Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation
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Narrated by:
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Gabra Zackman
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Fred Sanders
About this listen
A warm, empathetic guide to understanding, coping with, and healing from the unique pain of sibling estrangement
"Whenever I tell people that I am working on a book about sibling estrangement, they sit up a little straighter and lean in, as if I've tapped in to a dark secret."
Fern Schumer Chapman understands the pain of sibling estrangement firsthand. For the better part of 40 years, she had nearly no relationship with her only brother, despite many attempts at reconnection. Her grief and shame were devastating and isolating. But when she tried to turn to others for help, she found that a profound stigma still surrounded estrangement, and that very little statistical and psychological research existed to help her better understand the rift that had broken up her family. So she decided to conduct her own research, interviewing psychologists and estranged siblings as well as recording the extraordinary story of her own rift with her brother - and subsequent reconciliation.
Brothers, Sisters, Strangers is the result - a thoughtfully researched memoir that illuminates both the author's own story and the greater phenomenon of estrangement. Chapman helps listeners work through the challenges of rebuilding a sibling relationship that seems damaged beyond repair, as well as understand when estrangement is the best option. It is at once a detailed framework for understanding sibling estrangement, a beacon of solidarity and comfort for the estranged, and a moving memoir about family trauma, addiction, grief, and recovery.
©2021 Fern Schumer Chapman (P)2021 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Moving...Chapman’s at her best when speaking about the vulnerability required of both sister and brother to repair their relationship. This reflective tale both captivates and educates.” (Publishers Weekly)
“Fern Schumer Chapman is a superb writer. In this stunning family memoir, she fearlessly probes the 40-year estrangement from her brother and chronicles their uneasy road to reconciliation. Along the way, she deftly weaves in pertinent social science research, capturing the voices and insights of hundreds of people suffering from sibling alienation. Brothers, Sisters, Strangers deserves to be read and discussed for years to come.” (James B. Lieber, Pulitzer Prize-nominated author of Friendly Takeover)
“A primer in mending familial fences blended with an affecting memoir.” (Kirkus Reviews)
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Children today live in an unpredictable, disruptive, and often violent world. Many of them live in two different homes with different sets of expectations. They face bullying at school and online. They hear news of school shootings, and racially or religiously motivated violence. They may have lost a friend or a loved one. As parents, the impulse to protect our children is strong, but that very protection can end up handicapping them for life. Rather than seek to save them from the hard things, parents must teach their kids how to cope with and rise above their problems.
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So helpful for so many situations
- By Natalie on 10-03-18
By: Kevin Leman
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Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
- How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries
- By: Anne Katherine MA
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Have you recently walked away from a date or a conversation feeling uncomfortable or violated? Are you looking for ways to set limits with your spouse, kids, parents, or boss? This essential guide to setting and respecting boundaries is for anyone wanting to better understand themselves and others. Just as a cut in our skin causes pain and injury, a breach of any of our physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries can be very harmful to our bodies and minds.
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Not exactly for tailored for the Male reader
- By Matt on 04-26-22
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Women Who Think Too Much
- How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life
- By: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema
- Narrated by: Sheryl Bernstein
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It's not a surprise that our fast-paced, overly analytical culture is pushing people - especially women - to spend countless hours thinking about negative ideas, feelings, and experiences. Renowned psychologist Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema calls this "overthinking". Her groundbreaking research shows that an increasing number of women - more than half of those in her extensive study - are doing it too much and too often, hindering their ability to lead a satisfying life.
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Generic tools for overcoming overthinking
- By letlet on 01-09-19
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To Have and to Hold
- Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma
- By: Molly Millwood
- Narrated by: Molly Millwood
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood. When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being.
