Self-Reg
How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
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Narrated by:
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Robert Fass
About this listen
The first parenting book to bring the science and psychology of children's behavior together to build brain/body awareness for self-regulation and success.
Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior and serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr. Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change.
Self-regulation is the nervous system's way of responding to stress. We are seeing a generation of children and teens with excessively high levels of stress and, as a result, an explosion of emotional, social, learning, behavior, and physical health problems. But few parents recognize the hidden stressors that their children are struggling with physiologically as well as socially and emotionally. An entrenched view of childrearing is seeing our children as lacking self-control or willpower, but the real basis for these problems lies in excessive stress.
Self-regulation can dramatically improve a child's mood, attention, and concentration. It can help children to feel empathy and to develop the sorts of virtues that every parent knows are vital for their child's long-term well-being. Self-regulation brings about profound and lasting transformation that continues to mature throughout life.
Shanker translates decades of his findings from working with children into practical, prescriptive advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop their self-regulation skills and teach their children how to do the same for optimal learning, social, and emotional growth as well as for overall well-being.
©2016 Stuart Shanker (P)2016 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Though this book takes children’s needs as its focus, it is really focused on providing guidance - and even a degree of consolation - to adults as they navigate the often tricky parent-child relationship. Shanker gives readers clear explanations of even the more complex neurological information, such as the role of the limbic system, as well as ample diagrams. And the discussion does not stop at the early childhood stage, moving ultimately into adolescence. If the stressed populations most in need of this book’s lessons can find the time to read it, they will appreciate its potential to bring the minds of both parent and child to a state of heightened attentiveness with minimal anxiety.” (Publishers Weekly)
"Comprehensive data backs up a much-tested system that assists parents in getting their children to a calmer state of mind....straightforward and will be useful for any age level." (Kirkus Reviews)
“Our digital age is stressful, frantic and over-stimulating. Raising a child today requires an understanding of self-regulation. Self-Reg is a wonderful guide for parents, a way to understand the hidden stressors facing children, and their neurological, psychological, social, and emotional effects. Dr. Shanker helps parents not just to understand the meaning of their child’s behavior with compassion, but, just as essentially, how to calm themselves in order to better guide their children toward more positively engaged living.” (Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age)
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Story
Low-demand parenting allows you to drop the demands and expectations that are making family life impossible and embrace the joyful freedom of living life with low demands. It can be a particularly effective approach for children with high anxiety levels including neurodivergent children. Parent to neurodivergent children and autistic adult Amanda Diekman outlines a parenting approach that finally lowers the bar for the whole family, enabling the equilibrium of the home to be restored.
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Such a great listen
- By Amazon Customer on 11-01-23
By: Amanda Diekman
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Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors
- By: Jeanine A. Penzo LICSW, Pat Harvey LCSW-C
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Temper tantrums in the supermarket. Tears that seem to come out of nowhere. Battles over homework that are more like wars. When your child has problems regulating his or her emotions, there's no hiding it. Children with intense emotions go from zero to 100 in seconds and are prone to frequent emotional and behavioral outbursts that leave parents feeling bewildered and helpless. Other parents may have told you that it's just a phase or that your child needs discipline.
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take notes.
- By happilynappy on 02-23-16
By: Jeanine A. Penzo LICSW, and others
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The Yes Brain
- How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child
- By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Tina Payne Bryson
- Narrated by: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Tina Payne Bryson
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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When facing contentious issues such as screen time, food choices, and bedtime, children often act out or shut down, responding with reactivity instead of receptivity. This is what New York Times best-selling authors Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson call a No Brain response. But our kids can be taught to approach life with openness and curiosity. When kids work from a Yes Brain, they’re more willing to take chances and explore. They’re more curious and imaginative. They’re better at relationships and handling adversity.
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Where is the PDF
- By Online Shopper on 02-15-18
By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., and others
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Parenting Without Power Struggles
- Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected
- By: Susan Stiffelman
- Narrated by: Susan Stiffelman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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While most parenting programs are designed to coerce kids to change, Parenting Without Power Struggles does something innovative, showing you how to help your children awaken their natural instincts to cooperate, rather than employing threats or bribes, which inevitably fuels their resistance. By staying calm and being the confident "captain of the ship" your child needs, you will learn how to parent from a place of strong, durable connection, and you'll be better able to help your kids navigate the challenging moments of growing up.
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Highly recommended.
