
It's Not Me, It's You
Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.
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Narrated by:
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John Kim
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Vanessa Bennett
About this listen
Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership.
Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last?
It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves. Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce. But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40.
In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond.
The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding.
It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2022 John Kim, Vanessa Bennett (P)2022 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Bonnie is the best
- By katherine roby on 08-23-24
By: Bonnie Wan
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I Love You but I Don’t Trust You
- The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship
- By: Mira Kirshenbaum
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Is my relationship worth saving? Will the trust ever come back? How can things be good between us again? Whether broken trust is due to daily dishonesties, a monumental betrayal, or even a history of hurts from the past, it can put a relationship at risk. This is the first book to show you exactly what to do to restore trust in your relationship, regardless of how it was damaged.
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for betrayed women - not men!
- By annonymous on 07-22-18
By: Mira Kirshenbaum
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Science Fictions
- How Fraud, Bias, Negligence, and Hype Undermine the Search for Truth
- By: Stuart Ritchie
- Narrated by: Stuart Ritchie
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Science is how we understand the world. Yet failures in peer review and mistakes in statistics have rendered a shocking number of scientific studies useless—or, worse, badly misleading. Such errors have distorted our knowledge in fields as wide-ranging as medicine, physics, nutrition, education, genetics, economics, and the search for extraterrestrial life. As Science Fictions makes clear, the current system of research funding and publication not only fails to safeguard us from blunders but actively encourages bad science—with sometimes deadly consequences.
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Needed Now More Than Ever
- By Todd on 08-06-20
By: Stuart Ritchie
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The Power of Voice
- A Guide to Making Yourself Heard
- By: Denise Woods
- Narrated by: Denise Woods, JD Jackson
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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From a toddler's first words to professional public speaking, from a marriage proposal to asking for a raise, our voice is our most crucial instrument of expression. The world judges us by our voice. And yet there has been no authoritative guide to mastering its full capacity and expressing our true selves in every aspect of life, from relationships and family to work. Until now.
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An autobiography, not a useful guidebook.
- By Anonymouse on 10-08-21
By: Denise Woods
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Messages
- The Communications Skills Book
- By: Matthew McKay PhD, Martha Davis PhD, Patrick Fanning
- Narrated by: Melinda Wade
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Many people assume that good communicators possess an intrinsic talent for speaking and listening. The reality is that communication skills are developed with deliberate effort and practice, and learning to understand others and communicate your ideas more clearly will improve every facet of your life. Messages has already helped thousands of people build communication skills and cultivate better relationships. With this fully revised and updated fourth edition, you’ll discover new skills to help you communicate your ideas more effectively and become a better listener.
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interesting
- By Physalia on 01-24-20
By: Matthew McKay PhD, and others
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Loving You Is Hurting Me
- A New Approach to Healing Trauma Bonds and Creating Authentic Connection
- By: Laura Copley
- Narrated by: Laura Copley, Donna Jay Fulks
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Too often, survivors of trauma are left feeling hopeless, exiled from normal social interactions, and destined for heartbreak in any relationship they attract. Through her work with clients, and her own experiences, Dr. Copley developed a roadmap for healing the toxic emotions that come from being bonded by trauma in relationships. In Loving You is Hurting Me, Dr. Copley guides you through your trauma origins and into a life rich with meaning, loving connection, and inspiration.
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Easy to grasp & actually interesting
- By Bryanna Sniadecki on 11-30-23
By: Laura Copley
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How to Own Your Own Mind
- By: Napoleon Hill, Don Green - introduction
- Narrated by: Robertson Dean
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Locked in a vault since 1941, here is Napoleon Hill's definitive lesson on how to organize your thinking to attain success! In How to Own Your Own Mind, you receive a one-of-a-kind master class in how to think for success from motivational pioneer and author of Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill. In three compelling chapters, Hill demonstrates how to organize, prioritize, and act on information so it translates into opportunity.
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Incredible Content for Any Independant Woman!
- By AnnaSzabo.com on 06-06-19
By: Napoleon Hill, and others
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The Gift of Rejection
- Harness Your Pain to Propel Your Purpose
- By: Nona Jones
- Narrated by: Nona Jones
- Length: 5 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Greatness and mediocrity are separated by one thing--how you respond to rejection. People who crumble beneath the weight of rejection never realize their full potential, but people who learn to use rejection as a catalyst experience fulfillment in their lives.
