How to Be the Love You Seek
Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships
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Narrated by:
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Courtney Patterson
About this listen
INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
"A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal
From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself.
Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.
For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment.
In How to Be the Love You Seek, #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us.
This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities.
Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek.
Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers.
©2023 Dr. Nicole LePera (P)2023 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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How to enrich your life and destroy doubt in five seconds. Throughout your life, you've had parents, coaches, teachers, friends, and mentors who have pushed you to be better than your excuses and bigger than your fears. What if the secret to having the confidence and courage to enrich your life and work is simply knowing how to push yourself?
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I turned it off after an hour.
- By Zac on 04-08-17
By: Mel Robbins
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12 Months to $1 Million
- How to Pick a Winning Product, Build a Real Business, and Become a Seven-Figure Entrepreneur
- By: Ryan Daniel Moran
- Narrated by: Ryan Daniel Moran
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
By cutting out the noise and providing a clear and proven plan, this road map helps even brand-new entrepreneurs make decisions quickly, get their product up for sale, and launch it to a crowd that is ready and waiting to buy. This one-year plan will guide you through the three stages to your first $1 million: the Grind (months 0-4), the Growth (months 5-8), and the Gold (months 9-12). If your goal is to be a full-time entrepreneur, get ready for one chaotic, stressful, and rewarding year. If you have the guts to complete it, you will be the proud owner of a million-dollar business.
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Good, but a Little Misleading
- By Chris Love on 11-28-20
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The 6 Habits of Growth
- By: Brendon Burchard
- Narrated by: Brendon Burchard
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Original Recording
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The world’s leading high-performance coach and multiple New York Times best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivers the six habits of personal growth that will help you create the life of your dreams. Forged from Brendon Burchard’s personal experiences, data from his GrowthDay app, and his many years as a high-performance coach, The 6 Habits of Growth presents the tools you need to construct the life of your dreams.
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Don’t bother
- By B. Sharpe on 10-30-22
By: Brendon Burchard
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The Daily Stoic
- 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
- By: Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
- Narrated by: Brian Holsopple
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
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Not well made as audio
- By Andreas on 12-27-16
By: Ryan Holiday, and others
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21 Days to Believe in Yourself
- By: Michelle Poler
- Narrated by: Michelle Poler
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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21 Days to Believe In Yourself creates a space for people to take a look inside and, little by little, dare to bring what they find to the surface. By asking the right questions, the audience will get in touch with their most authentic selves and from a place of self-acceptance, fully own who they really are.
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Absolutely 💯 loved it!
- By Royal on 12-20-24
By: Michelle Poler
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Take Control of Your Life
- How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Mel Robbins is back! The international bestselling phenomenon and creator of The Five Second Rule and Kick Ass with Mel Robbins returns to help you tackle the single biggest obstacle you face: fear. This life-changing Audible Original features a powerful mix of one-on-one life-coaching sessions and a personal narrative with vital take-aways that you can start using immediately.
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Stop living in fear
- By Nike7 on 02-08-19
By: Mel Robbins
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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
- A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
- By: Lori Gottlieb
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
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It was like a hallmark movie being waterboarded into my ears for 15 hours
- By Amazon Customer on 10-01-19
By: Lori Gottlieb
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How to Train Your Mind
- Exploring the Productivity Benefits of Meditation
- By: Chris Bailey
- Narrated by: Chris Bailey
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
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Meditation makes you more productive because it lets you earn back time. For each minute you spend meditating, you'll earn around nine minutes back, as Chris Bailey - author of The Productivity Project and Hyperfocus - will show in this candid and counter-intuitive guide to the productivity benefits of meditation.
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Started Listening By Accident
- By T.D.Willis on 01-17-21
By: Chris Bailey
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Deep Sleep Hypnosis: Fall Asleep Instantly and Sleep Well
- By: Jasmine Harris
- Narrated by: Allison Mason
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
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put me right to sleep
- By Cassandra on 05-08-17
By: Jasmine Harris
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How to Say It: Words That Make a Difference
- By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Allison Friederichs Atkison
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Original Recording
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Words. We use them all the time, every day, mostly without giving them much thought at all. We take for granted that they’re here at our disposal whenever we need them. But if you’ve ever wished you could communicate more effectively, words are the place to start. It’s incumbent upon you to choose the best words to accomplish your goals, because how you choose to communicate influences—well, everything! The power of communication shapes our professional goals, our relationships, and our lives—so the words we choose to use carry a great deal of power.
