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How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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Academy Award nominee Rachel McAdams stars in Mary Jane, a poignant and intimate drama following a single mother’s journey caring for her chronically ill young son. Set in New York City, the play unfolds in two parts—Mary Jane's small Queens apartment and a pediatric hospital. With unflinching honesty and unexpected humor, we witness Mary Jane's tireless devotion, her interactions with medical professionals, and her struggle to maintain her sense of self.
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Amazing performance
- By Andrew Reynolds on 12-28-24
By: Amy Herzog
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The Grandmother
- By: Jane E. James
- Narrated by: Anna Cordell, Max Dinnen
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Two little girls stand with their heads bowed in my living room. I’m told they’re my granddaughters. Daisy is nine, and Alice seven. Daisy is the spitting image of her mother. This is the first time I’ve met them since my daughter and I fell out after she married that waste of space, Vince. They’ve come to live with me because their mother — my daughter — was murdered. In her own home while they slept close by. I think Vince killed her. But the police can’t prove it. I’ve always known he was no good. He treated my daughter like dirt. I said he’d cheat on her — but she wouldn’t listen.
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Not too outlandish
- By Jackie H on 12-14-24
By: Jane E. James
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Brain Damage
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Megan Tusing
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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As Charly struggles to recover from her brain injury, she begins to realize that the events of that fateful night are trapped in the damaged right side of her brain. Now, she must put the jigsaw pieces together to discover the identity of the man who tried to kill her...before he finishes the job he started.
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Who Else Laughed, Cried, and Shuddered?
- By Jennifer Chichester on 09-16-22
By: Freida McFadden
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Slayers: A Buffyverse Story
- By: Christopher Golden, Amber Benson
- Narrated by: Amber Benson, Charisma Carpenter, James Charles Leary, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Original Recording
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Original cast members from the beloved TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, reunite for an all-new adventure about connections that never die—even if you bury them. A decade has passed since the epic final battle that concluded Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV). The game-changing spell that gave power to all potential Slayers persists. With new Slayers constantly emerging, things are looking grim for the bad guys.
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A dream come true
- By Anonymous User on 10-12-23
By: Christopher Golden, and others
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He Who Fights with Monsters 2
- A LitRPG Adventure (He Who Fights with Monsters, Book 2)
- By: Shirtaloon, Travis Deverell
- Narrated by: Heath Miller
- Length: 22 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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But Jason Asano is settling into his new life. Now, a contest draws young elites to the city of Greenstone to compete for a grand prize. Jason must gather a band of companions if he is to stand a chance against the best the world has to offer. While the young adventurers are caught up in competition, the city leaders deal with revelations of betrayal as a vast and terrible enemy is revealed. Although Jason seems uninvolved, he has unknowingly crossed the enemy’s path before.
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Contrary to common reviews
- By Karen on 05-21-21
By: Shirtaloon, and others
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Episode Thirteen
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Gregory D. Barnett, Sam Slade, Kimberly Bonny, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
- By Imogen on 04-24-23
By: Craig DiLouie
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How To Survive a Horror Movie
- All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
- By: Seth Grahame-Smith
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Seth Grahame-Smith delivers the definitive, essential guide to making it through a horror movie in one piece. As hilarious as it is useful (if you’re trapped in a scary flick, that is), How to Survive a Horror Movie covers all the bases. Trapped in a haunted house? Check. Stalked by an evil doll? Check. Wandering aimlessly through the remains of the old world as a plague of zombies sweeps over the planet? Check.
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Entertaining. What I expected
- By Tabatha on 01-17-13
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Small Town Horror
- By: Ronald Malfi
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Andrew Larimer has left his past behind. Rising up the ranks in a New York law firm, and with a heavily pregnant wife, he is settling into a new life far from Kingsport, the town in which he grew up. But when he receives a late-night phone call from an old friend, he has no choice but to return home.
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Am I reading IT or what
- By D Cook on 10-18-24
By: Ronald Malfi
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Horror Movie
- A Novel
- By: Paul Tremblay
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos, Dani Martineck, Micky Shiloah, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In June 1993, a group of young guerilla filmmakers spent four weeks making Horror Movie, a notorious, disturbing, art-house horror flick. The weird part? Only three of the film’s scenes were ever released to the public, but Horror Movie has nevertheless grown a rabid fanbase. Three decades later, Hollywood is pushing for a big budget reboot.
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Good story, bad production.
