This Far Audiobook By Allison Holker cover art

This Far

My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light

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This Far

By: Allison Holker
Narrated by: Suzanne Elise Freeman
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About this listen

AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK

“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal

In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.

Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.

Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.

For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.

©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper Select
Grief & Loss Personal Development Personal Success Relationships

What listeners say about This Far

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Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.

Nothing, it is absolutely heartbreaking when she had to tell her child that he was gone and brought brought back a lot of feelings for me personally.

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  • Overall
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So real

This was so great. She beautifully depicted her heartbreak and anger. It’s clear that she loves her family so much.

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Was curious

I’m so glad I bought this book. I was always curious for more info behind twitch’s decision.. but what I got out of this book was so much more. Allison has every right to tell her story, and I loved learning about her childhood and her journey through life.. we never can pass judgment because everyone’s story is so different and we will never know behind the scenes. Thank you to Allison for sharing what she did I can imagine it was incredible difficult but brave of her.

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2 people found this helpful

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Real, raw and authentic

This book made me take a step back and listen first rather then judge then listen. You can tell she didn't write this book to be disrespectful but rather stay true to herself, her children and the relationships she holds dear. I don't have to agree with everything or think that her way is the best way, I can respect that she has done what she feels in necessary to heal and help others. I walk away feeling like I felt a sliver of the raw emotion that her and her family feel or have felt daily. I appreciate what has been brought to the forefront while listening to the book, it's been very thought provoking. MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD BE OPEN DISCUSSION, the good, the bad and the ugly! People are dying because communities stay quiet, because talking about mental health is still considered "taboo".. Good for Aliison for stepping up and taking part in this conversation ❤️

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Her story, her narrative

I really liked this honest story of resilience, survival and grit. People tend to forget that Allison is her own person and has her own story, separate from who Twitch was. I admire her for how hard she has fought all her life for a better future for her and for her kids. This is a story of an inspiring woman who made her way into the world and found love and success and made her own dreams come true. She also survived the loss of her husband through suicide. I felt this story was honest and inspiring. Great narration as well. We all can rise from the ashes like the phoenix. And it we have to start over, we will.

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Finally a book that is honest about the effects of grief

Finally a book that doesn't romanticize the dead. You can truly feel her love for her children and for her late husband while at the same time expressing her grief/ anger and disappointment for the route he took and the LONG lasting damage it has caused. Only they would know and it's HER story to tell. What a great example for her kids showing resilience and the importance of getting through something so horrific hand in hand. May this book also service as a guide of what underlying depression feels like and how it can be concealed . It's so very different for every person who experiences it and lives to tell the story. May he rest Peacefully and his family continue to heal 🙏 and honor him & themselves by living FULLY 🧡

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Healing and truth

Overall a good book. I appreciate the perspective of her experience before, through and life after a death.

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1 person found this helpful

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A great read

Honest, raw and courageous. I have so much respect for the bravery to write this book

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grateful for your truth!!

thank you as all i can say. sending the best to you & your babes!!!

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Loved This View of Allison & tWitch’s Story

I can’t express how much I adored watching new personal dance videos of this adorable family at home.

The love. The baby bellies. The joy of just dancing next to a Christmas tree as a family.

I was absolutely stunned when I saw that this beautiful family had been forever fractured. That the radiant, kind, gentle, and beautiful soul of Stephen became a cherished memory of happier times for this beautiful family.

I know this must have been so difficult yet necessary for Allison and their kids, and all who loved tWitch to help in their journey through life without him.

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