Self-Reg
How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
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Narrated by:
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Robert Fass
About this listen
The first parenting book to bring the science and psychology of children's behavior together to build brain/body awareness for self-regulation and success.
Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior and serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr. Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change.
Self-regulation is the nervous system's way of responding to stress. We are seeing a generation of children and teens with excessively high levels of stress and, as a result, an explosion of emotional, social, learning, behavior, and physical health problems. But few parents recognize the hidden stressors that their children are struggling with physiologically as well as socially and emotionally. An entrenched view of childrearing is seeing our children as lacking self-control or willpower, but the real basis for these problems lies in excessive stress.
Self-regulation can dramatically improve a child's mood, attention, and concentration. It can help children to feel empathy and to develop the sorts of virtues that every parent knows are vital for their child's long-term well-being. Self-regulation brings about profound and lasting transformation that continues to mature throughout life.
Shanker translates decades of his findings from working with children into practical, prescriptive advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop their self-regulation skills and teach their children how to do the same for optimal learning, social, and emotional growth as well as for overall well-being.
©2016 Stuart Shanker (P)2016 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Though this book takes children’s needs as its focus, it is really focused on providing guidance - and even a degree of consolation - to adults as they navigate the often tricky parent-child relationship. Shanker gives readers clear explanations of even the more complex neurological information, such as the role of the limbic system, as well as ample diagrams. And the discussion does not stop at the early childhood stage, moving ultimately into adolescence. If the stressed populations most in need of this book’s lessons can find the time to read it, they will appreciate its potential to bring the minds of both parent and child to a state of heightened attentiveness with minimal anxiety.” (Publishers Weekly)
"Comprehensive data backs up a much-tested system that assists parents in getting their children to a calmer state of mind....straightforward and will be useful for any age level." (Kirkus Reviews)
“Our digital age is stressful, frantic and over-stimulating. Raising a child today requires an understanding of self-regulation. Self-Reg is a wonderful guide for parents, a way to understand the hidden stressors facing children, and their neurological, psychological, social, and emotional effects. Dr. Shanker helps parents not just to understand the meaning of their child’s behavior with compassion, but, just as essentially, how to calm themselves in order to better guide their children toward more positively engaged living.” (Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age)
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The Gentle Sleep Book
- For Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers
- By: Sarah Ockwell-Smith
- Narrated by: Katy Sobey
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The Gentle Sleep Book offers gentle, no-tears sleep solutions for exhausted parents of newborns to five-year-olds. A large percentage of parents find their young children's sleep - or lack of - challenging. This new audiobook from Sarah Ockwell-Smith, founder of BabyCalm, will be an indispensable guide for parents, whatever challenges they are facing with their child's sleep - from the day they bring their newborn home until their child is settled in at school.
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It's fine but not much about 2-4 years
- By Patrick on 02-12-18
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The Dolphin Way
- A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids - without Turning into a Tiger
- By: Shimi Kang
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The audiobook makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability - is the dolphin way.
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Very easy way to understand complicated subject
- By Nhat on 11-05-18
By: Shimi Kang
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WHY Do They Act That Way?
- A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen
- By: David Walsh, Nat Bennett
- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith
- Length: 9 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Even smart kids do stupid things. It's a simple fact of life. No one makes it through the teenage years unscathed - not the teens and not their parents. But now there's expert help for both generations in this groundbreaking new guide for surviving the drama of adolescence. In WHY Do They Act That Way? nationally renowned, award-winning psychologist Dr. David Walsh explains exactly what happens to the human brain on the path from childhood into adolescence and adulthood.
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LOVE!!
- By Amazon Customer on 05-11-23
By: David Walsh, and others
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Child with ADHD
- Step-by-Step Guide to Parenting Children with Suspected or Newly Diagnosed ADHD (practical remedial tools, tips, proven techniques)
- By: Roxana C.
- Narrated by: Brennan Koenigsreuter
- Length: 5 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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An ADHD diagnosis may last a lifetime… but that’s no reason for it to define your child’s life. Are you feeling tired, strung-out, and out of patience with your child’s ADHD, even though you know it’s not their fault? You are the only one who can truly advocate for your kid… but you also get to a point where you need some help and support yourself.
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This book answers so many questions!
- By Hilary S. Ritter on 03-31-23
By: Roxana C.
