
How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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Seriously, that was the ending?
- By alicia in athens on 02-13-25
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He Who Fights with Monsters 2
- A LitRPG Adventure (He Who Fights with Monsters, Book 2)
- By: Shirtaloon, Travis Deverell
- Narrated by: Heath Miller
- Length: 22 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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But Jason Asano is settling into his new life. Now, a contest draws young elites to the city of Greenstone to compete for a grand prize. Jason must gather a band of companions if he is to stand a chance against the best the world has to offer. While the young adventurers are caught up in competition, the city leaders deal with revelations of betrayal as a vast and terrible enemy is revealed. Although Jason seems uninvolved, he has unknowingly crossed the enemy’s path before.
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Contrary to common reviews
- By Karen on 05-21-21
By: Shirtaloon, and others
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Fahrenheit 451
- By: Ray Bradbury
- Narrated by: Tim Robbins
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family."
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Wish I Hadn't Cliff Noted This in High School
- By Joel on 03-27-17
By: Ray Bradbury
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Starship Troopers
- By: Robert A. Heinlein
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Johnnie Rico never really intended to join up—and definitely not the infantry. But now that he’s in the thick of it, trying to get through combat training harder than anything he could have imagined, he knows everyone in his unit is one bad move away from buying the farm in the interstellar war the Terran Federation is waging against the Arachnids. Because everyone in the Mobile Infantry fights. And if the training doesn’t kill you, the Bugs are more than ready to finish the job.
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The definitive version!
- By Kristopher G. Hesson on 10-03-24
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Brain Damage
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Megan Tusing
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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As Charly struggles to recover from her brain injury, she begins to realize that the events of that fateful night are trapped in the damaged right side of her brain. Now, she must put the jigsaw pieces together to discover the identity of the man who tried to kill her...before he finishes the job he started.
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Who Else Laughed, Cried, and Shuddered?
- By Jennifer Chichester on 09-16-22
By: Freida McFadden
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The House on the Water
- A Novella
- By: Margot Hunt
- Narrated by: Taylor Schilling
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Original Recording
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Every year, Caroline Reed takes a trip with her best friend, Esme Lamont. They’re usually accompanied by their spouses - but this year, everything’s changed. Esme has just gone through a bitter divorce, and Caroline's wondering if her own marriage is reaching its breaking point as she and her husband, John, cope with the discovery that their son has been abusing drugs. Still, the inseparable duo books a weeklong stay at a beach-front home in Shoreham, Florida, inviting Esme’s brother, Nick, and his new husband. After a blissful first night in the vacation home, tragedy strikes.
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Wonderful Story
- By David M. Wilcox on 12-04-20
By: Margot Hunt
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Punk 57
- By: Penelope Douglas
- Narrated by: Laurie Catherine Winkel, Matthew Holland
- Length: 10 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
In fifth grade my teacher set us up with pen pals from a different school. Thinking I was a girl, with a name like Misha, the other teacher paired me up with her student Ryen. My teacher, believing Ryen was a boy like me, agreed. It didn't take long for us to figure out the mistake. And in no time at all, we were arguing about everything. The best take-out pizza. Android vs. iPhone. Whether or not Eminem is the greatest rapper ever. For the next seven years, it was us. She's the only one who keeps me on track, talks me down, and accepts everything I am.
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Way better than expected
- By Abigail French on 09-13-17
By: Penelope Douglas
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Am I reading IT or what
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Good story, bad production.
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Seth Grahame-Smith delivers the definitive, essential guide to making it through a horror movie in one piece. As hilarious as it is useful (if you’re trapped in a scary flick, that is), How to Survive a Horror Movie covers all the bases. Trapped in a haunted house? Check. Stalked by an evil doll? Check. Wandering aimlessly through the remains of the old world as a plague of zombies sweeps over the planet? Check.
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You won’t want to put it down… so you can just be done with it
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Andrew Larimer has left his past behind. Rising up the ranks in a New York law firm, and with a heavily pregnant wife, he is settling into a new life far from Kingsport, the town in which he grew up. But when he receives a late-night phone call from an old friend, he has no choice but to return home.
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Brilliant, Well Done!!!!!
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A terrifying, gardenia-scented triumph
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
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Witty, Original, VERY satisfying ending
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Completely gutted me.
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When young Henry Thorne is kidnapped and held prisoner in a remote farmhouse surrounded by miles of forest, he finds himself connecting with a strange force living in the woods—using that bond to wreak havoc against his captors. Unknown to the boy, however, is that this ancient being has its own reasons for wanting the interlopers gone—there is something hidden beneath the house, tucked away in the dark, damp root cellar . . . waiting for its return.
