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More Bedtime Stories for Cynics
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About this listen
2020 Audie Award, Humor
Nick Offerman and his posse of high-profile guests present this series of 12 short stories written in the style of classic kid’s tales, but with a decidedly adult approach.
If children's literature is any guide, we should all be able to magically fall asleep simply by saying goodnight to the things we can see from our beds. But any adult knows that our work anxieties and shameful memories would rather stay up all night and chat. That’s where Offerman and Co. come in—with clever and occasionally downright dark parodies of the classic kids genre. What really happened after Snow White died, from the perspective of the one medically trained dwarf? A naive wizard professor reports back from the trenches of an underprivileged school of magic. A middle-aged man is haunted by the voices of his own aging body. The stories will make you laugh, cry and probably squirm a little.
Performers include: Patrick Stewart, Alia Shawkat, Jane Lynch, Aparna Nancherla, Harry Goaz, Mike Birbiglia, Ellen Page, Rachel Dratch, Gary Anthony Williams, Nicole Byer, and Matt Walsh.
Please note that this audiobook contains explicit content.
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Simply the Best Full-Cast Audio Book Ever!
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Audie Award Winner, Humor, 2020
Our favorite moments from More Bedtime Stories for Cynics
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About the Host
Best known as the indomitable Ron Swanson in the popular NBC television series Parks and Recreation, Nick Offerman is an uncommon quadruple threat: carpenter, comedian, actor, and author. Offerman first hit the New York Times bestseller list with the release of his semi-autobiographical work Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man’s Fundamentals for Delicious Living, and followed it up with the best-selling Gumption: Relighting the Torch of Freedom with America’s Gutsiest Troublemakers and Good Clean Fun: Misadventures in Sawdust at Offerman Woodshop. Offerman co-wrote and co-narrated the Audie Award winning audiobook The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: An Oral History with his wife Megan Mullally. Currently he keeps busy producing and hosting a lighthearted crafting competition, Making It, alongside Amy Poehler for NBC.
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About the Performer
Patrick Stewart is one of the most acclaimed performers working today, with numerous and varied roles on both the stage and screens big and small. He has been awarded multiple Golden Globe, Screen Actors Guild, Emmy, and Tony nominations for his work. Stewart was nominated for a Critics’ Choice Award for his performance in James Mangold’s Logan opposite Hugh Jackman. In addition to starring on the Starz comedy Blunt Talk as lead actor Walter Blunt, he also starred opposite Anton Yelchin in Jeremy Saulnier’s genre film Green Room which went to the Cannes Film Festival and Toronto International Film Festival. On Broadway and West End stages, Patrick has also appeared in A Life in the Theatre, The Master Builder, The Ride Down Mt. Morgan, and The Tempest. For his acclaimed solo production of A Christmas Carol, Stewart played over 40 characters, garnering an Olivier, Drama Desk, and WhatsOnStage Award.
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About the Performer
Academy Award-winning actress and director Anjelica Huston continues her renowned family’s legacy in film. Throughout her career, Huston has received a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as Maerose Prizzi in the black comedy Prizzi’s Honor, in which she starred opposite Jack Nicholson and Kathleen Turner. In 2005, Huston received a Golden Globe Award for her role in HBO’s original movie Iron Jawed Angels, in which she starred opposite Hilary Swank and Julia Ormond. Her directorial debut was an unflinching adaptation of Dorothy Allison’s best-selling memoir, Bastard Out of Carolina, which garnered Huston critical acclaim. She received an Emmy Award nomination for her work on the controversial drama, as well as a Directors Guild Award nomination. Huston is also a New York Times best-selling author. Her memoir A Story Lately Told: Coming of Age in Ireland, London, and New York was published in November 2013.
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About the Performer
Aparna started out doing comedy in her hometown of Washington DC and now resides in New York City. She is a series regular in Comedy Central’s Corporate and has reprised her role of Anaya in season 3 of HBO’s Crashing. Aparna is also featured in the second season of Netflix’s The Standups. Other television credits include Netflix’s Master of None and Love, HBO’s High Maintenance, Comedy Central’s Inside Amy Schumer, and Hulu’s I Love You, America with Sarah Silverman. In 2018 she made her feature debut in the Paul Feig movie A Simple Favor. Aparna has been featured on and in NPR, Reader’s Digest, The Huffington Post, The Washington Post Magazine, XM Radio, and Slate V. She can regularly be seen performing at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade’s in LA and NYC. Her debut album Just Putting It Out There was released in July 2016 by Tig Notaro’s label Bentzen Ball Records and hit #4 on the Billboard Comedy Charts. Her TV writing credits include Late Night with Seth Meyers as well as being a regular correspondent/writer on FX’s Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell.
