Why Can't I Just Leave
A Guide to Waking Up and Walking Out of a Pathological Love Relationship
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Narrated by:
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Sheri Saginor
About this listen
More than 60 million people have been in a pathological love relationship with someone who has an impaired conscience. Are you one of them?
Do you feel fiercely loyal toward your partner, although your partner has put you through unspeakable acts of cruelty and betrayal?
Has your partner lied so much that sometimes you aren't sure you know what's real or who your partner really is?
Have you tried to break off the relationship, yet feel powerless to stop your partner from walking in and out of your life?
Do you alternate between believing that your partner is the love of your life and questioning your sanity or even feeling your life may be in danger?
Using the stories of survivors and social psychological research on compliance, cognitive dissonance, and thought control, Why Can't I Just Leave? explains how relationships with pathological partners can create impossible dilemmas that trap you in a distorted dream state and hijack your thoughts and emotions.
Learn what those who are conscience-impaired don't want you to know and find out how to wake up and walk out of your partner's invisible prison forever.
Foreword by Sandra L. Brown, MA, author of Women Who Love Psychopaths.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2021 Kristen Milstead (P)2022 Kristen MilsteadListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Kristen has a straightforward way of explaining the complex topic of narcissistic abuse. Her book shares both insights from her personal experiences and a clear and compassionate framework for understanding the complex ways that ostensibly loving relationships can morph into something utterly corrosive and dangerous." (Dan Partland, Emmy-award winning director of UNFIT: The Psychology of Donald Trump)
"The truth is often hard to face. Getting free from an emotionally abusive relationship and facing that truth will be the hardest thing you ever do. This book is packed with been-in-the-trenches wisdom and the key to your freedom." (Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support, author, and coach)
"With the courageous use of her own intimate relationship, Kristen Milstead provides both an exploration and explanation of every aspect of "pathological love relationships." . . . Every aspect is covered in both practical and theoretical detail, as well as by example." (David M. Reiss, MD, psychiatrist and coauthor of The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump)
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- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Talking to Crazy
- How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life
- By: Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: L. J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? How do you talk to someone who's out of control? What can you do with a boss who bullies, a spouse who yells, or a friend who frequently bursts into tears? In his book Just Listen, Mark Goulston shared his best-selling formula for getting through to the resistant people in your life. Now he brings his communication magic to the most difficult group of all - the downright irrational.
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Dissapointed
- By Aaron Olson on 11-04-15
By: Mark Goulston MD
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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The No Contact Rule
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being his or her backup plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding up back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship.
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I can not recomment this book highly enough!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-14-17
By: Natalie Lue
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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Finding Your Own North Star
- Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live
- By: Martha Beck
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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As the creator of Life Designs, Inc., Martha Beck has helped hundreds of clients find their own North Stars and figure out how to fulfill their potential and create joyful lives through her lectures, seminars, and one-on-one counseling. In this book she shares her step-by-step program that will guide you to fulfill your own potential.
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Narration not for me
- By MARYANN ORDONEZ on 10-02-17
By: Martha Beck
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Love Understood
- The Science of Who, How and Why We Love
- By: Laura Mucha
- Narrated by: Laura Mucha
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
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Poets, philosophers and artists have been trying to explain romantic love for centuries, but it remains one of the most complex and intimidating terrains to navigate. Most people are afraid to be open and honest about their relationships...until now. For Love Understood, Laura Mucha has interviewed hundreds of strangers, from the ages of 8 to 95 in more than 40 countries, asking them to share their most personal stories, feelings and insights about love.
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Insightful, informative, and thought provoking
- By James on 03-05-19
By: Laura Mucha
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
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Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship
- By: Natalie Lue
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
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Most people, if asked, would deny that they'd ever had fantasy relationships, as they are associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that's nonexistent. However, it's time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of texts, email, Facebook, online dating, and casual relationships, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb-filled fantasy relationship.
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Just ok...
- By LaKita on 09-13-17
By: Natalie Lue
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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Unrequited
- Women and Romantic Obsession
- By: Lisa A. Phillips
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned 30, she fell in love with someone who didn't return her feelings. She soon became obsessed. She followed him around, called him compulsively, and talked about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and began to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized.
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Great book! So-so narrator....
- By ToluGrace on 04-14-15
By: Lisa A. Phillips
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
- Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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Deal Breakers
- When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away
- By: Dr. Bethany Marshall
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?
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I Cried Thru The First Thirty Minutes...
- By Kimberley on 02-20-08
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This book is amazing.
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Covert narcissism is a hidden and concealed form of narcissism, making it all the more difficult for the abuser to be confronted or "outed" for their behavior. Covert narcissism is a passive-aggressive, hostile, and toxic form of abuse that makes victims feel hopeless, unheard, hurt, and confused by the abusers' behavior.
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Good
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What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship
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Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. If you're looking to listen to this audiobook, you're likely heartbroken and looking for some guidance, support, or understanding. As someone who has been through the hell of a narcissistic relationship, I can offer you all three, and I hope this audiobook can help you make sense of this heartbreaking time.
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Narcissistic abuse creates a tidal wave of confusion, hypervigilance, and overthinking. You have trouble thinking clearly, remembering things, or taking in new information. And because these changes are happening to you, you begin to wonder: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make this relationship work? Am I fundamentally broken? And that's exactly how narcissistic abuse works—it happens so subtly that you believe the insecurities you're experiencing are "you" instead of "what's happening" to you. This audiobook covers unique information related to narcissistic abuse.
