Bill the Vampire
The Tome of Bill, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Christopher John Fetherolf
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By:
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Rick Gualtieri
About this listen
THERE ARE REASONS WE FEAR THE NIGHT. HE'S NOT ONE OF THEM.
Loud-mouthed gamer Bill Ryder thought the dice had finally rolled in his favor when he met Sally. Sadly, his triumph quickly turned into a critical failure–leaving him at death’s door with his throat torn out.
Now he’s a vampire, trapped in a world of monsters that are stronger, deadlier, and a hell of a lot cooler. They’re giving him just ninety days to prove he has what it takes to be an apex predator of the night, assuming he doesn’t give them a reason to dust his ass sooner.
This game isn't over yet, though. Turns out a vamp like Bill hasn’t been seen in centuries. He’s got a few tricks up his sleeve, unexpected allies, and an attitude that's too obnoxious to quit. He’ll need all that and more if he doesn’t want to end up even deader than last time.
Join him in this hilarious tale of bloodthirsty beasts, gory mayhem, and an unlikely hero who's still at the bottom of the food chain.
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Bram Stoker meets The Big Bang Theory in Bill The Vampire–book one of The Tome of Bill, the vampire comedy series that’ll leave you thirsting for more.
Perfect for fans of Shayne Silvers, Steve McHugh, Jim Butcher, and What We Do in the Shadows, this hilarious horror comedy will keep you entertained from start to finish.
Don’t miss out on this bloody good time! Grab your copy of Bill The Vampire now and prepare to sink your teeth into a world of undead mayhem and gut-busting humor.
Content Warning: This book contains violence, gore, crude humor, and a shitload of swearing.
©2011 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick GualtieriListeners also enjoyed...
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- Length: 3 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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After the loss of his girlfriend Jesse, druid-trained hunter Colin McCool swore off monster-hunting for good. Now a rogue vampire is killing the weak and defenseless in his city, and no one else seems to care enough to stop him. To end the slaughter, Colin has agreed to take up his sword one last time...but will this "one final job" be the death of him?
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dont waste money
- By STACY GREEN on 12-23-18
By: M. D. Massey
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Undead and Unwed
- Queen Betsy, Book 1
- By: MaryJanice Davidson
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Waking up in a tacky coffin and wearing off-brand shoes, Betsy Taylor can't believe the horrible turn her life has taken; then she discovers she's a vampire. Soon, Betsy becomes a participant in a power struggle between the forces of darkness. With only her friend Jessica and the hunky vampire Sinclair to help her, this new "Queen of Vampires" will have a tough time getting her afterlife straight.
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Great Concept / Annoying Character
- By Vanessa on 07-28-09
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Graveyard Shift
- By: Michael F. Haspil
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Alex Menkaure, former pharaoh and mummy, and his vampire partner, Marcus, born in ancient Rome, are vice cops in a special Miami police unit. They fight to keep the streets safe from criminal vampires, shape-shifters, bootleg blood dealers, and anti-vampire vigilantes. When poisoned artificial blood drives vampires to murder, the city threatens to tear itself apart. Only an unlikely alliance with former opponents can give Alex and Marcus a fighting chance against an ancient vampire conspiracy.
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Vampires and humans living in harmony?
- By Anne on 03-23-18
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Hard Spell
- Occult Crimes Unit Investigations, Book 1
- By: Justin Gustainis
- Narrated by: Peter Brook
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Scranton, the strangest city on earth has an uneasy “live and let unlive” relationship with the supernatural. But when a vamp puts the bite on an unwilling victim, or some witch casts the wrong kind of spell, that’s when they call me. “My name’s Markowski, a Detective Sergeant on the Scranton PD’s Supernatural Crimes Investigation Unit. I carry a badge. Also, a crucifix, some wooden stakes, a big vial of holy water, and a 9mm Beretta loaded with silver bullets.”
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Predictable and Flat
- By Madeleine on 03-29-14
By: Justin Gustainis
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Divine Misfortune
- By: A. Lee Martinez
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Teri and Phil had never needed their own personal god. But when Phil is passed up for a promotion - again - it's time to take matters into their own hands. And look online. Choosing a god isn't as simple as you would think. There are too many choices; and they often have very hefty prices for their eternal devotion: blood, money, sacrifices, and vows of chastity. But then they find Luka, raccoon god of prosperity. All he wants is a small cut of their good fortune. Oh - and to crash on their couch for a few days.
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Gods Gone Wild
- By Tango on 12-08-13
By: A. Lee Martinez
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The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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This could have been amazing, went on too long.
