Brad on 10-20-17
By: John Bargh PhD
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The Power of Strangers
- The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World
- By: Joe Keohane
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane sets out on a journey to discover what happens when we bridge the distance between us and people we don’t know. He learns that while we’re wired to sometimes fear, distrust, and even hate strangers, people and societies that have learned to connect with strangers benefit immensely.
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Not worth a credit
- By Eringatang on 07-24-21
By: Joe Keohane
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How to Be Sad
- Everything I’ve Learned About Getting Happier by Being Sad
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Helen Russell
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Helen Russell has researched sadness from the inside out for her entire life. Her earliest memory is of the day her sister died. Her parents divorced soon after, and her mother didn’t receive the help she needed to grieve. Coping with her own emotional turmoil — including struggles with body image and infertility — she’s endured professional and personal setbacks as well as relationships that have imploded in truly spectacular ways. Even the things that brought her the greatest joy — like eventually becoming a parent — are fraught with challenges.
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More an self biography
- By Jaime Murillo on 04-27-24
By: Helen Russell
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Born for Love
- Why Empathy Is Essential - and Endangered
- By: Bruce D. Perry, Maia Szalavitz
- Narrated by: Corey M. Snow
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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From birth, when babies' fingers instinctively cling to those of adults, their bodies and brains seek an intimate connection - a bond made possible by empathy, the remarkable ability to love and to share the feelings of others. In this unforgettable book, award-winning science journalist Maia Szalavitz and renowned child psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry explain how empathy develops, why it is essential both to human happiness and for a functional society, and how it is threatened in a modern world.
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Born for Love is a Rallying Call for Caring and Cry for Help
- By Jeffrey Olsen on 09-24-18
By: Bruce D. Perry, and others
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Transcendence
- Healing and Transformation Through Transcendental Meditation
- By: Norman E. Rosenthal
- Narrated by: Gildart Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Norman E. Rosenthal, M.D., a 20-year researcher at the National Institute of Mental Health and the celebrated psychiatrist who pioneered the study and treatment of Season Affective Disorder (SAD), brings us the most important work on Transcendental Meditation since the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's Science of Being and Art of Living - and one of our generation's most significant books on achieving greater physical and mental health and wellness.
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Inspirational yet "Informercional"
- By James on 05-24-13
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Ready or Not
- Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World
- By: Madeline Levine
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready or Not explores how today’s parenting techniques and our myopic educational system are failing to prepare children for their certain-to-be-uncertain future - and how we can reverse course to ensure their lasting adaptability, resilience, health, and happiness.
By: Madeline Levine
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Suspicious Minds
- How Culture Shapes Madness
- By: Joel Gold, Ian Gold
- Narrated by: Joel Gold, Ian Gold
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Mr. A. was admitted to Dr. Joel Gold’s inpatient unit at Bellevue Hospital in 2002. He was, he said, being filmed constantly, and his life was being broadcast around the world "like The Truman Show" - the 1998 film depicting a man who is unknowingly living out his life as the star of a popular soap opera. Over the next few years, Gold saw a number of patients suffering from what he and his brother, Dr. Ian Gold, began calling the "Truman Show Delusion," launching them on a quest to understand the nature of this particular phenomenon and the nature of madness itself.
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Intriguing
- By L. K. on 04-18-16
By: Joel Gold, and others
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Crazy Like Us
- The Globalization of the American Psyche
- By: Ethan Watters
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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America has been the world leader in generating new mental health treatments and modern theories of the human psyche. We export our psychopharmaceuticals packaged with the certainty that our biomedical knowledge will relieve the suffering and stigma of mental illness. We categorize disorders, thereby defining mental illness and health, and then parade these seemingly scientific certainties in front of the world.
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He is a reporter...
- By Briana on 05-07-18
By: Ethan Watters
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Capture
- Unraveling the Mystery of Mental Suffering
- By: David A. Kessler MD
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Why do we think, feel, and act in ways we wish we did not? For decades, New York Times best-selling author Dr. David A. Kessler has studied this question with regard to tobacco, food, and drugs. Over the course of these investigations, he identified one underlying mechanism common to a broad range of human suffering. This phenomenon - capture - is the process by which our attention is hijacked and our brains commandeered by forces outside our control.
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Confused
- By TS on 05-17-16
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Women Who Think Too Much
- How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life
- By: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema
- Narrated by: Sheryl Bernstein
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
- Abridged
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It's not a surprise that our fast-paced, overly analytical culture is pushing people - especially women - to spend countless hours thinking about negative ideas, feelings, and experiences. Renowned psychologist Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema calls this "overthinking". Her groundbreaking research shows that an increasing number of women - more than half of those in her extensive study - are doing it too much and too often, hindering their ability to lead a satisfying life.
