
How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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Bryan and Ellie Stockton hope they left behind their demons when they move to their idyllic new home in southern West Virginia. Above all, they want a fresh start for their young son, Derrick, who witnessed the tumultuous first years of their marriage—years that were rife with substance abuse, rage, and resentment. Their bright hope for the future is darkened when a child disappears from their neighborhood. The couple becomes suspicious of a reclusive resident with a degenerative brain disorder.
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Completely gutted me.
- By Katie on 05-19-24
By: Nick Roberts
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The Stepford Wives
- By: Ira Levin
- Narrated by: January LaVoy, Grover Gardner
- Length: 3 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Joanna Eberhart is a creative, self-possessed wife and mother, newly arrived in seemingly idyllic Stepford, Connecticut. But as she and her family begin settling in, she’s jarred by the unaccountable sameness of the local wives: all flawlessly attractive, with perfectly maintained homes—and little seeming interest in anything else. As curiosity turns to concern, Joanna finds herself unraveling a web of malice that threatens her very existence.
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Well-narrated Horror Classic
- By PatFPag on 08-09-24
By: Ira Levin
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Interview with the Devil
- By: Michael Harbron
- Narrated by: Eric Priessman
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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"Interview with the Devil" is a compelling tale that invites listeners to explore the depths of their convictions and the possibility of redemption in the darkest of narratives. Through a tapestry of philosophical exploration and cosmic intrigue, this novel questions the essence of humanity and the intricate dance of fate and free will.
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No interview until the end. Then ends abruptly.
- By Mark Silverman on 02-14-25
By: Michael Harbron
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The Infection Omnibus
- The Apocalyptic Zombie Trilogy
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Garrett Michael Brown
- Length: 27 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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In this classic trilogy, a mysterious disease strikes millions and drives them to attack, overpower, and infect. Others continue to mutate, becoming horrific monsters. In a dying America, survivors ranging from soldiers to scientists to average people struggle on the razor's edge of survival. Each must ultimately choose how far they’ll go to survive and what they’re willing to lose to save humanity. This is a brutal vision of the apocalypse like no other. Will humanity survive the end of days?
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So good
- By Jason on 05-06-22
By: Craig DiLouie
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100% Match
- By: Patrick C. Harrison III
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 1 hr and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Bart is 30. He is bald. He is overweight. He wears glasses. He is a fry cook. He hates cats. And kids. Bart occasionally does very bad things. He is looking for his perfect match. He has done his research.
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Not what I was expecting
- By Juan Angel on 02-05-24
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This Girl's a Killer
- By: Emma C. Wells
- Narrated by: Stefanie Kay
- Length: 10 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Cordelia Black loves exactly three things: her chosen family, her hairdresser (worth every penny plus tip), and killing bad men. By day she's an ambitious pharma rep with a flawless reputation and designer wardrobe. By night, she culls South Louisiana of unscrupulous men—monsters who think they've evaded justice, until they meet her. Sure, the evening news may have started throwing around phrases like serial killer, but Cordelia knows that's absurd. But when Cordelia discovers a flaw in her perfectly designed system for eliminating monsters, pressure heightens.
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An avenging woman
- By Ms Corey L on 12-29-24
By: Emma C. Wells
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Episode Thirteen
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Gregory D. Barnett, Sam Slade, Kimberly Bonny, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
- By Imogen on 04-24-23
By: Craig DiLouie
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Suffer the Children
- By: Craig Dilouie
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 11 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Suffer the Children presents a terrifying tale of apocalyptic fiction, as listeners are introduced to Herod's Syndrome, a devastating illness that suddenly and swiftly kills all young children across the globe. Soon, they return from the grave, and ask for blood. And with blood, they stop being dead. They continue to remain the children they once were, but only for a short time, as they need more blood to live. The average human body holds 10 pints of blood, so the inevitable question for parents everywhere becomes: How far would you go to bring your child back?
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Brilliant, Well Done!!!!!
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 12-08-16
By: Craig Dilouie
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My Heart Is a Chainsaw
- By: Stephen Graham Jones
- Narrated by: Cara Gee
- Length: 13 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Alma Katsu calls My Heart Is a Chainsaw “a homage to slasher films that also manages to defy and transcend genre.” On the surface is a story of murder in small-town America. But beneath is its beating heart: a biting critique of American colonialism, Indigenous displacement, and gentrification, and a heartbreaking portrait of a broken young girl who uses horror movies to cope with the horror of her own life.
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struggle with keeping up with the whole book
- By Suzanne Davis on 09-19-21
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Overgrowth
- By: Mira Grant
- Narrated by: Caitlin Kelly
- Length: 17 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Since she was three years old, Anastasia Miller has been telling anyone who would listen that she's an alien disguised as a human being, and that the armada that left her on Earth is coming for her. Since she was three years old, no one has been willing to listen. Now, with an alien signal from the stars being broadcast around the world, humanity is finally starting to realize that it's already been warned, and it may be too late.
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I wanted escapism, not a socio-political message.
- By Angie Key on 05-16-25
By: Mira Grant
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We Live Here Now
- A Novel
- By: Sarah Pinborough
- Narrated by: Helen Baxendale, Jamie Glover, Sarah Pinborough
- Length: 8 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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After an accident that nearly kills her, Emily and her husband, Freddie, move from London to a beautiful Dartmoor country house called Larkin Lodge. The house is gorgeous, striking—and to Emily, something about it feels deeply wrong. Old boards creak at night, fires go out, and books fall from the shelves, and all of it stems from the terrible presence she feels in the third-floor room. But these things happen only when Emily’s alone, so are they happening at all?
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Bravo
- By Mary on 07-03-25
By: Sarah Pinborough
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
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Sally Priest Is My Jam
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Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
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Movie geek’s dream
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Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
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Fast,Flashy,Fun
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Fun Story
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Book is ok
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Love the narrator Great job!
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Sooooooo pretentious and boring!
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