This Far
My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light
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Narrated by:
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Allison Holker
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By:
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Allison Holker
About this listen
In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.
Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.
Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.
For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.
©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper SelectListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
A book like no other, I Am Maria weaves Shriver’s hard-earned wisdom with her own deeply personal poetry. I Am Maria reminds listeners there is strength and love on the other side of all of our hardest days.
By: Maria Shriver
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People Pleaser
- Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations
- By: Jinger Vuolo
- Narrated by: Julie Lyles Carr, Jinger Vuolo
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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From childhood to early adulthood, Jinger Duggar Vuolo followed the expectations of others, never taking the time to discover who she truly was. It wasn't until she asked herself the question, "Who am I?" that she realized she was a people pleaser. This realization led her on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately, to rely on God for her approval and sense of self-worth. Through her faith and reliance on God, Jinger began to break free from the need for approval and discover true freedom.
By: Jinger Vuolo
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Good Time Girl
- By: Heather Gay
- Narrated by: Heather Gay
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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With her “thoughtful, smart, and funny” (Kirkus Reviews) writing, Heather recounts the humorous trysts, mishaps, and serendipitous success she’s found as a life-long reveler in all things indulgent. Coming off the heels of the most-watched RHOSLC episode of all time, Heather gives listeners a behind-the-scenes look at the receipts, proof, timeline, and screenshots of that fateful night in Bermuda. Good Time Girl is a charming and intimate meditation on community, love, independence, womanhood, and—most importantly—second chances.
By: Heather Gay
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The Harder I Fight the More I Love You
- A Memoir
- By: Neko Case
- Narrated by: Neko Case
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Singer-songwriter Neko Case paints a vivid portrait of an extraordinary life—one forged through a poverty-stricken childhood in “slummy, one-horse towns”; obsessive desire; bursts of comedy; and indispensable friendships, reflecting on the way art, music, and a deep connection to nature helped her on a singular journey to become a beloved, Grammy-nominated artist.
By: Neko Case
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Free
- My Search for Meaning
- By: Amanda Knox
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Amanda Knox spent nearly four years in prison and eight years on trial for a murder she didn’t commit—and became a notorious tabloid story in the process. Though she was exonerated, it’s taken more than a decade for her to reclaim her identity and truly feel free. Free recounts how Knox survived incarceration, the mistakes she made and misadventures she had reintegrating into society, and culminates in the untold story of her return to Italy and the extraordinary relationship she’s built with the man who sent her to prison.
By: Amanda Knox
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Your Mom's Gonna Love Me
- By: Matt Rife
- Narrated by: Matt Rife
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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Everyone has an opinion about Matt Rife, who at twenty-eight years old is both the hottest and most controversial comedian in America. Now, in his new book, Matt gives his legions of fans and haters plenty to talk about, with hilarious and dangerously revealing stories about his insane rise to stardom—from the trashy backroads of Ohio to the bedrooms of MILFs in LA to sold-out stadiums around the world.
By: Matt Rife
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Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything
- A Memoir
- By: Alyson Stoner
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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Actor-dancer Alyson Stoner's revelatory and incisive memoir—from family violence and betrayal, to eating disorders and religious trauma—may begin in Hollywood, but its chilling relatability will resonate with anyone navigating identity, privacy, purpose, and mental health in a digital age.
By: Alyson Stoner
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Matriarch
- A Memoir
- By: Tina Knowles
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Tina Knowles, the mother of iconic singer-songwriters Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Solange Knowles, and bonus daughter Kelly Rowland, is known the world over as a Matriarch with a capital M: a determined, self-possessed, self-aware, and wise woman who raised and inspired some of the great artists of our time. But this story is about so much more than that. Matriarch begins with a precocious, if unruly, little girl growing up in 1950s Galveston, the youngest of seven.
By: Tina Knowles
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Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old
- Thoughts on Aging as a Woman
- By: Brooke Shields, Rachel Bertsche - contributor
- Narrated by: Brooke Shields
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Brooke Shields has spent a lifetime in the public eye. Growing up as a child actor and model, her every feature was scrutinized, her every decision judged. Today Brooke faces a different kind of scrutiny: that of being a “woman of a certain age.” And yet, for Brooke, the passage of time has brought freedom. At fifty-nine, she feels more comfortable in her skin, more empowered and confident than she did decades ago in those famous Calvin Kleins. Now, in Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old, she’s changing the narrative about women and aging.