- By Nothing really matters on 10-13-13
By: Susan Stiffelman
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Raising Human Beings
- Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child
- By: Ross W. Greene
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In Raising Human Beings, the renowned child psychologist and New York Times best-selling author of Lost at School and The Explosive Child explains how to cultivate a better parent-child relationship while also nurturing empathy, honesty, resilience, and independence.
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Great parenting advice!
- By J. Reece on 05-09-17
By: Ross W. Greene
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Co-Regulation Handbook
- Creating Competent, Authentic Roles for Kids with Social Learning Differences, So We All Stay Positively Connected Through the Ups and Downs of Learning
- By: Linda K. Murphy
- Narrated by: Elsa Levytsky
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you know a child who struggles to get started with things or who resists trying something new? Maybe they argue or have trouble joining other kids in conversation and play. Do you hear yourself prompting your child again and again? Do you feel frustrated or stuck, and long for a better way - a more positive way - to engage your child while guiding them toward independence? This book was written for parents, caregivers, professionals, and more - to guide you on how to move away from prompting and prodding kids - and toward authentic connections and competent roles.
By: Linda K. Murphy
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Lost at School
- Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them
- By: Ross W. Greene PhD
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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School discipline is broken. Too often, the kids who need our help the most are viewed as disrespectful, out of control, and beyond help, and are often the recipients of our most ineffective, most punitive interventions. These students - and their parents, teachers, and administrators - are frustrated and desperate for answers. Dr. Ross W. Greene, author of the acclaimed book The Explosive Child, offers educators and parents a different framework for understanding challenging behavior.
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Interesting insights
- By AGrady on 07-11-16
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Playful Parenting
- By: Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D.
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Abridged
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Playful Parenting means joining children in their world of play, focusing on connection and confidence, giggling and roughhousing, and following your child's lead. This audiobook is an exciting approach to raising children that will help you nurture close relationships and solve behavior problems.
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How to say "play with your kids" for 100 pages
- By Helpful Reviewer on 10-20-11
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Defusing Explosive Behavior in Children with ADHD
- Peaceful Parenting Strategies To Identify Triggers, Teach Self-Regulation and Create Structure for a Drama-Free Home
- By: Rose Lyons
- Narrated by: Amanda Jo
- Length: 3 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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If you are ready to start understanding why your child has fits of rage or has a difficult time with their emotions, then it’s time to change your parenting methods through relatable and proven solutions that you can rely on by listening to this book!
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ADHD Bible!
- By Kelli Parmenter on 03-20-24
By: Rose Lyons
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Declarative Language Handbook
- Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood
- By: Linda K. Murphy
- Narrated by: Elsa Levytsky
- Length: 2 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you know children who get upset when their routines change? They might also struggle to see the big picture, make friends, solve a problem in real time, and read nonverbal communication. Meltdowns, tantrums, and other challenging behaviors might be common. This audiobook was designed to teach you how making small shifts in your language and speaking style that will produce important results.
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Must read for kids with social difficulties!
- By Valerie Koelling on 05-27-21
By: Linda K. Murphy
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Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors
- Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work
- By: Robyn Gobbel
- Narrated by: Robyn Gobbel
- Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Parenting and neuroscience expert Robyn Gobbel is here to reveal how all behavior, no matter how baffling, can be explained and remedied. You just need to look past the behavior and understand what's going on inside. Robyn decodes the latest brain science into easy-to-understand principles and metaphors to help you become an expert in your child's behavior. She reveals simple ways to help you regulate and connect with your child, with brain-, body- and sensory-based strategies to overcome day-to-day challenges.
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A great book for awareness and effective action
- By L. G. Wimmer on 11-19-24
By: Robyn Gobbel
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What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew
- Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life
- By: Dr. Sharon Saline, Dr. Laura Markham
- Narrated by: Dr. Sharon Saline, Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Veteran psychologist Sharon Saline shares the words and inner struggles of children and teens living with ADHD - and a blueprint for achieving lasting success by working together. Based on more than 25 years of experience counseling young people and their families, Dr. Saline’s advice and real-world examples reveal how parents can shift the dynamic and truly help kids succeed.
