
This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Suzanne Elise Freeman
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK
“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
From a former Playboy Playmate, an unflinching look at the objectification and misogyny of the Playboy mansion, a woman’s stolen young adulthood, and her journey to self-acceptance–plus a rare look inside Hugh Hefner’s final days.
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Important story
- By Amazon Customer on 01-26-24
By: Crystal Hefner
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An Innocent Child
- By: Toni Maguire, Georgia Turner - contributor
- Narrated by: Sophie Roberts
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Set against a backdrop of East End London, Georgia experienced a childhood few of us could imagine. Though brought up in a loving family, she watched her family break apart through deceit and her mother descend into heroin addiction. Escaping into what she felt was a loving sanctuary, Georgia ended up trapped in a violent relationship with a man who would beat and abuse her. After having her three children by him, she knew she had to escape to finally find safety. Now Georgia is sharing her story of survival to help others and prove there is hope even after trauma and heartache.
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disturbing relationships
- By Stephanie McElmurray on 03-27-25
By: Toni Maguire, and others
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My Time to Stand
- A Memoir
- By: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, Melissa Moore, Michele Matrisciani
- Narrated by: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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A victim of her mother’s Munchausen by proxy and child abuse survivor, Gypsy-Rose Blanchard’s unique and controversial case made headlines across the world. Now, she’s finally free to start living her life on her terms—and to tell her own story as only she can.
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So many contradictions in one book
- By Ckelly on 12-17-24
By: Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, and others
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People Pleaser
- Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations
- By: Jinger Vuolo, Julie Lyles Carr - contributor
- Narrated by: Jinger Vuolo
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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From childhood to early adulthood, Jinger Duggar Vuolo followed the expectations of others, never taking the time to discover who she truly was. It wasn't until she asked herself the question, "Who am I?" that she realized she was a people pleaser. This realization led her on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately, to rely on God for her approval and sense of self-worth. Through her faith and reliance on God, Jinger began to break free from the need for approval and discover true freedom.
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Self help book
- By MGat on 01-19-25
By: Jinger Vuolo, and others
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Lasting Ever
- Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love
- By: Rebecca St. James, Cubbie Fink
- Narrated by: Rebecca St. James, Cubbie Fink
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Married couple and award-winning musical artists Rebecca St. James and Cubbie Fink share powerful stories of faith from their family's journey to encourage you and draw you closer to God. With authentic storytelling and hard-won wisdom, Rebecca St. James and Cubbie Fink illuminate the heartaches and triumphs that have shaped their story as a married couple, as parents, as musicians, and—most of all—as Jesus followers.
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The authenticity of both the movie and the book
- By susan on 03-12-25
By: Rebecca St. James, and others
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From Here to the Great Unknown
- A Memoir
- By: Lisa Marie Presley, Riley Keough
- Narrated by: Riley Keough, Julia Roberts
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2022, Lisa Marie Presley asked her daughter to help finally finish her long-gestating memoir. A month later, Lisa Marie was dead, and the world would never know her story in her own words, never know the passionate, joyful, caring, and complicated woman that Riley loved and now grieved. Riley got the tapes that her mother had recorded for the book, lay in her bed, and listened as Lisa Marie told story after story about smashing golf carts together in the yards of Graceland, about the unconditional love she felt from her father, about being upstairs, just the two of them.
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Beautiful sadness
- By Stacy Eanes on 10-08-24
By: Lisa Marie Presley, and others
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Over the Influence
- A Memoir
- By: Joanna "JoJo" Levesque
- Narrated by: Joanna "JoJo" Levesque
- Length: 9 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Signed to a major recording deal at just 12 years old, JoJo catapulted to the top of the pop-and-R&B-infused charts in the mid 2000's. The relatability of her youth and the appeal of her cool-girl mystique earned her millions of fans around the world. JoJo was an undeniable superstar and pop culture fixture, spanning roles in major studio films, omnipresence on Top 40 radio, frequenting magazine covers, and appearing on national TV. Then, out of the blue, everything came to a halt and JoJo seemingly stepped out of the spotlight, leaving many fans to wonder: What happened to JoJo?
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Deeply Moving and Relatable in Ways You Might Not Expect
- By rosey on 09-25-24
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I'll Have What She's Having
- By: Chelsea Handler
- Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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At ten years old, Chelsea opened a lemonade stand and realized she’d make more money if the drinks were spiked. So she added vodka to her recipe and used her earnings to upgrade herself to first-class on a family vacation—leaving her parents and siblings in coach. She moved to Los Angeles and got fired from her temp job when she admitted she didn’t know how to transfer calls. She’s played pickleball with the scions of an American dynasty. She’s sexted a governor. She shared psychedelics with strangers in Spain.
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Per Usual, Chelsea Knocks it Out of the Park!
- By Dalontrius on 02-27-25
By: Chelsea Handler
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Unspeakable
- Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice
- By: Jessica Willis Fisher
- Narrated by: Jessica Fisher
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Using the written word as her witness statement, Jessica Willis Fisher tells a lacerating story of finding her voice after two decades of silence and an unforgettable story of risk and faith.
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"Don't tell" culture exposed
- By Angela on 11-03-22
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Counting the Cost
- By: Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard - contributor, Craig Borlase - contributor
- Narrated by: Jill Duggar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines.
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A Naive Account from a Reality TV Personality
- By Lora Kyle on 09-12-23
By: Jill Duggar, and others
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A Love That Multiplies
- By: Michelle Duggar, Jim Bob Duggar
- Narrated by: Michelle Duggar
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In this second book from the Duggars, they focus on the principles that equip them to face life's challenges—drawing from their most recent challenge with the 3-month premature birth of their newest child, Josie. They also share the new challenges their older children are facing as they prepare for adult life. Central to the book is a section on the principles that the Duggars have consistently taught their children. These simply worded principles are basic to the Duggar family and are shared in a way that other parents can incorporate in their own homes.
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WOW!! LOVED IT!!!
- By Matthew on 12-08-11
By: Michelle Duggar, and others
Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.
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So real
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Articulate
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Ayahuasca
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this book is important!
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Allison’s brave and thoughtful narrative is a standout piece, and those who have endured the helplessness and devastation of a loved one choosing to leave will find comfort. Those of us who have been fortunate enough not to experience such devastation will find enlightenment and guidance in how to support those who have. Those who may be considering suicide will be pushed to consider the impact of their choice. I hope that lives can be saved.
Perhaps most importantly, though, Allison’s story will help to build and expand critical, foundational vocabulary about love and loss and a subject that is too important to be taboo.
Standout and Important
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Touching
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Heartbreaking but so inspiring for her strength and resilience!
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What stood out to me the most, though, was the darkness surrounding Stephen’s story, particularly through his experiences with drugs and certain retreats. Rather than bringing healing, these things seemed to deepen his struggles, and it felt as though he was tormented—something I truly believe was a demonic presence. Allison leans heavily into what I’d describe as “new age” spirituality, which is interesting given her and Stephen’s background in Catholicism and Mormonism, I assume by her story and Stephen’s rosary. She also opens her book with a Bible verse, which adds another layer to the complexity of her spiritual journey.
While I respect that everyone’s path is unique, some of the things she describes made me question whether they led to peace or just added to the confusion. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6). True healing and peace can only be found in Him, the light that leads us to heaven.
Light vs. Darkness
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Such strength and sadness
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