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Chapter 10. Especially when you and I quote “Shame gains power when we deny our story. Thant hit me in the throat
- By Kerryann on 02-06-25
By: Nona Jones
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The Craving Mind
- From Cigarettes to Smartphones to Love - Why We Get Hooked and How We Can Break Bad Habits
- By: Judson Brewer, Jon Kabat-Zinn - foreward
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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We are all vulnerable to addiction. Whether it’s a compulsion to constantly check social media, binge eating, smoking, excessive drinking, or any other behaviors, we may find ourselves uncontrollably repeating. Why are bad habits so hard to overcome? Is there a key to conquering the cravings we know are unhealthy for us? This book provides groundbreaking answers to the most important questions about addiction.
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Extremely eye opening and personally helpful
- By Brad Simon on 01-04-20
By: Judson Brewer, and others
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The Break Up Manual for Men
- Recover From a Serious Breakup, Become Stronger and Get Your Ex Back (If You Want)
- By: Andrew Ferebee
- Narrated by: Andrew Ferebee
- Length: 5 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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End the agonizing pain of a breakup, reclaim lost masculine power and self-confidence, and discover the secrets of how to get over a breakup faster and use it as a launchpad to reinvent your life, attract higher quality women, and pursue your dreams.
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Meh, it's ok...
- By Ernie on 12-04-16
By: Andrew Ferebee
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Win Your Breakup
- How to Be the One That Got Away
- By: Natasha Adamo
- Narrated by: Natasha Adamo
- Length: 4 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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You picked up this book because your breakup has been reduced to something that you feel you must “win” to emotionally survive and move on. This reduction can only take place if you were involved with a toxic person. Toxic people are selfish, empathetically bankrupt, and have a limited relationship with reality. Anyone who feels validated by exploiting your hunger for theirs is toxic - to your peace, your life, and your mental health.
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It’s like a bad gossip girl episode
- By Anonymous User on 04-29-22
By: Natasha Adamo
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How to Stop Being Toxic and Build Healthy Relationships
- Become Self-Aware, Stop Hurting Others, Quit Manipulative and Narcissistic Behaviors to Boost Confidence and Restore Inner Peace
- By: Taylor Blake
- Narrated by: Jeff Moore
- Length: 4 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Breaking free from toxic behaviors doesn't have to be an unreachable endeavor. Even if you've tried to change before and failed or feel overwhelmed by the idea of confronting your toxic behavior. This transformative guide is expressly designed to usher you into a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Imagine experiencing a life where you nurture healthy relationships, respect boundaries, communicate effectively, and experience true inner peace. It's time to start your journey to quitting toxic behaviors, reshaping your life, and experiencing the peace and fulfillment you deserve.
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Wow great!
- By Daniel Banachowski on 04-13-24
By: Taylor Blake
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Insecure in Love
- How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It
- By: Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In Insecure in Love, you'll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help you recognize your negative thoughts or unhealthy behavior patterns and respond to them in a nurturing way - rather than beating yourself up. You'll also learn how insecurity can negatively affect healthy dialog between you and your partner (or potential partners) and develop the skills needed to stop you from reverting back to old patterns of neediness and possessiveness.
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attachment theory
- By erika on 02-08-16
Life changing!
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Clarity!
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Best book to listen to to expand your view on a relationship
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Hmm
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Another Successful Book!
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Will read again!
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I wish there had been more resources for discerning emotional abuse, the confusion it creates and safe steps to take to own my codependency while not exposing myself unnecessarily to an unsafe person.
I feel the need to buy the hard copy version of the book to review it and to journal my responses to questions. And there was mention of a breakout box on codependent types that I think I missed in the audio version.
I has sworn off relationship books b/c I think I’ve tried everything, but this book actually fired me up to take a deeper look at my tendencies for the personal benefit it will bring me as well as to fulfill my obligation to my current and future relationships.
Best relationship & codependency book I’ve read in a long time
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Straightforward
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Also love the reflection questions.
Incredible!
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Therapeutic, punn intended
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