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About the Performer
Alia Shawkat stars in the Jax Media produced TBS series Search Party which she also produces. She can be seen in Comedy Central’s Broad City, HBO’s Getting On, Amazon's Transparent, and in her best known role as Maeby Fünke in the cult series Arrested Development. Shawkat also starred in Sophie Hyde’s Animals opposite Holliday Grainger which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. She can be seen in Ethan Hawke’s film Blaze, in the thriller Green Room, and in the Paul Reubens and Judd Apatow Netflix feature Pee-wee’s Big Holiday. Alia's other feature credits include Paint It Black, Nasty Baby, Wild Canaries, Night Moves, The To Do List, The Final Girls, Me Him Her, The Driftless Area, 20th Century Women, and Izzy Gets the F Across Town. Shawkat also lent her voice to the Gimlet scripted podcast Sandra
opposite Kristen Wiig and Ethan Hawke. In addition to acting, Alia is a talented jazz singer, pianist, and an accomplished painter and illustrator.
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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The Answer Is No
- A Short Story
- By: Fredrik Backman, Elizabeth DeNoma - translator
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Lucas knows the perfect night entails just three things: video games, wine, and pad thai. Peanuts are a must! Other people? Not so much. Why complicate things when he’s happy alone? Then one day the apartment board, a vexing trio of authority, rings his doorbell. And Lucas’s solitude takes a startling hike. They demand to see his frying pan. Someone left one next to the recycling room overnight, and instead of removing the errant object, as Lucas suggests, they insist on finding the guilty party. But their plan backfires. Colossally.
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Narrator doesn’t get Backman’s satire or rhythm
- By joey1603 on 12-01-24
By: Fredrik Backman, and others
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Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall
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Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
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Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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Not sure if I like or not.
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In Nick Offerman's view, we as a country can be doing a better job when it comes to decency. While most of the country has spent the last few years fighting about everything from politics to the existence of science, there are some things we can all agree about, like that we only really need one flavor of Oreo cookies. And that despite all the challenges we're currently facing, America can get it together if we can, simply, rise above it all, and admit that a lot what we're fighting about is actually pretty stupid, especially when told in Nick's signature comedic voice.
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Thank you The Daily Show!
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Wally Roux is a teenage genius with a big imagination and a big heart, who just moved to Savannah, GA, from Maine with his mom, who adopted him when he was an infant. In this charming and sweet solo performance, Wally investigates what is causing a number of strange events and occurrences. He explores and gets lost within space-time - an infinite, indefinable, and mysterious void that you can’t see but when you slice into it you can feel it.
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1) Excellent performance; 2) But why the F-bombs?
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Samantha is a professional seductress and con artist with a heart of gold. If she talked about her work, she’d tell you she only pilfers organs for medical research and that she only takes one kidney, and she only steals those kidneys from dishonest people. It’s hell on her social life. Abe is the doctor and Sam's partner in crime. He isn’t much of a criminal. Except for the kidney stealing. But he’s using that money to fund his research that he anticipates will be able to cure diabetes. So, all for a good cause...? You decide. Of course, it's hell on his social life.
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Dumb and funny
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In Nick Offerman's view, we as a country can be doing a better job when it comes to decency. While most of the country has spent the last few years fighting about everything from politics to the existence of science, there are some things we can all agree about, like that we only really need one flavor of Oreo cookies. And that despite all the challenges we're currently facing, America can get it together if we can, simply, rise above it all, and admit that a lot what we're fighting about is actually pretty stupid, especially when told in Nick's signature comedic voice.
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Thank you The Daily Show!
- By Corbet on 10-16-20
By: Nick Offerman
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Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic
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- Narrated by: William Jackson Harper
- Length: 1 hr and 55 mins
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1) Excellent performance; 2) But why the F-bombs?
