How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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Clark Griswold was onto something...at least with his annual holiday meltdown. And since the last three weeks of my life have been riddled with humbug—another breakup, a broken toe, an office promotion I deserved and didn’t get—I’m not at all in the mood to celebrate nor have the happ, happ, happiest Christmas EVER.
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Gaslighting and games
- By FMC on 12-22-22
By: Kate Stewart
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He's Gone
- By: Rebecca Collomosse
- Narrated by: Victoria Blunt, Cicely Whitehead, Joe Eyre
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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My fiancé brought me tea and scrambled eggs in bed that morning, and we snuggled together, talking about buying our rings, and about our perfect wedding next year. Then we headed into town. He held my hand and gazed at the ring I liked best, a smile spreading slowly over his face. Then a glass of bubbly to celebrate. I felt flushed, excited and ready for the rest of my life with the man I loved. We race to get on the train home. It screams to a halt and I run towards its open doors. Made it. I think he’s right behind me — but when I turn around, he’s gone.
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Disappointing plot
- By TerriSweeta on 12-04-24
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The Answer Is No
- A Short Story
- By: Fredrik Backman, Elizabeth DeNoma - translator
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Lucas knows the perfect night entails just three things: video games, wine, and pad thai. Peanuts are a must! Other people? Not so much. Why complicate things when he’s happy alone? Then one day the apartment board, a vexing trio of authority, rings his doorbell. And Lucas’s solitude takes a startling hike. They demand to see his frying pan. Someone left one next to the recycling room overnight, and instead of removing the errant object, as Lucas suggests, they insist on finding the guilty party. But their plan backfires. Colossally.
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Narrator doesn’t get Backman’s satire or rhythm
- By joey1603 on 12-01-24
By: Fredrik Backman, and others
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Starship Troopers
- By: Robert A. Heinlein
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Johnnie Rico never really intended to join up—and definitely not the infantry. But now that he’s in the thick of it, trying to get through combat training harder than anything he could have imagined, he knows everyone in his unit is one bad move away from buying the farm in the interstellar war the Terran Federation is waging against the Arachnids. Because everyone in the Mobile Infantry fights. And if the training doesn’t kill you, the Bugs are more than ready to finish the job.
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The definitive version!
- By Kristopher G. Hesson on 10-03-24
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Dead Med
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Patricia Santomasso, Scott Merriman
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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When Heather McKinley dreamed of becoming a doctor, she imagined curing sick kids and sporting pink stethoscopes. She never anticipated the sleepless nights, grueling exams, and endless labs. And she certainly never knew that her medical school earned the nickname Dead Med thanks to the tragic history of students overdosing on illegal drugs. But Heather would never consider doing anything like that. That is, until her longtime boyfriend dumps her, she finds herself failing anatomy, and her world starts to crumble.
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Hmm
- By Morgan Meaux on 08-22-24
By: Freida McFadden
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Enjoyed the book but not the narration
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
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1989, Lamesa, Texas. A small west Texas town driven by oil and cotton—and a place where everyone knows everyone else’s business. So it goes for Tolly Driver, a good kid with more potential than application, seventeen, and about to be cursed to kill for revenge. Here Stephen Graham Jones explores the Texas he grew up in, and shared sense of unfairness of being on the outside through the slasher horror Jones loves, but from the perspective of the killer, Tolly, writing his own autobiography. Find yourself rooting for a killer in this summer teen movie of a novel gone full blood-curdling tragic.
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Jon Padgett's The Secret of Ventriloquism, named the Best Fiction Book of 2016 by Rue Morgue Magazine, heralds the arrival of a significant new literary talent. With themes reminiscent of Shirley Jackson, Thomas Ligotti, and Bruno Schulz, but with a strikingly unique vision, Padgett's work explores the mystery of human suffering, the agony of personal existence, and the ghastly means by which someone might achieve salvation from both.
