You're Not the Problem
The Impact of Narcissism and Emotional Abuse and How to Heal
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Narrated by:
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Helen Villiers
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Katie McKenna
About this listen
Two popular psychotherapists explore narcissism in family of origin, unpacking the fallout from being raised by narcissistic parents, and offering strategies for how to heal.
Many emotionally abusive behaviors from parent to child have become socially acceptable because of the way we repeat things our parents said and did, things passed down from generation to generation that persist today. You're Not the Problem enables us to recognize these behaviors and realize the profound impact they have had, and still have, and to see the patterns they form in our relationships with parents, partners and friends. It also shows us how to heal on a personal level but also on a societal level. The legacy and the damage caused by narcissistic and emotional abuse will carry on, perpetuated by trauma and repeating cycles, unless we learn to recognize and understand it, unless we as individuals and as a society learn how to challenge it and stop its vicious cycle of destruction—which is what this book sets out to do.
This book will explain and illustrate:
- How to recognize emotional abuse in family relationships: its language and behaviors
- The immediate and long term impact of these behaviors
- Strategies for healing
- How to avoid repeating these behaviors
Using client narratives and sample scripts, Villiers and McKenna offer a compassionate, sympathetic approach to looking at our familial patterns—and how we can break free from these toxic relationships and reclaim our lives.
©2024 Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna (P)2024 Hachette GoListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
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THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject
- By Alexandria Filipowski on 10-23-19
By: Dana Morningstar
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Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents
- How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve
- By: Sherrie Campbell PhD
- Narrated by: Sherrie Campbell
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood.
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Validation
- By Jeremy Guse on 11-10-24
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Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents
- A Guide to Healing
- By: Jay Reid
- Narrated by: Todd Lewandowski
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This book is for those who suffered as the scapegoat child to a narcissistic parent. The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood.
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Eye opening
- By Belle on 07-24-23
By: Jay Reid
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Will the Drama Ever End?
- Untangling and Healing from the Harmful Effects of Parental Narcissism
- By: Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
- Length: 9 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A pioneer on the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse, Karyl McBride, PhD, has the answer for anyone desperate for help in overcoming the damage of being raised in a family headed by a narcissistic parent. Divided into three sections, McBride explores the insidious way a narcissistic environment is developed in a family, how a narcissistic parent damages a child’s emotional growth and ability to trust, and finally, how to not only move on but become truly free.
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Great book but worksheet?
- By Amazon Customer on 05-02-23
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Treating Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- A Clinician's Guide
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Ann Sprinkle
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Lindsay C. Gibson draws on more than thirty years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and outlines a unique approach to treating a common syndrome that shapes the lives of so many people seeking therapy. Gibson shares her perspectives on the goals of therapy, and what therapists need to know in order to provide the most effective interventions.
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Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists
- Essays on the Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery and Reflection
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Soneela Nankani
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Those who have had a narcissistic parent can testify to how damaging it can be to one's psyche. Narcissistic parents lack empathy, show a severe sense of entitlement to micromanage the lives of their children, and often subject their children to neglect, as well as emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. From the unique challenges daughters of narcissistic fathers face to the ways in which adverse childhood experiences affect our brains, Shahida Arabi's insightful essays resonate deeply with those who have been raised by narcissistic parents.
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Incredibly helpful book for survivors of narcissistic abuse
- By Alison Wacter on 12-11-23
By: Shahida Arabi
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Out of the Fog
- Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
-
-
THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject
- By Alexandria Filipowski on 10-23-19
By: Dana Morningstar
-
Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents
- How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve
- By: Sherrie Campbell PhD
- Narrated by: Sherrie Campbell
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood.
-
-
Validation
- By Jeremy Guse on 11-10-24
-
Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents
- A Guide to Healing
- By: Jay Reid
- Narrated by: Todd Lewandowski
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This book is for those who suffered as the scapegoat child to a narcissistic parent. The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood.
-
-
Eye opening
- By Belle on 07-24-23
By: Jay Reid
-
Will the Drama Ever End?
