
How to Be the Love You Seek
Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships
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Narrated by:
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Courtney Patterson
About this listen
INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
"A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal
From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself.
Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.
For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment.
In How to Be the Love You Seek, #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us.
This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities.
Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek.
Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers.
©2023 Dr. Nicole LePera (P)2023 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Stop Missing Your Life
- How to Be Deeply Present in an Un-Present World
- By: Cory Muscara
- Narrated by: Cory Muscara
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In Stop Missing Your Life, mindfulness teacher Cory Muscara takes us on a journey into the heart of what is required for real change, growth, and happiness. He exposes how the phrase "be present" has become little more than a platitude, imbued with the misguided message to be present just for the sake of being present, and reveals how to achieve true Presence: a quality of being that is unmistakably attractive about a person, and one that only comes when we've peeled back the layers of guarding that prevent us from being our full, honest, and integrated selves in the world.
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it's a meditation book
- By Vimby 210 on 02-11-20
By: Cory Muscara
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Stop Self-Sabotage
- Six Steps to Unlock Your True Motivation, Harness Your Willpower, and Get Out of Your Own Way
- By: Judy Ho PhD
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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At one point or another, we’ve all done something that undermines our best interests and intentions. Even the most successful people get in their own way - often without realizing it. In Stop Self-Sabotage, licensed clinical psychologist, tenured professor, and television personality Dr. Judy Ho takes a fresh look at self-sabotage to help us answer two vital questions: Why do we do it? How do we stop?
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Why Do I Keep Blocking My Own Path?
- By Shannon B on 08-30-19
By: Judy Ho PhD
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Enough Overthinking
- 11 Insane Ways Overthinking Can Affect Your Health, Destroy Your Happiness, and Steal Your Joy–and How to Neutralize It
- By: Robert J. Charles
- Narrated by: Rodney Tompkins
- Length: 1 hr and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overthinking is when your brain just won’t switch off. It feels like it’s stuck going around and around on the same loop as a hamster stuck on a wheel. But while the hamster is having fun and getting fit, you’re feeling lower and lower and burning out.
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Somewhat Helpful
- By ASU Randy on 04-22-25
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Reframe Your Shame
- Experience Freedom from What Holds You Back
- By: Irene Rollins
- Narrated by: Irene Rollins, Sarah Wendel
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Discover how facing your underlying pain will allow you to overcome it and move forward. With practical insights and biblical teaching about what it takes to break the cycle of addiction and shame, Reframe Your Shame will set you on the path to freedom.
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Excellent book, full of hope
- By Susan Perry on 08-05-22
By: Irene Rollins
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Becoming the One
- Heal Your Past, Transform Your Relationship Patterns, and Come Home to Yourself
- By: Sheleana Aiyana
- Narrated by: Sheleana Aiyana
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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If you find yourself struggling to let go after a relationship ends, or you keep hitting the same wall in dating and relationships with emotionally unavailable people, this is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that somewhere along the way, you learned to sacrifice yourself in order to be loved. In Becoming the One, spiritual leader and visionary founder of the Rising Woman community Sheleana Aiyana offers a road map for transforming your relationship patterns to end the cycle of self-abandonment and move into the light of self-discovery.
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Deepen The Connection With Yourself!
- By Kya Aliana on 06-18-22
By: Sheleana Aiyana
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Healing from Toxic Relationships
- 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse
- By: Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD
- Narrated by: Suehyla El-Attar, Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Surviving and escaping a toxic or abusive relationship can often only be part of the struggle. Long after, survivors often struggle to heal; your self‑esteem may be damaged, you may feel rage and betrayal, and you may punish and/or blame yourself. The author of Gaslighting and specialist in toxic behavior, narcissistic abuse, and personality disorders, Dr. Stephanie Sarkis has seen it all—and she is here to help you understand how to move forward.
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Made sense
- By Amanda on 10-07-23
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Magic Medicine
- A Trip Through the Intoxicating History and Modern-Day Use of Psychedelic Plants and Substances
- By: Cody Johnson
- Narrated by: Steve Quinn
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Magic Medicine is an armchair traveler's guide to all substances psychedelic! Listeners will learn about their properties, use, lore, place in history, and their current research and applications as medicine.
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Excellent summary of history and modern uses of psychedelics
- By Jill Anne on 12-22-24
By: Cody Johnson
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Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It
- By: Kamal Ravikant
- Narrated by: Kamal Ravikant
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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I almost didn’t publish Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. Here I was, a CEO who’d fallen apart after his company failed, writing a book about how loving himself saved him. I thought I’d be a laughingstock and my career would be finished. But I stepped through the fears and shared my truth with the world. The book went viral. Amazing people all over bought copies for friends and family. For some, this book saved their lives. For others, it was the first time they ever loved themselves.
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medium to cold
- By birder on 01-26-20
By: Kamal Ravikant
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It Begins with You
- The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life
- By: Jillian Turecki
- Narrated by: Jillian Turecki
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Jillian Turecki’s holistic, compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach to love has attracted a devoted following of millions. In her highly anticipated debut book, she makes clear that if you want a meaningful relationship filled with connection, security, and intimacy, you have to look within. The common denominator in all your relationships is you. Drawing from decades of experience helping clients heal themselves and their relationships, It Begins with You introduces the 9 core truths we must accept in order to change our lives.
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shallow..
- By slc on 01-30-25
By: Jillian Turecki
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The Power of the Downstate
- Recharge Your Life Using Your Body's Own Restorative Systems
- By: Sara C. Mednick PhD
- Narrated by: Sara C. Mednick PhD
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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If you’re like most people, the relentless daily grind of go-go-go, do-do-do, can run down your energy and deplete your resources. While most of us find our lives full of “Upstate” moments that rev up our stress engines, it doesn’t have to be this way. World-renowned sleep researcher Sara C. Mednick, PhD, shows us how we can access the most replenishing and repairing aspects of sleep through activities and moments that happen during our day by diving into our “Downstate”.
