This Far Audiobook By Allison Holker cover art

This Far

My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light

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This Far

By: Allison Holker
Narrated by: Suzanne Elise Freeman
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About this listen

AMAZON EDITOR’S PICK

“A celebration of the healing power of family and dance, Holker’s memoir shows how to heal from tragedy without wrapping everything up in a neat bow.” – Library Journal

In this candid and emotional memoir, Allison Holker opens up about her incredible dance career, her relationship with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, and the resilience that has carried her forward after his death.

Allison Holker was just eighteen when she found fame as a contestant on the reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Over the next several years, she had her first child, built a successful career as a professional dancer despite the industry being hostile to working moms, and fell in love with and married fellow dancer Stephen Boss, the former hype man and DJ of The Ellen DeGeneres Show known for his charisma and relentless positivity. Two more children and a wealth of professional opportunities for both Allison and Stephen followed, and the Bosses appeared to be one of the great Hollywood love stories.

Then, in December 2022, Stephen took his own life, leaving Allison to wrestle with unanswered questions, haunting what-ifs, and the heartbreaking realization that Stephen’s infectious joy was hiding pain, addictions, and self-doubt deeper than anyone knew.

For the first time, Allison reveals how she has navigated the emotional and financial aftermath of Stephen’s choice, guided their three children in their grief while managing the outpouring from a well-meaning public, and reopened herself to the next chapter in her professional and personal life. A beacon of hope and comfort for anyone experiencing grief—especially unexpected loss due to suicide—Allison’s story is an honest reflection on the pain of looking back on a complicated life and the resilience required to move into the future.

©2025 Allison Holker (P)2025 Harper Select
Grief & Loss Personal Development Personal Success Relationships Heartfelt Inspiring Emotionally Gripping

What listeners say about This Far

Highly rated for:

Honest Storytelling Vulnerable Narrative Powerful Story Heartfelt Account Inspiring Resilience Enjoyable Voice
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Articulate

Disliked the crackly voice of the narrator. The story was well told on such a hard subject and something I will take with me if I encounter somebody whose family has experienced suicide.

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Ayahuasca

So many after reports about this book have focused on Allison’s revelations about Stephen’s drug use and childhood trauma. I was surprised when I got to the chapter on Ayahuasca. This is dangerous stuff. Some people report these beautiful, life affirming circumstances. But others have devastating psychiatric emergencies. It’s a coin toss.

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Sharing her story on His suicide. I am a survivor and I’ve lost my dad to suicide.

Nothing, it is absolutely heartbreaking when she had to tell her child that he was gone and brought brought back a lot of feelings for me personally.

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So real

This was so great. She beautifully depicted her heartbreak and anger. It’s clear that she loves her family so much.

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Very raw, sad, and educative

Depression comes in many forms and facets. It’s not talked about enough. She did a great job at going back and becoming aware of things that many of us dismiss on a daily basis.

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Transparent, shocking, sad, hopeful

I wondered what would make a man that had everything end his life. This transparent book answers most of the questions. Whether we know the answers or not, it’s tragic and sad for all involved.

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A beautiful, tragic story of a family coping post suicide

This book is a great memoir of a woman who's husband took his life. Instead of retreating into darkness and sorrow, she strived to be present and in the light with her children while dealing with the grief and media frenzy surround the suicide of a beloved tv personality.

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Moving and heartfelt

Allison was so brave to share her story. It was very inspirational. She will be a big motivation in helping others move forward .

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Incredible Story

Allison is a truly Beautiful soul.

It will take me some time to fully process what you've all been through and what I've just read.

Allison's story, and what she and her family endured, is mind-blowing. It's both heartbreaking and enlightening.

This is her story. Why would she lie about it, only to be criticized? We haven't heard his side, but it's fairly clear what happened. The fact that he was a people-pleaser, always trying to make others happy and laugh (as comedians often do) is a huge clue, etc.

While there's nothing wrong with being happy, being happy 24/7 isn't typical.

This book has been incredibly insightful and, at times, triggering. It's really opened my eyes.

Allison's grace in sharing her story is remarkable. Now that she's moving forward, she and her children deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm so glad she can move on. ❤️

M.S.

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Great reopening read

I love the way Allison spoke TRUTH about the subject of suicide. How sad she and her children have had to walk a road they had no choice in.

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