The Power of Discord
Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust
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Narrated by:
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Dan Woren
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Betsy Foldes Meiman
About this listen
This "profoundly wise" look at how to foster connections, attachment, and resiliency explains why working through discord is the key to better relationships. (Sue Johnson, best-selling author of Hold Me Tight)
You might think that perfect harmony is the defining characteristic of healthy relationships, but the truth is that human interactions are messy, complicated, and confusing. And according to renowned psychologist Ed Tronick and pediatrician Claudia Gold, that is not only okay, it is actually crucial to our social and emotional development. In The Power of Discord they show how working through the inevitable dissonance of human connection is the path to better relationships with romantic partners, family, friends, and colleagues.
Dr. Tronick was one of the first researchers to show that babies are profoundly affected by their parents' emotions and behavior via "The Still-Face Experiment". His work, which brought about a foundational shift in our understanding of human development, shows that our highly evolved sense of self makes us separate, yet our survival depends on connection. And so we approximate, iteratively learning about one another's desires and intentions, and gaining confidence in the process as we correct the mistakes and misunderstandings that arise.
Working through the volley of mismatch and repair in everyday life helps us form deep, lasting, trusting relationships, resilience in times of stress and trauma, and a solid sense of self in the world. Drawing on Dr. Tronick's research and Dr. Gold's clinical experience, The Power of Discord is a refreshing and original look at our ability to relate to others and to ourselves.
©2020 Ed Tronick, PhD and Claudia M. Gold, MD (P)2020 Little, Brown & CompanyListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Lively and riveting...Human connections have the power to heal by engaging us in a new set of moment-to- moment mismatches...as long as we are open to repair and reconnect." (Bessel van der Kolk, MD, author of The Body Keeps the Score)
"A brilliant overview of our contemporary relational landscape that argues that what people - both children and adults - need most is the messiness of real relationships, with their conflicts, partial resolutions, and imperfect efforts at repair. In trying to make these things work, we practice attention, connection, and listening. We practice our humanity. We learn to put technology in its place. A book for thinking and for practical action. A must-read." (Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology)
"In this fabulous book, which everyone must own, Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold give all of us a scientifically-based compass for negotiating the messiness of social interaction. Rather than searching for perfection, in this book they teach us that it is the messiness and the mistakes we inevitably make as parents, friends, and lovers, and the repair of our mistakes that really matters. For in repair we 'co-create a new meaning', and relationships thrive and proceed, full of life and good enough. Get this book!" (John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)
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Childhood Disrupted
- How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal
- By: Donna Jackson Nakazawa
- Narrated by: Callie Beaulieu
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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The emotional trauma we suffer as children not only shapes our emotional lives as adults but also affects our physical health and overall well-being. Scientists now know on a biochemical level exactly how parents' chronic fights, divorce, death in the family, being bullied or hazed, and growing up with a hypercritical, alcoholic, or mentally ill parent can leave permanent, physical "fingerprints" on our brains.
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some disturbing content, overall very imformative
- By Tryintolivenatural on 11-12-15
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Emotional Intelligence
- By: Daniel Goleman
- Narrated by: Barrett Whitener
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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It is the tenth anniversary since the first publication of Daniel Goleman's groundbreaking bestseller, Emotional Intelligence, which maps the territory where IQ meets EQ, where we apply what we know to how we live. Spending over a year on the New York Times bestseller list, Emotional Intelligence provided the evidence for what many successful people already knew: being smart isn't just a matter of mastering facts; it's a matter of mastering your own emotions and understanding the emotions of the people around you.
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Good info, hard to listen sometimes
- By Stephanie on 04-16-03
By: Daniel Goleman
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To Have and to Hold
- Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma
- By: Molly Millwood
- Narrated by: Molly Millwood
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood. When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being.
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Pretty good
- By C Sandell on 03-07-21
By: Molly Millwood
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The Body Keeps the Score
- Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
- By: Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 16 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent more than three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust.
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Overall Worthwhile, Lingers Too Long in the Why
- By LittleBeadsOfMercury on 04-07-21
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The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
- By: Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine
- Narrated by: Anna Crowe
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
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Incredibly helpful
- By Amazon Customer on 08-12-21
By: Karyn B. Purvis, and others
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Highly Intuitive People
- 7 Right-Brain Traits to Change the Lives of Intuitive-Sensitive People
- By: Heidi Sawyer
- Narrated by: Heidi Sawyer
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you struggle with small talk and prefer deep conversation? Are you extremely sensitive to other people's moods? Are you exhausted after being in busy places? If you've answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you may be a Highly Intuitive Person: someone who is especially sensitive to the energy of others. Highly Intuitive People, also known as Intuitive-Sensitives, are a refined group of sensitive people who are said to make up 15-20 per cent of the population.