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Samantha is a professional seductress and con artist with a heart of gold. If she talked about her work, she’d tell you she only pilfers organs for medical research and that she only takes one kidney, and she only steals those kidneys from dishonest people. It’s hell on her social life. Abe is the doctor and Sam's partner in crime. He isn’t much of a criminal. Except for the kidney stealing. But he’s using that money to fund his research that he anticipates will be able to cure diabetes. So, all for a good cause...? You decide. Of course, it's hell on his social life.
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The star of Parks and Recreation and author of the New York Times best seller Paddle Your Own Canoe returns with a second book that humorously highlights 21 figures from our nation’s history, from her inception to present day - Nick’s personal pantheon of “great Americans". After the great success of his autobiography, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Offerman now focuses on the lives of those who inspired him. From George Washington to Willie Nelson, he describes 21 heroic figures and why they inspire in him such great meaning.
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Swagger and mirth
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From the Oasthouse: The Alan Partridge Podcast (Series 1)
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Broadcaster, writer, philanthroper and one of the first public figures to suggest high-visibility clothing for people manning temporary car parks, the public Alan Partridge is a cherished institution. But what of the unseen Alan? For the first time, this famously private man welcomes us into his home and audibly deshrouds himself for a fascinating series of podcasts.
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Simply genius
- By O. S. on 09-04-20
By: Alan Partridge
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Good Clean Fun
- Misadventures in Sawdust at Offerman Woodshop
- By: Nick Offerman
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Abridged
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Nick shares his experience of working at the woodshop with his ragtag crew of champions, tells you all about his passion for the discipline of woodworking, and teaches you how to make two of the woodshop’s most popular projects along the way: a Pop Top bottle opener and a three-legged stool. This audiobook will take you behind the scenes of the woodshop, both inspiring and teaching you to make your own projects while besotting you with the infectious spirit behind the shop and its complement of dusty wood-elves.
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A woodworking audiobook *yawn*
- By Chad E. Lindsey on 04-05-18
By: Nick Offerman
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Passable in Pink
- By: Mike Sacks
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- Original Recording
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When love reigns supreme in Northridge High just outside Chicago, by the lake, it happens beneath the soft, pink-infused spotlights hovering over that most special night of the year - prom night. Passable in Pink is an Audible Original from New York Times best-selling author Mike Sacks (Stinker Lets Loose!). Sacks has teamed up once again with director Eric Jason Martin (Stinker Lets Loose!, Heads Will Roll) to adapt a forgotten John Hughes-type 1983 movie into a fully immersive cinematic audio experience, with an epic all-star cast.
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A classic parody, f**ing funny as hell.
- By S.Hull on 11-28-19
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Lewis and Kathleen Escape to Canada
- By: Lewis Black, Kathleen Madigan
- Length: 45 mins
- Original Recording
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Lewis Black has built a career on giving voice to the anger of Americans. His standup fills theaters across the country and his appearances on The Daily Show draw hoards Online and on TV. But the current political climate is driving Lewis and his long-time comedy partner, Kathleen Madigan, north for an extended tour of Canada. Lewis and Kathleen Escape to Canada is a stand-up album with way more than just jokes. The Grammy-award winning comedian performs rants sent in from the public, and he and Kathleen respond to them from the stage.
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I was disappointed
- By John Hoop on 10-24-18
By: Lewis Black, and others
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Napalm & Silly Putty
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 2 hrs and 28 mins
- Abridged
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Yes, George Carlin is here with more of what he did better than any other comic: uproarious observations, laser-targeted crankiness, linguistic legerdemain, and inspired weirdness. ("If the shoe fits, get another just like it." "When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") Napalm & Silly Putty is just what his fans have been waiting for—another generous helping of notions, nonsense, assertions, assumptions, mockery, merriment, silliness, sarcasm, and, to be sure, plenty of disturbing references and toxic alienation.
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Good, but not like the stand-up
- By Anonymous User on 10-10-21
By: George Carlin
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Darkness Visible
- Earworms
- By: Arvind Ethan David
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It is June 1940. The war against Hitler’s forces is raging. And the tide is turning against the British. In this hour of despair, Prime Minister Winston Churchill receives a mysterious letter from an even more mysterious woman, offering a Faustian bargain and a promise of victory. But if Churchill accepts, will he be condemning his nation’s very soul?
