
This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Suzanne Elise Freeman
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK
“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Set against a backdrop of East End London, Georgia experienced a childhood few of us could imagine. Though brought up in a loving family, she watched her family break apart through deceit and her mother descend into heroin addiction. Escaping into what she felt was a loving sanctuary, Georgia ended up trapped in a violent relationship with a man who would beat and abuse her. After having her three children by him, she knew she had to escape to finally find safety. Now Georgia is sharing her story of survival to help others and prove there is hope even after trauma and heartache.
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disturbing relationships
- By Stephanie McElmurray on 03-27-25
By: Toni Maguire, and others
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Spilled Milk
- Based on a True Story
- By: K.L. Randis
- Narrated by: K.L. Randis
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Brooke Nolan is a battered child who makes an anonymous phone call about the escalating brutality in her home. When social services jeopardize her safety, condemning her to keep her father's secret, it's a glass of spilled milk at the dinner table that forces her to speak about the cruelty she's been hiding. In her pursuit of safety and justice, Brooke battles a broken court system that pushes to keep her father in the home.
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Great story
- By Amazon Customer on 05-01-25
By: K.L. Randis
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Lasting Ever
- Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love
- By: Rebecca St. James, Cubbie Fink
- Narrated by: Rebecca St. James, Cubbie Fink
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Married couple and award-winning musical artists Rebecca St. James and Cubbie Fink share powerful stories of faith from their family's journey to encourage you and draw you closer to God. With authentic storytelling and hard-won wisdom, Rebecca St. James and Cubbie Fink illuminate the heartaches and triumphs that have shaped their story as a married couple, as parents, as musicians, and—most of all—as Jesus followers.
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The authenticity of both the movie and the book
- By susan on 03-12-25
By: Rebecca St. James, and others
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My Time to Stand
- A Memoir
- By: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, Melissa Moore, Michele Matrisciani
- Narrated by: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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A victim of her mother’s Munchausen by proxy and child abuse survivor, Gypsy-Rose Blanchard’s unique and controversial case made headlines across the world. Now, she’s finally free to start living her life on her terms—and to tell her own story as only she can.
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So many contradictions in one book
- By Ckelly on 12-17-24
By: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, and others
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The House of My Mother
- A Daughter's Quest for Freedom
- By: Shari Franke
- Narrated by: Shari Franke
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Shari Franke’s childhood was a constant battle for survival. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced a severe moral code while maintaining a façade of a picture-perfect family for their wildly popular YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which documented the day-to-day life of raising six children for a staggering 2.5 million subscribers. But a darker truth lurked beneath the surface—Ruby’s wholesome online persona masked a more tyrannical parenting style than anyone could have imagined.
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A remarkable young woman!
- By Amazon Customer on 01-08-25
By: Shari Franke
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Deep Thoughts from a Hollywood Blonde
- By: Jennie Garth, Emily Heckman
- Narrated by: Jennie Garth
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first time ever, Jennie Garth is putting it all out there, sharing her joys and her sorrows, her successes and her failures, with candor and a surprising, even bawdy, sense of humor. From her sudden rise to fame as a golden-haired teen beauty, to recently redefining herself as a single working mother to three growing girls, Jennie Garth has defied the odds and thrived in a town that can be more than a little tough on its blondes.
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disappointing...
- By jeffrey on 07-03-14
By: Jennie Garth, and others
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The Harder I Fight the More I Love You
- A Memoir
- By: Neko Case
- Narrated by: Neko Case
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Neko Case has long been revered as one of music’s most influential artists, whose authenticity, lyrical storytelling, and sly wit have endeared her to a legion of critics, musicians, and lifelong fans. In The Harder I Fight the More I Love You, Case brings her trademark candor and precision to a memoir that traces her evolution from an invisible girl “raised by two dogs and a space heater” in rural Washington state to her improbable emergence as an internationally acclaimed talent.
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Made me tear at times
- By Kelly Baer on 05-01-25
By: Neko Case
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Only Say Good Things
- Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself
- By: Crystal Hefner
- Narrated by: Crystal Hefner
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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From a former Playboy Playmate, an unflinching look at the objectification and misogyny of the Playboy mansion, a woman’s stolen young adulthood, and her journey to self-acceptance–plus a rare look inside Hugh Hefner’s final days.
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Important story
- By Amazon Customer on 01-26-24
By: Crystal Hefner
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I'll Have What She's Having
- By: Chelsea Handler
- Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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At ten years old, Chelsea opened a lemonade stand and realized she’d make more money if the drinks were spiked. So she added vodka to her recipe and used her earnings to upgrade herself to first-class on a family vacation—leaving her parents and siblings in coach. She moved to Los Angeles and got fired from her temp job when she admitted she didn’t know how to transfer calls. She’s played pickleball with the scions of an American dynasty. She’s sexted a governor. She shared psychedelics with strangers in Spain.
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Per Usual, Chelsea Knocks it Out of the Park!
- By Dalontrius on 02-27-25
By: Chelsea Handler
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Counting the Cost
- By: Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard - contributor, Craig Borlase - contributor
- Narrated by: Jill Duggar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines.
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A Naive Account from a Reality TV Personality
- By Lora Kyle on 09-12-23
By: Jill Duggar, and others
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Not My Fault
- By: Trish Hinde, Ann Cusack
- Narrated by: Laura Brydon
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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Trish Hinde, 35, was sexually abused by her father, Gerard King, from the age of six. Alone and scared, she internalised her trauma and began suffering from violent seizures. Her father took responsibility for her epilepsy care, even abusing her on hospital visits. Trish and her five siblings were neglected, often relying on neighbours for food and watching helplessly as bailiffs carried away their possessions. In her early teens, Trish was recklessly promiscuous and became a victim of child sexual exploitation, often finding herself in danger.
