Before You Split
Find What You Really Want for the Future of Your Marriage
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Narrated by:
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Toni Nieuwhof
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By:
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Toni Nieuwhof
About this listen
A former divorce attorney lays out the hidden benefits of staying together, whether you’re frustrated with your marriage, on the brink of giving up completely, or simply want to strengthen your relationship to withstand the inevitable hard times.
“Toni Nieuwhof is the guide you’ve been waiting for. Deeply wise, genuinely empathetic, and uncommonly insightful, Toni is a fresh voice with tried and true experience that offers a proven roadmap.” (Ann Voskamp, New York Times best-selling author of The Broken Way and One Thousand Gifts)
If you’ve ever wanted to say, “I can’t do this anymore!” out of frustration with your marriage, you’re definitely not alone.
In this practical and insightful guide, former divorce attorney Toni Nieuwhof shows that even if you feel disconnected or stuck in your troubled marriage - and worry about its impact on your kids - there is a way forward.
Before You Split helps you find what you really want from your marriage and how to move forward to a better future by:
- seeing yourself and your spouse more clearly
- dealing with unrealistic expectations
- empowering you with constructive ways to respond to difficult emotions
- engaging the power of forgiveness
- increasing your peacemaking skills
- advancing your journey of personal growth
Even if it feels like it’s over, it’s not too late. Change takes place one step at a time. Before You Split will help you make choices with your eyes wide open.
©2021 Toni Nieuwhof (P)2021 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Divorce is a serious decision with lifelong consequences. Toni has given people an excellent way to hit the pause button and really consider what is best. Thank you, Toni, for this contribution to such a difficult process.” (Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and author)
“Toni Nieuwhof’s Before You Split offers practical guidance and time-tested advice to make it through the messy middle while building the marriage you’ve always wanted. If you’ve ever thought, I wonder what it would take to make my marriage awesome, then read this book.” (Jon Acuff, New York Times best-selling author of Finish)
“If you’re stuck in your marriage or know someone who is, Before You Split is the practical help you’re looking for. Toni Nieuwhof is not only someone we trust personally, but she’s also a voice that needs to be heard when more couples than ever find themselves struggling in ways they never expected.” (Mark Batterson, New York Times best-selling author and lead pastor of National Community Church)
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Frientimacy
- How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness
- By: Shasta Nelson
- Narrated by: Robin Eller
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In Frientimacy, award-winning speaker Shasta Nelson shows how anyone can form stronger, more meaningful friendships, marked by a level of trust she calls "frientimacy". Shasta explores the most common complaints and conflicts facing female friendships today, and lays out strategies for overcoming these pitfalls to create deeper, supportive relationships that last for the long-term.
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I didn't finish it, but I still recommend it
- By Emily on 10-21-17
By: Shasta Nelson
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10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
- By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Narrated by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
- By Ali0531 on 07-06-15
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Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
- Seven Questions to Ask Before - and After - You Marry
- By: Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
- Narrated by: Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
- Length: 4 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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More than a million couples can't be wrong! And with this updated edition of their award-winning book, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott help you launch lifelong love like never before. This is more than an audiobook - it's an experience. Get ready for deeper intimacy with the best friend you'll ever have. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, in more than 15 languages, is the most widely used marriage prep tool in the world.
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basically just a long advertisement
- By J. Sullivan on 07-06-16
By: Les Parrott, and others
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
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Break Through
- When to Give In, How to Push Back
- By: Tim Clinton, Pat Springle
- Narrated by: Christopher Prince
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When you really care about someone, it’s easy to get stuck in painful, even destructive patterns - caving in to a spouse’s manipulation, ignoring a live-at-home son’s irresponsibility, not confronting a friend’s addiction. We excuse people again and again, and then kick ourselves for not setting better boundaries. But this important audiobook, with its transformational tools from leading Christian counselor Tim Clinton and noted author Pat Springle, will guide you in not only breaking through to better relationships but making big changes for the better.
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Worth the read
- By Jessie on 12-29-19
By: Tim Clinton, and others
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I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys
- By: Mike Bechtle
- Narrated by: Mike Bechtle
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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You don't have to be controlled by difficult people! Strange as it may seem, other people are not nearly as committed to our happiness as we are. In fact, sometimes it seems like they’re on a mission to make us miserable! There’s always that one person. The one who hijacks our emotions. The one who seems to thrive on drama. If we could just “fix” that person, everything would be better. But we can’t fix other people. We can only make choices about ourselves.