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Meh. Glad I didn't pay for it.
- By Paula on 07-23-22
By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, and others
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Natural Rapid Weight Loss, Lose Weight Faster with Hypnosis, Meditation, and Affirmations
- The Sleep Learning System
- By: Joel Thielke
- Narrated by: Joel Thielke
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Original Recording
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Naturally lose weight fast and get the body you've been wanting. Stop old habits in their tracks, shed pounds now, and feel amazing. Rapid weight loss is yours today with this powerful guided meditation program from the Sleep Learning System and world-renowned hypnotherapist Joel Thielke.
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My new favorite hypnosis audio!
- By Penny on 04-03-16
By: Joel Thielke
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Models
- Attract Women Through Honesty
- By: Mark Manson
- Narrated by: Austin Rising
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Models is the first book ever written on seduction as an emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.
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The content is great but the reader is awful
- By Mark Speener on 06-24-14
By: Mark Manson
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Not Nice
- Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
- By: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
- Narrated by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
- Length: 18 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you too nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.
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Changed my life forever
- By Shannon Slater on 12-07-18
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Worthy
- How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life
- By: Jamie Kern Lima
- Narrated by: Jamie Kern Lima
- Length: 11 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Author Jamie Kern Lima's first, instant New York Times bestselling book Believe It, captured her journey of going from Denny's waitress to billion-dollar entrepreneur by learning to believe in herself. And now her second, much-anticipated, upcoming book Worthy, is the playbook for how YOU can believe in YOU! If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, felt like you don't have what it takes...or that who you truly are isn't enough, even if you're really good at hiding it from the world, WORTHY is for you.
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💫 We're so WORTHY! 🦋 Listen - Read - Share 🔆
- By Diana Yin on 02-22-24
By: Jamie Kern Lima
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It's easy to suffer from frustration and confusion when it comes to nutrition and health. With so much focus on what, when, and how to eat, the emotional component of eating tends to get left behind. Dr. Will Cole sheds light on the relationship between your physical and emotional health, providing a framework for you to better understand the gut-brain connection and influence that connection for the better. He illustrates how stress and shame can cause gut inflammation and sabotage your health in a process called Shameflammation.
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Great book connecting the dots to your health!
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An estimated 47 million Americans identify as having an anxious attachment style, which can make being in relationships turbulent and emotionally taxing for them. According to groundbreaking research in the field of attachment, anxious types are more prone to insecurity, jealousy, codependency, and other behaviors that get in the way of finding and sustaining love.
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Fighting for Your Marriage is based on the widely acclaimed PREP approach (Prevention and Relationship Education Program). Research has found that couples who use these strategies can handle conflict more constructively, protect their happiness, and reduce the odds of breaking up. Based on more than forty years of evidence, this book shows couples how to talk more and fight less, protect their friendship, and keep the fun alive.
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Love Life
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Finding love can be hard. Being single can feel even harder. In Love Life, world-renowned coach and New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey provides a practical roadmap for letting go of past relationships, overcoming the fear of getting left behind, and finding the love we want.
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The chapter on hard conversations was useful
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Becoming the One
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If you find yourself struggling to let go after a relationship ends, or you keep hitting the same wall in dating and relationships with emotionally unavailable people, this is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that somewhere along the way, you learned to sacrifice yourself in order to be loved. In Becoming the One, spiritual leader and visionary founder of the Rising Woman community Sheleana Aiyana offers a road map for transforming your relationship patterns to end the cycle of self-abandonment and move into the light of self-discovery.
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Deepen The Connection With Yourself!
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Being in a relationship without knowing how to share your feelings and receive your partner’s feelings in useful ways is like jumping into a pool without knowing how to swim. You can flail around all you want, but it’s not going to keep you afloat for very long—you need to be able to move in any direction at will. Like swimming, knowing how to share your feelings and respond to your partner's feelings will move your relationship in the direction you want: toward more intimacy, closeness, connection, and trust.
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This is an independent created unofficial workbook of Dr. Nicole LePera's book How to Do the Work and not the original book. Cosmic Publications is proud to offer all of our listeners our unofficial workbook of Dr. Nicole LePera's book How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self. This workbook explores the importance of using holistic psychology to change your life and heal from your trauma.
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If You’re Willing to Face and Heal YOU - This is the Workbook for YOU!!!!