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Ugh
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In this classic trilogy, a mysterious disease strikes millions and drives them to attack, overpower, and infect. Others continue to mutate, becoming horrific monsters. In a dying America, survivors ranging from soldiers to scientists to average people struggle on the razor's edge of survival. Each must ultimately choose how far they’ll go to survive and what they’re willing to lose to save humanity. This is a brutal vision of the apocalypse like no other. Will humanity survive the end of days?
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Someone, or something, is haunting the ship. Between mysterious disappearances and sudden deaths, the guests of the Titanic have found themselves suspended in an eerie, unsettling twilight zone from the moment they set sail. Several of them, including maid Annie Hebley, guest Mark Fletcher, and millionaires Madeleine Astor and Benjamin Guggenheim, are convinced there's something sinister - almost otherwordly - afoot. But before they can locate the source of the danger, as the world knows, disaster strikes.
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More sad slice-of-life than horror
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They Lurk
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Newly reissued from the "modern-day Algernon Blackwood" comes five terrifying collected horror novellas.
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While their short stories, they’re also non-ending stories
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By: Ronald Malfi
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Creature Feature
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Gather round as today’s most diabolically clever authors twist simple moments into otherworldly horrors. An empty baby stroller. A scratching underneath the bed. A farmhouse in the moonlight. With an unnerving sense of the macabre, these stories transform our greatest fears into bone-chilling realities.
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Seriously?
- By Audio Dave on 03-10-25
By: Joe Hill, and others
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Dead Eleven
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- Unabridged
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Clifford Island. When Willow Stone finds these words written on the floor of her deceased son’s bedroom, she’s perplexed. She’s never heard of it before, but soon learns it’s a tiny island off Wisconsin’s Door County peninsula, 200 miles from Willow’s home. Why would her son write this on his floor? Determined to find answers, Willow sets out for the island. After a few days on Clifford, Willow realizes: This place is not normal. Everyone seems to be stuck in a particular day in 1994.
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Cool setting and captivating.
- By Daniel J. Rough on 12-20-24
By: Jimmy Juliano
What listeners say about How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amelia
- 10-08-24
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
This was a fun ride and hilarious at times. I feel like it would translate well to the big screen. I recommend to comedy horror lovers!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Carsley
- 10-31-24
Sally Priest Is My Jam
This book fully leans in to the vibe of cheesy, 80s horror tropes and I support it. The cast of characters are wacky and fun. The pacing can seem a bit slow at times but that's forgiveable because I'm in on the bit, as this is about an artist melodramatically struggling with his art. Recomment for a fun, quirky ride!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Kera Marie
- 06-23-24
Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
I love this author’s understanding of the horror genre, showcased both here and in his previous
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3 people found this helpful
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- K. Dorris
- 10-14-24
Movie geek’s dream
This book taught me a lot about the horror genre of movies. I’m a GenXer so the ‘80s slasher pics were part of my adolescence. The story was good but I really had a hard time connecting with the characters. Honestly, much like the movies, I found myself contemplating who would die next much more often than I cared that they would be out of the story (theoretically).
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- David Dienberg
- 06-20-24
Fun Story
Never a dull moment. Speed of the story was perfect. Fun 80's Horror/Thriller. Narrator was perfect for this story
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4 people found this helpful
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- SB
- 07-20-24
Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
From the first page—I flew through this awesome book (and wished it was longer)!!! Very entertaining premise, multifaceted characters, lots of horror genre related nformation, plus the surprise ending (not going to give any spoilers)—definitely five stars!!! Don't believe the negative reviews. Highly recommended for horror fans looking for a uniquely new niche in the genre!!!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Barbara Pearson
- 01-02-25
Fast,Flashy,Fun
I enjoyed this so much! This works so well, I can't explain it. it's almost a grown-up imagination of a goosebumps story meets scream, that became a fever-dream of chaotic final destination style death scenes, wrapped up with unexpected character development.
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1 person found this helpful
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- TG
- 10-13-24
Book is ok
I think if you’re the kind of person that really, really is interested in knowing all the background stuff that goes with making a movie you’ll enjoy this book. I wish we had more of the story because it was interesting. I enjoyed the narrators performance.
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- Anonymous User
- 11-21-24
Love the narrator Great job!
It was very cheesy just like a B rated scary movie and I loved it!!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sam D.
- 02-27-25
Schlockola
Unfortunately the book is as dreadful as the horror movies it parodies, both in story and writing. Starts fun, then becomes a dreadful slog. Could’ve been an OK comic book.
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