- Untangling and Healing from the Harmful Effects of Parental Narcissism
- By: Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
- Length: 9 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A pioneer on the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse, Karyl McBride, PhD, has the answer for anyone desperate for help in overcoming the damage of being raised in a family headed by a narcissistic parent. Divided into three sections, McBride explores the insidious way a narcissistic environment is developed in a family, how a narcissistic parent damages a child’s emotional growth and ability to trust, and finally, how to not only move on but become truly free.
-
-
Great book but worksheet?
- By Amazon Customer on 05-02-23
-
Treating Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- A Clinician's Guide
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Ann Sprinkle
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Lindsay C. Gibson draws on more than thirty years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and outlines a unique approach to treating a common syndrome that shapes the lives of so many people seeking therapy. Gibson shares her perspectives on the goals of therapy, and what therapists need to know in order to provide the most effective interventions.
-
Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists
- Essays on the Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery and Reflection
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Soneela Nankani
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Those who have had a narcissistic parent can testify to how damaging it can be to one's psyche. Narcissistic parents lack empathy, show a severe sense of entitlement to micromanage the lives of their children, and often subject their children to neglect, as well as emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. From the unique challenges daughters of narcissistic fathers face to the ways in which adverse childhood experiences affect our brains, Shahida Arabi's insightful essays resonate deeply with those who have been raised by narcissistic parents.
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Incredibly helpful book for survivors of narcissistic abuse
- By Alison Wacter on 12-11-23
By: Shahida Arabi
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If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?
- Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse
- By: Avery Neal
- Narrated by: Virginia Wolf
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
In this groundbreaking audiobook, Avery Neal, founder of the Women's Therapy Clinic, helps you recognize the warning signs of subtle abuse. As you are able to identify patterns that have never made sense before, you are better equipped to make changes. An expert in the field, Neal has guided countless individuals to regain their self-esteem, their joy, and their lives. From letting go of fear to setting boundaries, If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad? will help you enjoy a happy, healthy, fulfilling life, free of shame or blame.
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Please keep politics out of a Self Help book.
- By Laureen K on 09-18-20
By: Avery Neal
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Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame
- Healing Right Brain Relational Trauma
- By: Patricia DeYoung
- Narrated by: Vicki-Jo Eva
- Length: 14 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
A masterful synthesis of relational and attachment theory, neurobiology, and contemporary psychoanalysis, Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame: Healing Right Brain Relational Trauma has been internationally recognized as an essential text on shame. Integrating new theory about trauma, shame resilience, and self-compassion, this second edition further clarifies the relational, right-brain essence of being in and with the suffering of shame. New chapters carry theory further into praxis.
By: Patricia DeYoung
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Believing Me
- Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma
- By: Ingrid Clayton
- Narrated by: Ingrid Clayton PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
What if emotional abuse is so hidden that its effects remain unchallenged for decades, masquerading as personal failings? Believing Me is an emotionally gripping memoir that gives language to the hidden and ineffable nature of childhood trauma and how it can imprint on a person, resulting in fractured self-esteem, addictions, perfectionism, and a string of abusive relationships.
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Someone else caused all my problems
- By Searcy Custom Homes on 12-03-23
By: Ingrid Clayton
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Escaping Emotional Abuse
- Healing from the Shame You Don’t Deserve
- By: Beverly Engel
- Narrated by: Stephanie Richardson
- Length: 11 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In The Emotionally Abused Woman, therapist Beverly Engel introduced the concept of emotional abuse, one of the most subtle yet devastating forms of abuse within a relationship. Now Engel exposes the most destructive technique the abuser uses to break our spirit and gain control - and guides listeners on how to free themselves from the shame that can keep them from the life (and the love) they deserve.
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Excellent Audiobook - Suitable for Anyone
- By Anonymous for Privacy on 10-26-24
By: Beverly Engel
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Whole Again
- Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
- By: Jackson MacKenzie, Shannon Thomas - foreword
- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith, Erin Spencer
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jackson MacKenzie has helped millions of people in their struggle to understand the experience of toxic relationships. His first book, Psychopath Free, explained how to identify and survive the immediate situation. In this highly anticipated new audiobook, he guides listeners on what to do next - how to fully heal from abuse in order to find love and acceptance for the self and others. MacKenzie shares insights and tools for working through the protective self we've developed so that we can finally move on to live a full and authentic life.