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I was enjoying this until…
- By Anonymous User on 01-14-24
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Paddle Your Own Canoe
- One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living
- By: Nick Offerman
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing a perfect moustache, grilling red meat, wooing a woman - who better to deliver this tutelage than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in woodworking - he runs his own woodshop - Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman's childhood in small-town Minooka, Illinois, to his theater days in Chicago, beginnings as a carpenter/actor and the hilarious and magnificent seduction of his now-wife Megan Mullally.
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On the need to acknowledge the role luck plays
- By OpenMindedNotCredulous on 11-17-13
By: Nick Offerman
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Screwball
- By: Simon Rich
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Beck Bennett
- Length: 39 mins
- Original Recording
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Before he was “Babe” or “The Sultan of Swat” or “The Great Bambino”, George Herman Ruth was just another teenage misfit at St. Mary’s School for Boys. But Ruth has something the other boys don’t, and when Baltimore Orioles manager Jack Dunn watches him throw a baseball over a building, Ruth gets the chance to punch his ticket out of the orphanage. All he has to do now is make the team.
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Great Story, not for kids
- By Stormy Jones on 07-06-19
By: Simon Rich
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Interview with the Robot
- By: Lee Bacon
- Narrated by: Kevin T. Collins, Ellen Archer, Josh Hurley, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Original Recording
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Eve looks like an ordinary 12-year-old girl, but there’s nothing ordinary about her. She has no last name. No parents or guardian. She’s on the run from a dangerous and secretive organization that will stop at nothing to track her down. And most astonishing of all: she’s a robot, a product of Eden Laboratories. When Eve discovers the truth, she realizes everything she thought she knew about herself is a lie. Eve manages to escape, fleeing the lab, the only home she’s ever known.
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Good Short Listen
- By Ronnie on 01-07-20
By: Lee Bacon
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
- Narrated by: Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Sue Galloway, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
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In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
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Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
What listeners say about More Bedtime Stories for Cynics
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kanga Mom
- 05-03-19
Quirky and Enjoyable
Excellent production of stories in the same vein as "A Boy and His Dog". LOVED the high quality of narrators. Could there EVER be a better voice than Anjelica Huston? There's truth in the stories, too: Rage is the cause of all real and lasting change!
This audiobook is short enough to make a long drive more bearable, or play the stories a few at a time for commute listening.
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14 people found this helpful
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- Bella
- 05-07-19
The stories were really fun !
I had a great time listening to these stories. They were hilarious. I would recommend this book to everyone not only cynics.
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8 people found this helpful
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- VeraLupe
- 05-06-19
Funny!
This is a very entertaining compilation. Can be considered a bit grim for some but just the right amount of amusing for some others. I loved it!
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8 people found this helpful
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- Kiera Fox
- 05-08-19
My Favorite was Nick Offerman's Intro to the Dog
Great fun!
Then stories took weird turns and twists that were captivating and made walking my dog even more FUN!
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4 people found this helpful
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- Luiso
- 05-15-19
I thoroughly enjoyed this book
I definitely recommend this book: both entertaining and fun. Please keep away from children ages 35 and under 😋
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3 people found this helpful
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- Andy S
- 05-10-19
AMAZING!
The narration was more like voice acting. The sound effects made it so immersive. the stories were hilarious and relaxing at the same time. If i could, I would show this to everyone I know. good to listen to during the day and when going to sleep.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Antony
- 05-07-19
great performance
The narators brought the short stories to live and made the imagery very real and exciting
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2 people found this helpful
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- moosky moscovith
- 05-31-19
This is the best book ever!
This may really be the best thing I have heard on Audible, no scratch that, the best thing I have ever heard PERIOD! The book consists several stories narrated by different famous cynics, with presentations and interludes to each story by the one and only, Ron Swanson! (Ron keeps calling himself Nick Offerman for some reason, but he can't fool me). The stories themselves are all cynical and realistic takes on famous children fantasy stories, or some original thoughts and feeling someone wrote.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-21-19
Very funny and entertaining
super entertaining, great performances ..I never found a boring story while listening to this audio book
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2 people found this helpful
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- Daniel Cheshire
- 05-11-19
Nick Offerman is a national treasure.
This was a fun listen... lots of talent reading some sometimes shocking stories. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’ve got a taste for the irreverent the I think it’s worth your time.
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