
Silent Agreements
How to Free Your Relationships of Unspoken Expectations
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $15.75
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Bahni Turpin
About this listen
Silent Agreements will help listeners define the unspoken beliefs and expectations that might be causing dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and resentment in their relationships, giving them the tools to explore these agreements and work toward healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member.
If you have relationships, you've likely been part of silent agreements. Silent agreements are the implicit "rules" of your relationships that arise from unspoken beliefs and expectations that both parties hold, stemming from your earliest experiences and reinforced as you mature. They can sound something like "the person who makes more money should pay for the dates," or "my boss doesn't offer me a raise, and he knows I won't ask for one". These agreements can hinder your relationships, remaining undiscussed due to fear, aversion to conflict, feelings of obligation, or guilt. Because expectations so rarely line up and neither person will address the issue, a silent agreement can cause unhappiness and resentment on both sides.
Clinical psychologists Drs. Anderson, Banks, and Owens will help you explore your agreements and work toward healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member. In the process, you'll learn more about your own motivations and how to dismantle the the beliefs that don't serve you. With guidelines and advice on how to have productive conversations about sex, money, commitment, family, the workplace, and health, this book will help you lift the silence and resolve those land-mine issues before they do irreparable damage.
©2019 Linda D. Anderson, Sonia R. Banks, Michele L. Owens (P)2019 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
-
8 Rules of Love
- How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
- By: Jay Shetty
- Narrated by: Jay Shetty
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept or a collection of cliches, Jay Shetty lays out specific, actionable steps to help you develop the skills to practice and nurture love better than ever before. He shares insights on how to win or lose together, how to define love, and why you don’t break in a break-up. Inspired by Vedic wisdom and modern science, he tackles the entire relationship cycle, from first dates to moving in together to breaking up and starting over. And he shows us how to avoid falling for false promises and unfulfilling partners.
-
-
Audio quality is lacking:(
- By Robert Scarberry on 01-31-23
By: Jay Shetty
-
The Expectation Effect
- How Your Mindset Can Change Your World
- By: David Robson
- Narrated by: John Sackville
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Melding neuroscience with narrative, science journalist David Robson takes lstenersi on a deep dive into the many life zones the expectation effect permeates. We see how people who believe stress is beneficial become more creative when placed under strain. We see how associating aging with wisdom can add seven plus years to your life. People say seeing is believing but, over and over, Robson proves that the converse is truer: Believing is seeing.
-
-
Every leader and teacher must read!
- By Myron Golden on 09-18-22
By: David Robson
-
Nonviolent Communication
- Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
- By: Marshall Rosenberg PhD
- Narrated by: Marshall Rosenberg PhD
- Length: 5 hrs and 9 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On Nonviolent Communication, this renowned peacemaker presents his complete system for speaking our deepest truths, addressing our unrecognized needs and emotions, and honoring those same concerns in others. With this adaptation of the best-selling book of the same title, Marshall Rosenberg teaches in his own words.
-
-
This is an amazing life changing book!!!
- By Olesya on 08-03-16
-
Rest Is Resistance
- A Manifesto
- By: Tricia Hersey
- Narrated by: Tricia Hersey
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What would it be like to live in a well-rested world? Far too many of us have claimed productivity as the cornerstone of success. Brainwashed by capitalism, we subject our bodies and minds to work at an unrealistic, damaging, and machine‑level pace—feeding into the same engine that enslaved millions into brutal labor for its own relentless benefit. In Rest Is Resistance, Tricia Hersey, aka the Nap Bishop, casts an illuminating light on our troubled relationship with rest and how to imagine and dream our way to a future where rest is exalted.
-
-
What an experience
- By makeba jones on 10-26-22
By: Tricia Hersey
-
Women Who Love Too Much
- When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change
- By: Robin Norwood
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Is having 'somebody to love' the most important thing in your life? Do you constantly believe that with 'the right man' you would no longer feel depressed or lonely? Are you bored with 'nice guys' who are open, honest, and dependable? If being in love means being in pain, this book was written for you. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behavior, which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.
-
-
Offers recovery steps.
- By sasha on 04-21-15
By: Robin Norwood
-
Attached
- The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
- By: Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
- Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
-
-
Good book - just not a good one for Audible
- By Mark on 02-01-20
By: Amir Levine, and others
-
8 Rules of Love
- How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
- By: Jay Shetty
- Narrated by: Jay Shetty
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept or a collection of cliches, Jay Shetty lays out specific, actionable steps to help you develop the skills to practice and nurture love better than ever before. He shares insights on how to win or lose together, how to define love, and why you don’t break in a break-up. Inspired by Vedic wisdom and modern science, he tackles the entire relationship cycle, from first dates to moving in together to breaking up and starting over. And he shows us how to avoid falling for false promises and unfulfilling partners.