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Pretty good
- By C Sandell on 03-07-21
By: Molly Millwood
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The Four Things That Matter Most 10th Anniversary Edition
- A Book About Living
- By: Ira Byock MD
- Narrated by: Barry Abrams
- Length: 6 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Four simple phrases - "Please forgive me", "I forgive you", "Thank you", and "I love you" - carry enormous power to mend and nurture our relationships and inner lives. These four phrases and the sentiments they convey provide a path to emotional well-being, guiding us through interpersonal difficulties to life with integrity and grace. Dr. Ira Byock, an international leader in palliative care, explains how we can practice these life-affirming words in our day-to-day lives.
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A must read
- By Light Seeker on 03-14-21
By: Ira Byock MD
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The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
- Helping Your Child Grow up Whole
- By: Lori Holden, Crystal Hass
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers listeners the tools and the insight to do just that.
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Who is talking?
- By Robert on 06-26-18
By: Lori Holden, and others
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How to Be Sad
- Everything I’ve Learned About Getting Happier by Being Sad
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Helen Russell
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Helen Russell has researched sadness from the inside out for her entire life. Her earliest memory is of the day her sister died. Her parents divorced soon after, and her mother didn’t receive the help she needed to grieve. Coping with her own emotional turmoil — including struggles with body image and infertility — she’s endured professional and personal setbacks as well as relationships that have imploded in truly spectacular ways. Even the things that brought her the greatest joy — like eventually becoming a parent — are fraught with challenges.
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More an self biography
- By Jaime Murillo on 04-27-24
By: Helen Russell
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Modern Loss
- Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome.
- By: Rebecca Soffer, Gabrielle Birkner
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell, Josh Bloomberg
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
At a time when we mourn public figures and national tragedies with hashtags, where intimate posts about loss go viral and we receive automated birthday reminders for dead friends, it's clear we are navigating new terrain without a road map. Let's face it: Most of us have always had a difficult time talking about death and sharing our grief. We're awkward and uncertain; we avoid, ignore, or even deny feelings of sadness; we offer platitudes; we send sympathy bouquets whittled out of fruit.
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Not What I Was Expecting
- By Bessie Mae on 03-01-23
By: Rebecca Soffer, and others
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Love Is a Choice
- The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier
- Narrated by: Christopher Solimene
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Love Is a Choice, best-selling doctors Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, and Paul Meier walk you through their 10 proven stages to recovery from codependency that results from external circumstances. Humans are susceptible to codependency because of our sinful tendency to use defense mechanisms to fool ourselves. In codependent relationships, deceitful games are played, and important Christian principles are often taken out of context and abused.
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Great book, horrible Performance
- By Jeff on 03-15-18
By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, and others
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Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
- Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve
- By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, Wendy T. Behary LCSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Linda Jones
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother and are struggling with the lingering effects of a toxic upbringing, this is the road map you need to heal the past and thrive in the present and future.
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I really needed this!
- By Rachael E on 01-28-23
By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, and others
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The Survivors
- A Story of War, Inheritance, and Healing
- By: Adam Frankel
- Narrated by: Adam Frankel, Rob Shapiro
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Adam Frankel’s maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust and built new lives, with new names, in Connecticut. Though they tried to leave the horrors of their past behind, the pain they suffered crossed generational lines - a fact most apparent in the mental health of Adam’s mother. When Adam sat down with her to examine their family history in detail, he learned another shocking secret, this time one that unraveled Adam’s entire understanding of who he is.
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Amazing story
- By Alissa on 12-26-19
By: Adam Frankel
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Your Turn
- How to Be an Adult
- By: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Narrated by: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Length: 20 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
What does it mean to be an adult? In the 20th century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.
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Not the book that was advertised
- By M. Rogers on 04-13-21
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The Breakup Bible
- The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
- By: Rachel Sussman
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
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Strong Mothers, Strong Sons
- Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men
- By: Meg Meeker
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 12 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
From the moment a mother holds her newborn son, his eyes tell her that she is his world. But often, as he grows up, the boy who needs her simultaneously pushes her away. Calling upon thirty years of experience as a pediatrician, Meg Meeker, MD, a highly sought-after national speaker, assistant professor of clinical medicine, and mother of four, shares the secrets that every mother needs to know in order to strengthen-or rebuild-her relationship with her son.
