How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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- Narrated by: Stephen Fry
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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As the days grow shorter and the temperature drops, Halloween approaches. Come, brave listener, pull up a chair, and spend some time with master storyteller Stephen Fry as he tells us some of his favourite ghost stories of all time, in truly terrifying spatial audio. From the headless horseman of Sleepy Hollow to the tortured spirits of M.R. James, from Edgar Allan Poe’s terrifying tale of a doppelganger to Charlotte Riddell’s Open Door that should definitely stay shut, join Stephen as he tells you some truly terrifying tales.
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Wonderful narration. Mediocre stories.
- By Michael Fuchs on 11-07-23
By: Stephen Fry, and others
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Fahrenheit 451
- By: Ray Bradbury
- Narrated by: Tim Robbins
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family."
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Wish I Hadn't Cliff Noted This in High School
- By Joel on 03-27-17
By: Ray Bradbury
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Brain Damage
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Megan Tusing
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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As Charly struggles to recover from her brain injury, she begins to realize that the events of that fateful night are trapped in the damaged right side of her brain. Now, she must put the jigsaw pieces together to discover the identity of the man who tried to kill her...before he finishes the job he started.
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Who Else Laughed, Cried, and Shuddered?
- By Jennifer Chichester on 09-16-22
By: Freida McFadden
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Starship Troopers
- By: Robert A. Heinlein
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Johnnie Rico never really intended to join up—and definitely not the infantry. But now that he’s in the thick of it, trying to get through combat training harder than anything he could have imagined, he knows everyone in his unit is one bad move away from buying the farm in the interstellar war the Terran Federation is waging against the Arachnids. Because everyone in the Mobile Infantry fights. And if the training doesn’t kill you, the Bugs are more than ready to finish the job.
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The definitive version!
- By Kristopher G. Hesson on 10-03-24
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Slayers: A Buffyverse Story
- By: Christopher Golden, Amber Benson
- Narrated by: Amber Benson, Charisma Carpenter, James Charles Leary, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Original Recording
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Original cast members from the beloved TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, reunite for an all-new adventure about connections that never die—even if you bury them. A decade has passed since the epic final battle that concluded Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV). The game-changing spell that gave power to all potential Slayers persists. With new Slayers constantly emerging, things are looking grim for the bad guys.
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A dream come true
- By Anonymous User on 10-12-23
By: Christopher Golden, and others
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Enjoyed the book but not the narration
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Should be made into a movie !!!
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Avital Cohen isn’t wearing underpants—woefully, for unsexy reasons. Chronic pelvic pain has forced her to sideline her photography dreams and her love life. It’s all she can do to manage her family’s kosher bakery, Best Babka in Brooklyn, without collapsing. She needs hired help. And distractingly handsome Ethan Lippmann seems the perfect fit. Except Ethan isn’t there to work—he’s undercover, at the behest of his ironfisted grandfather. Though Lippmann’s is a household name when it comes to mass-produced kosher baked goods, they don’t have the charm of Avital’s bakery.
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Good, old-school horror!
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A-Z of Horror: Complete Collection
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All 26 fiendish tales from the best-selling series, A-Z of Horror, by Iain Rob Wright. From neighbourhood yetis to military robots, this terrifying collection has it all and will leave you sleeping with the lights on!
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This Guy is a Perve
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Episode Thirteen
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
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The Boys from Brazil
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Alive and hiding in South America, the fiendish Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele gathers a group of former colleagues for a horrifying project. Barry Koehler, a young investigative journalist, gets wind of the scheme and informs famed Nazi hunter Yakov Liebermann, but before he can relay the evidence, Koehler is killed. Thus Ira Levin opens one of the strangest and most masterful novels of his career. Why has Mengele marked a number of harmless aging men for murder? What is the hidden link that binds them?
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Jon Padgett's The Secret of Ventriloquism, named the Best Fiction Book of 2016 by Rue Morgue Magazine, heralds the arrival of a significant new literary talent. With themes reminiscent of Shirley Jackson, Thomas Ligotti, and Bruno Schulz, but with a strikingly unique vision, Padgett's work explores the mystery of human suffering, the agony of personal existence, and the ghastly means by which someone might achieve salvation from both.
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Dagon
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A sailor recalls the monstrous terror that lay at the bottom of the deep in this, Lovecraft’s earliest tale of unspeakable horror from outside our universe.
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For 15 mins that’s excellent
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The Endless Vessel
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A few years from now, in a world similar to ours, there exists a sort of “depression plague” that people refer to simply as “The Grey.” No one can predict whom it will afflict, or how, but once infected, there’s no coming back. A young Hong Kong based scientist, Lily Barnes, is trying to maintain her inner light in an increasingly dark world. The human race is dwindling, and people fighting to push forward are increasingly rare. One day, Lily comes across something that seems to be addressing her directly, calling to her, asking her to follow a path.
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A Highly Rewarding Story.
