Boys & Sex
Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
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Narrated by:
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Peggy Orenstein
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By:
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Peggy Orenstein
About this listen
The author of the groundbreaking New York Times best sellers Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter now turns her focus to the sexual lives of young men, once again offering "both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it" (Washington Post).
Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls - steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity - which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. In Boys & Sex, Peggy Orenstein dives back into the lives of young people to once again give voice to the unspoken, revealing how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy.
Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word "hilarious" robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2020 Peggy Orenstein (P)2020 HarperAudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Feminism isn't dead. It just isn't very cool anymore. Enter Full Frontal Feminism, a book that embodies the forward-looking messages that author Jessica Valenti propagated as founder of the popular website, Feministing.com. This revised edition includes a new foreword by Valenti, reflecting upon what’s happened in the five years since Full Frontal Feminism was originally published.
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I'd recommend it!
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By: Jessica Valenti
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Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots?
- Flaming Challenges to Masculinity, Objectification, and the Desire to Conform
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Gay culture has become a nightmare of consumerism, whether it's an endless quest for Absolut vodka, Diesel jeans, rainbow Hummers, pec implants, or Pottery Barn. Whatever happened to sexual flamboyance and gender liberation, an end to marriage, the military, and the nuclear family? As backrooms are shut down to make way for wedding vows, and gay sexual culture morphs into “straight-acting dudes hangin’ out”, what are the possibilities for a defiant faggotry that challenges the assimilationist norms of a corporate-cozy lifestyle?
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Forget the Status Quo South Beach B.S.
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For Young Women Only
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Why are guys so weird? Unravel the mystery. A national scientific survey and in-depth personal interviews give you an unprecedented look inside the teenage male mind. Discover how: He'd be perfectly fine if he was loved by few and hated by many as long as he was respected by all. His ego is the size of Africa (but so are his insecurities). He hides his real feelings under a tough exterior.
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For Christians
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Tied Up in Knots
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- Narrated by: Andrea Tantaros
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In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
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By: Andrea Tantaros
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Pure
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- Narrated by: Linda Kay Klein
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In the 1990s, a “purity industry” emerged out of the white evangelical Christian culture. Purity rings, purity pledges, and purity balls came with a dangerous message: girls are potential sexual “stumbling blocks” for boys and men, and any expression of a girl’s sexuality could reflect the corruption of her character. This message traumatized many girls - resulting in anxiety, fear, and experiences that mimicked the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder - and trapped them in a cycle of shame.
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I expected a different ending I suppose
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By: Linda Kay Klein
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Beyond Magenta
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Author and photographer Susan Kuklin met and interviewed six transgender or gender-neutral young adults and used her considerable skills to represent them thoughtfully and respectfully before, during, and after their personal acknowledgment of gender preference. Each honest discussion and disclosure, whether joyful or heartbreaking, is completely different from the other because of family dynamics, living situations, gender, and the transition these teens make in recognition of their true selves.
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More books like these, please!
- By S. Brown on 02-11-15
By: Susan Kuklin
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Bringing Up Girls
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
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Odd Girl Out
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When boys act out, get into fights, or become physically aggressive, we can't avoid noticing their bad behavior. But it is easy to miss the subtle signs of aggression in girls: the dirty looks, the taunting notes, or the exclusion from the group, that send girls home crying.
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Compelling and informative
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The Game of Desire
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For younger generations, dating is a complicated mystery. Apps like Tinder and Bumble are supposed to foster connection but instead serve as a reminder of how painfully single we are. Certified sexologist and intimacy coach Shan Boodram - the most sought-after sex educator on the internet - is about to change all that. In this essential how-to guide, she addresses the realities of life today - when the rules of love and attraction are fluid - and teaches a group of young women how to become master daters in just 60 days.
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Hey it’s me...you
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Men on Strike
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American society has become anti-male. Men are sensing the backlash and are responding. They're dropping out of college, leaving the workforce, and avoiding marriage and fatherhood at alarming rates. The trend is so pronounced that a number of books have been written about this man-child phenomenon, concluding that men have taken a vacation from responsibility. But why should men participate in a system that seems to be increasingly stacked against them?
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Finally, someone said it!
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Autism in Heels
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This intimate memoir reveals the woman inside one of autism’s most prominent figures, Jennifer O'Toole. At the age of 35, Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, and for the first time in her life, things made sense. Now, she exposes the constant struggle between carefully crafted persona and authentic existence, editing the autism script with wit, candor, passion, and power. Her journey is one of reverse-self-discovery not only as an Aspie but - more importantly - as a thoroughly modern woman.
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Somewhat relatable but not really.
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Modern Romance
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At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?
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Entertaining and informative
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The Conversation
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
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What listeners say about Boys & Sex
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- L
- 01-12-20
A must-read for anyone who knows young men
In Boys & Sex, researcher Peggy Orenstein explores how toxic masculinity affects the sexual behavior of American Millenial and Gen Z boys. Her basic premise is that from an early age, male children in this demographic are taught to limit their emotional vocabulary, which only gets worse as they are exposed to media stereotypes, free internet porn, lack of sexual education at home and at school, and the unfulfilling expectation or reality of hookup culture, all of which combine to negatively impact their emotional and sexual literacy.