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Game Changer
- By MES on 01-22-23
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Calm Your Thoughts
- Stop Overthinking, Stop Stressing, Stop Spiraling, and Start Living
- By: Nick Trenton
- Narrated by: Russell Newton
- Length: 4 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Calm Your Thoughts is a book that understands what you’ve been through, the exhausting situation you’ve put yourself into, and how you lose your mind in the trap of anxiety and stress. Acclaimed author Nick Trenton will walk you through the obstacles with detailed and proven techniques to help you rewire your brain, control your thoughts, and change your mental habits. What’s more, the book will provide scientific approaches to completely change the way you think and feel about yourself by ending the vicious thought patterns.
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love this book
- By Fallon G on 04-01-24
By: Nick Trenton
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Getting Rich in America
- By: Brian Tracy
- Narrated by: Brian Tracy
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Original Recording
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Yes, you can become rich. No, it's not easy, but it's not as difficult as many people imagine - and it's definitely not impossible, as many cynics would have us believe.
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excellent ideas and advise
- By Ari on 09-19-17
By: Brian Tracy
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Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
- By: Julie Smith
- Narrated by: Julie Smith
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Filled with secrets from a therapist's toolkit, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before teaches you how to fortify and maintain your mental health, even in the most trying of times. Dr Julie Smith’s expert advice and powerful coping techniques will help you stay resilient, whether you want to manage anxiety, deal with criticism, cope with depression, build self-confidence, find motivation, or learn to forgive yourself.
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Monotonous
- By John Olson on 02-28-22
By: Julie Smith
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I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck
- An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life
- By: John Kim
- Narrated by: John Kim
- Length: 5 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, Kim delivers the dos and don’ts for stepping up and into manhood, which he defines by transparency and strength of character, not six-pack abs or a corner office. With his signature no-nonsense approach that will make you laugh and think, Kim takes you on a rugged, rough-and-tumble road trip of self-exploration and discovery, sharing his wisdom and insights.
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Some wisdom, some common knowledge.
- By Rick on 02-21-19
By: John Kim
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HBR's 10 Must Reads on Managing Yourself (With Bonus Article "How Will You Measure Your Life?" by Clayton M. Christensen)
- HBR's 10 Must Reads Series
- By: Harvard Business Review, Peter F. Drucker, Clayton M. Christensen, and others
- Narrated by: Chris Kayser
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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HBR's 10 Must Reads on Managing Yourself will inspire you to: stay engaged throughout your fifty-plus-year work life; tap into your deepest values; solicit candid feedback; replenish physical and mental energy; balance work, home, community, and self; spread positive energy throughout your organization; rebound from tough times; decrease distractibility and frenzy; and delegate and develop employees' initiative.
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Easy read, but material is shallow
- By Amazon Customer on 09-22-24
By: Harvard Business Review, and others
What listeners say about How to Be the Love You Seek
Highly rated for:
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- Adrianne P
- 06-26-24
Are already are the love you seek
Dr. Nicole has once again produced an exceptional book that has the potential to profoundly impact individuals seeking self-improvement and enhanced interpersonal relationships. The book offers valuable insights and practical guidance on cultivating self-love and establishing healthy boundaries. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in personal growth and fostering meaningful connections with others.
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2 people found this helpful
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- LaDonna F Lewis
- 01-07-24
We are the love we seek. Change yourself to attract what you desire.
This book is filled with scientific epiphanies. Excellent tools, references to other works and personal stories that make ….REAL. Thank you!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 11-07-24
Excellent read
If you are ready to begin your healing journey this is the perfect book to read. This is one of my favorites. 5 stars, totally recommend.
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- Jaelyn Maricle
- 01-21-25
Enlightening
I loved the research provided I the text. I recommend just getting the physical copy and reading along.
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- J
- 01-22-24
This was so helpful!
I loved how the stories were so relatable. It helped me to unpack how most of my behavior is linked to a disregulated nervous system.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Christapher Clark
- 03-01-24
self awareness and growth
I "read" this book recently, and I think that it can be helpful to others. It talks about relationship troubles and really dives into exploring why and what you can do to improve your relationships. I believe that to really change somone else, which you can't, it's impossible, but to see change in your relationships whether romantic, platonic or family, is to change yourself.
Therein is your true control and power, is to change yourself, to gain insight on yourself and how to self improve. This book helps explore yourself and teaches about different people and why they might be acting or reacting the way that they do. Real life examples are used, both before and after the individuals become more self aware.
Dr. Nicole Lepera thru this book teaches and coaches (thru provided exercises) to help you find your authentic self and to become more self aware.
P.s. this book has a lot of therapeutic tendencies and wording, if you are familiar with therapy you'll recognize it, if not it might be a bit much.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Bill
- 02-08-24
Knowledgeale and Thought-Provoking
I loooved this audiobook! It's literally life changing! I'm going to share it with as people who will listen.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Isaiah
- 01-25-24
Great eye opener book for your healing journey
Everything about this book is what people need when it comes to your healing journey. I was reading this book with my partner and both of us agreed that this book opened our eyes. This book helps you see things you do not fully understand and know what are the areas you need to work on. Super grateful to have read this resourceful book!
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- Sassenach
- 11-13-24
Very helpful
I really enjoy the way dr Le Pera synthesizes information I knew in a practical way. I needed to buy the paper copy since there are so many exercises, but also enjoyed the audio. A lot to continue practicing!
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- Anonymous User
- 08-21-24
Love is the creation of who we are.
Truly one of my favorites. Well written, beautifully said.
We are the creation of love and all the love we seek is within us.
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