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Good content, but to much repeat
- By Adri on 03-23-19
By: Jackson MacKenzie, and others
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Healing from Toxic Relationships
- 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse
- By: Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD
- Narrated by: Suehyla El-Attar, Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Surviving and escaping a toxic or abusive relationship can often only be part of the struggle. Long after, survivors often struggle to heal; your self‑esteem may be damaged, you may feel rage and betrayal, and you may punish and/or blame yourself. The author of Gaslighting and specialist in toxic behavior, narcissistic abuse, and personality disorders, Dr. Stephanie Sarkis has seen it all—and she is here to help you understand how to move forward.
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Made sense
- By Amanda on 10-07-23
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Mothers Who Can't Love
- A Healing Guide for Daughters
- By: Susan Forward, Donna Frazier Glynn
- Narrated by: Susan Forward, Kathleen Gati, Julia Whelan, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
With Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 best-seller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters - and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy.
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Very Powerful. Deserves 6 stars!
- By wendy on 03-25-15
By: Susan Forward, and others
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Power
- Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of love-bombing and devaluation - psychological violence on steroids.
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A “Powerful” book
- By Avid reader on 10-16-17
By: Shahida Arabi
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Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
- Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve
- By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, Wendy T. Behary LCSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Linda Jones
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother and are struggling with the lingering effects of a toxic upbringing, this is the road map you need to heal the past and thrive in the present and future.
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I really needed this!
- By Rachael E on 01-28-23
By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, and others
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It's Not You
- Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
- By: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Length: 11 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
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I needed this
- By Austin E. Jonas Jr. on 03-02-24
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Escaping the Narcissist
- How to Heal and Recover from Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships
- By: Louise Maxwell
- Narrated by: Nettie Rose
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In "Escaping the Narcissist," Louise Maxwell offers a compassionate and practical guide for those seeking to break free from the toxic grip of narcissistic abuse. This transformative book provides listeners with the tools they need to heal and recover, empowering them to reclaim their lives and rebuild their sense of self-worth.
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Insightful
- By Reed99 on 01-09-25
By: Louise Maxwell
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"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
- By: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized.
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Excellent reality check
- By Lisa Rose on 10-11-19
What listeners say about You're Not the Problem
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Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Isabelle L.
- 07-17-24
Validating and Helpful
Gives clear, relatable examples while explaining behaviors and providing constructive means for growth with enough information to provide a thorough understanding — without being too clinical to follow. I felt like I got a lot from this book.
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- Tracy S
- 04-26-24
Great and helpful
Really liked this- gave examples, exercises, and well put together. Great help for anyone in this situation
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-16-24
Life changing
So much information to absorb in a short amount of time. So I will be reading this again, at least one more time. This book is life changing. I would suggest anyone that has had to love with a narcissistic family member or spouse to dive in!
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- Maxine Maxwell
- 12-03-24
Great
Very good book
Could see myself and my sister in the stories
Very compassionate authors
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- Audible Listener
- 04-11-24
Highly reccomend
There is a good deal of information in this book, and it's presented in a way that is both compassionate and easy to understand. I felt encouraged, validated, challenged even called out in some instances. Great experience, healthy learns, and cause for reflection.
I'm definitely going to listen to this again.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-17-24
Life changing
Excellent resource for understanding and healing narcissistic abuse. Recommend for the children and partners of individuals with NPD.
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- david irace
- 04-12-24
amazing work
this book is a wonderful guide to understand narcissist behavior and to heal from the wounds it can cause
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-28-24
Finally, healing
I’ve listened to a lot of books about my abusive childhood. This is the first one that actually helped me begin healing by validating the struggles with how to fu@& do it. The exercises in ch 10 are bookmarked!! The describe myself activity in particular broke down a wall for me. I am not what my family describes me as and the people I love being around see me for who I truly am. Thank you, authors for giving that gift to me. My self hatred was not my fault, their voices were just too loud and hateful. I was never the problem. 🥹
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- Kyle Crist
- 05-04-24
Renewal through reflection
This book is incredibly helpful. It is very challenging to face trauma and open up our armor, but it is well worth it. If you are on the fence, perhaps because you don't think you experience was THAT bad, get the book.
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- Amanda Belec
- 08-13-24
WOW absolutely WOW
It’s going to hurt but you will have your eyes opened to the world you missed around you.
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