I identified with a lot of the anecdotal research in Boys & Sex. In particular, I like how the author explains that while the definition of womanhood has expanded to include many different types of women, men are still stuck with a 1950s ideal of male empowerment which basically consists of being stoic, dominant and emotionally inaccessible at all times (think Don Draper).
While I felt at times that Peggy Orenstein relied too much on her own assumptions and inherent biases when drawing conclusions about American boys, I would recommend this book, or at least the resources inside it, to everyone. It’s clearly targeted at parents with sons in high school and college but if you know any boys or young men, you will gain valuable insight into their lives and psyches from Boys & Sex. And no matter who you are, you will likely learn something about yourself too.
I really appreciate that rather than simply leaving the reader helpless to address the many factors influencing teen boys today - for example, the paywall hindering access to ethical, feminist porn and more broadly, ethical, feminist media in general - the author provides resources and tips for preventative and reformative measures. As a woman, I’m aware that I am disproportionally expected to provide emotional labor to men, but I was not familiar with research showing that young boys flat out do not express their feelings to other boys or men, meaning that women such as mothers or girlfriends are often their only confidantes. The author recommends that adults, especially father figures, talk to young boys about their feelings just as we would talk to young girls about theirs.
I also really liked the author’s ideas about restorative justice in cases of campus sexual assault (think the Aziz Ansari “Me Too” accusation), and her advice that parents should consistently emphasize the importance of sex as pleasure for everyone involved. As someone whose sexual education in school was only slightly more informative than the classic Mean Girls lines, “Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant and die,” and “If you touch each other, you will get chlamydia and die,” I feel that children and teenagers would benefit immensely from sexual education that touches on emotional as well as physical well-being. It seems incredibly novel that future generations of children and teens might be taught to touch themselves and others consensually for the purpose of pleasure, without the pressure and miscommunication that hinders my generation’s sexuality.
Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone. I would have appreciated more research regarding different demographics of boys and men but I learned a lot from this book and I’m sure I will consult it regularly.
The author did a good job narrating.
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6 people found this helpful
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- Scott Somers
- 01-18-20
I love her message
This view of human nature is incredible. The message is that education is the answer. Our children do not have enough information about relationships and sexuality. However, there were times when I listened that I didn't feel any acknowledgement to the nature of human competition, where males and females challenge one another to understand if mating is right. But the idea of communication, no matter the circumstances is the absolute key. Also, kids need to know to moderate themselves with drugs and alcohol.. Parents need to teach this instead of requiring abstinence. -Father of 4
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- Mr. P
- 11-13-23
An incredible book
I so appreciate the deep research, reflection, and care that went into to this book. I’ve returned to it multiple times and it has genuinely influenced my thinking and parenting.
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- Carol
- 03-10-20
Critical insight for parents, boys - everyone!
I had a gut feeling we need to be talking more to our son about sex, respect, consent etc. but did not know what to say beyond "you should wait but if you don't use protection and get consent." There is so much more to it than that. Reading this book, in which the author quotes frequently directly from her interviews with boys age 16-22 of varying gender identities, gender preferences and races, helps one understand, from many different perspectives, how boys see and experience the complicated world of hooking up, dating, desire and sex. Respect for girls - and an unfortunate, rampant lack thereof - is a recurring theme and clearly a problem that needs to be addressed. I think this may be the fastest I've ever read a non-fiction book. I have just the last chapter left = "Deep Breath: Talking about Sex." Hopefully that will help guide us through a lot more talking, though I also am hoping to get my son listen to the book.
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- Tawny Lara
- 03-17-21
Important, nuanced conversation.
This book gives me hope for the future of boys and men. Orenstein dedicated an entire chapter to trans masculinity and sex which offers a modern, nuanced take to the Boys & Sex conversation. She also explores the role alcohol plays in sexual assault, coercion, consent, and the pursuit of pleasure.
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Every parent needs to read this.
I am a mom of 5 boys. This was exactly what I need to learn about so I can raise and guide my boys into adulthood .
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- Stephen M Yturralde II
- 01-31-20
A fantastic and balanced take on Boys Sexuality
I wish I'd had this book growing up. Simply to know that other guys were thinking, feeling and doing similar things as we grew into our sexuality.
This book is a wonderful and non judgemental exploration of the reality of sex for young men today!
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- the convenient
- 01-21-20
Neccesary for us boys and men
This book hits home so hard. It felt like an epiphany moment for the male experience growing up and even now at almost 30. This is basically the first chance to see the forest away from the trees of masculinity. This is exactly what I, and I'm sure others, needed for personal growth.
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- Beth O
- 08-08-22
Incredibly interesting critical for parents of boys
Amazing book detailing what we need to know for our sons to become emotionally and physically responsible men. How to guide them into adulthood.
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- Laura
- 01-23-22
A must read for all adults - parents, guardians, coaches, teachers etc!
This is a must read for any adult. Whether we are a parent or coach or just an adult on in the world, we have a responsibility for leadership to our children and young adults. Ms Orenstein presents real life examples of how to get through the sometimes awkward conversations and why it’s absolutely essential that we do!
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