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Riddles With Religious Overtones
- By Y. Martin on 05-22-13
By: Mike Bechtle
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Loving Him Well
- Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband
- By: Gary Thomas, Lisa Thomas - foreword
- Narrated by: Gary Thomas
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Women: you're not alone in your marriage. You never have been, and you never will be. While it may not always feel like it, God desires for you to have a relationally healthy, emotionally engaged, and spiritually mature husband with whom you can share your days. In Loving Him Well, Gary Thomas builds on concepts from his best-selling book Sacred Marriage to reveal the inner workings of a man's heart and mind. He delves into Scriptures that help women gain biblical insight to influence their husbands.
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A must read for any wife!
- By James on 04-03-18
By: Gary Thomas, and others
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Worthy of Her Trust
- What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back
- By: Stephen Arterburn, Jason B. Martinkus
- Narrated by: Tom Parks, Kate Rudd
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Trust can be rebuilt in your marriage! With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it's possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. And she may even have more respect and love for you than before. In Worthy of Her Trust, Jason Martinkus relates how he repaired his own marriage after revelations of sexual addiction. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools to help your marriage begin again.
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Best Book on Building Trust
- By Layne & Rylan on 03-05-15
By: Stephen Arterburn, and others
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Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away
- By: Gary Chapman
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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encouragement through another chance
- By Brookley on 09-19-18
By: Gary Chapman
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The Good Fight
- Wanting to Leave, Choosing to Stay, and the Powerful Practice for Loving Faithfully
- By: Jana Kramer, Michael Caussin
- Narrated by: Jana Kramer, Michael Caussin
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Hosts of the award-winning Whine Down podcast, Jana Kramer and Michael Caussin explore the raw and real moments of their marriage - what it means to love, to fight, and to sincerely forgive - with spiritual guidance and practical advice for anyone seeking stronger, more fulfilling love.
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Could’ve been a short article and not a book
- By J Klay on 11-01-20
By: Jana Kramer, and others
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The Breakup Bible
- The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
- By: Rachel Sussman
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
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Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage
- 12 Secrets for a Lifelong Romance
- By: Greg Smalley, Erin Smalley
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Learn to navigate life's twists and turns to find God's best for your marriage with the help of Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley. They'll lead you and your spouse to discover true love as described by God in the Bible. With candor and grace, these beloved marriage experts share the secrets of a strong marriage that yield a lifetime of adventurous and cray-zee love.
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Great book!!
- By Andrew Bratton on 01-10-24
By: Greg Smalley, and others
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Is your marriage worth fighting for? If so, this audiobook is for you. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to overcome skepticism and weariness, and begin the work of healing a broken marriage. But just taking a look at this audiobook shows you have the heart of a fighter. In One More Try, Gary Chapman gives you the courage and confidence to move forward when your marriage is falling apart.
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One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband.
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Good and bad advice mixed together
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The Courage to Stay
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Rebuild the lost trust in your relationship, heal from the trauma of infidelity, and create a stronger, more resilient marriage with a proven program based on 22 years of clinical experience. Nothing hurts more than discovering your partner has been unfaithful. But an affair doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or that your relationship is over. Many couples have recovered from infidelity and saved their marriages. You can too.
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Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too Late
- Whether She's Left Physically or Emotionally All That Matters Is...
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Winning your wife back from emotional or physical separation is more than doing the same things with more intensity. It involves developing a whole new strategy to overcome what seem to be overwhelming odds to attain a come-from-behind victory. In Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too late, Gary Smalley utilizes a game plan to significantly increase your chances for a "miracle comeback".
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This book gave me peace and taught me self-compassion.
- By Elide on 05-06-24
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Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New
- Healing the Broken Places, Resolving Unmet Expectations, Moving Your Relationship Forward
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You've made a commitment to see your marriage healed, so now what? Whether your relationship is recovering from an affair, pornography addiction, or just years of coasting, Cindy Beall shares from her redeemed-marriage journey to help you heal deeply by restoring faith in a future, build wisely from the foundation up, invest generously in your marriage and in other people, and much more.
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Is your marriage worth fighting for? If so, this audiobook is for you. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to overcome skepticism and weariness, and begin the work of healing a broken marriage. But just taking a look at this audiobook shows you have the heart of a fighter. In One More Try, Gary Chapman gives you the courage and confidence to move forward when your marriage is falling apart.