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Brainstorm
- The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain
- By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
- Narrated by: Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Between the ages of twelve and twenty-four, the brain changes in important and, at times, challenging ways. In Brainstorm, the renowned psychiatrist and bestselling author of Parenting from the Inside Out, The Whole-Brain Child, and Mindsight, Daniel Siegel busts a number of commonly held myths about adolescence — for example, that it is merely a stage of “immaturity” filled with often “crazy” behavior — to reveal how it is in fact a vital time in our lives in terms of charting the course for the adults we ultimately become.
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Narration for kindergarteners...
- By Kalutha on 03-28-14
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Raising Happiness
- 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents
- By: Christine Carter
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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An essential guide to raising happy children from author Christine Carter, complete with tips, secrets, and strategies that will set the stage for positive emotions into adolescence and beyond.
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One of the best parenting books I have come across
- By Kristine on 02-05-13
By: Christine Carter
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Parenting Without Power Struggles
- Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected
- By: Susan Stiffelman
- Narrated by: Susan Stiffelman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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While most parenting programs are designed to coerce kids to change, Parenting Without Power Struggles does something innovative, showing you how to help your children awaken their natural instincts to cooperate, rather than employing threats or bribes, which inevitably fuels their resistance. By staying calm and being the confident "captain of the ship" your child needs, you will learn how to parent from a place of strong, durable connection, and you'll be better able to help your kids navigate the challenging moments of growing up.
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Highly recommended.
- By Nothing really matters on 10-13-13
By: Susan Stiffelman
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The Marshmallow Test
- Mastering Self-Control
- By: Walter Mischel
- Narrated by: Alan Alda
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Marshmallow Test, Mischel explains how self-control can be mastered and applied to challenges in everyday life - from weight control to quitting smoking, overcoming heartbreak, making major decisions, and planning for retirement. With profound implications for the choices we make in parenting, education, public policy and self-care, The Marshmallow Test will change the way you think about who we are and what we can be.
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Great performance, but lacking in content
- By Hilary - San Francisco on 09-27-14
By: Walter Mischel
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Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together
- By: Gina Atencio-MacLean PsyD
- Narrated by: Tiffany Morgan
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Parenting a child with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is difficult, stressful, and often overwhelming. Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder is the first child psychology book that sets you up for success by recognizing that taking care of your child starts with taking care of yourself.
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Need more specifics
- By Lee on 05-14-24
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Being There
- Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters
- By: Erica Komisar, Sydny Miner
- Narrated by: Wendy Tremont King
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Compassionate and balanced, and focusing on the emotional health and well-being of children as well as that of the mothers who care for them, this book shows mothers and fathers how to give their children the best chance for developing into healthy and loving adults.
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Highly Recommended
- By Arocha on 03-09-18
By: Erica Komisar, and others
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Uncovering Happiness
- Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-compassion
- By: Elisha Goldstein PhD
- Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Most of us believe when we're depressed that our situation is hopeless. That's a mistake, Dr. Elisha Goldstein reassures us in Uncovering Happiness. The secret to overcoming depression and uncovering happiness is in harnessing our brain's own natural antidepressant power and ultimately creating a more resilient antidepressant brain.
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Great book, but focused on depression.
- By wrenekape on 03-22-15
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The Opposite of Worry
- The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxieties and Fears
- By: Lawrence J. Cohen
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 8 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Whether it's the monster in the closet or the fear that arises from new social situations, school, or sports, anxiety can be especially challenging and maddening for children. And since anxiety has a mind of its own, logic and reassurance often fail, leaving parents increasingly frustrated about how to help. Now Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, the author of Playful Parenting, provides a special set of tools to handle childhood anxiety.
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Huge help for my anxious children
- By D on 11-04-15
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How the Body Knows Its Mind
- The Surprising Power of the Physical Environment to Influence How You Think and Feel
- By: Sian Beilock
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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An award-winning scientist offers a groundbreaking new understanding of the mind-body connection and its profound impact on everything from advertising to romance. The human body is not just a passive device carrying out messages sent by the brain but rather an integral part of how we think and make decisions.
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The New Science Of The Mind Body Connection!
- By Dianne on 04-06-15
By: Sian Beilock
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Great parenting advice!
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The Yes Brain
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Where is the PDF
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Such a great listen
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take notes.
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Did you know that developing self-regulation and emotional well-being skills help your child by 12 percent to have high academic success and decreases by 42 percent their physical aggression by their peers? Self-regulation in kids is a proactive, self-directed process for attaining goals, learning skills, coping with big feelings, and managing emotional reactions, which fuels children to become socially and emotionally engaged lifelong learners.