- By bob on 07-11-24
By: Paul Tremblay
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Burn the Negative
- By: Josh Winning
- Narrated by: Stephanie Cannon
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Arriving in L.A. to visit the set of a new streaming horror series, journalist Laura Warren witnesses a man jumping from a bridge, landing right behind her car. Here we go, she thinks. It’s started. Because the series she’s reporting on is a remake of a ’90s horror flick. A cursed ’90s horror flick, which she starred in as a child—and has been running from her whole life.
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You won’t want to put it down… so you can just be done with it
- By Lishishness on 11-19-24
By: Josh Winning
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I Was a Teenage Slasher
- By: Stephen Graham Jones
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch, Stephen Graham Jones
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
1989, Lamesa, Texas. A small west Texas town driven by oil and cotton—and a place where everyone knows everyone else’s business. So it goes for Tolly Driver, a good kid with more potential than application, seventeen, and about to be cursed to kill for revenge. Here Stephen Graham Jones explores the Texas he grew up in, and shared sense of unfairness of being on the outside through the slasher horror Jones loves, but from the perspective of the killer, Tolly, writing his own autobiography. Find yourself rooting for a killer in this summer teen movie of a novel gone full blood-curdling tragic.
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So much fun
- By Amber on 08-13-24
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Episode Thirteen
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Gregory D. Barnett, Sam Slade, Kimberly Bonny, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
-
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
- By Imogen on 04-24-23
By: Craig DiLouie
-
How To Survive a Horror Movie
- All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
- By: Seth Grahame-Smith
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Seth Grahame-Smith delivers the definitive, essential guide to making it through a horror movie in one piece. As hilarious as it is useful (if you’re trapped in a scary flick, that is), How to Survive a Horror Movie covers all the bases. Trapped in a haunted house? Check. Stalked by an evil doll? Check. Wandering aimlessly through the remains of the old world as a plague of zombies sweeps over the planet? Check.
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Entertaining. What I expected
- By Tabatha on 01-17-13
-
Small Town Horror
- By: Ronald Malfi
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Andrew Larimer has left his past behind. Rising up the ranks in a New York law firm, and with a heavily pregnant wife, he is settling into a new life far from Kingsport, the town in which he grew up. But when he receives a late-night phone call from an old friend, he has no choice but to return home.
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Am I reading IT or what
- By D Cook on 10-18-24
By: Ronald Malfi
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Horror Movie
- A Novel
- By: Paul Tremblay
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos, Dani Martineck, Micky Shiloah, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 1993, a group of young guerilla filmmakers spent four weeks making Horror Movie, a notorious, disturbing, art-house horror flick. The weird part? Only three of the film’s scenes were ever released to the public, but Horror Movie has nevertheless grown a rabid fanbase. Three decades later, Hollywood is pushing for a big budget reboot.
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Good story, bad production.
- By bob on 07-11-24
By: Paul Tremblay
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Burn the Negative
- By: Josh Winning
- Narrated by: Stephanie Cannon
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Arriving in L.A. to visit the set of a new streaming horror series, journalist Laura Warren witnesses a man jumping from a bridge, landing right behind her car. Here we go, she thinks. It’s started. Because the series she’s reporting on is a remake of a ’90s horror flick. A cursed ’90s horror flick, which she starred in as a child—and has been running from her whole life.
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You won’t want to put it down… so you can just be done with it
- By Lishishness on 11-19-24
By: Josh Winning
-
I Was a Teenage Slasher
- By: Stephen Graham Jones
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch, Stephen Graham Jones
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
1989, Lamesa, Texas. A small west Texas town driven by oil and cotton—and a place where everyone knows everyone else’s business. So it goes for Tolly Driver, a good kid with more potential than application, seventeen, and about to be cursed to kill for revenge. Here Stephen Graham Jones explores the Texas he grew up in, and shared sense of unfairness of being on the outside through the slasher horror Jones loves, but from the perspective of the killer, Tolly, writing his own autobiography. Find yourself rooting for a killer in this summer teen movie of a novel gone full blood-curdling tragic.
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So much fun
- By Amber on 08-13-24
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The Shadow Glass
- By: Josh Winning
- Narrated by: Colin Mace
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jack Corman is failing at life. Jobless, jaded, and on the “wrong” side of 30, he’s facing the threat of eviction from his London flat while reeling from the sudden death of his father, onetime film director Bob Corman.
