
This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Suzanne Elise Freeman
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK
“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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The House of My Mother
- A Daughter's Quest for Freedom
- By: Shari Franke
- Narrated by: Shari Franke
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Shari Franke’s childhood was a constant battle for survival. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced a severe moral code while maintaining a façade of a picture-perfect family for their wildly popular YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which documented the day-to-day life of raising six children for a staggering 2.5 million subscribers. But a darker truth lurked beneath the surface—Ruby’s wholesome online persona masked a more tyrannical parenting style than anyone could have imagined.
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A remarkable young woman!
- By Amazon Customer on 01-08-25
By: Shari Franke
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Only Say Good Things
- Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself
- By: Crystal Hefner
- Narrated by: Crystal Hefner
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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From a former Playboy Playmate, an unflinching look at the objectification and misogyny of the Playboy mansion, a woman’s stolen young adulthood, and her journey to self-acceptance–plus a rare look inside Hugh Hefner’s final days.
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Important story
- By Amazon Customer on 01-26-24
By: Crystal Hefner
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Unspeakable
- Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice
- By: Jessica Willis Fisher
- Narrated by: Jessica Fisher
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Using the written word as her witness statement, Jessica Willis Fisher tells a lacerating story of finding her voice after two decades of silence and an unforgettable story of risk and faith.
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"Don't tell" culture exposed
- By Angela on 11-03-22
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Girl Hidden: A Memoir
- By: Jesse Rene Gibbs
- Narrated by: Lessa Lamb
- Length: 10 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Echoing among the Blue Ridge Mountains were the cries of newborn babies that disappeared into the night. The screams of children nearly drowned out by the sound of crickets. A girl, hidden and waiting to be found, terrified, and confused. The fireflies sparkling in the woods, bringing light to darkled places.
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Beautiful Story
- By JMAR001 on 04-13-22
By: Jesse Rene Gibbs
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I'll Have What She's Having
- By: Chelsea Handler
- Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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At ten years old, Chelsea opened a lemonade stand and realized she’d make more money if the drinks were spiked. So she added vodka to her recipe and used her earnings to upgrade herself to first-class on a family vacation—leaving her parents and siblings in coach. She moved to Los Angeles and got fired from her temp job when she admitted she didn’t know how to transfer calls. She’s played pickleball with the scions of an American dynasty. She’s sexted a governor. She shared psychedelics with strangers in Spain.
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Per Usual, Chelsea Knocks it Out of the Park!
- By Dalontrius on 02-27-25
By: Chelsea Handler
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An Innocent Child
- By: Toni Maguire, Georgia Turner - contributor
- Narrated by: Sophie Roberts
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Set against a backdrop of East End London, Georgia experienced a childhood few of us could imagine. Though brought up in a loving family, she watched her family break apart through deceit and her mother descend into heroin addiction. Escaping into what she felt was a loving sanctuary, Georgia ended up trapped in a violent relationship with a man who would beat and abuse her. After having her three children by him, she knew she had to escape to finally find safety. Now Georgia is sharing her story of survival to help others and prove there is hope even after trauma and heartache.
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disturbing relationships
- By Stephanie McElmurray on 03-27-25
By: Toni Maguire, and others
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Playground
- A Childhood Lost Inside the Playboy Mansion
- By: Jennifer Saginor
- Narrated by: Kassidy Cortese
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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In the vein of Running with Scissors, Playground is the glitzy, glamorous, and surreal true story of a young girl who grew up inside the Playboy Mansion and never learned where the party stopped and the real world began. You are six years old. Every day after school your father takes you to a sprawling castle filled with exotic animals, bowls of candy, and half-naked women catering to your every need. You have your own room. You have new friends. You have an uncle Hef who's always there for you.
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Missing Mom
- By Stephanie on 09-14-24
By: Jennifer Saginor
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People Pleaser
- Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations
- By: Jinger Vuolo, Julie Lyles Carr - contributor
- Narrated by: Jinger Vuolo
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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From childhood to early adulthood, Jinger Duggar Vuolo followed the expectations of others, never taking the time to discover who she truly was. It wasn't until she asked herself the question, "Who am I?" that she realized she was a people pleaser. This realization led her on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately, to rely on God for her approval and sense of self-worth. Through her faith and reliance on God, Jinger began to break free from the need for approval and discover true freedom.
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Self help book
- By MGat on 01-19-25
By: Jinger Vuolo, and others
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The Hope We Hold
- Finding Peace in the Promises of God
- By: Jeremy Vuolo, Jinger Vuolo
- Narrated by: Jeremy Vuolo, Jinger Vuolo
- Length: 6 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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TLC's Counting On breakout stars Jeremy and Jinger Vuolo share the highs and lows of their love story. They open up about the early days of getting to know one another, their long-distance relationship, and the many sleepless nights of their time as new parents. But throughout all their stories, just below the surface, weaving together every triumph and trial of their lives, is the silver thread of hope.
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An intimate look into the Vuolo life
- By Cassie A on 09-12-21
By: Jeremy Vuolo, and others
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Runaway Train
- Or, the Story of My Life So Far
- By: Eric Roberts, Sam Kashner - contributor
- Narrated by: Eric Roberts
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In this brutally candid memoir, Academy Award and Golden Globe nominee Eric Roberts pulls no punches about the ups and downs of his career and his sometimes stormy relationship with his famous sister, Julia.
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This is a hard one to review.
- By Susan on 11-04-24
By: Eric Roberts, and others
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Counting the Cost
- By: Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard - contributor, Craig Borlase - contributor
- Narrated by: Jill Duggar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines.
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A Naive Account from a Reality TV Personality
- By Lora Kyle on 09-12-23
By: Jill Duggar, and others
Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.
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So real
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Articulate
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Ayahuasca
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this book is important!
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Allison’s brave and thoughtful narrative is a standout piece, and those who have endured the helplessness and devastation of a loved one choosing to leave will find comfort. Those of us who have been fortunate enough not to experience such devastation will find enlightenment and guidance in how to support those who have. Those who may be considering suicide will be pushed to consider the impact of their choice. I hope that lives can be saved.
Perhaps most importantly, though, Allison’s story will help to build and expand critical, foundational vocabulary about love and loss and a subject that is too important to be taboo.
Standout and Important
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Touching
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Heartbreaking but so inspiring for her strength and resilience!
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What stood out to me the most, though, was the darkness surrounding Stephen’s story, particularly through his experiences with drugs and certain retreats. Rather than bringing healing, these things seemed to deepen his struggles, and it felt as though he was tormented—something I truly believe was a demonic presence. Allison leans heavily into what I’d describe as “new age” spirituality, which is interesting given her and Stephen’s background in Catholicism and Mormonism, I assume by her story and Stephen’s rosary. She also opens her book with a Bible verse, which adds another layer to the complexity of her spiritual journey.
While I respect that everyone’s path is unique, some of the things she describes made me question whether they led to peace or just added to the confusion. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6). True healing and peace can only be found in Him, the light that leads us to heaven.
Light vs. Darkness
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Such strength and sadness
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