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Compelling story
- By Kelly on 04-14-25
By: Trish Hinde, and others
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From Here to the Great Unknown
- A Memoir
- By: Lisa Marie Presley, Riley Keough
- Narrated by: Riley Keough, Julia Roberts
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2022, Lisa Marie Presley asked her daughter to help finally finish her long-gestating memoir. A month later, Lisa Marie was dead, and the world would never know her story in her own words, never know the passionate, joyful, caring, and complicated woman that Riley loved and now grieved. Riley got the tapes that her mother had recorded for the book, lay in her bed, and listened as Lisa Marie told story after story about smashing golf carts together in the yards of Graceland, about the unconditional love she felt from her father, about being upstairs, just the two of them.
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Beautiful sadness
- By Stacy Eanes on 10-08-24
By: Lisa Marie Presley, and others
What listeners say about This Far
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- Becky
- 02-13-25
Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.
Nothing, it is absolutely heartbreaking when she had to tell her child that he was gone and brought brought back a lot of feelings for me personally.
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- jenn
- 02-13-25
So real
This was so great. She beautifully depicted her heartbreak and anger. It’s clear that she loves her family so much.
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- Sue and Haylee
- 02-26-25
Articulate
Disliked the crackly voice of the narrator. The story was well told on such a hard subject and something I will take with me if I encounter somebody whose family has experienced suicide.
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- S. Crotts
- 03-14-25
Ayahuasca
So many after reports about this book have focused on Allison’s revelations about Stephen’s drug use and childhood trauma. I was surprised when I got to the chapter on Ayahuasca. This is dangerous stuff. Some people report these beautiful, life affirming circumstances. But others have devastating psychiatric emergencies. It’s a coin toss.
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- Allisyn Layton
- 02-06-25
this book is important!
Allison, I appreciate you writing this book and sharing your honest feelings with me. This book is gut wrenching at times. But it's honest and bold. It answered a lot of questions. I am sorry suicide is apart of your families story, there are no words to make it easier, but you are so right in knowing that your story- told from your point of view - can make a difference in someone else's story.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rose
- 02-05-25
Standout and Important
I know that Allison faced a lot of criticism for telling her story and was accused widely of seeking to profit from or exploit her husband’s pain and death. This story is not an expose on Stephen’s pain. In fact, Stephen’s pain is largely only alluded to in the book. Not even Stephen himself could give shape to his demons, not even in his final moments. This story is much, much more about the juxtaposition of intense love and the impact of a devastating crime and the experience of holding and reconciling such extremes. I found this story profound in its sensitive but exacting prose and authentic exploration of suicide’s impact- not only in isolated events but through generations.
Allison’s brave and thoughtful narrative is a standout piece, and those who have endured the helplessness and devastation of a loved one choosing to leave will find comfort. Those of us who have been fortunate enough not to experience such devastation will find enlightenment and guidance in how to support those who have. Those who may be considering suicide will be pushed to consider the impact of their choice. I hope that lives can be saved.
Perhaps most importantly, though, Allison’s story will help to build and expand critical, foundational vocabulary about love and loss and a subject that is too important to be taboo.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Eddie Espinal
- 02-06-25
Touching
The book brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Allison for sharing your story, I loved the vulnerability and raw emotions. The story was heartfelt and touching. I hope you and the kids continue to seek happiness & healing after such loss! My only critic is that the voice of the narrator felt robotic at times (Siri voice) highly recommended though.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Lora Bishop
- 02-09-25
Heartbreaking but so inspiring for her strength and resilience!
A story filled with so much pain, heartbreak and anger due to the loss of a beautiful husband and icon turned into a story of strength and resiliency finding hope on a new path. Her family has endured so much pain and not just pain from the loss of a loved one but the pain from the confusion of why he chose to leave this life and his beautiful family. I am beyond mesmerized by how she and her children have coped with this tragic loss and how she shares with her children to feel through the pain.
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- Katie
- 02-17-25
Light vs. Darkness
Allison spends a lot of time reflecting on her childhood and how her experiences shaped her, which helps explain why she may have overlooked some of the warning signs in her late husband, Stephen. As the story unfolds, it becomes painfully clear that he caused deep hurt within their family, leaving Allison to question everything she once believed about their relationship and life together. While she doesn’t explore Stephen’s personal struggles in great detail, she does emphasize the importance of mental health advocacy for men and the need to acknowledge and express emotions. Stephen seemed to be a deep thinker who felt things intensely, yet he kept so much of it bottled up. The story highlights the importance of openness and vulnerability when navigating emotional struggles.
What stood out to me the most, though, was the darkness surrounding Stephen’s story, particularly through his experiences with drugs and certain retreats. Rather than bringing healing, these things seemed to deepen his struggles, and it felt as though he was tormented—something I truly believe was a demonic presence. Allison leans heavily into what I’d describe as “new age” spirituality, which is interesting given her and Stephen’s background in Catholicism and Mormonism, I assume by her story and Stephen’s rosary. She also opens her book with a Bible verse, which adds another layer to the complexity of her spiritual journey.
While I respect that everyone’s path is unique, some of the things she describes made me question whether they led to peace or just added to the confusion. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6). True healing and peace can only be found in Him, the light that leads us to heaven.
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- ALISA JOY PAHKALA
- 02-12-25
Such strength and sadness
I actually love this book. It was well written, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
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