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gremlins meets the dark crystal
- By Fox on 02-18-25
By: Josh Winning
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Mister Lullaby
- By: J. H. Markert
- Narrated by: David Bendena, Lauren Ezzo
- Length: 12 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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The small town of Harrod’s Reach has seen its fair share of the macabre, especially inside the decrepit old train tunnel around which the town was built. After a young boy, Sully Dupree, is injured in the abandoned tunnel and left in a coma, the townspeople are determined to wall it up. Deputy sheriff Beth Gardner is reluctant to buy into the superstitions until she finds two corpses at the tunnel’s entrance, each left with strange calling cards inscribed with old lullabies. Soon after, Sully Dupree briefly awakens from his coma.
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I loved Nightmare Man, but Mister Lullaby is even better.
- By James A. Koogler on 04-11-24
By: J. H. Markert
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The Deep
- By: Alma Katsu
- Narrated by: Jane Collingwood
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Someone, or something, is haunting the ship. Between mysterious disappearances and sudden deaths, the guests of the Titanic have found themselves suspended in an eerie, unsettling twilight zone from the moment they set sail. Several of them, including maid Annie Hebley, guest Mark Fletcher, and millionaires Madeleine Astor and Benjamin Guggenheim, are convinced there's something sinister - almost otherwordly - afoot. But before they can locate the source of the danger, as the world knows, disaster strikes.
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More sad slice-of-life than horror
- By Anonymous User on 04-28-20
By: Alma Katsu
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The Children of Red Peak
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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David Young, Deacon Price, and Beth Harris live with a dark secret. As children, they survived a religious group's horrific last days at the isolated mountain Red Peak. Years later, the trauma of what they experienced never feels far behind. When a fellow survivor commits suicide, they finally reunite and share their stories. Long-repressed memories surface, defying understanding and belief. Why did their families go down such a dark road? What really happened on that final night? The answers lie buried at Red Peak.
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Spellbinding
- By Chris Tucker on 01-31-21
By: Craig DiLouie
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Suffer the Children
- By: Craig Dilouie
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 11 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Suffer the Children presents a terrifying tale of apocalyptic fiction, as listeners are introduced to Herod's Syndrome, a devastating illness that suddenly and swiftly kills all young children across the globe. Soon, they return from the grave, and ask for blood. And with blood, they stop being dead. They continue to remain the children they once were, but only for a short time, as they need more blood to live. The average human body holds 10 pints of blood, so the inevitable question for parents everywhere becomes: How far would you go to bring your child back?
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Brilliant, Well Done!!!!!
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 12-08-16
By: Craig Dilouie
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The Haunting of Velkwood
- By: Gwendolyn Kiste
- Narrated by: Jennifer Pickens
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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The Velkwood Vicinity was the topic of occult theorists, tabloid one-hour documentaries, and even some pseudo-scientific investigations as the block of homes disappeared behind a near-impenetrable veil that only three survivors could enter—and only one has in the past twenty years, until now.
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Not that great
- By KCM on 07-02-24
By: Gwendolyn Kiste
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Final Cuts
- New Tales of Hollywood Horror and Other Spectacles
- By: Ellen Datlow
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam
- Length: 15 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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From the secret reels of a notoriously cursed cinematic masterpiece to the debauched livestreams of modern movie junkies who will do anything for clicks, Final Cuts brings together new and terrifying stories inspired by the many screens we can't peel our eyes away from. Inspired by the rich golden age of the film and television industries as well as the new media present, this new anthology reveals what evils hide behind the scenes and between the frames of our favorite medium.
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Not Poor, Not Rich
- By Gary & Jay on 08-23-20
By: Ellen Datlow
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youthjuice
- By: E.K. Sathue
- Narrated by: Suzy Jackson
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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From Sophia Bannion’s first day on the Storytelling team at HEBE, a luxury skincare/wellness company based in New York’s trendy SoHo neighborhood, it’s clear something is deeply amiss. But Sophia, pushing thirty, has plenty of skeletons in her closet next to the designer knockoffs and doesn’t care. Though she leads an outwardly charmed life, she aches for a deeper meaning to her flat existence—and a cure for her brutal nail-biting habit. She finds it all and more at HEBE, and with Tree Whitestone, HEBE’s charismatic founder and CEO.
