Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents
A Guide to Healing
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Narrated by:
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Todd Lewandowski
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By:
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Jay Reid
About this listen
This book is for those who suffered as the scapegoat child to a narcissistic parent. The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood.
Scapegoating reflects the narcissistic parent’s own emotional disturbance–not the child’s.
Healing is possible for scapegoat survivors! New healthy beliefs about oneself can be established. This book explains how to heal with the three pillars of recovery:
- Making sense of the narcissistic abuse so you know it was not your fault
- Creating distance from narcissistic abusers in your life today
- Living in defiance of the narcissist's rules
Listeners will learn to apply these pillars in their own lives and reclaim the quality of life they deserve.
©2023 Jay Reid (P)2023 Jay ReidListeners also enjoyed...
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In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents' feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
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12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone
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Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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Rich exploration and application of ES principles
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What the award-winning, best-selling Boundaries has done for adult relationships, Boundaries with Kids will do for you and your children. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide the help and guidance you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. With wisdom and empathy, they take you through the ins and outs of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives.
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
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The Codependency Recovery Plan
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You can say no. You can stop people-pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved - without sacrifice - by breaking the codependency cycle. The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.
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Great content, audio not for the neurodiverse
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When Dad Hurts Mom
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Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother? Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it's physical or "just" emotional abuse, whether it's aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.
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Great information. Not the best narrator.
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Get out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior
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Practical, proven self-help steps show how to transform 40 common self-defeating behaviors, including procrastination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, rebellion, inaction, and more.
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Nothing new
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Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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Liberal Activism distracting
- By Janiene on 07-26-21
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How to Be an Adult in Relationships
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"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this audiobook, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships - one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life.
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Missing text
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
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You Are Not What You Think
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You and your ego: how to develop a healthy sense of self without becoming an egotist - and how to see through that sense of self for the happiness of yourself and others. How can you build the healthy ego necessary to be effective in life - yet avoid the kind of egotism that makes people dislike you? Don't worry; Dave Richo has the answers. His new book shows you how to navigate the tricky waters between egotism and selflessness in a way that avoids both extremes and makes you much more effective and loving.
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Extraordinarily Revealing
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Love this book
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This book will change the way you see yourself, your family, and the world.
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Adult children of narcissists have been conditioned to downplay, dismiss, and ignore their experiences. This survival skill of staying below the radar can cause even very skilled clinicians to miss subtle opportunities to connect. It is paramount that clinicians understand the scope of these clients' experiences in order to support their healing—and to avoid the common clinical mistakes and pitfalls that often lead to inadvertently repeating harmful cycles.
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What if emotional abuse is so hidden that its effects remain unchallenged for decades, masquerading as personal failings? Believing Me is an emotionally gripping memoir that gives language to the hidden and ineffable nature of childhood trauma and how it can imprint on a person, resulting in fractured self-esteem, addictions, perfectionism, and a string of abusive relationships.
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Someone else caused all my problems
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What listeners say about Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- JenH
- 05-15-23
Great book
This was a great book. It was quite validating. Must read if you have a toxic family.
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- Shelley Love
- 12-04-23
Wow! Clarity on So Many Levels!
This is the best book I’ve come across that explains what it’s like to grow up as the scapegoat in a toxic family. I’ve listened to it 3 times; gleaning more validation each listen. Bought the paperback too with plans to highlight certain nuggets of wisdom.
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- SB
- 04-25-23
So good
I will be listening to this again as it's full of great information! I'm so glad I found this book.
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- rebecca niamtu
- 07-26-24
Sounds like AI
I can’t get past the narration sounding like AI. I doubt I’ll be able to finish it. Probably a great book
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- DOG FAN
- 04-16-24
This is my story!
I have never heard my story, and the issues with the narcissists in my life. described so honestly. The Narratoration is flawless. Told brilliantly! Everything I've always thought and felt was described perfectly. I couldn't stop listening! As I just turned 60, I wish I would have had this book decades ago. Everything described in this book was my experience and it was awful being the scapegoat. I finally see that I'm not the bad person. My parents were awful people. Every example was either them or me. And at 60, I'm in therapy to try and undo the damage done to me. It's good to know It wasn't me, but I've got a long road ahead. If only they had been decent, I could have become something great. God only knows what I couldve become. Anything in life but the sorry scapegoat would have been amazing. Unfortunately I had sick violent Borderline/Narcissistic mother and FULL ON Narcissistic Father. And I hate them. They are truly evil. I'm glad the book shows who they really are.
Thank You!!
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- Dan Simard
- 08-23-24
intelligent practicality
nice combination of professional opinion and supportive data that is easily applied to self improvement.
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- colleen
- 09-03-24
If you've ever felt like the family loser and don't know why
This is such a great book, its hard to express how this hits the mark on scapegoats, why they are chosen, why those not being scapegoated seem to jump on them and take the side of the abuser, why the abuser/abusers do what they do and why the scapegoat takes their survival skills into the world only to self sabotage, choose narc friends, stay in bad relationships, and have a lack of skills to be kind to themselves. It explains that and so much more.
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- kelly layton
- 12-24-23
Helpful for Scapegoats to Understand Their Toxic Family’s Disorder/Dysfunction
I identify with the scapegoat role all too much. Jay Reid accurately illustrates what my parebts and siblings did to me for decades and the toxic narcissistic traits that compelled them to carry out the abuse. He shares useful insight for the scapegoat whose awareness has led to cutting contact from the narcissistic family in order to heal. I no longer feel so alone in the darkness and am working on self-compassion every day with the support of experts like Jay Reid.
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- Tiffany Johnson
- 05-26-23
The story of the G.O.A.T.
I learned much inside this book of what I already knew without being able to articulate. Thank you Jay Reid. Love you guys, We are worthy.
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- ACE
- 07-15-23
The information is invaluable!
The wealth of information is the best part about this book! This is the only book I have seen on the subject. If only I had it while growing up as a scapegoat! The performance of the narrator was good but lacking a bit between paragraphs. He rushed words together without giving people a chance to absorb the ending. The quality of the author's writing is adequate but also lacking. It seems as though no one edited this book.
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