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A Lush and Seething Hell
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The award-winning and critically-acclaimed master of horror returns with a pair of chilling tales - both never-before-published in print or audio - that examine the violence and depravity of the human condition. Bringing together his acclaimed novella The Sea Dreams It Is the Sky and an all-new short novel My Heart Struck Sorrow, John Hornor Jacobs turns his fertile imagination to the evil that breeds within the human soul.
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Great idea, tarnished by modern politics
- By Phil on 04-28-21
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Quiet Time
- By: Derek B. Miller
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Robert and Mkiwa Livingston are happily ensconced in their tranquil life in Geneva, Switzerland, when Robert's best friend drops dead from a brain aneurysm, sparking a mid-life crisis. Nostalgic for the New England of his youth, Robert begs his wife for a chance to go back to his native America. As the Livingstons settle into their new home in Marblehead, Massachusetts, they - along with the rest of the country - become engrossed in a popular TV show called Quiet Time, about a family who decide to give up all electronic devices and smartphones for one year.
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starts out good. becomes preachy and boring
- By lonnelle neavear on 04-04-21
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Taking Shape II
- The Lost Halloween Sequels
- By: Dustin McNeill, Travis Mullins
- Narrated by: Christian Francis
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- Unabridged
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Authors Dustin McNeill and Travis Mullins are back to bring you an inside look at 24 lost Halloween sequels you never saw on the big screen! Learn about these fascinating unmade visions direct from their creators, many of whom have never spoken publicly on the subject before. With a running time of over 24 hours, Taking Shape II is brimming with untold franchise history. The journey begins with an insightful foreword by Halloween: 25 Years of Terror producer Anthony Masi.
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Awesome
- By Haleigh Kanouse on 01-08-21
By: Dustin McNeill, and others
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The Best Horror of the Year, Volume 4
- By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, Stephen King, Peter Straub
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell, Rebecca Mitchell, Michael Healy, and others
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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With tales from Laird Barron, Stephen King, John Langan, Peter Straub, and many others, and featuring Datlow’s comprehensive overview of the year in horror, now, more than ever, The Best Horror of the Year provides the petrifying horror fiction readers have come to expect - and enjoy.
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Only a few decent stories in this bunch.
- By Jerry on 12-06-14
By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, and others
What listeners say about How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Carsley
- 10-31-24
Sally Priest Is My Jam
This book fully leans in to the vibe of cheesy, 80s horror tropes and I support it. The cast of characters are wacky and fun. The pacing can seem a bit slow at times but that's forgiveable because I'm in on the bit, as this is about an artist melodramatically struggling with his art. Recomment for a fun, quirky ride!
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1 person found this helpful
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- TG
- 10-13-24
Book is ok
I think if you’re the kind of person that really, really is interested in knowing all the background stuff that goes with making a movie you’ll enjoy this book. I wish we had more of the story because it was interesting. I enjoyed the narrators performance.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amelia E. Perkins
- 10-08-24
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
This was a fun ride and hilarious at times. I feel like it would translate well to the big screen. I recommend to comedy horror lovers!
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1 person found this helpful
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- David Dienberg
- 06-20-24
Fun Story
Never a dull moment. Speed of the story was perfect. Fun 80's Horror/Thriller. Narrator was perfect for this story
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4 people found this helpful
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- SB
- 07-20-24
Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
From the first page—I flew through this awesome book (and wished it was longer)!!! Very entertaining premise, multifaceted characters, lots of horror genre related nformation, plus the surprise ending (not going to give any spoilers)—definitely five stars!!! Don't believe the negative reviews. Highly recommended for horror fans looking for a uniquely new niche in the genre!!!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Kera Marie
- 06-23-24
Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
I love this author’s understanding of the horror genre, showcased both here and in his previous
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3 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-18-24
The narrator needs to calm down.
I wound up getting the actual book at the library to read because I really couldn't deal with the narrator. He sounds perpetually angry about having to do this job and performs it at a constant shout. The book is a tolerable tim÷e-killer, nothing extraordinary. Not scary, not funny. Not worth the $15 credit. It did prompt me to look up the Arriflex 35BL camera; its remarkable impact on the movie industry and Stanley Kubrick, in particular. THAT was an interesting read.
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- K. Dorris
- 10-14-24
Movie geek’s dream
This book taught me a lot about the horror genre of movies. I’m a GenXer so the ‘80s slasher pics were part of my adolescence. The story was good but I really had a hard time connecting with the characters. Honestly, much like the movies, I found myself contemplating who would die next much more often than I cared that they would be out of the story (theoretically).
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- CB
- 10-01-24
Sooooooo pretentious and boring!
The first two chapters have you intrigued, but then it just fails to deliver anything other than proof the author is familiar with the movie business. 🙄🥱😴
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4 people found this helpful
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- Nancy
- 10-06-24
Starts Well then Loses Traction
This is an interesting premise but it starts to drag and some of the dialogue goes on too long to keep the listener interested. It has all the predictable prerequisites for so many books these days: lesbians and over the top violence combined with shallow characters making the book loses traction fast.
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