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Healing Your Attachment Wounds
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From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint. With Healing Your Attachment Wounds, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution brings together these two fields to help us understand and benefit from their complementary principles and methods.
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u mean i’m not doomed to self inflicted suffocating loneliness?
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Secure Love
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What does a healthy relationship look like? A good question, in theory, but couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to consider: what does a securely attached relationship feel like? The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, an “incredibly wise and helpful guide” (Jen Sincero, New York Times bestselling author of You Are a Badass) to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships.
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Best book on relationships I have ever read.
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Manifesting the One
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Love is always available to us. Unfortunately, more often than not, our limiting beliefs get in the way. After hoping and failing time and again to meet a partner whose mere presence resonates within our soul, a hindering internal monologue begins to take shape.
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Manifesting love
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Stop Overthinking
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Break free of your self-imposed mental prison. Stop Overthinking is a book that understands what you’ve been through, the exhausting situation you’ve put yourself into, and how you lose your mind in the trap of anxiety and stress. Acclaimed author Nick Trenton will walk you through the obstacles, with detailed and proven techniques, to help you rewire your brain, control your thoughts, and change your mental habits.
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Useful tips/reminders for self-transformation
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Love Yourself Deeply
- Self-Love for Women, Recognize Your Self-Worth, Glow with Self-Confidence, Get Your Self-Esteem Back
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It’s self-love that makes us feel truly happy, and this book is here to show you exactly how to achieve that. The author, a successful entrepreneur, and mentor for women in business has listened to what women want and now gives them the tools to achieve that. If you want to discover ways of increasing your self-worth, gain more confidence, and be free of self-doubt, this book is for you.
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Helpful and caring
- By Cat G. on 05-01-23
By: Rebecca Collins
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Attached
- The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
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We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
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Good book - just not a good one for Audible
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By: Amir Levine, and others
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The Inner Bonding Guided Journal
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The Inner Bonding Guided Journal is your personal roadmap to healing. Within, you’ll reconnect with your true self, break free from old patterns, and build a life rooted in love and peace.
By: Margaret Paul PhD, and others
What listeners say about How to Be the Love You Seek
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- Adrianne P
- 06-26-24
Are already are the love you seek
Dr. Nicole has once again produced an exceptional book that has the potential to profoundly impact individuals seeking self-improvement and enhanced interpersonal relationships. The book offers valuable insights and practical guidance on cultivating self-love and establishing healthy boundaries. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in personal growth and fostering meaningful connections with others.
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2 people found this helpful
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- LaDonna F Lewis
- 01-07-24
We are the love we seek. Change yourself to attract what you desire.
This book is filled with scientific epiphanies. Excellent tools, references to other works and personal stories that make ….REAL. Thank you!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 11-07-24
Excellent read
If you are ready to begin your healing journey this is the perfect book to read. This is one of my favorites. 5 stars, totally recommend.
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- Anonymous User
- 08-21-24
Love is the creation of who we are.
Truly one of my favorites. Well written, beautifully said.
We are the creation of love and all the love we seek is within us.
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- Alexia Guzmán
- 08-19-24
Peace and love
Change is constant and finding ways to make and improve yourself with connections through everyday interactions and experiences can help you achieve in finding yourself. Wisdom is a powerful source that helps too
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- DCCG
- 10-02-24
Amazing book!
I got a better understanding of why my relationships followed the same pattern. Everything makes sense now 🙂
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- gdarb234
- 09-18-24
Outstanding
What a great book! As I awaken to some habits and patterns I operate in without awareness it’s been such a great guide to helping me see how these behaviors affect me regularly. The book offers tools and guidance to how to navigate relationships.
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- Annalise Kukor
- 12-02-23
Clear, resonant and helpful
This book felt deeply resonant to me, gave clarity and clear instruction to be more in touch with who I am and to be closer yo the people around me. I’m so glad I read it
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4 people found this helpful
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- Aurelius and Acadia
- 12-25-23
solid worthwhile read
I would have given the overall rating 5 stars if the audio version of the book had included the sources of the studies mentioned toward the end of the book, regarding collective consciousness.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Eryckah
- 06-25-24
Many Nuggets but…
I liked the book and I picked up a lot of tools that I’ll carry forward but I wasn’t too keen on all the author’s personal stories. I wonder if she could have reinforced some of her points in other ways. I liked the examples provided of her patients/clients though. Overall, it was a good book that I can see myself referencing in the future.
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1 person found this helpful