-
What the Hell Did I Just Read
- A Novel of Cosmic Horror
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
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Publisher's summary
It's the story "They" don't want you to listen to. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached". No, don't put the book back on the shelf - it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from listening to it. Yes, it works with audiobooks, too, I don't have time to explain how.
While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John, and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they - like you - would be better off not knowing.
Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome - and, to be frank, stupid - cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.
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John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it. He's obsessed with serial killers, but really doesn't want to become one. So for his own sake, and the safety of those around him, he lives by rigid rules he's written for himself, practicing normal life as if it were a private religion that could save him from damnation. Dead bodies are normal to John. They don't demand or expect the empathy he's unable to offer. Perhaps that's what gives him the objectivity to recognize that there's something different about the body the police have just found behind the Wash-n-Dry Laundromat - and to appreciate what that difference means.
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WRONG CATEGORY - THIS IS NOT A MYSTERY
- By guy on 02-27-19
By: Dan Wells
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Monster Hunter International
- By: Larry Correia
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 24 hrs
- Unabridged
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Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a 14th story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer. It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit.
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Suprizingly entertaining
- By Konstantin on 02-17-12
By: Larry Correia
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Raising Stony Mayhall
- By: Daryl Gregory
- Narrated by: David Marantz
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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In 1968, after the first zombie outbreak, Wanda Mayhall and her three young daughters discover the body of a teenage mother during a snowstorm. Wrapped in the woman's arms is a baby - stone-cold, not breathing, and without a pulse. But then his eyes open and look up at Wanda, and he begins to move.The family hides the child - whom they name Stony - rather than turn him over to authorities who would destroy him. Against all scientific reason, the undead boy begins to grow....
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You'll wish you lived as much as this undead boy
- By Maryland on 10-27-11
By: Daryl Gregory
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Rise Again
- A Zombie Thriller
- By: Ben Tripp
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 16 hrs
- Unabridged
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Filled with adventurous human drama-and shocking inhuman horror - Rise Again is a vivid and powerful debut novel of the zombie apocalypse.
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SHE TOOK A SPATULA AND SCRAPPED HIS FACE OFF THE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 04-13-17
By: Ben Tripp
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The Brotherhood of the Wheel
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 14 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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In AD 1119, a group of nine crusaders became known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon - a militant monastic order charged with protecting pilgrims and caravans traveling on the roads to and from the Holy Land. In time, the Knights Templar would grow in power and, ultimately, be laid low. But a small offshoot of the Templars endure and have returned to the order's original mission: to defend the roads of the world and guard those who travel on them.
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Epic Battle Brewing
- By Doug D. Eigsti on 03-29-16
By: R. S. Belcher
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Superheroes
- By: Peter S. Beagle, Daryl Gregory, James Patrick Kelly, and others
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman, Joe Barrett, Christina Delaine, and others
- Length: 17 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Modern gods and goddesses, remote, revered - and like the pantheon of heroes and heroines of ancient myth - possessing great power tempered with flaws. Now, find within this anthology great tales by gifted and award-winning authors who move superheroes from the four-color panels of comic books to the fantastic pages of fiction, stories that will remind anyone who ever wanted to wear a cape or don a cowl of the extraordinary powers of the imagination!
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Pretentious tired old concepts
- By BookofJoy on 12-29-14
By: Peter S. Beagle, and others
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Meddling Kids
- A Novel
- By: Edgar Cantero
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Summer 1977. The Blyton Summer Detective Club (of Blyton Hills, a small mining town in Oregon's Zoinx River Valley) solved their final mystery and unmasked the elusive Sleepy Lake monster - another low-life fortune hunter trying to get his dirty hands on the legendary riches hidden in Deboën Mansion. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
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should have been a YA novel
- By Bearded Barista on 08-20-17
By: Edgar Cantero
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Allison Hewitt Is Trapped
- A Zombie Novel
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One woman's story as she blogs about - and fights back against - the zombie apocalypse.