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Generic tools for overcoming overthinking
- By letlet on 01-09-19
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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Third Edition
- Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
- By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Narrated by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right - a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research and delivered in energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception.
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If you're a liberal hater - this book's for you
- By MRN on 11-13-20
By: Carol Tavris, and others
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Have you ever wondered what separates people who think bigger from people who set their bars low? What makes one person accept low standards and another person constantly raise them? What drives a person who's optimizing every single aspect of her life, and what causes another person to maintain the status quo? I found this topic so fascinating, I decided to find out the answer for myself and write a book about it.
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Should be required to read in high school
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The Narcissist in Your Life
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Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has a profoundly dehumanizing effect on those subject to its distortions, manipulations, and rage. The Narcissist in Your Life illuminates the emotionally annihilating experience of narcissistic abuse in families and relationships, acknowledges the complex emotional and physical trauma that results, and assists survivors with compassionate, practical advice on the path of recovery.
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Exceptional Read
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- Shane Erdley
- 12-29-20
everyone should read this
thank you for taking the time to explain empathy in a way that is educational and also from the heart and soul of who we are and can be.
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- Bobbi Jean Jarvinen
- 07-30-21
State of Contemplation
There were moments that I laughed, there were moments when I was frustrated, there were moments when I was physically angry, and there were moments I cried. Although the emotions varied all of those moments brought me to a contemplative state.
I have recommended this book to several others; those working in healthcare, those working in social justice, and anyone else I know that wants to facilitate change for us all.
Thank you for the time and study, thank you for acknowledging those that are working to make changes and those that may need to be striving harder. I did a self check several times while listening to the book; even skipped backwards to let things sink in.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Natrika W
- 07-18-22
Great but not a practical guide
It was an excellent book, but not enough practical advice on how to implement what is learned.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Elias Rademacher
- 11-12-21
Interesting and much-needed
This audiobook is packed with science, but is also very readable and engaging. I like how he included lots of stories and anecdotes. It held my attention all the way through. I learned about the science and psychology of empathy, both on an individual scale and on a societal scale. This book is also a great reminder of the importance of empathy and the power of getting to know people you don't agree with in this highly polarized world.
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- Christy S.
- 02-23-20
Uplifting mix of psychology and humanization
Truly enjoyed this book - I met the author at a conference and he’s just as kind in person as he sounds in the book.
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- LMS
- 12-31-20
A great read on empathy in our lives
A truly excellent read that explores empathy in its different forms in various contexts. The book is written for the public and is both engaging and chock-full of relevant and accessible examples. Of particular interest for those into (de)polarisation, conflict resolution, and self-development.
The audiobook is read by the author - he does a great job.
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- Jim Soviero
- 09-26-24
Factors provided that promote or demote kindness
I appreciated the specificity of kindness-increasing/decreasing factors including related studies and their validity. I can imagine weaving them into my experience. I would certainly buy the workbook if it the author writes one!
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- thewoodenlung
- 02-16-20
Building Empathy in an Audible World
I chose this book because I was a teaching assistant when Jamil Zaki was teaching intro psych at Stanford. He gave insightful feedback about how to engage students with the material and modeled that advice in his lectures and demonstrations. Anyone who is curious about the scientific process will be interested to hear Zaki’s description of the narrative behind his research. I was also excited to see how Erika Weisz’ work was incorporated and how the overall message came together. Highly recommend!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Ramin Amirnovin
- 09-04-20
well written and interesting
certainly a lot of interesting information. well written and well narrated. Overall enjoyable. Harder to follow in own life but we should all make an attempt to be more empathetic to one another
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- Kasey J
- 05-25-22
Everyone should read or listen to this book
Jamil Zaki, the director of Stanford’s Social Neuroscience Laboratory, researches the cognitive and neural bases of social behavior focusing specifically on empathic accuracy, social influence, and altruism.
I️ have always found psychology, neurobiology, neuroscience, and neurological mechanisms fascinating and I️ love that Dr. Zaki’s research melds those areas with the active practices of kindness and empathy.
This book reviews studies that illustrate how active practices of empathy change our neuroplasticity and patterns of behavior and how, in case studies, it has changed how individuals approach situations and other people differently than they would have without focusing on empathy and kindness.
This book is imperative in today’s world. It focuses on social behavior and conflict surrounding police violence, recidivism, perceived conformity, extremist groups, and caretaker burnout, amongst many other topics. Dr. Zaki not only approaches this book with a professional level of presenting his and his colleagues’ findings, but also on a personal level with stories of his experience with doctors’ empathy in the treatment of his own daughter in the NICU.
I️ HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is willing to openmindedly listen (or if you’re not openmindedly approaching this book, then maybe you’ll at least pick up bits and pieces of useful information).
One of my best, most impactful reads in a long time.
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