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Beauty is Possible
- By Norine on 01-14-25
By: E.K. Sathue
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A Haunting on the Hill
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Hand
- Narrated by: Carol Monda
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Holly Sherwin has been a struggling playwright for years, but now, after receiving a grant to develop her play Witching Night, she may finally be close to her big break. All she needs is time and space to bring her vision to life. When she stumbles across Hill House on a weekend getaway upstate, she is immediately taken in by the mansion, nearly hidden outside a remote village. It’s enormous, old, and ever-so eerie—the perfect place to develop and rehearse her play.
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Mediocre at best ...
- By #LoriAnn on 10-05-23
By: Elizabeth Hand
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Diavola
- By: Jennifer Thorne
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Jennifer Thorne skewers all-too-familiar family dynamics in this sly, wickedly funny vacation-Gothic. Beautifully unhinged and deeply satisfying, Diavola is a sharp twist on the classic haunted house story, exploring loneliness, belonging, and the seemingly inescapable bonds of family mythology.
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Witty, Original, VERY satisfying ending
- By Andrea S on 04-26-24
By: Jennifer Thorne
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When the Wolf Comes Home
- By: Nat Cassidy
- Narrated by: Helen Laser, Nat Cassidy
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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One night, Jess, a struggling actress, finds a five-year-old runaway hiding in the bushes outside her apartment. After a violent, bloody encounter with the boy's father, she and the boy find themselves running for their lives. As they attempt to evade the boy's increasingly desperate father, Jess slowly comes to a horrifying understanding of the butchery that follows them—the boy can turn his every fear into reality. And when the wolf finally comes home, no one will be spared.
By: Nat Cassidy
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Bury Your Gays
- By: Chuck Tingle
- Narrated by: André Santana, Charlie Jane Anders, CJ Leede, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Misha knows that chasing success in Hollywood can be hell. But finally, after years of trying to make it, his big moment is here: an Oscar nomination. And the executives at the studio for his long-running streaming series know just the thing to kick his career to the next level: kill off the gay characters, "for the algorithm," in the upcoming season finale.
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The hype is real.
- By Dan Bugbee on 10-03-24
By: Chuck Tingle
What listeners say about How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amelia
- 10-08-24
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
This was a fun ride and hilarious at times. I feel like it would translate well to the big screen. I recommend to comedy horror lovers!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Carsley
- 10-31-24
Sally Priest Is My Jam
This book fully leans in to the vibe of cheesy, 80s horror tropes and I support it. The cast of characters are wacky and fun. The pacing can seem a bit slow at times but that's forgiveable because I'm in on the bit, as this is about an artist melodramatically struggling with his art. Recomment for a fun, quirky ride!
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1 person found this helpful
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- David Dienberg
- 06-20-24
Fun Story
Never a dull moment. Speed of the story was perfect. Fun 80's Horror/Thriller. Narrator was perfect for this story
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4 people found this helpful
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- SB
- 07-20-24
Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
From the first page—I flew through this awesome book (and wished it was longer)!!! Very entertaining premise, multifaceted characters, lots of horror genre related nformation, plus the surprise ending (not going to give any spoilers)—definitely five stars!!! Don't believe the negative reviews. Highly recommended for horror fans looking for a uniquely new niche in the genre!!!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Barbara Pearson
- 01-02-25
Fast,Flashy,Fun
I enjoyed this so much! This works so well, I can't explain it. it's almost a grown-up imagination of a goosebumps story meets scream, that became a fever-dream of chaotic final destination style death scenes, wrapped up with unexpected character development.
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1 person found this helpful
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- TG
- 10-13-24
Book is ok
I think if you’re the kind of person that really, really is interested in knowing all the background stuff that goes with making a movie you’ll enjoy this book. I wish we had more of the story because it was interesting. I enjoyed the narrators performance.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 11-21-24
Love the narrator Great job!
It was very cheesy just like a B rated scary movie and I loved it!!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Kera Marie
- 06-23-24
Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
I love this author’s understanding of the horror genre, showcased both here and in his previous
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3 people found this helpful
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- K. Dorris
- 10-14-24
Movie geek’s dream
This book taught me a lot about the horror genre of movies. I’m a GenXer so the ‘80s slasher pics were part of my adolescence. The story was good but I really had a hard time connecting with the characters. Honestly, much like the movies, I found myself contemplating who would die next much more often than I cared that they would be out of the story (theoretically).
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- CB
- 10-01-24
Sooooooo pretentious and boring!
The first two chapters have you intrigued, but then it just fails to deliver anything other than proof the author is familiar with the movie business. 🙄🥱😴
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4 people found this helpful