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This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Suzanne Elise Freeman
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK
“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life. Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center."
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Humor, Humanity, and the Heart of Self-Love
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Deep Sleep Hypnosis: Fall Asleep Instantly and Sleep Well
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A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
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put me right to sleep
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The 6 Habits of Growth
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The world’s leading high-performance coach and multiple New York Times best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivers the six habits of personal growth that will help you create the life of your dreams. Forged from Brendon Burchard’s personal experiences, data from his GrowthDay app, and his many years as a high-performance coach, The 6 Habits of Growth presents the tools you need to construct the life of your dreams.
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Don’t bother
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12 Months to $1 Million
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By cutting out the noise and providing a clear and proven plan, this road map helps even brand-new entrepreneurs make decisions quickly, get their product up for sale, and launch it to a crowd that is ready and waiting to buy. This one-year plan will guide you through the three stages to your first $1 million: the Grind (months 0-4), the Growth (months 5-8), and the Gold (months 9-12). If your goal is to be a full-time entrepreneur, get ready for one chaotic, stressful, and rewarding year. If you have the guts to complete it, you will be the proud owner of a million-dollar business.
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Good, but a Little Misleading
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The Daily Stoic
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Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
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Not well made as audio
- By Andreas on 12-27-16
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F*ck Him!
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The MANipulator manual. Keep your man interested and begging for more without playing games. So many women get in trouble in their love lives, and 99.9 percent of that trouble could have been avoided if they'd said "Well, f**k him!" a bit more often. Too many women are way too nice and compliant to their men, especially when these men don't deserve that kind of treatment. I, as a dating coach and author of books for women who want to get men, cannot take it anymore.
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...
- By Emma R. on 02-01-18
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Self Help
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Are you ready to unlock the greatest resource of your life? Gabby Bernstein has written the ultimate self-help guide, offering a revolutionary practice to radically shift your core beliefs and connect you to an infallible inner guidance system: the energy of Self within you. In this groundbreaking book, Gabby demystifies the power of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, taking its life-changing teachings out of the therapist’s office and into your everyday life.
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Self Serving
- By pricefreund on 01-14-25
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What listeners say about This Far
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Becky
- 02-13-25
Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.
Nothing, it is absolutely heartbreaking when she had to tell her child that he was gone and brought brought back a lot of feelings for me personally.
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- jenn
- 02-13-25
So real
This was so great. She beautifully depicted her heartbreak and anger. It’s clear that she loves her family so much.
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- Hope
- 02-06-25
Was curious
I’m so glad I bought this book. I was always curious for more info behind twitch’s decision.. but what I got out of this book was so much more. Allison has every right to tell her story, and I loved learning about her childhood and her journey through life.. we never can pass judgment because everyone’s story is so different and we will never know behind the scenes. Thank you to Allison for sharing what she did I can imagine it was incredible difficult but brave of her.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Skylar
- 02-15-25
Real, raw and authentic
This book made me take a step back and listen first rather then judge then listen. You can tell she didn't write this book to be disrespectful but rather stay true to herself, her children and the relationships she holds dear. I don't have to agree with everything or think that her way is the best way, I can respect that she has done what she feels in necessary to heal and help others. I walk away feeling like I felt a sliver of the raw emotion that her and her family feel or have felt daily. I appreciate what has been brought to the forefront while listening to the book, it's been very thought provoking. MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD BE OPEN DISCUSSION, the good, the bad and the ugly! People are dying because communities stay quiet, because talking about mental health is still considered "taboo".. Good for Aliison for stepping up and taking part in this conversation ❤️
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1 person found this helpful
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- SIMARA
- 02-17-25
Her story, her narrative
I really liked this honest story of resilience, survival and grit. People tend to forget that Allison is her own person and has her own story, separate from who Twitch was. I admire her for how hard she has fought all her life for a better future for her and for her kids. This is a story of an inspiring woman who made her way into the world and found love and success and made her own dreams come true. She also survived the loss of her husband through suicide. I felt this story was honest and inspiring. Great narration as well. We all can rise from the ashes like the phoenix. And it we have to start over, we will.
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- krystina
- 02-20-25
Finally a book that is honest about the effects of grief
Finally a book that doesn't romanticize the dead. You can truly feel her love for her children and for her late husband while at the same time expressing her grief/ anger and disappointment for the route he took and the LONG lasting damage it has caused. Only they would know and it's HER story to tell. What a great example for her kids showing resilience and the importance of getting through something so horrific hand in hand. May this book also service as a guide of what underlying depression feels like and how it can be concealed . It's so very different for every person who experiences it and lives to tell the story. May he rest Peacefully and his family continue to heal 🙏 and honor him & themselves by living FULLY 🧡
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- ryanj6061
- 02-19-25
Healing and truth
Overall a good book. I appreciate the perspective of her experience before, through and life after a death.
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1 person found this helpful
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- C. Williams
- 02-22-25
A great read
Honest, raw and courageous. I have so much respect for the bravery to write this book
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1 person found this helpful
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- Darryl C. Novotny
- 02-10-25
grateful for your truth!!
thank you as all i can say. sending the best to you & your babes!!!
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1 person found this helpful
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- B. Lewis
- 02-12-25
Loved This View of Allison & tWitch’s Story
I can’t express how much I adored watching new personal dance videos of this adorable family at home.
The love. The baby bellies. The joy of just dancing next to a Christmas tree as a family.
I was absolutely stunned when I saw that this beautiful family had been forever fractured. That the radiant, kind, gentle, and beautiful soul of Stephen became a cherished memory of happier times for this beautiful family.
I know this must have been so difficult yet necessary for Allison and their kids, and all who loved tWitch to help in their journey through life without him.
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