By: Brooke Shields, and others
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In Gad We Trust
- A Tell-Some
- By: Josh Gad
- Narrated by: Josh Gad
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first and possibly last time, Josh Gad dives into a wide array of personal topics: the lasting impact of his parents’ divorce; how he struggled with weight and self-image; his first big break; how everyone was sure his most successful ventures (both on the big screen and the stage) would fail; his take on fatherhood, and so much more.
By: Josh Gad
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Under His Wings
- How Faith on the Front Lines Has Protected American Troops
- By: Emily Compagno
- Narrated by: Emily Compagno
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In this celebration of faith and freedom, Fox News Co-Host Emily Compagno shares first person accounts that show the profound role belief in God has played in the lives of U.S. military servicemembers as they served in combat from World War I to today—commemorating the courage, camaraderie, spirit, and sacrifice of America’s heroes.
By: Emily Compagno
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The Church of Living Dangerously
- By: John Lee Bishop
- Narrated by: Christian Bale
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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This is the raw and remarkable story of John Bishop, a former megachurch pastor who ended up running drugs for a Mexican cartel, rescuing his son from a Mexican prison, and eventually ending up in a U.S. prison himself.
By: John Lee Bishop
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Master of Me
- The Secret to Controlling Your Narrative
- By: Keke Palmer
- Narrated by: Keke Palmer
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Keke Palmer thought she knew who she was. What it means to be a good person and what it takes to be a success. It all seemed so simple, until she realized the challenges she would have to face to prove to herself who she wanted to be. From feeling alienated to having to restart her career after ten years in to becoming a single mother just months after her son was born—everything she worked for in life that she felt granted her what she wanted now also reminded her that “life is going to life” and throw curveballs regardless of what you deserve.
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captivating journey of self discovery and empowerment
- By Ore on 11-20-24
By: Keke Palmer
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Life Is a Lazy Susan of Sh*t Sandwiches
- By: Angie Sullivan, Jennifer Welch
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Long before their blockbuster podcast, I’ve Had It, Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan were simply two best friends, supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Together they’ve celebrated family milestones and cheered on professional successes, but they’ve weathered the storms together too. When Jennifer’s husband battled alcoholism and drug addiction, she turned to Angie for support. When Angie’s own marriage began to crumble, she turned to Jennifer. And crucially, through it all they’ve kept one another laughing in stitches.
By: Angie Sullivan, and others
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The Next Day
- Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward
- By: Melinda French Gates
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
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In a rare window into some of her life’s pivotal moments, Melinda French Gates draws from previously untold stories to offer a new perspective on encountering transitions. Melinda will reflect on some of the most significant transitions in her own life, including becoming a parent, the death of a dear friend, and her departure from the Gates Foundation. The stories she tells illuminate universal lessons about loosening the bonds of perfectionism, helping friends navigate times of crisis, embracing uncertainty, and more.
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Open When
- A Companion for Life’s Twists & Turns
- By: Julie Smith
- Narrated by: Julie Smith
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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In this essential guide, Dr. Julie teaches her millions of readers and clients how to navigate life’s toughest occurrences while they’re happening, rather than moments or years after the fact. What if we can learn to harness our emotions and stay present so we can process and choose how to respond to a situation? Picking up where Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? leaves off, Dr. Julie shares the research-backed concepts and powerful skills we can use to weather our most vulnerable moments
By: Julie Smith
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This Changes Everything
- A Surprisingly Funny Book About Race, Cancer, Faith, and Other Things We Don't Talk About
- By: Tyler Merritt
- Narrated by: Tyler Merritt
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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When Tyler Merritt was diagnosed with cancer, everything he thought he knew about what mattered in life changed. Though he made it through a highly invasive surgery and thought he was in the clear, Tyler soon realized that the cancer had other plans. It wasn’t a question of if the tumor would come back for an encore, his doctors told him. It was a question of when. The clock was ticking. This Changes Everything is a humorous and optimistic love letter to this beautiful life.
By: Tyler Merritt
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What If You Are the Answer?
- And 26 Other Questions That Just Might Change Your Life
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Good questions make us think, teach us about ourselves, and if we’re honest in our replies, they can reveal the answers we’ve been searching for. In What If YOU Are the Answer?, Rachel Hollis shares the transformative questions that have helped her heal, grow, and thrive, even when life throws its hardest punches.
By: Rachel Hollis