
This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Suzanne Elise Freeman
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK
“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
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put me right to sleep
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12 Months to $1 Million
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By cutting out the noise and providing a clear and proven plan, this road map helps even brand-new entrepreneurs make decisions quickly, get their product up for sale, and launch it to a crowd that is ready and waiting to buy. This one-year plan will guide you through the three stages to your first $1 million: the Grind (months 0-4), the Growth (months 5-8), and the Gold (months 9-12). If your goal is to be a full-time entrepreneur, get ready for one chaotic, stressful, and rewarding year. If you have the guts to complete it, you will be the proud owner of a million-dollar business.
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Good, but a Little Misleading
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The Daily Stoic
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Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
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Not well made as audio
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
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The True storyline
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What listeners say about This Far
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- Sue and Haylee
- 02-26-25
Articulate
Disliked the crackly voice of the narrator. The story was well told on such a hard subject and something I will take with me if I encounter somebody whose family has experienced suicide.
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- S. Crotts
- 03-14-25
Ayahuasca
So many after reports about this book have focused on Allison’s revelations about Stephen’s drug use and childhood trauma. I was surprised when I got to the chapter on Ayahuasca. This is dangerous stuff. Some people report these beautiful, life affirming circumstances. But others have devastating psychiatric emergencies. It’s a coin toss.
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- Becky
- 02-13-25
Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.
Nothing, it is absolutely heartbreaking when she had to tell her child that he was gone and brought brought back a lot of feelings for me personally.
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- jenn
- 02-13-25
So real
This was so great. She beautifully depicted her heartbreak and anger. It’s clear that she loves her family so much.
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- Melissa Escutia
- 02-06-25
Very raw, sad, and educative
Depression comes in many forms and facets. It’s not talked about enough. She did a great job at going back and becoming aware of things that many of us dismiss on a daily basis.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Book Diva
- 02-15-25
Transparent, shocking, sad, hopeful
I wondered what would make a man that had everything end his life. This transparent book answers most of the questions. Whether we know the answers or not, it’s tragic and sad for all involved.
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- julie
- 02-11-25
A beautiful, tragic story of a family coping post suicide
This book is a great memoir of a woman who's husband took his life. Instead of retreating into darkness and sorrow, she strived to be present and in the light with her children while dealing with the grief and media frenzy surround the suicide of a beloved tv personality.
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- Michele Klaiss
- 02-12-25
Moving and heartfelt
Allison was so brave to share her story. It was very inspirational. She will be a big motivation in helping others move forward .
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- cbits
- 02-15-25
Incredible Story
Allison is a truly Beautiful soul.
It will take me some time to fully process what you've all been through and what I've just read.
Allison's story, and what she and her family endured, is mind-blowing. It's both heartbreaking and enlightening.
This is her story. Why would she lie about it, only to be criticized? We haven't heard his side, but it's fairly clear what happened. The fact that he was a people-pleaser, always trying to make others happy and laugh (as comedians often do) is a huge clue, etc.
While there's nothing wrong with being happy, being happy 24/7 isn't typical.
This book has been incredibly insightful and, at times, triggering. It's really opened my eyes.
Allison's grace in sharing her story is remarkable. Now that she's moving forward, she and her children deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm so glad she can move on. ❤️
M.S.
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- b.harvill
- 03-02-25
Great reopening read
I love the way Allison spoke TRUTH about the subject of suicide. How sad she and her children have had to walk a road they had no choice in.
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