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Thoughtful and Practical
- By Sun-Sensitive on 04-28-19
By: Dr. Sharon Saline, and others
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Rest, Play, Grow
- Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)
- By: Dr. Deborah MacNamara
- Narrated by: Dr. Deborah MacNamara
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Baffling and beloved, with the capacity to go from joy to frustration in seconds, young children are some of the most misunderstood people on the planet. Parents and caregivers struggle with these little ones, who are known for their extreme behaviour, from tantrums, resistance, and aggression to separation anxiety, bedtime protests, and not listening. The key to understanding youngsters lies in realizing that their challenging behaviour is not personal, nor is it a disorder or deficit.
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Become the parent your kid thinks you are
- By Anonymous User on 01-20-23
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Understanding Girls with ADHD
- How They Feel and Why They Do What They Do
- By: Kathleen G. Nadeau PhD, Ellen B. Littman PhD, Patricia O. Quinn MD
- Narrated by: Carly Robins
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Understanding Girls with ADHD does not shy away from key areas of controversy. How, for example, can a family know whether it's ADHD or another set of problems that's the primary issue? How does one deal with the potential use of medication, which is plagued by bad press and abundant myths but which can, as part of a multi-faceted treatment plan, provide great benefit if the right dose is found and if the doctor works with the family to monitor positive effects and side effects carefully?
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Important reading
- By M. Desmond on 07-26-20
By: Kathleen G. Nadeau PhD, and others
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No-Drama Discipline
- The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
- By: Tina Payne Bryson PhD, Daniel j. Siegel MD
- Narrated by: Daniel J. Siegel MD, Tina Payne Bryson PhD
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Highlighting the fascinating link between a child’s neurological development and the way a parent reacts to misbehavior, No-Drama Discipline provides an effective, compassionate road map for dealing with tantrums, tensions, and tears - without causing a scene. Defining the true meaning of the “d” word (to instruct, not to shout or reprimand), the authors explain how to reach your child, redirect emotions, and turn a meltdown into an opportunity for growth.
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I Can See Light At The End Of My Tunnel
- By G Busi on 02-23-15
By: Tina Payne Bryson PhD, and others
What listeners say about Self-Reg
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Rach
- 01-16-22
Best book on belong yourself and your children.
This was one of the most informative and helpful audiobooks that I have listened to. I have been a practicing therapist for over 20 years and I listen to and read 10-15 therapy related books each year. This book has helped me to look at therapy and human needs (my clients AND my own) in a very different manner. I recommend it for everyone but especially anyone in the helping or teaching professions as well as anyone with their own children.
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- KTinNYC
- 04-26-17
Illuminating
This book really helped me understand some of my child's behaviors, and better yet what to do about them. I do wish the action steps provided were a little more robust, but just understanding my role better will, I think, be immensely helpful for both of us.
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- L. Currey
- 11-14-18
Lens changing look at your kids and self
The information conveyed in this story has been a game changer as a parent. It has helped me view my children's behavior through an entirely different lens and has helped us through the ups and downs of parenting. I highly recommend this read for parents and educators. #Parentingtips #Lenschange #Forthekids #Tagsgiving #Sweepstakes
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- Firecracker
- 01-25-19
Loved it!
This will help me so much in so many ways! Best book ever! I can't wait to tell others!
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- Prime Member
- 02-28-24
Excellent Read!
for all those parents who have kids with ADHD, this is a must read. I would also encourage those adult who have issues with self regulating for whatever reason to read the book as well. 
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- Martha
- 03-22-19
A must read for anyone raising or working with children
As a psychotherapist, this is one of the most important books I’ve read to date. It has helped me reframe so much of the volatile behavior I’ve seen in children, parents and couples, and enabled me to reformulate my approach.
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2 people found this helpful
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- ME Mom
- 08-03-20
Great awareness
I loved the awareness this book gives for self reg. So many good insights but I kept hoping it would get around to more clearly listing the steps of what to do and how to do it. Perhaps this is because it is so personalized. But I Feel like it made you think you needed a counselor to walk you through implementing this rather than teaching you how to implement it yourself. Overall it was great to see my children with a different lens. Thank you!
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- Elishema Fishman
- 09-15-21
good info but boring
the book has good information, but the book is very boring. it also seems like he could more explicitly call out what the actual steps for self reg are. he does say what they are early on, but if you blink you might miss them
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- Lori M.
- 12-14-21
But what is it?
There are some fantastic insights here, but after listening to the book, I still had no clue what the 5 steps to “self reg” actually were …
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- Tina Ball
- 10-21-19
A must for parents and teachers
A balance of Leading Edge science, psychology and heart centered parenting. The author puts in just enough examples from real life. The part about adolescence and self care was especially meaningful.
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