
A Well-Trained Wife
My Escape from Christian Patriarchy
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Narrated by:
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Tia Levings
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By:
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Tia Levings
About this listen
This gripping audiobook is a strong choice alongside books about high-demand religion, overcoming odds, and finding inner strength in impossible situations."—Booklist (Starred Review)
This program is read by the author.
“Today it hit me when he hit me, blood shaking in my brain. Maybe there wasn’t a savior coming. Maybe it was up to me to save me.”
Recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement as a young wife, Tia Levings learned that being a good Christian meant following a list of additional life principles—a series of secret, special rules to obey. Being a godly and submissive wife in Christian Patriarchy included strict discipline, isolation, and an alternative lifestyle that appeared wholesome to outsiders. Women were to be silent, “keepers of the home.”
Tia knew that to their neighbors her family was strange, but she also couldn't risk exposing their secret lifestyle to police, doctors, teachers, or anyone outside of their church. Christians were called in scripture to be “in the world, not of it.” So, she hid in plain sight as years of abuse and pain followed. When Tia realized she was the only one who could protect her children from becoming the next generation of patriarchal men and submissive women, she began to resist and question how they lived. But in the patriarchy, a woman with opinions is in danger, and eventually, Tia faced an urgent and extreme choice: stay and face dire consequences, or flee with her children.
Told in a beautiful, honest, and sometimes harrowing voice, A Well-Trained Wife is an unforgettable and timely memoir about a woman's race to save herself and her family and details the ways that extreme views can manifest in a marriage.
A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin’s Press.
©2024 Tia Levings (P)2024 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“In this brave memoir on domestic violence within Christian patriarchy, Tia Levings vulnerably shares her story of survival. With devastating detail, she reveals the many shades of abuse that happen within the world of evangelicalism, a world that was supposed to protect her. The many women who have walked this path from oppression to freedom will find solidarity in these pages.”—Cait West, author of Rift
"I've never given a book a standing ovation until this one. A Well-Trained Wife is a prayer, for all of us. The world is lucky Tia Levings found her freedom and her voice. A reckoning for those who sanction abuse in the name of salvation."—Ashleigh Renard, author of Swing
"With unflinching honesty and relentless self-reflection, Levings’ debut memoir is a portrait in courage."—Julie Bogart, author of The Brave Learner and Raising Critical Thinkers
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Story
Behind the tall, foreboding gates of a commune in Brazil, Daniella Mestyanek Young was raised in the religious cult The Children of God, also known as The Family, as the daughter of high-ranking members. Her great-grandmother donated land for one of The Family’s first communes in Texas. Her mother, at thirteen, was forced to marry the leader and served as his secretary for many years. Beholden to The Family’s strict rules, Daniella suffers physical, emotional, and sexual abuse—masked as godly discipline and divine love—and is forbidden from getting a traditional education.
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Do not recommend the second half
- By Anonymous Reader on 10-02-22
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The Exvangelicals
- Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church
- By: Sarah McCammon
- Narrated by: Sarah McCammon
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a deeply evangelical family in the Midwest in the ‘80s and ‘90s, Sarah McCammon was strictly taught to fear God, obey him, and not question the faith. Persistently worried that her gay grandfather would go to hell unless she could reach him, or that her Muslim friend would need to be converted, and that she, too, would go to hell if she did not believe fervently enough, McCammon was a rule-follower. But through it all, she was plagued by fears and deep questions as the belief system she'd been carefully taught clashed with her expanding understanding of the outside world.
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Multiple Reasons
- By Meghan Smith on 03-30-24
By: Sarah McCammon
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Where Was God?
- By: Jennifer Dawn Turpin
- Narrated by: Tonia Rich
- Length: 3 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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As far as Jennifer can remember, her father was abusive but her mother wasn’t always. She remembers a time when she felt loved by her mother. All that changed when Jennifer was 11. Her mother snapped and became a monster like her father was. Then they turned on her. Jennifer fought to become who she wanted to be, and not who her parents were trying to make her be. She refused to allow the torture change her, like it changed her mother. This is the story of Jennifer’s past, how she got through it, and how she survived it all.
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my best friend jennifer turpin
- By J.R. Taylor on 08-10-24
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Sex Cult Nun
- Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult
- By: Faith Jones
- Narrated by: Jaime Lamchick
- Length: 13 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Educated meets The Vow in this story of liberation and self-empowerment - an inspiring and stranger-than-fiction memoir of growing up in and breaking free from the Children of God, an oppressive, extremist religious cult.
