The All-or-Nothing Marriage
How the Best Marriages Work
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Narrated by:
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Mark Deakins
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By:
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Eli J. Finkel
About this listen
"After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...." (Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss.
The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages - from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional - and shows how any marriage can be better.
The primary functions of marriage from 1620 to 1850 were food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marraige has emerged, one oriented toward self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks".
This is a book for the newlywed to the empy nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.
Includes a PDF of Supplemental Images and Graphics
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2017 Eli J. Finkel (P)2017 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now. In his All-or-Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel reveals the fascinating ways in which marriage has evolved and the things we can all do to help this all-important relationship flourish. You will definitely want to read this book.” (Carol Dweck, Stanford professor and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
“If you’ve ever wondered what science has to say about how marriage has changed over time and what makes for a great one, this is the book to read. Eli Finkel is one of the world’s leading experts on relationships, and his insights are both comprehensive and revealing.” (Adam Grant, author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B, coauthored with Sheryl Sandberg)
“Eli Finkel has written an incredible analysis of the state of marriage and a useful guide for everyone trying to make their relationship work better. He also promised us cheeseburgers if we wrote this blurb. Please get those to us ASAP, Eli.” (Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, coauthors of Modern Romance)
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- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In a provocative, groundbreaking work, National Magazine Award finalist Rebecca Traister, "the most brilliant voice on feminism in this country" (Anne Lamott), traces the history of unmarried women in America who, through social, political, and economic means, have radically shaped our nation.
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Excellent book, destroyed by narration
- By Theresa Holleran on 03-06-16
By: Rebecca Traister
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Cool
- How the Brain's Hidden Quest for Cool Drives Our Economy and Shapes Our World
- By: Steven Quartz, Anette Asp
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs
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In Cool, the neuroscientist and philosopher Steven Quartz and the political scientist Anette Asp bring together the latest findings in brain science, economics, and evolutionary biology to form a provocative theory of consumerism, revealing how the brain's "social calculator" and an instinct to rebel are the crucial missing links in understanding the motivations behind our spending habits.
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Some Useful Ideas
- By Carson on 07-20-17
By: Steven Quartz, and others
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Forget "Having It All"
- How America Messed Up Motherhood - and How to Fix It
- By: Amy Westervelt
- Narrated by: Amy Westervelt
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
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In Forget "Having It All", Westervelt traces the roots of our modern expectations of mothers and motherhood back to extremist ideas held by the first Puritans who attempted to colonize America and examines how those ideals shifted - or didn't - through every generation since.
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A Thorough and Well-Researched Book on The "Mom Predicament"
- By Merle B on 04-10-19
By: Amy Westervelt
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Future Shock
- By: Alvin Toffler
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 16 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Future Shock is about the present. Future Shock is about what is happening today to people and groups who are overwhelmed by change. Change affects our products, communities, organizations - even our patterns of friendship and love. Future Shock vividly describes the emerging global civilization: tomorrow's family life, the rise of new businesses, subcultures, lifestyles, and human relationships - all of them temporary. It illuminates the world of tomorrow by exploding countless cliches about today.
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So Accurate
- By Peter Gracia on 03-31-19
By: Alvin Toffler
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How to Love
- By: Gordon Livingston
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The internationally best-selling author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Dr. Gordon Livingston here helps readers discover fulfilling happiness. By recognizing and understanding particular character traits in ourselves and others, we can all learn who best to love - and who best to avoid.
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Honest and right to the point
- By Elisabeth on 02-10-10
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Relationship Breakthrough
- How to Create Outstanding Relationships in Every Area of Your Life
- By: Cloe Madanes, Anthony Robbins
- Narrated by: Aimee Jolson
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Everyone faces the challenges of making relationships work. Whether with spouses, family members, friends, lovers, or colleagues, relationships have the power to make one feel happy, frustrated, or miserable. In Relationship Breakthrough, Cloe Madanes - an expert in creating healing, empowering relationships - gives listeners vital tools to transform their relationships and their lives. Madanes's cutting-edge methods produce real results and create rewarding, sustainable relationships.
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Disappointed
- By Dee on 01-10-16
By: Cloe Madanes, and others
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Marriage, a History
- How Love Conquered Marriage
- By: Stephanie Coontz
- Narrated by: Callie Beaulieu
- Length: 15 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In Marriage, a History, historian and marriage expert Stephanie Coontz takes listeners from the marital intrigues of ancient Babylon to the torments of Victorian lovers to demonstrate how recent the idea of marrying for love is - and how absurd it would have seemed to most of our ancestors. It was when marriage moved into the emotional sphere in the 19th century, she argues, that it suffered as an institution just as it began to thrive as a personal relationship.
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Marriage from a secular feminist's perspective
- By Timothy Hanline on 12-23-19
By: Stephanie Coontz
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The Moral Animal
- Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology
- By: Robert Wright
- Narrated by: Greg Thornton
- Length: 16 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Are men literally born to cheat? Does monogamy actually serve women's interests? These are among the questions that have made The Moral Animal one of the most provocative science books in recent years. Wright unveils the genetic strategies behind everything from our sexual preferences to our office politics - as well as their implications for our moral codes and public policies.
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Ridiculously Insightful
- By Liron on 10-25-10
By: Robert Wright
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Who’s Your City?