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Wow!
- By Raubo on 07-01-22
By: Heidi Sawyer
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The Connected Parent
- Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment
- By: Lisa Qualls, Karyn Purvis PhD
- Narrated by: Lisa Qualls
- Length: 4 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned child-development expert Dr. Karyn Purvis gives you practical advice and powerful tools you can use to encourage secure attachment in your family. You will benefit from Karyn’s decades of clinical research and real-world experience. Coauthor Lisa Qualls demonstrates how you can successfully implement these strategies in your home, just as she did in hers. You will learn how to simplify your approach using scripts, nurture your child, combat chronic fear, teach respect, and develop other valuable tools to facilitate a healing connection with your child.
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An holistic approach to relational health
- By K & J on 02-11-23
By: Lisa Qualls, and others
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Putting Children First
- Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
- By: JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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As Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can positively alter the immediate and long-term effects of divorce on their children. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's emotional health, resilience, and ability to lead satisfying lives. Over the past three decades, Pedro-Carroll has worked with families in transition, conducted research, and developed and directed award- winning, court-endorsed programs that have helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath.
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PERFECT RESOURCE FOR SEPARATED/DIVORCED
- By Ly on 10-13-16
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The Dolphin Way
- A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids - without Turning into a Tiger
- By: Shimi Kang
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The audiobook makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability - is the dolphin way.
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Very easy way to understand complicated subject
- By Nhat on 11-05-18
By: Shimi Kang
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Getting Past Your Past
- Take Control of Your Life With Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy
- By: Francine Shapiro
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Whether we've experienced small setbacks or major traumas, we are all influenced by memories and experiences we may not remember or don't fully understand. Getting Past Your Past offers practical procedures that demystify the human condition and empower listeners looking to achieve real change. An easy conversational style, humor, and fascinating real life stories make it simple to understand the brain science behind why we get stuck in various ways and what we can about it.
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NOT ENOUGH ON SOLUTIONS
- By MZHOLLAND on 08-20-12
By: Francine Shapiro
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Ready or Not
- Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World
- By: Madeline Levine
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready or Not explores how today’s parenting techniques and our myopic educational system are failing to prepare children for their certain-to-be-uncertain future - and how we can reverse course to ensure their lasting adaptability, resilience, health, and happiness.
By: Madeline Levine
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When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder
- A Guide for Adult Children
- By: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Narrated by: Daniel S. Lobel PhD
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
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Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
- By Sarah M. on 05-21-24
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Simplicity Parenting
- Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids
- By: Kim John Payne, Lisa M. Ross
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 9 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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From internationally renowned family consultant Kim John Payne comes an eloquent guide that seeks to help parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need for their individuality to flourish.
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A worthwhile listen for new parents
- By Kathy K on 07-30-12
By: Kim John Payne, and others
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
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How to Make Good Things Happen
- Know Your Brain, Enhance Your Life
- By: Marian Rojas Estapé
- Narrated by: Marisol Ramirez
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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An empowering journey through the mechanisms of the mind from one of the world’s leading mental health experts.
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it's just ok
- By Serafin Zuniga on 01-18-24
What listeners say about The Power of Discord
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Colleen
- 02-08-22
Where to begin? This book has upended my understanding of relationships
I'm filled with hope with this new paradigm, and while I suspect I may need to reread and engage with the information as it pertains to my relationships which is so radically different from my beliefs about relating to others up until now, I m inspired to find a deeper, more open and trusting way to relate to myself and others.
I feel very grateful to the authors for presenting this information in such a thoughtful, cohesive and engaging book.
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- Amanda B
- 06-22-22
Highly recommend for pediatric occupational therapists to listen to!
10/10 amazing book on early development and relationships through the lifespan, highly recommend any parent and/or pediatric occupational therapist to listen to!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Boo Allman Bubbico
- 10-14-24
Invaluable Information and Message
Decades of research are synthesized into beautiful, relatable examples of human interactions. A powerful antidote to the anxiety of modern parenting (and marriage)
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- Madhur-Nain Webster
- 12-31-21
A must read for those who have kids or want a healthy relationships!
That means everyone! This book is amazing. Helps you to sit with you. Self reflect and self learn. I wish this had been around before I had children.
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- Hamid
- 01-29-24
A very important book
This book must be taught at schools to all children so they learn how to be curious about other people's perspectives, and how to survive and growout of the inevitable discords in relationships
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- Anonymous User
- 07-06-24
Helpful
I'm a pediatric nurse and a parent. I found this read so helpful and supportive.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-26-23
Helpful book clinically and personally
A little wordy and would be helpful to have a print copy to be able to revisit a few concepts.
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