Ace
What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex
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Narrated by:
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Natalie Naudus
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By:
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Angela Chen
About this listen
An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity.
What exactly is sexual attraction, and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face - confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships - are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, Ace addresses the misconceptions around the "A" of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.
Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that "not wanting sex" was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything "right", only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don't want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen's careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.
©2020 Angela Chen (P)2020 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“[Ace] is a [thoughtful] combination of reportage, cultural criticism and memoir, and the writing attempts the difficult balance between proof and emotion. [Most striking is] Chen’s honesty, the sentences of intimate reflection that appear in the margins of her argument throughout.” —The New York Times
“Ace is a fantastic starting point for dismantling harmful sexual narratives and reimagining human connection as a broader, more equitable, enjoyable and free experience.” —Washington Post
“The book allows us to imagine how much more we could get from our relationships if we were able to free ourselves from restrictive ideas of what we’re supposed to feel and do.” —Rhaina Cohen, NPR
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On Our Best Behavior
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- By: Elise Loehnen
- Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We feel virtuous when we wake up at dawn to get a jump on the day. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. In On Our Best Behavior, journalist Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses—often lauded as unselfish, distinctly feminine instincts—are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of mores known as the Seven Deadly Sins.
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Autobiography in Disguise
- By Lindsey on 06-11-23
By: Elise Loehnen
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On Freedom
- Four Songs of Care and Constraint
- By: Maggie Nelson
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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So often deployed as a jingoistic, even menacing rallying cry, or limited by a focus on passing moments of liberation, the rhetoric of freedom both rouses and repels. Does it remain key to our autonomy, justice, and well-being, or is freedom's long star turn coming to a close? Does a continued obsession with the term enliven and emancipate, or reflect a deepening nihilism (or both)? On Freedom examines such questions by tracing the concept's complexities in four distinct realms: art, sex, drugs, and climate.
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Just great
- By Kristi Strong on 12-14-21
By: Maggie Nelson
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The Way of the Heathen
- Practicing Atheism in Everyday Life
- By: Greta Christina
- Narrated by: Greta Christina
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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So you're an atheist. Now what? The way we deal with life - with love and sex, pleasure and death, reality and making stuff up - can change dramatically when we stop believing in gods, souls, and afterlives. When we leave religion - or if we never had it in the first place - where do we go? With her unique blend of compassion and humor, thoughtfulness and snark, Greta Christina most emphatically does not propose a single path to a good atheist life. She offers questions to think about, ideas that may be useful, and encouragement to choose your own way.
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Navigating the world outside of church
- By Scott Bresinger on 01-21-17
By: Greta Christina
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Love Understood
- The Science of Who, How and Why We Love
- By: Laura Mucha
- Narrated by: Laura Mucha
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Poets, philosophers and artists have been trying to explain romantic love for centuries, but it remains one of the most complex and intimidating terrains to navigate. Most people are afraid to be open and honest about their relationships...until now. For Love Understood, Laura Mucha has interviewed hundreds of strangers, from the ages of 8 to 95 in more than 40 countries, asking them to share their most personal stories, feelings and insights about love.
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Insightful, informative, and thought provoking
- By James on 03-05-19
By: Laura Mucha
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Sexual Citizens
- A Landmark Study of Sex, Power, and Assault on Campus
- By: Jennifer S. Hirsch, Shamus Khan
- Narrated by: Laura Jennings
- Length: 11 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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The fear of campus sexual assault has become an inextricable part of the college experience. But why is sexual assault such a common feature of college life? And what can be done to prevent it? Drawing on the Sexual Health Initiative to Foster Transformation (SHIFT) at Columbia University, the most comprehensive study of sexual assault on a campus to date, Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan present an entirely new framework that emphasizes sexual assault’s social roots
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4 star ouch
- By Wild on 05-31-20
By: Jennifer S. Hirsch, and others
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What's Wrong with Homosexuality?
- By: John Corvino
- Narrated by: J. Paul Guimont
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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For the last 20 years, John Corvino - widely known as the author of the weekly column "The Gay Moralist" - has traversed the country responding to moral and religious arguments against same-sex relationships. In this timely audiobook, he shares that experience - addressing the standard objections to homosexuality and offering insight into the culture wars more generally. Is homosexuality unnatural? Does the Bible condemn it? Are people born gay (and should it matter either way)? Corvino approaches such questions with precision, sensitivity, and good humor.
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Great book and great author
- By Anonymous User on 06-21-18
By: John Corvino
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Unrequited
- Women and Romantic Obsession
- By: Lisa A. Phillips
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned 30, she fell in love with someone who didn't return her feelings. She soon became obsessed. She followed him around, called him compulsively, and talked about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and began to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized.
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Great book! So-so narrator....
- By ToluGrace on 04-14-15
By: Lisa A. Phillips
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Length: 2 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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Following the tremendous success of her New York Times best sellers, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives and How Could You Do That?!, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the conscience of talk radio, now addresses the stupid things men do that diminish their lives and happiness. With real-world examples from her radio show and strikingly honest letters from her male listeners, her book reveals that many men demonstrate a level of sensitivity and insight that will surprise most women.
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Loved it!
- By Ethan on 03-21-18
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The Wait
- A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love
- By: DeVon Franklin, Meagan Good
- Narrated by: JD Jackson, Allyson Johnson
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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President/CEO of Franklin Entertainment and former Sony Pictures executive DeVon Franklin and award-winning actress Meagan Good have learned sometimes all we can do is wait for "the one" to come into our lives. They spent years crossing paths, but it wasn't until they were thrown together while working on the film Jumping the Broom that their storybook romance began.
