Liches Get Stitches
Liches Get Stitches, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Ella Lynch
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By:
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HJ Tolson
About this listen
Evil stirs in the forest of Downing, spreading blight across the ancient boughs.
Busy with troubles of her own, Maud the village witch just wants to be left alone. Peace and quiet should be easy enough when you're dead, right?
Wrong. Reborn as a powerful lich, Maud is suddenly faced with the attentions of all the righteous heroes, holy clerics, and nosy neighbors of the realm. Now, instead of whiling away the days in her garden with her cat and her knitting, Maud must figure out how much force is required to crush a man's spine, the proper storage solution to keep a spoiling cadaver, and how best to display the remains of the fallen for maximum scare.
Liches Get Stitches is a very grisly slice-of-life progression fantasy featuring people mulch, head bouquets, revenant geese, and some very deadly embroidery. Undead paradise never looked so good.
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In this brand new series from the author of the Clockwork Empire series, a hopeless outcast must answer Death's call and embark on an epic adventure... Although Danr's mother was human, his father was one of the hated Stane, a troll from the mountains. Now Danr has nothing to look forward to but a life of disapproval and mistrust, answering to "Trollboy" and condemned to hard labor on a farm. Until, without warning, strange creatures come down from the mountains to attack the village.
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I DON'T WANT YOU TO FOLLOW ME,
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-22-17
By: Steven Harper
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Shadow Magic
- By: Joshua Khan
- Narrated by: Ramon de Ocampo
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Thorn, an outlaw's son, wasn't supposed to be a slave. He's been sold to Tyburn, an executioner, and they're headed to Castle Gloom in Gehenna, the land of the undead, where Thorn will probably be fed to a vampire. Lilith Shadow wasn't supposed to be ruler of Gehenna. But following the murder of her family, young Lily became the last surviving member of House Shadow, a long line of dark sorcerers. Her country is surrounded by enemies, and the only way she can save it is by embracing her heritage and practicing the magic of the undead.
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Great first book!
- By Bob Zelm on 03-31-20
By: Joshua Khan
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The Oversight
- By: Charlie Fletcher
- Narrated by: Simon Prebble
- Length: 14 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Once there were hundreds of members of the Oversight, the brave souls who guard the borders between the mundane and the magic. Now there are only five. When a vagabond brings a screaming girl to the Oversight's London headquarters, she could answer their hopes for new recruit, or she could be the instrument of their downfall.
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Fantastic start to a fantasy series
- By jessica on 06-01-14
By: Charlie Fletcher
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Wit'ch Fire
- The Banned and the Banished, Book 1
- By: James Clemens
- Narrated by: Jennifer Van Dyck, Kevin Pariseau
- Length: 15 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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On a fateful night five centuries ago, three mages made a desperate last stand, sacrificing everything to preserve the only hope of goodness in the beautiful, doomed land of Alasea. Now, on the anniversary of that ominous night, a girl-child ripens into the heritage of lost power. But before she can even comprehend her terrible new gift, the Dark Lord dispatches his winged monsters to capture her and bring him the embryonic magic she embodies.
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An Amazing Journey
- By Drink Coffee, Read Books on 12-27-14
By: James Clemens
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The Summer Dragon
- First Book of The Evertide
- By: Todd Lockwood
- Narrated by: Ali Ahn
- Length: 17 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Maia and her family raise dragons for the political war machine. As she comes of age, she anticipates a dragon of her own to add to the stable of breeding parents. Her peaceful life is shattered when the Summer Dragon - one of the rare and mythical High Dragons - makes an appearance in her quiet valley. Political factions vie for control of the implied message, threatening her aspirations, her aerie, her entire way of life.
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5 star plotline, 2 star main character
- By Allison on 12-01-16
By: Todd Lockwood
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Shadow of the Exile
- By: Mitchell Hogan
- Narrated by: Neil Hellegers
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Outcast and exiled, the demon Tarrik Nal-Valim has long been forgotten by the world of humans. At least, so he thinks. But when he is summoned as a last resort by a desperate sorcerer, it seems as though his past has caught up with him. The sorcerer is Serenity “Ren” Branwen, the daughter of Tarrik’s former master - and friend. Though she seems cold, driven, and ruthless, Tarrik can tell Ren has her back against a wall, and he is compelled by ferocious powers to obey her.
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Entertaining
- By @tone0189 on 10-22-18
By: Mitchell Hogan
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In the Land of Hershel
- The Sunrider Saga, Book 0
- By: Rafael Hohmann
- Narrated by: Ralph Lister
- Length: 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Five knights tell stories of ancient lands, madness, and terrifying monsters...but no one can top Knight Elric's tale of the Land of Hershel, a monstrous swamp filled with horrifying creatures and an ever-present threat. If you stop moving, you drown. "In the Land of Hershel" is a short story set in the thrilling world of SunRider.