- By Justin on 11-22-22
By: John Conroe
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Dying Bites
- Bloodhound Files, Book 1
- By: D. D. Barant
- Narrated by: Johanna Parker
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Her job description is the "tracking and apprehension of mentally-fractured killers". What this really means in FBI profiler Jace Valchek's brave new world - one in which only one percent of the population is human - is that a woman's work is never done. And real is getting stranger every day. Jace has been ripped from her reality by David Cassius, the vampire head of the NSA. He knows that she's the best there is in the business, and David needs her help in solving a series of gruesome murders of vampires and werewolves.
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Not a yawner!
- By K on 09-17-12
By: D. D. Barant
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Kill Someone
- By: Luke Smitherd
- Narrated by: Matt Addis
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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From the author of the international best seller The Stone Man, short-listed for Audible UK's Book of the Year Award 2015. Here are the rules. Method: you can't use a gun. You can't use explosives. You can't use poison. It has to be up close and personal. You don't have to worry about leaving evidence; that will be taken care of. Victim: no one suicidal. No one over the age of 65. No one with a terminal illness. Choose your method. Choose your victim.
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The Good of the Many is More Important...Or is it?
- By JoanneG on 12-06-16
By: Luke Smitherd
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Straight Outta Fangton
- A Comedic Vampire Story
- By: C. T. Phipps
- Narrated by: Cary Hite
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Peter Stone is a poor, black vampire who is wondering where his nightclub, mansion, and sports car is. Instead, he is working a minimum wage job during the night shift, as being a vampire isn't all that impressive in a world where they've come out to mortals. Exiled from the rich and powerful undead in New Detroit, he is forced to go back when someone dumps a newly-transformed vampire in the bathroom of his gas station's store.
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So funny, you'll die!!!
- By Jason on 09-29-17
By: C. T. Phipps
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Histories
- A Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter Short Story Collection (Quincy Harker Collection)
- By: John G. Hartness
- Narrated by: James Anderson Foster
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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An attack in the dark. The loss of a love. Waking up hung over in a ditch. These are the things that make a hero, especially if that hero is Quincy Harker, immortal wizard, snarky bastard, and general badass. Histories collects two short stories and one short novella giving a peek behind the curtain at the man, the myth, the legend that is Quincy Harker, as well as the origin story of one of his most popular cohorts, Jo Henry.
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Great for newcomers and Harker fans
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 10-11-22
By: John G. Hartness
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Bitten
- The Otherworld Series, Book 1
- By: Kelley Armstrong
- Narrated by: Aasne Vigesaa
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Elena Michaels is the world’s only female werewolf. And she’s tired of it. Tired of a life spent hiding and protecting, a life where her most important job is hunting down rogue werewolves. Tired of a world that not only accepts the worst in her–her temper, her violence—but requires it. Worst of all, she realizes she’s growing content with that life, with being that person.
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Definitely written in the 2000s
- By Kathy Kuwano on 07-16-22
By: Kelley Armstrong
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Charming
- Pax Arcana, Book 1
- By: Elliott James
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 10 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
John Charming isn't your average prince... He comes from a line of Charmings - an illustrious family of dragon slayers, witch-finders and killers dating back to before the fall of Rome. Trained by a modern day version of the Knights Templar, monster hunters who have updated their methods from chain mail and crossbows to Kevlar and shotguns, John Charming was one of the best-until a curse made him one of the abominations the Knights were sworn to hunt.
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Charming is Like Dresden in wolves clothing
- By Suzanne on 05-24-14
By: Elliott James
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Bone Shop
- A Marla Mason Novel
- By: T. A. Pratt
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-12-17
By: T. A. Pratt
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What listeners say about Bill the Vampire
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Raymond Neil
- 04-13-24
The narrator’s performance was awesome
The flow of action, humor and narrator performance made this a highly enjoyable experience both times I’ve listen d to it.
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- Jordan thornton
- 04-09-23
MC is a over eager puppy
I came into this pretty blind with how the story would go, and so far I’m not impressed. For one you can only stand so many jokes/puns within a few sentences from each other but this wouldn’t matter if the jokes were good but they are kinda pathetic. Second is how much of a puss the MC really is, more than 3/4ths of the way through and he doesn’t stand up for himself at all. Third is how pathetic he acts towards the person who literally killed him; being more concerned with how hot she is. To add onto the last point he acts like an eager puppy whenever a hot woman is around despite being surrounded by bodies. Fourth the MC has not agency what so ever, told he has a time limit on protection from other vamps but it more concerned with missing his DND game or working the next day. Considering all that the story so far is just boring.. we’re told he’s a special vampire but doesn’t show any redeeming qualities if you don’t count his terrible jokes. I think I’ll be skipping this series
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