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Save Your Marriage Positive Read
- By Priscilla on 07-23-15
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When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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encouragement through another chance
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Rebuild the lost trust in your relationship, heal from the trauma of infidelity, and create a stronger, more resilient marriage with a proven program based on 22 years of clinical experience. Nothing hurts more than discovering your partner has been unfaithful. But an affair doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or that your relationship is over. Many couples have recovered from infidelity and saved their marriages. You can too.
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Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too Late
- Whether She's Left Physically or Emotionally All That Matters Is...
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Winning your wife back from emotional or physical separation is more than doing the same things with more intensity. It involves developing a whole new strategy to overcome what seem to be overwhelming odds to attain a come-from-behind victory. In Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too late, Gary Smalley utilizes a game plan to significantly increase your chances for a "miracle comeback".
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This book gave me peace and taught me self-compassion.
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Infidelity
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Infidelity: The Best Worst Thing That Could Happen to Your Marriage was written to help couples navigate their way to healing after experiencing the devastating impact of physical and emotional affairs. Listening to this book will allow you the opportunity to process the affair, assess the damage, and make an informed choice about the future of your relationship.
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night time bed story
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I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce
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Imagine being left by the person you love and bouncing back stronger than ever. Written by best-selling authors Dr. Elaine and Joe Foster, I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce uses the latest advances in cognitive behavioral treatment to break the struggle between holding on and letting go. In this East-meets-West approach to finding serenity, the authors dissect the causes of your breakup, the myths that block your path to happiness and the steps you need to take to end your suffering.
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Didn't want it to End
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Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken
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Wife and mother Cindy Beall's world was shattered when her beloved husband of nine years confessed his pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the stunning news that another woman was pregnant with his child. What could have been the end of a marriage instead became a testament to God's miraculous ability to restore broken hearts and damaged bonds. With the wisdom and healing she's gained in the twenty years that have passed since her husband's devastating revelation, Cindy shares her own experience as well as those of couples she's counselled.
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Nice story but missing details
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By: Cindy Beall
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Boundaries in Marriage
- Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
- By: Dr. John Townsend, Dr. Henry Cloud
- Narrated by: Dick Fredricks
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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In Boundaries in Marriage, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, counselors and authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, teach us that healthy boundaries are the property lines that define and protect you and your spouse as individuals. Once you have them in place, a good marriage can become better, and a less-than-satisfying one can even be saved.
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Boundaries *ARE* scriptural - ignore noisemakers
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By: Dr. John Townsend, and others
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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- Unabridged
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Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.
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Wake up call !
- By sashy on 08-18-16
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After the Affair
- Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
- By: Janis Abrahms Spring Ph.D., Michael Spring
- Narrated by: Janis Abrahams Spring Ph.D.
- Length: 2 hrs and 57 mins
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Many times infidelity is the death of a relationship - but an affair doesn't have to mean the end. Realistic ways of coping with pain, restoring self-esteem, and rebuilding trust and intimacy are available for the first time on audio in this guide by Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring. Dr. Spring is one of the few clinical psychologists in the US who specializes in infidelity. She offers original and proven strategies to those seeking guidance, sympathy, and solutions, laying to rest blame and recrimination and focusing instead on recovery.
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OW vs. Lover
- By Sculpturades on 01-27-16
By: Janis Abrahms Spring Ph.D., and others
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Recovering from the Affair
- Your Guide to Saving Your Marriage After Emotional or Physical Infidelity
- By: Lee H. Baucom PhD
- Narrated by: Lee H. Baucom PhD
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Infidelity does not have to be the end of your marriage. Your marriage can recover and thrive after an affair. But only when you get to the roots of the problem, solve the issues, rebuild trust, and learn to move forward.
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Really Helped! Read it!
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If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late
- A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together
- By: James J. Sexton
- Narrated by: James J. Sexton
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If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late. James Sexton knows this. After dealing with over 1000 clients whose marriages have dissolved over everything from an ill-advised threesome with the nanny to the uneven division of carpool duties, he also knows all of the what- not-to-dos for couples who want to build - and consistently work to preserve - a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Described by former clients as a "courtroom gunslinger" and "the sociopath you want on your side", Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about relationships. These usually derive from dishonest communication.