-
-
Audio quality is lacking:(
- By Robert Scarberry on 01-31-23
By: Jay Shetty
-
The Expectation Effect
- How Your Mindset Can Change Your World
- By: David Robson
- Narrated by: John Sackville
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Melding neuroscience with narrative, science journalist David Robson takes lstenersi on a deep dive into the many life zones the expectation effect permeates. We see how people who believe stress is beneficial become more creative when placed under strain. We see how associating aging with wisdom can add seven plus years to your life. People say seeing is believing but, over and over, Robson proves that the converse is truer: Believing is seeing.
-
-
Every leader and teacher must read!
- By Myron Golden on 09-18-22
By: David Robson
-
Nonviolent Communication
- Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
- By: Marshall Rosenberg PhD
- Narrated by: Marshall Rosenberg PhD
- Length: 5 hrs and 9 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On Nonviolent Communication, this renowned peacemaker presents his complete system for speaking our deepest truths, addressing our unrecognized needs and emotions, and honoring those same concerns in others. With this adaptation of the best-selling book of the same title, Marshall Rosenberg teaches in his own words.
-
-
This is an amazing life changing book!!!
- By Olesya on 08-03-16
-
Rest Is Resistance
- A Manifesto
- By: Tricia Hersey
- Narrated by: Tricia Hersey
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What would it be like to live in a well-rested world? Far too many of us have claimed productivity as the cornerstone of success. Brainwashed by capitalism, we subject our bodies and minds to work at an unrealistic, damaging, and machine‑level pace—feeding into the same engine that enslaved millions into brutal labor for its own relentless benefit. In Rest Is Resistance, Tricia Hersey, aka the Nap Bishop, casts an illuminating light on our troubled relationship with rest and how to imagine and dream our way to a future where rest is exalted.
-
-
What an experience
- By makeba jones on 10-26-22
By: Tricia Hersey
-
Women Who Love Too Much
- When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change
- By: Robin Norwood
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Is having 'somebody to love' the most important thing in your life? Do you constantly believe that with 'the right man' you would no longer feel depressed or lonely? Are you bored with 'nice guys' who are open, honest, and dependable? If being in love means being in pain, this book was written for you. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behavior, which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.
-
-
Offers recovery steps.
- By sasha on 04-21-15
By: Robin Norwood
-
Attached
- The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
- By: Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
- Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
-
-
Good book - just not a good one for Audible
- By Mark on 02-01-20
By: Amir Levine, and others
-
Difficult Conversations
- How to Discuss What Matters Most
- By: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
- Narrated by: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
- Length: 5 hrs and 40 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Difficult Conversations teaches you how to handle even the toughest conversations more effectively and with less anxiety. Based on 15 years of work at Harvard Negotiation Project and consultations with thousands of people, the authors answer the question: When people confront the conversations they dread the most, what works? Difficult Conversations walks you through a proven, concrete, step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations.
-
-
Talking too much
- By Carl on 12-18-02
By: Douglas Stone, and others
-
Girl, Wash Your Face
- Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As the founder of the lifestyle website TheChicSite.com and CEO of her own media company, Rachel Hollis developed an immense online community by sharing tips for better living while fearlessly revealing the messiness of her own life. Now, in this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the 20 lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively.
-
-
More for women who are mothers
- By MeredithNCSU girl on 04-07-18
By: Rachel Hollis
-
The Power of Surrender
- Let Go and Energize Your Relationships, Success, and Well-Being
- By: Judith Orloff M.D.
- Narrated by: Judith Orloff
- Length: 15 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The art of letting go, Dr. Judith Orloff explains, is the secret key to manifesting power and success in all areas of life, including work, relationships, sexuality, radiant aging, and health and healing. In our superconnected world, where emails and text messages constantly interrupt us, it's easier to let go than you think. Once embraced, surrendering removes roadblocks and the exhaustion that comes from "trying too hard" - and it helps you achieve goals more effortlessly and brings ongoing happiness.
-
-
Great But...
- By LJ on 11-20-18
-
Self-Compassion
- The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
- By: Kristin Neff
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion - and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
-
-
Learning self-compassion is transforming my life.
- By Erika on 03-28-13
By: Kristin Neff
-
The Wild Edge of Sorrow
- Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief
- By: Francis Weller, Thomas Hübl, Michael Lerner - foreword
- Narrated by: Derek Botten
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Wild Edge of Sorrow offers hope and healing for a profoundly fractured world—and a pathway home to the brightness, pains, and gifts of being alive. Profoundly moving, beautifully written, this book is a balm for the soul and a necessary salve for moving together through difficult times. Grounded in ritual and connection, The Wild Edge of Sorrow welcomes each grief with care and attention, opening us to the feelings, experiences, and sacred knowledge that connect us to each other and ultimately make us whole.