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This book is amazing.
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The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
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Enough Is Enough
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I was so excited
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Coercive Control
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Coercive control will see an abuser dominate their victim's life, from the food they eat, the people they see, the places they can go, and the things they can say. A controlling partner, through fear and intimidation, will seek to ensure their victim is subdued, to the point of accepting any and all abuse that's fired their way.
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Good book - author needs some gender empathy
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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Paradigm Shift
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Trauma Bonding: Detoxing and Healing From an Abusive Narcissistic Relationship
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William Avers takes us on an honest and revealing journey that will help us understand trauma bonding and its multiple faces, from unhealthy attachment to the normalization of the abuse to the concealment and later denial of the truth. William Avers explores the human condition without prejudice or bias because traumatic bonds may occur to anyone. Contrary to most people’s belief that abusers prey on the weak and foolish, abusers also prey on capable and attractive people because they seek the challenge too.
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Broad Generalization Coupled with Useful Information
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.
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Wake up call !
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The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
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This book CHANGED MY LIFE!
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Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding
- By Alesia Braund on 11-18-20
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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Highly Sensitive Empaths and Narcissistic Abuse
- The Complete Survival Guide to Understanding Your Gift, the Toxic Relationship to Narcissists and Energy Vampires and How to Protect, Heal and Recover
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In some cases, it is not until a victim has suffered through narcissistic abuse that they start to research and investigate, which then leads to the eye-opening self-discovery of an empath. This may be the case for you. This audiobook bundle will provide you with the tools and knowledge to help understand your self as an empath, how to grow and develop, into a stronger version of yourself, and how to protect yourself from toxic people such as energy vampires and narcissists.
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Is the author a real person?
- By Ram Rathakrishnan on 08-20-19
By: J. Vandeweghe
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Overcome Unhealthy Relationships, Gaslighting, Anxious Attachment and Codependency
- Master Self-Compassion and Self-Care to Ease Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Enjoy Life
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Unlock Your Heart and find joy in love without losing yourself! If you find yourself tired of feeling like your love life is a one-way street, always giving more than you get back, losing your identity for peace, or always worried about your relationship falling apart, this audiobook is for you. Dive into practical strategies and insights that address the struggles keeping you awake at night. Learn how your past shapes your connections, discover your unique way of relating to others, and understand why some relationships work while others don’t.
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Everything
- By VMO on 10-19-24
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Why Can't I Let You Go?
- Break Free from Trauma Bonds, End Toxic Relationships, and Develop Healthy Attachments
- By: Michelle Skeen, Kelly Skeen
- Narrated by: Candace Joice
- Length: 5 hrs and 19 mins
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Performance
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If you experienced physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or abandonment as a child, you may struggle with unhealthy relationships as an adult. Hurtful attachments with our caregivers in early childhood can lay the foundation for toxic relationships. Those experiences can even affect the way we handle conflict, our feelings toward sex, and our expectations of our partners. But this doesn't mean you can't change. This book will help you gain a greater awareness of the trauma bonds that prevent you from getting the love, safety, and security you desire.
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What listeners say about Why Can't I Just Leave
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Keri m obrien
- 11-18-23
Amazing book
This is the most helpful and informative book on narcissism that I have read. And I've read ALOT. this one book has helped me more than allll my studying.
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- Anonymous User
- 10-18-22
Invaluable Information and Guidance
A therapist recommended this book to me because I’m curious about personality disorders such as narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy.
The opening scene, which describes a boyfriend’s sociopathic behavior and his partner’s horrified reaction, drew me in immediately. I just had to find out if and how she’d escape this relationship. But the book is much more than a story of one woman’s experience with a conscience-impaired abuser. Quotes from victims, researchers, and therapists add their perspectives and insights.
I prefer listening rather than reading, so I got the audiobook version. Highly recommended.
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- elaina anderson
- 05-04-24
clarity
If you are in or think your in a narcissistic relationship stop looking fir a book to help you out!!!! you found it it's this one!
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- T. L. MCCUTCHEON
- 11-15-24
It's my story too!! Wow
My experience's were all tthroughout the chapters. I could completely relate to the book in its entirety! I would definitely recommend this book highly.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-01-22
Finally
This was it… the final piece I needed to leave for good. Thank you so much
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1 person found this helpful
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- ShipLair
- 10-03-22
Best Book Ever on This Subject
This is the best audiobook I've ever listened to on this subject. It strikes the perfect balance between the author's own experience, stories from other victims/survivors, and the latest research on pathological love relationships. The audiobook also comes with a downloadable PDF with additional info, including a glossary of terms and a resource page.
But what distinguishes this book from others I’ve read is that it gives you specific steps to get out of the relationship when you're ready.
The writing and the narration are both excellent. If you're in a relationship with someone exhibiting narcissistic or sociopathic behavior, if you care about someone who's being abused by their partner, or if you're just curious about this subject, this audiobook is for you.
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- Tammy
- 06-27-23
A must read
This is an amazing book!!! Helped me sort out my feelings, help me understand why I’m making the choices I’m making and struggling. Definitely going to read again. Positive and life changing
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