
How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Garrett Michael Brown
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By:
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Craig DiLouie
About this listen
From Bram Stoker Award‑nominated author Craig DiLouie comes a darkly humorous horror novel that sees a famous 80s slasher director set out to shoot the most terrifying horror movie ever made using an occult camera that might be (and probably is) demonic.
Horror isn't horror unless it's real.
Max Maurey should be on top of the world. He's a famous horror director. Actors love him. Hollywood needs him. He's making money hand over fist. But it's the 80s, and he's directing cheap slashers for audiences who only crave more blood, not real art. Not real horror. And Max's slimy producer refuses to fund any of his new ideas.
Sally Priest dreams of being the Final Girl. She knows she's got what it takes to score the lead role, even if she's only been cast in small parts so far. When Sally meets Max at his latest wrap party, she sets out to impress him and prove her scream queen prowess.
But when Max discovers an old camera that filmed a very real Hollywood horror, he knows that he has to use this camera for his next movie. The only problem is that it came with a cryptic warning and sometimes wails.
By the time Max discovers the true evil lying within, he's already dead set on finishing the scariest movie ever put to film, and like it or not, it's Sally's time to shine as the Final Girl.
©2024 Craig DiLouie (P)2024 RedhookListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Gory, glorious, and just a little too believable, Craig DiLouie’s latest is a slick meta slasher movie in book form, set in the brutal intersection of art and obsession."—Peter Clines, New York Times bestselling author
“How to Make a Horror Movie and Survive is a blood-spattered homage to horror films, an ode to the craft of filmmaking, and a cautionary tale about the fiery—often destructive—creative passion inside every artist, one that continuously teeters on the brink of insanity. DiLouie has created a celluloid cursed object story that John Carpenter himself would stand up and applaud from the front row.”—Philip Fracassi, author of Boys in the Valley
“A tricky, twisty book with more levels to it than a slasher movie has sequels. DiLouie knows what makes the horror genre tick.”—David Moody, author of the Hater and Autumn series
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Story
On a damp October night, beautiful young Ashley Cordova is found dead in an abandoned warehouse in lower Manhattan. Though her death is ruled a suicide, veteran investigative journalist Scott McGrath suspects otherwise. As he probes the strange circumstances surrounding Ashley’s life and death, McGrath comes face-to-face with the legacy of her father: the legendary, reclusive, cult-horror-film director Stanislas Cordova - a man who hasn’t been seen in public for more than 30 years.
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What's Real?
- By Amanda on 01-12-14
By: Marisha Pessl
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Small Town Horror
- By: Ronald Malfi
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Andrew Larimer has left his past behind. Rising up the ranks in a New York law firm, and with a heavily pregnant wife, he is settling into a new life far from Kingsport, the town in which he grew up. But when he receives a late-night phone call from an old friend, he has no choice but to return home.
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Am I reading IT or what
- By D Cook on 10-18-24
By: Ronald Malfi
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The Stepford Wives
- By: Ira Levin
- Narrated by: January LaVoy, Grover Gardner
- Length: 3 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Joanna Eberhart is a creative, self-possessed wife and mother, newly arrived in seemingly idyllic Stepford, Connecticut. But as she and her family begin settling in, she’s jarred by the unaccountable sameness of the local wives: all flawlessly attractive, with perfectly maintained homes—and little seeming interest in anything else. As curiosity turns to concern, Joanna finds herself unraveling a web of malice that threatens her very existence.
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Well-narrated Horror Classic
- By PatFPag on 08-09-24
By: Ira Levin
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Dead Eleven
- A Novel
- By: Jimmy Juliano
- Narrated by: Lee Osorio, Tanis Parenteau, Annie Q, and others
- Length: 13 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Clifford Island. When Willow Stone finds these words written on the floor of her deceased son’s bedroom, she’s perplexed. She’s never heard of it before, but soon learns it’s a tiny island off Wisconsin’s Door County peninsula, 200 miles from Willow’s home. Why would her son write this on his floor? Determined to find answers, Willow sets out for the island. After a few days on Clifford, Willow realizes: This place is not normal. Everyone seems to be stuck in a particular day in 1994.
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Cool setting and captivating.
- By Daniel J. Rough on 12-20-24
By: Jimmy Juliano
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Episode Thirteen
- By: Craig DiLouie
- Narrated by: Gregory D. Barnett, Sam Slade, Kimberly Bonny, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Episode Thirteen takes them to every ghost hunter's holy grail: the Paranormal Research Foundation. This brooding, derelict mansion holds secrets and clues about bizarre experiments that took place there in the 1970s. It's also famously haunted, and the team hopes their scientific techniques and high tech gear will prove it. But as the house begins to reveal itself to them, proof of an afterlife might not be everything Matt dreamed of.