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Mind blowing
- By Hollan Hawaii on 04-17-18
By: James J. Sexton
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
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Overall
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Performance
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
By: Lundy Bancroft, and others
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When Sorry Isn't Enough
- Making Things Right with Those You Love
- By: Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas
- Narrated by: Kelly Ryan Dolan
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Even in the best of relationships, all of us make mistakes. We do and say things we later regret and hurt the people we love most. So we need to make things right. But simply saying you’re sorry is usually not enough. In this audio book, #1 New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas unveil new ways to effectively approach and mend fractured relationships. Even better, you’ll discover how meaningful apologies provide the power to make your friendships, family, and marriage stronger than ever before.
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Everybody should read this book at least once.
- By Chev-it on 01-27-15
By: Gary Chapman, and others
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Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, Revised Edition
- Relationship Repair in a Flash
- By: Nancy Dreyfus PsyD
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Talk to Me like I'm Someone You Love is a brilliant interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin healing. This revised edition features two new sections - one on making love and another on deepening trust - containing more than 25 new "flash cards for real life", statements that hold the power to express what we wish we could say to the person we love but for which we can't find either the right words or the right tone in which to say them.
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Is there a companion PDF with the flashcards one could print?
- By Brandy Fagan on 09-13-22
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Communicate Your Feelings (Without Starting a Fight)
- What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner
- By: Nic Saluppo
- Narrated by: Colin Kibler
- Length: 2 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Being in a relationship without knowing how to share your feelings and receive your partner’s feelings in useful ways is like jumping into a pool without knowing how to swim. You can flail around all you want, but it’s not going to keep you afloat for very long—you need to be able to move in any direction at will. Like swimming, knowing how to share your feelings and respond to your partner's feelings will move your relationship in the direction you want: toward more intimacy, closeness, connection, and trust.
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Marriage saving!
- By J Keegan on 02-07-23
By: Nic Saluppo
What listeners say about Before You Split
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- India B.
- 01-17-22
Excellent and insightful
I would recommend to anyone contemplating divorce, separation or desperate for a change in your marriage.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-22-21
Great Listen
well done, hits home to so many different feelings you have when you are struggling.
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- Kate s
- 03-09-21
Invaluable reacource
Tonie does a masterful job of explaining in an honest and detailed way how devastating a divorce can be. Using research from the Gottman Institute as well as her own anecdotal stories, Tonie explains the three options one has as the subject of divorce is brought up. Her faith based approach has merit as well as wisdom. I’m so glad I have chosen to save my marriage and implement the tools Tonie gives to help
My marriage endure the rest of time.
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- mavrick
- 06-30-22
Opens your eyes to things you probably never thought about
Explains Scenarios almost a tea but it happened in my relationship gave suggestions and how to resolve or mitigate the issues. Explains how to deal with some of the emotions that sometimes seam overwhelming. The book will explain way to handle situation gives examples on what to do moving forward of followed without a doubt if both parties in the relationship follow and put in the same effort should save any marriage. I like that it does mention religion but does not push it onto and does not make you feel uncomfortable or feel like she is is putting you down because your not a religious person.
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- Debluvs2laf
- 05-29-21
Vulnerable, authentic, with practical advice
I loved this book! Toni speaks openly and honestly about the turbulent years in her marriage to a well known pastor. I found her telling of the ugly parts of their marriage and taking ownership of the parts she played, was nothing less than courageous. Anyone who's married can relate to some part of the struggle, and it shows us that pastors and their wives are not exempt from the promise of 1 Corinthians 7:28b [NIV]. It says "But those who marry will face many troubles in life" I admire her for sharing and shedding the light on a topic most people want to hide from friends and family. I'm sure Toni has changed the trajectory of some marriages through her vulnerability. I will recommend this to anyone I know who is experiencing an "unhappy" marriage. Thank you for writing this book. it will benefit many.
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- K Chris Goins
- 04-12-22
Essential Reading for Marriages In Distress
This book is essential reading for any and every marriage, especially those in distress. Wise insight coupled with practical application makes this one of the most helpful books on marriage I’ve read in some time. Read it asap.
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- Jakeyla Augustin
- 08-22-24
Great Read!
This book provides a lot of insightful perspectives to think about before committing to divorce
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- Ron Pepper
- 02-07-22
Great Book
This is a great book to restore a marriage. My wife has filed for divorce and I sent this book to her. Now I can only pray that she listens and changes her mind.
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- Dillon smith
- 01-19-21
OUTSTANDING!
For anyone with a marriage that’s struggling, or anyone who helps struggling marriages, Before You Split is a must-read!
The mix of personal and professional experience that Toni offers is incredible.
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-08-21
Must Read
this book was right on time for my marriage! it was just what I needed to hear. thank you so much for being transparent!
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