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An absolute page-turner
- By Lara on 12-03-21
By: Faith Jones
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When Religion Hurts You
- Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion
- By: Laura E. Anderson PhD
- Narrated by: Laura E. Anderson PhD
- Length: 6 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Laura Anderson takes an honest look at a side of religion that few like to talk about. Drawing from her own life and therapy practice, she helps listeners understand what religious trauma is and isn't, and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive, often resulting in trauma. She shows how elements of fundamentalist church life—such as fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders—can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
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Harmed by Church of Christ beliefs
- By Bryan Wade on 04-14-24
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Unspeakable
- Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice
- By: Jessica Willis Fisher
- Narrated by: Jessica Fisher
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Using the written word as her witness statement, Jessica Willis Fisher tells a lacerating story of finding her voice after two decades of silence and an unforgettable story of risk and faith.
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"Don't tell" culture exposed
- By Angela on 11-03-22
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Beyond Belief
- My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape
- By: Jenna Miscavige Hill
- Narrated by: Sandy Rustin
- Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Jenna Miscavige Hill, niece of Church of Scientology leader David Miscavige, was raised as a Scientologist but left the controversial religion in 2005. In Beyond Belief, she shares her true story of life inside the upper ranks of the sect, details her experiences as a member Sea Org - the church's highest ministry - speaks of her "disconnection" from family outside of the organization, and tells the story of her ultimate escape.
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The Despicable Truth Behind Scientology
- By Tim on 02-07-13
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Counting the Cost
- By: Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard - contributor, Craig Borlase - contributor
- Narrated by: Jill Duggar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines.
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A Naive Account from a Reality TV Personality
- By Lora Kyle on 09-12-23
By: Jill Duggar, and others
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The House of My Mother
- A Daughter's Quest for Freedom
- By: Shari Franke
- Narrated by: Shari Franke
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Shari Franke’s childhood was a constant battle for survival. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced a severe moral code while maintaining a façade of a picture-perfect family for their wildly popular YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which documented the day-to-day life of raising six children for a staggering 2.5 million subscribers. But a darker truth lurked beneath the surface—Ruby’s wholesome online persona masked a more tyrannical parenting style than anyone could have imagined.
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A remarkable young woman!
- By Amazon Customer on 01-08-25
By: Shari Franke
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Don't Call It a Cult
- The Shocking Story of Keith Raniere and the Women of NXIVM
- By: Sarah Berman
- Narrated by: Ewa Wolniczek
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Investigative journalist Sarah Berman explores the shocking practices of NXIVM, a cult run by Keith Raniere and many enablers. Through the accounts of central NXIVM figures, Berman uncovers how dozens of women seeking creative coaching and networking opportunities instead were blackmailed, literally branded, near-starved, and enslaved. Don't Call It a Cult is a riveting account of NXIVM's rise to power, its ability to evade prosecution for decades, and the investigation that finally revealed its dark secrets to the world.
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Detailed (best for those already interested)
- By JR on 05-02-21
By: Sarah Berman
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Star-Spangled Jesus
- Leaving Christian Nationalism and Finding a True Faith
- By: April Ajoy
- Narrated by: April Ajoy
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Social media influencer and podcast host April Ajoy wouldn’t have called herself a Christian Nationalist when she performed her original song “America Say Jesus” on the Jim Bakker show, or when she participated in Jesus Marches across America, or when she posted cringe-worthy videos on YouTube to campaign for Mitt Romney. April just considered herself a good Christian: faithful, Republican, and determined to make America a Christian nation once again.
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Excellent Overview and Testimony
- By Matt Gambill on 04-24-25
By: April Ajoy
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Girl Hidden: A Memoir
- By: Jesse Rene Gibbs
- Narrated by: Lessa Lamb
- Length: 10 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Echoing among the Blue Ridge Mountains were the cries of newborn babies that disappeared into the night. The screams of children nearly drowned out by the sound of crickets. A girl, hidden and waiting to be found, terrified, and confused. The fireflies sparkling in the woods, bringing light to darkled places.
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Beautiful Story
- By JMAR001 on 04-13-22
By: Jesse Rene Gibbs
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Exvangelical and Beyond
- How American Christianity Went Radical and the Movement That's Fighting Back
- By: Blake Chastain
- Narrated by: Blake Chastain
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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With the rise of Trumpism, the American evangelical movement has more political influence than ever—yet at the same time, people are leaving Christianity in record numbers. Why are so many people walking away from the right-wing religion they were raised in, and what are they doing to overcome the past? Writer and podcaster Blake Chastain is uniquely positioned to understand this phenomenon. Raised evangelical, he went to a Christian college intending to become a pastor—until he found himself unable to reconcile his faith with the prejudice and even abuse he saw being done in God’s name.
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Great look at White Evangelicalism
- By Matt Gambill on 04-27-25
By: Blake Chastain
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The Witness Wore Red
- The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice
- By: Rebecca Musser, M. Bridget Cook
- Narrated by: Rebecca Musser
- Length: 14 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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The revealing and inspiring memoir of a woman forced into polygamous marriage in FLDS Church and her brave struggle to protect others from the same fate. Rebecca Musser grew up in fear, concealing her family's polygamous lifestyle from the "dangerous" outside world. Covered head-to-toe in strict, modest clothing, she received a rigorous education at Alta Academy, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' school headed by Warren Jeffs.
