Showing results by narrator "Nick" in All Categories

What's that you say? You want more village growth? Well be careful where you stand, because the Mist Village just took a Viagra-Cialis sandwich, and there is a stiff breeze blowing! (I can make some more references if you're still not getting the point...did you see what I did there?)

Ever dreamt of waking up inside a novel? For Kim Roksu, this dream becomes reality when he finds himself in the shoes of Cale Henituse, the lazy, wine-loving son of a count--and punching bag for the novel's destined hero. Determined to dodge his grim fate, this new Cale Henituse vows to rewrite his story, aiming for a life of leisure far from heroic deeds and inevitable beatdowns.

George Smiley has left the Circus. With the wreckage of the West’s spy war against the Soviets strewn across Europe, he has eyes only for a more peaceful life. And indeed, with his marriage more secure than ever, there is a rumor that George Smiley might almost be happy. But Control has other plans. A Russian agent has defected in the most unusual of circumstances, and the man he was sent to kill in London is nowhere to be found. Smiley reluctantly agrees to one last simple task: interview Szusanna, a Hungarian émigré and employee of the missing man, and sniff out a lead.

A humorous and rousing set of literal and figurative sojourns as well as a mission statement about comprehending, protecting, and truly experiencing the outdoors, fueled by three journeys undertaken by actor, humorist, and New York Times best-selling author Nick Offerman

When it comes to action and adventure, every hero needs a good sidekick. Holmes has Watson, Batman has Robin, and Daniel has . . . Orrin. More like brothers than friends, they always have each other's backs. And as Daniel is the big, strong, handsome type, Orrin is more than happy to remain in his shadow at school, at parties, pretty much everywhere. Then things take a turn for the truly weird when a terrible accident catapults the pair into a world totally unlike their own, in which the rules of a role-playing game hold sway.

With the storm behind her, Georgia Carpenter looks forward to reaching her goal of reopening the inn left to her by her great aunt. It seems very attainable, too, thanks to all the help she’s been getting from family and friends. She and Travis Taylor, her handsome handyman, seem to be on a good path, as well. In fact, everything is going swimmingly until a rival in town does the unthinkable and creates all kinds of chaos.

Every kingdom Rezkin touches has shattered, and the turbulence in his homeland is spreading across the Souelian. From the shards of kingdoms past, he begins to forge a new empire. But there is a price to pay for power, and the balance has come due. When Rezkin is confronted by something mysterious and ancient, he is stolen from his intended path and driven toward shocking revelations about his identity. With every whisper of knowledge comes new dangers and one certainty.

When quiet Orrin and his extroverted best friend, Daniel, were transported to a strange RPG-based world, not much changed between them. Daniel became a hero of legend, while Orrin remained his unobtrusive shadow. Only when they faced a particularly lethal foe did Orrin step out of his comfort zone and display his true worth—with powers he didn't know he had. Of course, Daniel got all the glory, but Orrin doesn't mind. He's just happy they're both still alive.

Alcohol Explained is the definitive, ground-breaking guide to alcohol and alcoholism. It explains how alcohol affects human beings on a chemical, physiological, and psychological level, from those first drinks right up to chronic alcoholism. This audiobook provides a logical, easy-to-follow explanation of the phenomenon and detailed instructions on how to beat it.

At the conclusion of The Mark of Athena, Annabeth and Percy tumble into a pit leading straight to the Underworld. The other five demigods have to put aside their grief and follow Percy's instructions to find the mortal side of the Doors of Death. If they can fight their way through the Gaea's forces, and Percy and Annabeth can survive the House of Hades, then the Seven will be able to seal the Doors from both sides and prevent the giants from raising Gaea. But, Leo wonders, if the Doors are sealed, how will Percy and Annabeth be able to escape?

On a busy Washington morning, the stately calm of the White House is shattered in a deadly terrorist attack on the executive mansion. The president is evacuated to an underground bunker, but not before nearly one hundred hostages are taken. Mitch Rapp, the CIA’s top counterterrorism operative, is sent in to take control of the crisis and determines that the president is not as safe as Washington’s power elite had thought....

Orphaned at birth, Oliver Twist is born into the grimmest of 19th century English workhouses with a life of grinding poverty ahead of him. But the boy is a fighter and after being evicted from the workhouse for asking for 'more' and surviving a stint as an undertaker’s assistant, he walks many miles to London and finds a whole new life with a gang of young pickpockets led by the Artful Dodger and their guardian Fagin.

1987. Supermodel Harlow Hayes seeks solace in a quaint Florida beach town to heal from a heartbreak that shattered her entire world. To her surprise, she encounters Matt Knight—a Hollywood A-lister with a bad-boy reputation—who has returned to his hometown to help his plucky grandmother, Tuesday, save her century-old skating rink, the Starlight.

Yet, as the powers of hell watch eagerly, Scorio and Naomi spurn those who would recruit them and venture into the untold depths of hell in search of the enigmatic Herdsmen. Amidst landscapes of haunting beauty and terror, they will face terrible fiends, forge friendships with wondrous new allies, and encounter societies of Great Souls to put the worst of hell to shame.

Are the kids asleep? Yes? Good. This one isn’t for them. Now, if your weary, grown-up mind has been searching for a snarkier alternative to your favorite childhood tales, this Audible Original, hosted by Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation), will scratch that itch - and then some. Enjoy a hilarious collection of short stories, featuring performances from the likes of Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong), Tony Hale (Veep), Patton Oswalt (The Goldbergs), and David Spade (Saturday Night Live).

Thanksgiving time is here again, but there's a turkey on the run! Can you catch this tricky bird and enjoy all the holiday fun? A turkey is running loose in a school right before a Thanksgiving play. Can you help catch it? Fun and chaos ensue as students turn their school upside down trying to catch the turkey, ending with a twist that ensures no turkeys are harmed (or eaten)!

Cold calling is painful and uncomfortable for every single salesperson on Earth. The average seller makes a couple dials, hits 6 voicemails, and gives up the moment a prospect hits them with a nasty objection. But every time you decide to pick up the phone in spite of the suck, you separate yourself from the folks who quit. That's when you get ahead on the leaderboard. Cold calling sucks. And that's why it works. While most books are a 400-page exercise in academia, we have 4 promises to make this the most actionable sales book you've ever heard of.

Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. This is not a metaphor. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That’s just as well, since the “cure” involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can’t feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings.

Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has attracted one of the world’s largest online followings with his fascinating, widely accessible insights into science and our universe. Now, Tyson invites us to go behind the scenes of his public fame by unveiling his candid correspondence with people across the globe who have sought him out in search of answers. In this hand-picked collection of 100 letters, Tyson draws upon cosmic perspectives to address a vast array of questions about science, faith, philosophy, life, and of course, Pluto.

With his trademark mirth and boundless charisma, actor Nick Offerman brought the loveable shenanigans of Twain's adolescent hero to life in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Now, in yet another virtuosic performance, the actor proves that despite being separated by a span of over a century, his connection to the author and his work is undeniable and that theirs is a timeless collaboration that should not be missed.