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Its an audio comic, not a book.
- By Imogen on 04-24-23
By: Craig DiLouie
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Diavola
- By: Jennifer Thorne
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jennifer Thorne skewers all-too-familiar family dynamics in this sly, wickedly funny vacation-Gothic. Beautifully unhinged and deeply satisfying, Diavola is a sharp twist on the classic haunted house story, exploring loneliness, belonging, and the seemingly inescapable bonds of family mythology.
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Witty, Original, VERY satisfying ending
- By Andrea S on 04-26-24
By: Jennifer Thorne
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Creature Feature
- Spooky Tales to Keep You Up All Night
- By: Joe Hill, Grady Hendrix, Josh Malerman, and others
- Narrated by: Robert Petkoff, Michael Crouch, Lauren Ezzo, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Gather round as today’s most diabolically clever authors twist simple moments into otherworldly horrors. An empty baby stroller. A scratching underneath the bed. A farmhouse in the moonlight. With an unnerving sense of the macabre, these stories transform our greatest fears into bone-chilling realities.
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Seriously?
- By Audio Dave on 03-10-25
By: Joe Hill, and others
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Josh Winning
- Narrated by: EJ Lavery
- Length: 9 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After sitcom star Willow tweets herself into infamy and stumbles blind-drunk into a swimming pool, her agent ships her off to Camp Castaway. Nestled deep in upstate New York, Castaway is a summer camp for adults who are desperate to leave their mistakes behind. No real names, no phones . . . no way to call for help. Willow’s fellow campers seem okay. Her own favorite actress is even here, making a s’more. And did that jaded writer, Dani, just wink at her?
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Fun slasher
- By E. H. Witt on 04-13-25
By: Josh Winning
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My Darling Dreadful Thing
- A Novel
- By: Johanna van Veen
- Narrated by: Jess Nesling
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Roos Beckman has a spirit companion only she can see. Ruth—strange, corpse-like, and dead for centuries—is the light of Roos' life. That is, until the wealthy young widow Agnes Knoop visits one of Roos' backroom seances, and the two strike up a connection.
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Holds Out Until the Last Minute
- By Andy on 12-19-24
By: Johanna van Veen
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Stolen Tongues
- By: Felix Blackwell
- Narrated by: J.S. Arquin
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
High up on the windswept cliffs of Pale Peak, Faye and Felix celebrate their new engagement. But soon, a chorus of ghastly noises erupts from the nearby woods: the screams of animals, the cries of children, and the mad babble of a hundred mournful voices. A dark figure looms near the windows in the dead of night, whispering to Faye. As the weather turns deadly, Felix discovers that his terrified fiancée isn't just mumbling in her sleep—she's whispering back.
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Story is great, audio is not...
- By Catra121 on 07-15-22
By: Felix Blackwell
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Home Is Where the Bodies Are
- By: Jeneva Rose
- Narrated by: January LaVoy, Cassandra Campbell, Brittany Pressley, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
After their mother passes, three estranged siblings reunite to sort out her estate. Beth, the oldest, never left home. She stayed with her mom, caring for her until the very end. Nicole, the middle child, has been kept at arm’s length due to her ongoing battle with a serious drug addiction. Michael, the youngest, lives out of state and hasn’t been back to their small Wisconsin town since their father ran out on them seven years before.
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Perfect Audio.
- By Black Women Read Too on 05-19-24
By: Jeneva Rose
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The Exorcist's House
- By: Nick Roberts
- Narrated by: Spencer Dillehay
- Length: 9 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
In the summer of 1994, psychologist Daniel Hill buys a rustic farmhouse nestled in the rolling hills of West Virginia. Along with his wife and teenage daughter, the family uproots their lives in Ohio and moves south. They are initially seduced by the natural beauty of the country setting. That soon changes when they discover a hidden room in the basement with a well, boarded shut and adorned with crucifixes. Local legends about the previous owner being an exorcist come to light, but by then, all Hell has broken loose.
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I thought I was desensitized
- By Lisa A on 11-08-22
By: Nick Roberts
Yet again another Craig Dilouie that I wish was a movie!
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Sally Priest Is My Jam
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Making horror both fun and absolutely terrifying
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Movie geek’s dream
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Fun Story
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Surprisingly very good. Highly recommended—5 stars!!!
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Fast,Flashy,Fun
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Book is ok
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Love the narrator Great job!
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Schlockola
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