It's Not Me, It's You Audiobook By John Kim, Vanessa Bennett cover art

It's Not Me, It's You

Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.

Preview

Try for $0.00
Prime logo Prime members: New to Audible?
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
Premium Plus auto-renews for $14.95/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

It's Not Me, It's You

By: John Kim, Vanessa Bennett
Narrated by: John Kim, Vanessa Bennett
Try for $0.00

$14.95/month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy for $19.79

Buy for $19.79

Confirm purchase
Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.
Cancel

About this listen

Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership.

Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last?

It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves. Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce. But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40.

In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond.

The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding.

It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 John Kim, Vanessa Bennett (P)2022 HarperCollins Publishers
Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Personal Success Psychology
activate_Holiday_promo_in_buybox_DT_T2

What listeners say about It's Not Me, It's You

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    206
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    8
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    2
Performance
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    179
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    4
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    2
Story
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    176
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    6
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    3

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Life changing!

I found this book when I needed it the most! Thank You! I realized I was wrong in so many things when it comes to the idea of love and a healthy relationship!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Clarity!

Amazing reading! Life changing if your in a relationship and you want it to stand the test of time.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Best book to listen to to expand your view on a relationship

This book touched me. I found myself laughing out of relatability, yet retiring to listen when in need of strength, comfort and understanding in my own relationship. Each chapter is crafted to perfection. I love the intertwine between Vanessa’s and johns perspective. They would talk about a topic, give it structure, add their own relationship into it then give you guidance on how to work through it. It was raw, yet well composed. I found several similarities to how Vanessa and John are to my own relationship. I felt comforted in the arms of this book and wished it wouldn’t end. I hope to see Vanessa write more books as I allied with her perspective more than johns, but the togetherness and self understanding of faults and challenges is what made this book so pure and purposeful. I have recommended it to all of my friends in a relationship, because they talk about what isn’t talked about and adds reason to keep the boat afloat when you feel like you see holes. It’s honest and will listen to it more than once. Do yourself a favor and let yourself grow throughout this book!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Best relationship & codependency book I’ve read in a long time

I loved how this book challenged me to in specific ways to look again at why I don’t speak up in my marriage. I also got a clearer understanding of the role love languages plays in my being haunted by exes & feeling unloved in my marriage. I appreciate the attachment book and love language book recommendations.
I wish there had been more resources for discerning emotional abuse, the confusion it creates and safe steps to take to own my codependency while not exposing myself unnecessarily to an unsafe person.
I feel the need to buy the hard copy version of the book to review it and to journal my responses to questions. And there was mention of a breakout box on codependent types that I think I missed in the audio version.
I has sworn off relationship books b/c I think I’ve tried everything, but this book actually fired me up to take a deeper look at my tendencies for the personal benefit it will bring me as well as to fulfill my obligation to my current and future relationships.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Hmm

makes you look at your everyday relationships in perspective. will listen again to use in my everyday life

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Another Successful Book!

I have read most of John's books and it's great to have Vanessa speaking about her side of the story too! I hope there is a sequel to this book! Thank you for all that you do!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Will read again!

This book does such a good job looking at a lot of key relationship elements. There is a lot to take away for both friendships and romantic relationships. I wanted to keep reading but found myself purposely putting the book down to critically think about the information being provided. Great read!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

If you want an honest look at love

It’s a must read if you are really trying to understand what it takes for a relationship to succeed

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Great book for relationships!!

I loved it! I couldn't get thru it fast enough and the topics were helpful. definitely a great read!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Spot on & Helpful!

Love the back and forth, “he says-she says” style of this audible! I especially grew from the part on attachment styles & will look for more on the book they recommended! Very quick and insightful read/listen!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!