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Update of wording in your book is required
- By danamc on 08-27-18
By: Meg Meeker
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robotic narration and did not talk about siblings
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This book changed my life
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Banished
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Instead of Hope it’s a Heavy Heart
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Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents
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Eye opening
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By: Jay Reid
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Siblings Without Rivalry
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Story
When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood.
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Validation
- By Jeremy Guse on 11-10-24
What listeners say about Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
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- Josh J.
- 01-26-22
tough topic, very well done and needed
I loved this book. it helped me to step back and view my estrangement from a new lense and come to a place of healing, even apart from reconciliation. thank you for sharing your story, for providing great questions to consider and for being part of my own journey. I'm glad God brought this book to me
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- Michelle Myrmel
- 01-11-22
Essential for any Possibly-Estranged Family Members
This book is amazing. It’s heartfelt, inspiring, looks clearly at the pain of falling away from family (specifically siblings). Interwoven with robust, scientific research on the subject from academia of therapy, the personal story of the author (a professional therapist, I believe) and accounts the author collects for research for this book. I found it very insightful, helpful, instructive and overall validating of the approach I have attempted to broach in my own situations.
The author mentions that the few researchers that focus on Sibling Estrangement state that they consider it a current epidemic. When I reflect on my own life, my own connections, their stories, I can see this may be true- I have known at least one or more persons in any social sphere that seems to be estranged from their sibling. This book may help us understand how to heal thoroughly, regardless of whether we’re the one cut off, or cutting off, or witness to the cut.
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1 person found this helpful
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- J. Kellogg
- 06-01-21
Beautifully written and deeply insightful
This is a fascinating first-person account of a traumatic, decades-long sibling rift, It is also a practical, well-researched resource on sibling estrangement and an excellent guide for those seeking reconciliation. The author writes movingly of the painful family history she and her brother share and the journey they each make to overcome it. Brothers, Sisters Strangers is both a remarkable memoir and an examination of the debilitating shame and emotional damage caused by sibling estrangement.
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- Kimberley Liebergot
- 01-10-23
So relatable!
This is a great listen if you are experiencing estrangement from a sibling. Wonderful narration as well.
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- Joann M. Putman
- 10-01-21
Imsightful.
Helped me understand some if my own family dynamics. Touching story of the authorized and her brother.
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- APAlmaraz
- 02-14-24
Validating
I have so much to say, but I dont know what yet, other than I'm grateful this book exists & the woman that wrote it is an angel.
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- AGM Design
- 11-29-22
A helpful guide to understand unhealthy family dynamics
It provided me with an appreciation
for how complicated family systems become when one or both parents avoid the uncomfortable work of resolving their own issues and, without thought, allow the vast scope of intergenerational dysfunction to roll right into their children’s life. It’s difficult to accept how any parent is blind to imposing the same inescapable pain they suffered onto one or more of their children. But this brand of abuse happens all the time, especially by parents who have children as a means to make their child their emotional caretaker. I understand more clearly how the parent's deficits and immaturity will convey and transfer their angst onto their children to bear, thus causing division among the siblings. It’s difficult to accept a parent's refusal to take their child’s reality has mirrored their own childhood. In my case, I’ll never hear my mother accept any ownership of her misguided decisions. And my mother will continue to avoid responsibility and refuses to discuss it.
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-01-21
Sisters and Brothers
I found this book to be very informative and helpful. As the oldest of five very different and complicated siblings, I feel this book will help me navigate these relationships.
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- Vanessa
- 02-29-24
great book for sibling relations
great way of showing personal outlook as well as an arrangement of differnt possibilities and situations to learn from.
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- C. Bournea
- 07-12-22
An Inspiring Story
“Brothers, Sisters, Strangers” is an inspiring story of how the author and her brother mended their relationship after decades of being out of touch. Anyone who has experienced issues with family will get a lot out of this book.
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