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The Wait Caused Me To Change
- By Bernard on 05-02-17
By: DeVon Franklin, and others
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Not Gay
- Sex Between Straight White Men
- By: Jane Ward
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Not Gay thrusts deep into a world where straight guy-on-guy action is not a myth but a reality: There's fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other's penises and stick fingers up their fellow members' anuses; online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men.
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Extreme Feminism and Liberalism
- By David McDougall on 01-17-18
By: Jane Ward
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Frances Janvier spends most of her time studying. Everyone knows Aled Last as that quiet boy who gets straight A's. You probably think that they are going to fall in love or something. Since he is a boy and she is a girl. They don't. They make a podcast. In a world determined to shut them up, knock them down, and set them on a cookie-cutter life path, Frances and Aled struggle to find their voices over the course of one life-changing year.
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Insanely boring, poor audio quality & narration
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Come As You Are: Revised and Updated
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For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently - and far less seriously - than its male counterpart. That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them.
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Usless!!!
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Solo
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Amid the complexities of modern relationships, loneliness epidemics, and online dating burnout, there's a refreshing alternative: going Solo. "Solos," as coined by behavioral economist Peter McGraw, are people who choose to lead their lives authentically, purposefully, and passionately outside the confines of traditional relationship labels. In a world built for two, Solos break the rules and hold space for every type of individual—single and not.
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Ignore Chapter 9, "Relationship Design"
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All About Love
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“The word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet we would all love better if we used it as a verb,” writes bell hooks as she comes out fighting and on fire in All About Love. Here, at her most provocative and intensely personal, renowned scholar, cultural critic and feminist bell hooks offers a proactive new ethic for a society bereft with lovelessness--not the lack of romance, but the lack of care, compassion, and unity. People are divided, she declares, by society’s failure to provide a model for learning to love.
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Conclusory Stream of Consciousness Musings
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Late Bloomer
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Winning the lottery has ruined Opal Devlin's life. After quitting her dead-end job where she’d earned minimum wage and even less respect, she’s bombarded by people knocking at her door for a handout the second they found out her bank account was overflowing with cash. And Opal can’t seem to stop saying yes.
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I liked this book
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What listeners say about Ace
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- Jonathan Nasman
- 07-10-23
Mind and life altering
This book not only opened up my eyes and helped me understand my ace partner better, but it made me completely rethink my taken for granted views on sex as a whole. This book is very well written, incredibly thoughtful and will challenge everything you know about sex.
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- Kindle Customer
- 03-12-21
I felt so seen
This book haunts me, in the best possible way. I have never had the challenges and intimacies of my life so laid out for me before.
I will need every single person who would love me read it.
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- Kindle Customer
- 08-17-21
one of the most eye opening books ive ever read
i expected this book to be either too basic or too complex, but i found myself absolutely loving how angela chen describes with clarity foreign concepts that ive never been introduced to in my life. this book is truly a manifesto of asexuality and one of the most eye opening books ive ever read. the pace is perfect for an audiobook and the experience of reading it surprisingly enjoyable for non fiction. my favorite topics discussed were consent, amatonormativity, and the percieved but not truly different nature of romance vs platonic closeness. because of this book, my views on friendship and romance are forever changed, and im glad they are. 10/10 experience, would absolutely recommend.
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- Sadie Röckins
- 04-22-24
Helpful
A little dry as I would expect an informative book of this type to be, but helpful in increasing my understanding, and at times very thought-provoking.
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- Chris
- 12-15-20
Improving Understanding
I’m generally unsympathetic to discussions of LGBT+ issues, but ACE got a good review from the New York Times so I bought it and listened to it. It’s like a challenge to consider other points of view, and the author presents a challenge to conventional thinking and is successful, I think. I resist giving 5-star ratings, but ACE deserves it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Kailey
- 03-14-22
I never knew how bad I needed this
This book was so validating to so much of me. I wish I had had this available when I was younger. Maybe it would have helped me find myself soon and helped me be more confident in who I am, and the beauty and complexity that come with it. It is a beautifully written and expertly combines research, narrative, emotion and structure. The narrator also did a fantastic job. Absolutely perfect!
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- DEBORAH HAMILTON
- 12-23-23
I’m ace and I loved this
Im aro ace but just came out recently and don’t know much about the community. I really recommend this book if you want to know more about ace culture and the problems people face
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- Jenna Bounds
- 07-26-24
A great overview
I'm new to the possibility of being on the ace spectrum and so much of this was clarifying and it really encourages me to dive deeper into my own desires and values. Very thorough and compassionate.
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- Chelsea N Jordan
- 01-05-21
This book made my whole life make sense!
THANK YOU Angela Chen for putting into words what I never could until now! Your work on this subject has made my personal life (or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it *wink wink*) feel like a treasure trove of possibilities. When my childhood friends pretended to get married and play house, I wanted to play dinosaur instead. I didn’t understand the appeal. When they started putting up Leonardo DiCaprio posters, rather than pretend to take care of imaginary horses with me, I felt like an alien. All the frustrating intimate encounters I have had that felt not entirely consensual, but not entirely coerced either, all make sense now. Everything. Thank you a million times over for opening this door for me. I truly hope your book will empower more and more people, ace and not, to explore this subject in depth. We need it.
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- Lunecia Etienne
- 11-06-20
Never Have I Ever Felt So Seen
This was a beautiful inside look into the community. It's much more complex living outside of the box, when most of the world live in it.
I felt seen by this and I'm glad I was able to read it during ACE Week this year.
10/10 will recommend.
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1 person found this helpful