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The Best Horror of the Year, Volume 4
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With tales from Laird Barron, Stephen King, John Langan, Peter Straub, and many others, and featuring Datlow’s comprehensive overview of the year in horror, now, more than ever, The Best Horror of the Year provides the petrifying horror fiction readers have come to expect - and enjoy.
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Only a few decent stories in this bunch.
- By Jerry on 12-06-14
By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, and others
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A Lush and Seething Hell
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The award-winning and critically-acclaimed master of horror returns with a pair of chilling tales - both never-before-published in print or audio - that examine the violence and depravity of the human condition. Bringing together his acclaimed novella The Sea Dreams It Is the Sky and an all-new short novel My Heart Struck Sorrow, John Hornor Jacobs turns his fertile imagination to the evil that breeds within the human soul.
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Great idea, tarnished by modern politics
- By Phil on 04-28-21
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The Endless Vessel
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- By: Charles Soule
- Narrated by: Barrie Kreinik
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- Unabridged
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A few years from now, in a world similar to ours, there exists a sort of “depression plague” that people refer to simply as “The Grey.” No one can predict whom it will afflict, or how, but once infected, there’s no coming back. A young Hong Kong based scientist, Lily Barnes, is trying to maintain her inner light in an increasingly dark world. The human race is dwindling, and people fighting to push forward are increasingly rare. One day, Lily comes across something that seems to be addressing her directly, calling to her, asking her to follow a path.
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A Highly Rewarding Story.
- By Jacob Griffin on 10-12-23
By: Charles Soule
What listeners say about How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amelia
- 10-08-24
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
This was a fun ride and hilarious at times. I feel like it would translate well to the big screen. I recommend to comedy horror lovers!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Carsley
- 10-31-24
Sally Priest Is My Jam
This book fully leans in to the vibe of cheesy, 80s horror tropes and I support it. The cast of characters are wacky and fun. The pacing can seem a bit slow at times but that's forgiveable because I'm in on the bit, as this is about an artist melodramatically struggling with his art. Recomment for a fun, quirky ride!
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1 person found this helpful
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- David Dienberg
- 06-20-24
Fun Story
Never a dull moment. Speed of the story was perfect. Fun 80's Horror/Thriller. Narrator was perfect for this story
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4 people found this helpful
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- SB
- 07-20-24
Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
From the first page—I flew through this awesome book (and wished it was longer)!!! Very entertaining premise, multifaceted characters, lots of horror genre related nformation, plus the surprise ending (not going to give any spoilers)—definitely five stars!!! Don't believe the negative reviews. Highly recommended for horror fans looking for a uniquely new niche in the genre!!!
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3 people found this helpful
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- TG
- 10-13-24
Book is ok
I think if you’re the kind of person that really, really is interested in knowing all the background stuff that goes with making a movie you’ll enjoy this book. I wish we had more of the story because it was interesting. I enjoyed the narrators performance.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 11-21-24
Love the narrator Great job!
It was very cheesy just like a B rated scary movie and I loved it!!
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- Kera Marie
- 06-23-24
Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
I love this author’s understanding of the horror genre, showcased both here and in his previous
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3 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-18-24
The narrator needs to calm down.
I wound up getting the actual book at the library to read because I really couldn't deal with the narrator. He sounds perpetually angry about having to do this job and performs it at a constant shout. The book is a tolerable tim÷e-killer, nothing extraordinary. Not scary, not funny. Not worth the $15 credit. It did prompt me to look up the Arriflex 35BL camera; its remarkable impact on the movie industry and Stanley Kubrick, in particular. THAT was an interesting read.
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- K. Dorris
- 10-14-24
Movie geek’s dream
This book taught me a lot about the horror genre of movies. I’m a GenXer so the ‘80s slasher pics were part of my adolescence. The story was good but I really had a hard time connecting with the characters. Honestly, much like the movies, I found myself contemplating who would die next much more often than I cared that they would be out of the story (theoretically).
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- CB
- 10-01-24
Sooooooo pretentious and boring!
The first two chapters have you intrigued, but then it just fails to deliver anything other than proof the author is familiar with the movie business. 🙄🥱😴
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4 people found this helpful