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Good but
- By Mistina on 05-09-23
By: Rafael Hohmann
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The Companions
- Forgotten Realms: The Sundering, Book 1
- By: R.A. Salvatore
- Narrated by: Victor Bevine
- Length: 14 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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This latest installment in New York Times best-selling author R.A. Salvatore's beloved fantasy saga, The Companions moves Salvatore's signature hero Drizzt into a new era of the Forgotten Realms. As Drizzt's fate hangs in the balance, he reflects on the lives of the trusted allies who stood by his side throughout his early life - the friends now known as the Companions of the Hall. Meanwhile, the first stirrings of the Sundering begin.
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BWAHAHA! R.A. Salvatore does it again!
- By Roger on 08-14-13
By: R.A. Salvatore
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House of Furies
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Billie Fulford-Brown
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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After escaping a harsh school where punishment was the lesson of the day, 17-year-old Louisa Ditton is thrilled to find employment as a maid at a boardinghouse. But soon after her arrival at Coldthistle House, Louisa begins to realize that the house's mysterious owner, Mr. Morningside, is providing much more than lodging for his guests. Far from a place of rest, the house is a place of judgment, and Mr. Morningside and his unusual staff are meant to execute their own justice on those who are past being saved.
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One of the characters is Satan..lots of the occult
- By Angela Briggs on 07-25-19
By: Madeleine Roux
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Warhammer Adventures: City of Lifestone
- Realm Quest, Book 1
- By: Tom Huddleston
- Narrated by: Billie Piper
- Length: 2 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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The adventure begins.... Raised as a slave, Kiri dreams of one day living a better life. That day comes when her barbarian captors are attacked by the noble Stormcast Eternals. Seizing her chance, Kiri flees through a mysterious Realmgate to the fabled city of Lifestone. There she meets a special group of children: Thanis the fighter, Alish the inventor, Kaspar the sneak and Elio the healer. Together they must lift a terrible curse and save the city from darkness.
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for billie piper
- By mauricio seiti on 07-26-19
By: Tom Huddleston
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The Book of Magic
- By: Gardner Dozois - editor, Scott Lynch, Elizabeth Bear, and others
- Narrated by: Karissa Vacker, Sile Bermingham, Maxwell Caulfield, and others
- Length: 24 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Hot on the heels of Gardner Dozois's acclaimed anthology The Book of Swords comes this companion volume devoted to magic. How could it be otherwise? For every Frodo, there is a Gandalf... and a Saruman. For every Dorothy, a Glinda... and a Wicked Witch of the West. What would Harry Potter be without Albus Dumbledore... and Severus Snape? Figures of wisdom and power, possessing arcane, often forbidden knowledge, wizards and sorcerers are shaped - or misshaped - by the potent magic they seek to wield.
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some stinkers mostly good
- By M.T. on 12-11-18
By: Gardner Dozois - editor, and others
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Amber Magic
- Haven Series, Book 1
- By: B. V. Larson
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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The humans have no magic and are hunted for sport, but that is about to change. War is coming.... The Sun Dragon spawned nine lesser dragons which devoured their parent for the power the elder possessed. These young dragons fought for choice bits of the Sun Dragon, but each only managed to eat a portion, thus giving them specific powers. Over time, these foul dragons were hunted down and slain by heroes of old.
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Not Undying Mercenaries Thats for sure
- By John on 10-21-15
By: B. V. Larson
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The Adventurers Guild
- The Adventurers Guild Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Zack Loran Clark, Nick Eliopulos
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In one of the last cities standing after the world fell to monsters, best friends Zed Kagari and Brock Dunderfel have high hopes for the future. Zed desperately wishes to join the ranks of the Mages Guild, where his status as Freestone's only half-elf might finally be an asset. Brock, the roguishly handsome son of merchants, is confident he'll be welcomed into the ranks of the Merchants Guild. But just as it seems the boys' dreams have come true, their lives take a startling turn...and they find themselves members of the perilous Adventurers Guild.
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Well written and well read.
- By Reviewer on 05-22-19
By: Zack Loran Clark, and others
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I liked it
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In the distant past, a time of magic and swordplay, there lived Harold, the mightiest lich of all, a master of arcane sciences, and a challenger of gods. After reaching the pinnacle of his power and finding it surprisingly bland, Harold waged a cataclysmic war against the gods, aiming to shatter the very system that confined him.
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Great story, great production!
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What the Truck: An Apocalypse LitRPG
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Feedback from a trucker
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Oathbound Healer
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Reincarnation,- Common Sense from that Prior Life
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Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
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Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
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Sound Editing Needed
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Paranormal Real Estate
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The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
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All for One LitRPG
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Every living creature wants to survive. For young Mason, his experiences of being beaten, bullied, and abandoned by his own family encouraged him to do just that. But after being caught up in a terrorist attack during a college tour, he finds himself in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by a new foe—the supernatural—and not even death can stop his primal instinct to live.
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Awesome
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The Order of Architects
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I used to be the greatest Earth Mage in my world. The head of the entire Order of Architects. But the older you get, the more you come to realize that at some point, you need to retire, so that you can have the chance to enjoy a peaceful life and to cede your place to the young, some of whom have already turned two thousand years old . . .So that's what I did. But I failed to account for one thing: during the course of my long life, I'd accumulated too many enemies, and they had decided to spoil my retirement. So they died along with me. And I hope their deaths were final. But mine was not!