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Compelling and emotional read
- By Briley on 10-08-13
By: Rebecca Musser, and others
What listeners say about A Well-Trained Wife
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- T. L. P.
- 08-11-24
A review from a chronic non-reviewer
Despite listening to around three audiobooks a month, I rarely leave reviews. Tia’s book was so exceptional that I felt it would be a disservice to her potential readers not to leave one.
Tia’s book is a heart-wrenching personal exploration of the abuse and silencing that occurs in the fundamentalism movement that has been gaining ground in the United States. Beginning with her childhood, Tia unpacks and explores how her sense of self and worth were chipped away at and placed her in the vulnerable position of believing her only worth as a woman was through being a dutiful, god-fearing wife.
As she detailed her marriage and the numerous abuses and losses she survived, my heart broke for her and for the other women in my family and life who have been trapped. Her descriptions, though not gratuitous, are detailed and may be triggering for those of us who have witnessed and experienced IPV, so be mindful of that. That being said, I never felt that the details were excessive or unnecessary to the unfolding narrative.
Another area where Tia excelled was in the sections and moments where she interwove the broader fundamentalism into her individual experience, highlighting that her story is not an isolated “flaw” but an intentional design of the system. This smooth oscillation between the micro and macro demonstrates not only Tia’s skill as a writer but her profound journey and healing from fundamentalist teachings. In this way, Tia has surpassed other novels of deconstruction that have emerged in the past several years. Stories like hers hurt to write and read, and I hope to read more from her in the future.
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- Norcal Yoga Girl
- 08-07-24
So impressed, moved and proud
I’ve followed Tia on social media for quite a while and have been eagerly awaiting this book release…and what a triumph it is! Always rich, evocative and raw, I smiled/wept every time she mentioned one of the writers who helped light my own path to freedom (David Richo, Mary Oliver, Liz Gilbert, etc.). We can all add the name Tia Levings to this list, in hopes that our friends, mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins will reclaim their true Self and voice too. Brava, beautiful! Thank you for shining your light.
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- Daniel Ducat
- 08-09-24
Powerful. Moving.
Wow. Amazing story that felt relatable and cathartic for me! Tia Levings has written a timely retelling of her experience not only within the stifling confines of some religious societies but also her struggles with loving someone who is profoundly wounded. Unexpectedly powerful for me and a story I will not soon forget.
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- SRM
- 08-27-24
The author’s honesty stood out the most.
Tia’s bruttal honesty about her life in the ways of the IBLP/SBC shines a light on the anuses engrained in patriarchy.
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- Kathy Coleman
- 09-07-24
Beautiful, deep, insightful writing.
Tia Levings is a gifted writer sharing and bringing light to an unknown world for many.
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- mxbaristadroid
- 08-23-24
Putting words to things I never knew how to say
Thank you for writing this, and for narrating it. Your story reflects those of countless others, myself included. I didn’t have the words for some aspects of my journey but your book has inspired me to find them.
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- Christina Gould
- 08-25-24
Bold truth telling.
This was a deeply moving and emotional read. I feel tremendous gratitude to the author for sharing her unvarnished experiences.
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- Lauren Nywening
- 08-31-24
Gripping. Soulful. Necessary.
I found and started following Tia several years ago on instagram when she started speaking on the effects of patriarchal norms found in fundamental Christianity. As someone who grew up in a subculture of Christianity bordering fundamentalism that at times lurched into the grips of Gothard's teachings, I have always found her insights to be spot on. To learn more about her past and how she is practically walking towards healing was an incredible ride. And for her to not only be doing the very heavy work of healing herself but ALSO sharing resources, offering insight, and shining a light into the dark places cruel, power-hungry, extremist religious leaders don't want illuminated is one of the bravest things I can imagine.
Tia is a fantastic author, an excellent orator, and a kick-ass story-teller. There may be triggers in this story for those with spousal, religious, or familial abuse in their history. But her story and especially the ending chapters are metaphorical light in the darkness of abuse.
Keep it up. Stay strong. You are worth it. Your voice matters. You are valued. Fight for you, because no one else will.
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- Amazon Author
- 09-05-24
It showed me a horror of culture close to me
I knew it was terrible for women raised in fundamentalist communities. I knew husbands could be cruel. But as a father to a daughter and a man who is husband to a wife, I never imaged it like this. I am grateful to know this story/
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- Tiana
- 09-30-24
Inspiring
Tia Levings writing and story are both incredible. Her gentle voice makes the depravity of her trauma slightly more digestible. Thank you for sharing your story
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