
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Stephen R. Thorne
About this listen
New York Times best-selling author Jason Pargin’s hilarious and horrifying John Dies at the End series continues with If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe.
"Pargin once again delights with scathing social commentary thinly disguised as an outrageous action novel.... This is a feast." (Publishers Weekly)
If the broken neon signs, shuttered storefronts, and sub-standard housing didn’t tip you off, you’ve just wandered into the city of “Undisclosed”. You don’t want to be caught dead here, because odds are you just might find yourself rising from the grave. That hasn’t stopped tourists from visiting to check out the unusual phenomena that hangs around our town like radioactive fallout. Interdimensional parasites feeding on human hosts, paranormal cults worshipping demonic entities, vengeful teenage sorcerers, we’ve got it all.
Did I mention the possessed toy? It’s a plastic football-sized egg that’s supposed to hatch an adorable, colorful stuffed bird when a child “feeds” it through a synchronized smartphone app. What’s actually inside is an otherworldly monstrosity that’s enticing impressionable wayward youth into murdering folks and depositing their body parts inside the egg as if it’s a hungry piggy bank to trigger the end of the world.
That’s where Dave, John, and Amy come in. They face supernatural threats so the rest of us don’t have to—and sometimes even earn a couple of bucks to so do. But between the bloody ritual sacrifices and soul-crushing nightmares, our trio realizes this apocalypse is way above their pay grade.
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A Normal Life in an Abnormal World
- By Arthur D. Rich on 08-26-17
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How to Be Dead Boxed Set
- Books 1-3
- By: Dave Turner
- Narrated by: Dan Calley
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Dave Marwood is trapped in a soul-crushing dead-end job. He's in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience—though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard-drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely, and dangerous.
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Good piece of brain candy
- By Cynthia Roman on 10-30-24
By: Dave Turner
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Mogworld
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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In a world full to bursting with would-be heroes, Jim couldn't be less interested in saving the day. His fireballs fizzle. He's awfully grumpy. Plus, he's been dead for about sixty years. When a renegade necromancer wrenches him from eternal slumber and into a world gone terribly, bizarrely wrong, all Jim wants is to find a way to die properly, once and for all. On his side, he's got a few shambling corpses, an inept thief, and a powerful death wish. But he's up against tough odds....
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An unexpected amount of punctuation
- By James M. Orlando on 03-24-23
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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Differently Morphous
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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A magical serial killer is on the loose, and gelatinous, otherworldly creatures are infesting the English countryside. Which is making life for the Ministry of Occultism difficult, because magic is supposed to be their best kept secret. After centuries in the shadows, the Ministry is forced to unmask, exposing the country's magical history - and magical citizens - to a brave new world of social media, government scrutiny, and public relations.
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Not for everybody
- By R. MCRACKAN on 09-24-18
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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They Lurk
- By: Ronald Malfi
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel, Amy McFadden
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Newly reissued from the "modern-day Algernon Blackwood" comes five terrifying collected horror novellas.
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While their short stories, they’re also non-ending stories
- By laurie j sousa on 12-05-23
By: Ronald Malfi
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack
- Books 1-2
- By: D.M. Guay
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.
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cool idea ruined by cartoonish narration
- By AJ on 11-29-20
By: D.M. Guay
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A Lonely Broadcast
- Book One
- By: Kel Byron
- Narrated by: Autumn Ivy, MrCreepypasta, Joey Sourlis
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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If you find yourself driving down a winding mountain road near an endless stretch of pines, try tuning in to 104.6 FM: the radio station that shouldn't exist. Troubled radio host Evelyn McKinnon returns to her hometown of Pinehaven, but soon realizes the isolated mountain village has secrets of monstrous proportions. She's stalked by a bird with human eyes, her new co-host drives her crazy, and when the fog rolls in, the beasts of Pinehaven Forest begin their brutal, bloody hunt.
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Unexpected gem
- By Anonymous User on 04-10-25
By: Kel Byron
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Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One
- By: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: MrCreepyPasta
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Drunk customers. Shoplifting raccoons. Otherworldly visitors. As night shift clerk at the 24-hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all.
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???
- By Avery Adair on 11-27-23
By: Jack Townsend
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
- By K. F. on 03-09-17
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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Paradox Bound
- A Novel
- By: Peter Clines
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 12 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Nothing ever changes in Sanders. The town's still got a video store, for God's sake. So why doesn't Eli Teague want to leave? Not that he'd ever admit it, but maybe he's been waiting - waiting for the traveler to come back. The one who's roared into his life twice before, pausing just long enough to drop tantalizing clues before disappearing in a cloud of gunfire and a squeal of tires. The one who's a walking anachronism, with her tricorne hat, flintlock rifle, and steampunked Model A Ford.
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I tried SO hard, I really did!
- By Angela Vickery on 10-04-17
By: Peter Clines
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Fever House
- A Novel
- By: Keith Rosson
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When leg-breaker Hutch Holtz rolls up to a rundown apartment complex in Portland, Oregon, to collect overdue drug money, a severed hand is the last thing he expects to find stashed in the client’s refrigerator. Hutch quickly realizes that the hand induces uncontrollable madness: Anyone in its proximity is overcome with a boundless compulsion for violence. Within hours, catastrophic forces are set into motion.
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Finished it - barely
- By Margaret Goldstein on 11-02-23
By: Keith Rosson
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The Calculating Stars
- A Lady Astronaut Novel
- By: Mary Robinette Kowal
- Narrated by: Mary Robinette Kowal
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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On a cold spring night in 1952, a huge meteorite fell to earth and obliterated much of the East Coast of the US, including Washington, DC. The ensuing climate cataclysm will soon render the Earth inhospitable for humanity, as the last such meteorite did for the dinosaurs. This looming threat calls for a radically accelerated effort to colonize space and requires a much-larger share of humanity to take part in the process. Elma York’s drive to become the first lady astronaut is so strong that even the most dearly held conventions of society may not stand a chance against her.
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Never achieves lift off
- By Richard Bruno on 10-01-18
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Sister Snake
- A Novel
- By: Amanda Lee Koe
- Narrated by: Zoë Chao
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Sisterhood is difficult for Su and Emerald. Su leads a sheltered, moneyed life as the picture-perfect wife of a conservative politician in Singapore. Emerald is a nihilistic sugar baby in New York, living from whim to whim and using her charms to make ends meet. But they share a secret: once, they were snakes, basking under a full moon in Tang dynasty China. A thousand years later, their mysterious history is the only thing still binding them together.
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LOVED everything about it!!
- By lavici on 12-14-24
By: Amanda Lee Koe
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The Salvage Crew
- By: Yudhanjaya Wijeratne
- Narrated by: Nathan Fillion
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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An AI overseer and a human crew arrive on a distant planet to salvage an ancient UN starship. The overseer is unhappy. The crew, well, they're certainly no A-team. Not even a C-team on the best of days. And worse? Urmahon Beta, the planet, is at the ass-end of nowhere. Everybody expects this to be a long, ugly, and thankless job. Then it all goes disastrously wrong. What they thought was an uninhabited backwater turns out to be anything but empty.
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Rats, I got sucked in and wasted a credit
- By unknown on 01-31-21
Da Filthy
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Back on the Sauce
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Moar soy sauce
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This book is dafilthy
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this book is dafilthy
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Just as good as the others
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I I I I I I I I
He don gone and done it again
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I swear this is gold.
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So good, it's Da Filthy!
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David Wong in true form.
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