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Haphazard storyline.
- By v on 09-08-24
By: Oleg Sapphire, and others
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Golem Dungeon
- Orb Keeper # 1 LitRPG
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The goblin horde is coming, driven by a dark Sorcerer eager to drive the dwarven race into extinction. Reborn as a dungeon core inside a fabled gem known as the Brisingstone, Bowen vows to use this new life to protect what is left of his people and avenge those who could not be saved. With new-found powers, Bowen learns to create golems of stone and clay to act on his behalf. With half-remembered mining skills, Bowen rekindles the forge of his ancestors and, under the guidance of his new Dungeon fairy, teaches his golems to create metal automatons of war.
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Horrible
- By David W Nicholson on 08-17-21
By: S P Andrews
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Bog Standard Isekai: Scarred
- By: Miles English
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Mark’s new life begins in the worst possible place—a burned-out village haunted by undead. Each morning these ravenous creatures disappear, only to return at night, driven by a relentless hunger. He'll need to stay low and think quick, because trapped and alone in the body of a child, he can’t level up in this new world. At least not yet. Soon Mark will learn that even among the living, safety isn’t guaranteed. When the small town that he ends up in turns out to be at the center of a conspiracy that threatens the world, he'll need to uncover the truth before it's too late.
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Yikes that took a turn
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Shrubley, the Monster Adventurer
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A Litrpg with feeling
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By: James T. Callum, and others
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A Soldier's Life, Book 1
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Follow an unfortunate soul who has been thrown into a fantasy world with nothing. He is quickly railroaded into joining the Legion and has to develop under harsh conditions while slowly discovering his potential power.
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As a soldier myself the parallels are great
- By Rocky on 05-06-24
By: Always RollsAOne, and others
What listeners say about Liches Get Stitches
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Pokezeb
- 09-16-23
Mind bend
The lich acts like a stereotypical undead lord and then like a hermit girl then back again without ever really questioning if her personality has changed at all from her unintentional undead change over and left me with an odd feeling of "is this cute?" as she arranged flowers and heads on pikes and pet her cat while enjoying a rainy day
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- Anonymous User
- 08-28-22
Amazing
I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. It was funny tale of woe. The narrator did a fantastic job a brought story to life. The only complaint was it was to short. I will be buying the next book.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Patrick Higdon
- 11-30-24
Awesome
Absolutely love this Narrator!
Story line is fantastic! Great Humor, and easy to follow!
Can’t wait to dig into the rest of the series!
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- A.
- 12-14-22
Great book
This book was pretty entertaining, and I hope the next book doesn’t sound like it is being recorded through a gas mask. (It does.)
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- craig goad
- 04-13-23
Liches Love Stories
Get that Liche Another Story!!! Ella's is a genius, what a refreshing Ressurection of a new story dug up from that horrifically wonderous mind! I can't wait to Devour the next, Morsel of Joy :) 😀 😃 🙂
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- Naomi
- 08-02-22
Ella Lynch KILLS it as Maud
I read this book back when it first came out on kindle, and I loved it then, and I love it now. This feminist deconstruction of your typical progression fantasy is equal parts witty and hysterical, and casting Ella Lynch to voice Maud is PERFECTION. I always imagined Maud to have a very cute voice, and Ella Lynch delivers. The black comedy is made even funnier this way. If you've ever wanted to leave the world behind to be a fashionable goth witch doing arts and crafts in a charming little cottage in the woods, then this story is for you. If you've ever wanted to commune with the dead and dance by the light of the full autumn moon, then this story is for you. And if you've ever wanted to just go absolutely ape**** on all the men who've ever patronized you in your life, then this story is for YOU.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Andrew Jemiolo
- 08-05-22
Grab this book
loved the whole story, characters are fun and following a newly born lich who doesn't know basic magic is refreshing compared to the normal op magic user trope. Hope this continues getting narrated in follow-up books. can't wait for 2nd book already. Need more books like this imo.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 08-03-22
personal opinion on the story.
I enjoyed a story the concept to use and the way to use it was quite interesting. a town the characters were like. I really enjoyed the main character. the fact that she became a lich by accident it's quite amusing. but the funniest part was the fact that her black three was a chicken correction a rooster. when I heard that I couldn't help but chuckle of that very notion. your factory your full Factory the very anchor to the mortal world which be which needed. instead of being a gem but a chicken or rooster. very amusing. white criticism is the patient was slightly off of some parts but once again this could be overlooked ask story it's interesting and funny enough to keep me invested overall a good story keep the good work and enjoy writing. in final single enjoy your work and never stop improving glory to Lucifer peace.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-26-22
loved it
What a great lichy slice of life story! I love that it is a light hearted tale about a creature so sinister! I'm looking forward to the second one! :)
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jessica Wrobel
- 09-15-23
Pretty good
A nice light read, if that can be said about the undead. I love following the lead as they go about learning and the somewhat detached thought process of executing their plans. I’d read a second book if one was written.
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