- How the Creative Economy Is Making Where to Live the Most Important Decision of Your Life
- By: Richard Florida
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
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All places are not created equal. In this groundbreaking book, Richard Florida shows that where we live is increasingly a crucial factor in our lives, one that fundamentally affects our professional and personal prospects. As well as explaining why place matters now more than ever, Who's Your City? provides indispensable tools to help you choose the right place for you.
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Disappointing
- By Mimi Routh on 08-08-10
By: Richard Florida
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Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life
- A Psychologist Investigates How Evolution, Cognition, and Complexity Are Revolutionizing Our View of Human Nature
- By: Douglas T. Kenrick
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Between what can be learned from evolutionary psychology and cognitive science a picture emerges. In Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life, social psychologist Douglas Kenrick fuses these two fields to create a coherent story of human nature. In his analysis, many ingrained, apparently irrational behaviors—one-night stands, prejudice, conspicuous consumption, even art and religious devotion—are quite explicable and (when desired) avoidable.
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Rather dated and self-aggrandizing
- By Laurie Frick on 07-21-11
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Commit to Win
- How to Harness the Four Elements of Commitment to Reach Your Goals
- By: Heidi Reeder PhD
- Narrated by: Heidi Reeder PhD
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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What do you need besides motivation and willpower? In Commit to Win, Heidi Reeder, PhD, unpacks over forty years of research by psychologists and economists to show that the key to reaching any goal, whether it’s to hit the gym more often or to finally quit that dead-end job, isn’t motivation, willpower, or determination. It’s commitment. Busting the myths most of us believe about commitment, Reeder shows that it all comes down to four variables.
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Practical, but misses passion
- By ANDRÉ on 11-07-14
By: Heidi Reeder PhD
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The Values Factor
- The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Life
- By: Dr. John DeMartini
- Narrated by: Erik Synnestvedt
- Length: 12 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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The Values Factor shows you how to create a life in which every minute can be inspiring and fulfilling. The first step is to identify what you find most meaningful - the values in life that are most important to you. Once you understand your own unique values and align your life accordingly, you can achieve fulfillment in every aspect of your life: deepening your loving relationships, creating an inspiring career, establishing financial freedom, and tapping into a rich spiritual life.
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Makes you really think about your values
- By Saad on 12-07-16
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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A Goodly Medicine for Aching Hearts
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At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real sees how it poisons intimate relationships in his therapy practice, where he works with couples on the brink of disaster. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools. In his transformative new book Us, Real brilliantly observes how our winner-takes-all culture infiltrates families with devastating results.
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I preferred Fierce Intimacy
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The Happiness Trap
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Dr. Russ Harris provides a means to escape the epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression, unlocking the secrets to a truly fulfilling life. Updated and expanded by 50 percent in its second edition, this empowering book presents the insights and techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), covering more topics and providing more practical tools than ever before.
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Good book for people with anxiety and depression
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As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them?
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A book he was ready to write
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What listeners say about The All-or-Nothing Marriage
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Steven Hassan PhD
- 02-25-23
Excellence resource: highly recommended
A great review of the history of marriage and how it continues to evolve in the 21st century. It is practical, well researched and I believe would help a lot of married couples meet their core needs and support their partners needs too. I ordered the paperback too.
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- Thomas J Nebesar
- 06-20-18
well executed and thorough.
great conceptual models, historical reference, and narrative journey. Approaches examining a marriage from thought before emotion.
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- Alicia H
- 02-28-21
no new insights
The book solidified a lot of what i already knew, it was a good refresher
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- Bob Koncerak
- 02-26-18
Informative, thoughtful and with a bit of humor
It was surprisingly helpful for me to have context around the history and expectations of the marriage relationship. Having only experienced the perception of marriage by way of my own upbringing, I found the author's approach enlightening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful. I benefitted from a series of 'epiphanies' in listening to the findings of fundamental research regarding common social challenges to lifelong marriage. Of biggest help to me was the realization of how much contemporary couples can place on our spouse for personal fulfillment. Good stuff. I would never have READ this entire book, as the research recitation was sometimes tedious, but it was an easy and interesting listen.
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9 people found this helpful
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- Hayden Dover
- 08-25-23
Best relationship book ever
This is definitely the best relationship book I've read. I highly recommend reading this book!
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- CodeMonkey
- 10-16-19
Exactly the Cerebral Investigation I Wanted
I highly recommend "The All or Nothing Marriage" for those who are either intellectually curious about the norms of marriage, the validities of such norms, the direction marriage is taking in our culture, where it's come from in the past, why things are so hard, or are otherwise questioning the fulfillment of their marriage. Very interesting book with lots to think about and practical advice of sorts.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rodolfo Agostini
- 06-02-21
Good book to acquire perspective
Very informative, loved that it is practical and gives examples about situations so that you can not only understand the concept, but learn how to recognize it!.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Misty Durham
- 08-29-18
Realistically improve in your marriage
The love hacks were realistic and simple. The history of marriage and the expectations we have of a marriage was so interesting. I definitely plan to implement some of the ideas from this book into my own marriage
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- FierceT
- 02-23-18
The only part I found useful were the very lat chapters
The narrator was ok, but I did not like the fact that more than half of the book is spent on the history of marriage. I understand wanting to provide the readers with context, but most people that buy these books are looking for practical advice.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Emily
- 07-19-19
skip to chapter 9
first 8 chapters of this book are repetitive and boring. If you're looking to improve your relationship with your spouse, partner, and or self as an independent person, just skip to chapter 9 and listen to the end
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2 people found this helpful