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An important skill often overlooked
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No-Drama Discipline
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I Can See Light At The End Of My Tunnel
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great content! hope to implement !
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Strong-willed, spirited, explosive, and highly sensitive are just a few of the most common labels for challenging kids. Whether your child has been diagnosed with a behavioral condition, labeled, or is just harder than other children you’ve met, you are in luck. Parenting expert, Dayna Abraham is here to help. Calm the Chaos is a clearly organized, methodical approach to parenting. Dayna has created a road map to help parents find peace and meet their kids where they are at when conventional parenting tools have failed.
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Great book that also covers neurodivergent parents and neurodivergent children
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Parenting from the Inside Out
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In this best-selling classic, child psychiatrist and coauthor of The Whole Brain Child, Daniel J. Siegel and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent. Illuminating important research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, Siegel and Hartzell explain how the parent-child relationship directly affects brain development, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories to help them raise compassionate and resilient children.
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Please hire a professional narrator
- By John on 07-08-15
By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., and others
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Understanding Girls with ADHD
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- Narrated by: Carly Robins
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- Unabridged
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Understanding Girls with ADHD does not shy away from key areas of controversy. How, for example, can a family know whether it's ADHD or another set of problems that's the primary issue? How does one deal with the potential use of medication, which is plagued by bad press and abundant myths but which can, as part of a multi-faceted treatment plan, provide great benefit if the right dose is found and if the doctor works with the family to monitor positive effects and side effects carefully?
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Important reading
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Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
- The Heart of Parenting
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- Narrated by: Roy Worley
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Based on 20 years of research at the University of Washington studying parent-child interactions, award-winning research psychologist John Gottman and his team have developed Emotion Coaching - a technique parents can use to teach their children self-awareness and self-control and to foster good emotional development. This proven technique has demonstrated a positive effect on children's physical health, academic achievement, and emotional well-being.
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My parenting philosophy, in writing!
- By Dave on 03-03-21
By: John Gottman PhD
What listeners say about Self-Reg
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Rach
- 01-16-22
Best book on belong yourself and your children.
This was one of the most informative and helpful audiobooks that I have listened to. I have been a practicing therapist for over 20 years and I listen to and read 10-15 therapy related books each year. This book has helped me to look at therapy and human needs (my clients AND my own) in a very different manner. I recommend it for everyone but especially anyone in the helping or teaching professions as well as anyone with their own children.
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- KTinNYC
- 04-26-17
Illuminating
This book really helped me understand some of my child's behaviors, and better yet what to do about them. I do wish the action steps provided were a little more robust, but just understanding my role better will, I think, be immensely helpful for both of us.
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- L. Currey
- 11-14-18
Lens changing look at your kids and self
The information conveyed in this story has been a game changer as a parent. It has helped me view my children's behavior through an entirely different lens and has helped us through the ups and downs of parenting. I highly recommend this read for parents and educators. #Parentingtips #Lenschange #Forthekids #Tagsgiving #Sweepstakes
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- Martha
- 03-22-19
A must read for anyone raising or working with children
As a psychotherapist, this is one of the most important books I’ve read to date. It has helped me reframe so much of the volatile behavior I’ve seen in children, parents and couples, and enabled me to reformulate my approach.
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- ME Mom
- 08-03-20
Great awareness
I loved the awareness this book gives for self reg. So many good insights but I kept hoping it would get around to more clearly listing the steps of what to do and how to do it. Perhaps this is because it is so personalized. But I Feel like it made you think you needed a counselor to walk you through implementing this rather than teaching you how to implement it yourself. Overall it was great to see my children with a different lens. Thank you!
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- Elishema Fishman
- 09-15-21
good info but boring
the book has good information, but the book is very boring. it also seems like he could more explicitly call out what the actual steps for self reg are. he does say what they are early on, but if you blink you might miss them
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- Lori M.
- 12-14-21
But what is it?
There are some fantastic insights here, but after listening to the book, I still had no clue what the 5 steps to “self reg” actually were …
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- Tina Ball
- 10-21-19
A must for parents and teachers
A balance of Leading Edge science, psychology and heart centered parenting. The author puts in just enough examples from real life. The part about adolescence and self care was especially meaningful.
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- L. B.
- 09-19-22
Important read for all
Amazing insights. Such an important book for parents, teachers and all humans! Self regulation is at the heart of everything.
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- Firecracker
- 01-25-19
Loved it!
This will help me so much in so many ways! Best book ever! I can't wait to tell others!
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