Preview
  • Secure Love

  • Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime
  • By: Julie Menanno
  • Narrated by: Julie Menanno
  • Length: 10 hrs and 27 mins
  • 4.9 out of 5 stars (102 ratings)

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Secure Love

By: Julie Menanno
Narrated by: Julie Menanno
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Publisher's summary

Create a lasting and loving attachment with this national bestseller, a “must-read for every couple, at any stage of their relationship” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) from the expert couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

A good question, in theory, but couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to consider: what does a securely attached relationship feel like?

The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, an “incredibly wise and helpful guide” (Jen Sincero, New York Times bestselling author of You Are a Badass) to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment theory has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it’s also the closest science has come to making sense of our adult romantic connections.

In this book Julie Menanno, the expert behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, tackles:
-Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over (hint: it’s called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
-“Instead of that, say this” suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in your relationship more effectively.
-The four attachment types, with exercises to understand you and your partner’s attachment style.
-How to improve communication, including staying connected during conflict by prioritizing vulnerability rather than protecting yourself.
-Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple’s sex life and how to ignite that sexual connection.

Secure Love is a crash course in understanding how you show up in a relationship and guides you on getting out of negative cycles to find safety in one another. In doing so, “you’ll be armed with eternal wisdom for strengthening your relationship” (Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and bestselling author of Hold Me Tight) and establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.

©2024 Julie Menanno (P)2024 Simon & Schuster Audio

What listeners say about Secure Love

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I Have Hope for Healing

As a psychologist these concepts are not foreign; however, it’s so challenging to practice them when it’s your own relationship. This book helped me feel seen and gave me tangible tools for how to continue my growth journey, with the hope that my partner will as well. I’m appreciate of the language. It’s improved my discourse and ability to name my attachment needs.

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Recommend by my therapist! Very insightful!

Very insightful and easy to follow with lots of great examples to illustrate concepts. I learned a lot.

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Mandatory Read for Relationship Help

This book should be mandatory. It’s incredibly helpful to understand your attachment as well as your partner’s. Thank you for laying it out so clearly. The author did a fantastic job using real examples.

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Attachment styles and the deep impact they have

thought it was written very well! Very insight full and well explained described ! Made me understand some uncomfortable reality

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Simplify conflict resolution

Great book to learn about common relationship patterns that can be improved upon with this deeper look at root causes. Applicable information, easily understood, and covers misunderstandings in communication or different thinking styles. Helping to break negative cycles so couples can enjoy more peace and trust by overcoming ruptures through mutual understand of the other’s view point.

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So incredibly helpful

This book has been helping me tremendously, not only in my relationship, but with understanding myself as an individual. I discovered I was being cheated on and I felt like my world was ending. I struggled a lot with how I was going to move forward mentally. Then I stumbled upon this gem via psychology reels on IG and it has been an absolute lifesaver. It’s amazing what changes can happen in your life once someone connects the dots for you.

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the acceptance of everyone's perspective.

I like the real world applications that she uses, and the sentences that she has for use to help start the right conversation.

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Clear explanations and actionable content

The author’s emphasis on progress, not perfection, and her respect for both “sides” and their concerns is really helpful. 

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Know your attachment style

Top takeaways

TO FEEL CLOSE TO YOU I NEED…
THE GOAL IS TO LEARN TO STAY CONNECTED DURING DISAGREEMENTS
Provide comfort over advice
Conflict leading to being heard
Triggers set off unconscious emotions of primal protection
WHEN TRIGGERED, PAUSE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO SEE WHY YOUR TRIGGERED (what feeling) AND WHAT IT IS YOU DESIRE SO YOU MAY RESPOND AND NOT REACT
When anger is heard and validated, it no longer has to fight to be seen.

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Excellent guide for relationships!

I loved that the author herself narrated this solid guide to attachment styles and how to navigate the messiness of real relationships.

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