-
-
Grief for Dummies
- By August on 08-14-17
By: Francis Weller, and others
-
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
- The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
- By: John Gray
- Narrated by: John Gray
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In his classic guide to understanding the opposite sex, Dr. John Gray provides a practical and proven way for men and women to improve their communication and relationships by acknowledging the differences between them. Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: They forgot they were from different planets.
-
-
May I suggest...
- By Lenna on 06-29-06
By: John Gray
-
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
- By: Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 4 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In today's fast-paced world of competitive workplaces and turbulent economic conditions, each of us is searching for effective tools that can help us to manage, adapt, and strike out ahead of the pack. By now, emotional intelligence (EQ) needs little introduction - it’s no secret that EQ is critical to your success. But knowing what EQ is and knowing how to use it to improve your life are two very different things.
-
-
Self-assessment is subjective
- By A. Yoshida on 03-07-18
By: Travis Bradberry, and others
-
Boundary Boss
- The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free
- By: Terri Cole MSW LCSW
- Narrated by: Terri Cole MSW LCSW
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The most successful and satisfied people on the planet have one thing in common: the ability to create and communicate clear, healthy boundaries. This ability is, hands down, the biggest game changer when it comes to creating a healthy, happy, self-determined life. In Boundary Boss, psychotherapist Terri Cole reveals a specific set of skills that can help you stop abandoning yourself for the sake of others (without guilt or drama) and get empowered to consciously take control of every aspect of your emotional, spiritual, physical, personal, and professional life.
-
-
Buy the hard cover book
- By Luxor on 05-05-21
-
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
-
-
Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
-
The Happiness Hypothesis
- By: Jonathan Haidt
- Narrated by: Ryan Vincent Anderson
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jonathan Haidt skillfully combines two genres-philosophical wisdom and scientific research-delighting the listener with surprising insights. He explains, for example, why we have such difficulty controlling ourselves and sticking to our plans; why no achievement brings lasting happiness, yet a few changes in your life can have profound effects, and why even confirmed atheists experience spiritual elevation.
-
-
Amazing book, terrible choice in voice.
- By JAMES on 02-05-19
By: Jonathan Haidt
-
It's OK That You're Not OK
- Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
- By: Megan Devine
- Narrated by: Megan Devine
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides - as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner - Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing.
-
-
The author of this book is capital-A Angry
- By A. E. Ober on 08-26-20
By: Megan Devine
-
I'm Not Yelling
- A Black Woman’s Guide to Navigating the Workplace
- By: Elizabeth Leiba
- Narrated by: Zoleka Vundla
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I'm Not Yelling is part strategy for savvy black business women navigating a predominantly white corporate America and part vessel empowering black women to find their voices in toxic work environments and be successful business women. Statistical and anecdotal evidence guide the way. Explore the data and hear the accounts of Black women in business who face, work through, and rise above workplace discrimination. Finding your voice as women entrepreneurs. Successful business women use their voice to become strong Black leaders who instill positive change in the workplace culture.
-
-
SPEAK UP!!!!
- By Anonymous User on 04-03-23
By: Elizabeth Leiba
Critic reviews
“Fear is a great silencer that restrains vulnerable engagement, the absence of which leads to profound and painful complications. The authors of Silent Agreements unearth this widespread phenomenon with great clarity and offer a well-thought-out process that makes truth sharing possible and healing. We recommend this book to anyone who is having conversations in their head that they are keeping to themselves.” (Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, authors of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
“The insightful authors of Silent Agreements offer clarity on how we can approach and resolve those challenging unspoken issues between ourselves and others without fear. They will help illuminate new pathways of understanding, and foster open communication in all your relationships. I recommended this very helpful book for anyone who is committed to creating happy, healthy relationships." (Katherine Woodward Thomas, New York Times best-selling author of Conscious Uncoupling)
"What a cogent, insightful look at how the agreements we think are presumed and assumed by the very people we most want to understand us rarely are because of what never gets said. This wise book gives profound voice to the inner silences that can trip up all of our relationships, be they with loved ones or workplace partners. A must read for those wanting to be truly heard." (Audrey Edwards, coauthor of Children of the Dream: The Psychology of Black Success)
What listeners say about Silent Agreements
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Mark
- 05-16-22
Thank you
This is a tremendous work filled with little nuggets of knowledge the reader can take with them.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Deborah Miller
- 05-31-23
Example Stories
The author explains what silent agreements are and then uses story examples from different categories (relationships, health, money, ect). The stories helped me picture the character of silent agreements, how they begin, and how to healthily talk about them. I recognized where they've taken place in my own life (and, praise be to God, where they easily could have taken place, but God provided the space and people for open communication and gracious hearts). I listened to the book in only one or two days.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
4 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Valerie
- 12-15-19
Struggled to listen
I didn't care for the narration. I found it grating. The subject matter was very depressing.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
3 people found this helpful