Allison Hewitt and her five colleagues at the Brooks and Peabody Bookstore are trapped together when the zombie outbreak hits. Allison reaches out for help through her blog, writing on her laptop. It may also be her only chance to reach her mother. But as the reality of their situation sinks in, Allison's blog becomes a harrowing account of her edge-of-the-seat adventures.
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lots of potential but disappointing
- By Linda B on 04-29-11
By: Madeleine Roux
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Sandman Slim
- Sandman Slim, Book 1
- By: Richard Kadrey
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
When he was 19, James Stark was considered to be one of the greatest natural magicians, a reputation that got him demon-snatched and sent downtown - to Hell - where he survived as a gladiator, a sideshow freak entertaining Satan's fallen angels. That was 11 years ago. Now, the hitman who goes only by Stark has escaped and is back in L.A. Armed with a fortune-telling coin, a black bone knife, and an infernal key, Stark is determined to destroy the magic circle.
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jack bauer + spawn = sandman slim
- By Mike Naka on 11-03-12
By: Richard Kadrey
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Gone
- Gone Series, Book 1
- By: Michael Grant
- Narrated by: Kyle McCarley
- Length: 17 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
In the blink of an eye, everyone disappears. Gone. Except for the young. There are teens, but not one single adult. Just as suddenly, there are no phones, no Internet, no television. No way to get help. And no way to figure out what's happened. Hunger threatens. Bullies rule. A sinister creature lurks. Animals are mutating. And the teens themselves are changing, developing new talents - unimaginable, dangerous, deadly powers - that grow stronger by the day. It's a terrifying new world.
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Please rerelease this book w new narration
- By Kim on 02-12-17
By: Michael Grant
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The Long Way Down
- Daniel Faust, Book 1
- By: Craig Schaefer
- Narrated by: Adam Verner
- Length: 9 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Nobody knows the seedy underbelly of Las Vegas like Daniel Faust, a sorcerer for hire and ex-gangster who uses black magic and bullets to solve his clients' problems. When an old man comes seeking vengeance for his murdered granddaughter, what looks like a simple job quickly spirals out of control. Soon Daniel stands in the crossfire between a murderous porn director; a corrupt cop with a quick trigger finger; and his own former employer, a racket boss who isn't entirely human.
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Urban fantasy noir. Done right..
- By Cliff on 02-19-15
By: Craig Schaefer
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Undertow
- By: Michael Buckley
- Narrated by: Jennifer Grace
- Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
When Lyric Walker was 14 years old, her life was turned upside down when she witnessed a world-changing event - the arrival of the Triton, a five-nation race of warrior merpeople who walked out of the sea and camped on the beaches of modern-day Coney Island. Suddenly her neighborhood was home to a new minority group numbering in the tens of thousands. But the Triton's arrival also revealed a shocking family secret: Her own mother was a mermaid.
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I loved “Undertow” by Michael Buckley.
- By love2dazzle on 11-13-17
By: Michael Buckley
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Under a Graveyard Sky
- Black Tide Rising, Book 1
- By: John Ringo
- Narrated by: Tristan Morris
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Zombies are real. And we made them. Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse? The Smith family is, with the help of a few marines. When an airborne "zombie" plague is released, bringing civilization to a grinding halt, the Smith family, Steven, Stacey, Sophia, and Faith, take to the Atlantic to avoid the chaos. The plan is to find a safe haven from the anarchy of infected humanity. What they discover, instead, is a sea composed of the tears of survivors and a passion for bringing hope.
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Sorry to say....not so good. :(
- By Chris on 03-07-14
By: John Ringo
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Victor LaValle is good. Real good.
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There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is "you" gets solved.
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Reminiscent of Orpheus & Eurydice
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Keisha Lewis lived a quiet life with her wife, Alice, until the day Alice disappeared. After months of searching, presuming she was dead, Keisha held a funeral, mourned, and gradually tried to get on with her life. But that was before Keisha started to see her wife, again and again, in the background of news reports from all over America. Alice isn't dead, and she is showing up at every major tragedy and accident in the country. Following a line of clues, Keisha takes a job as a long-haul truck driver and begins searching for Alice.
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Great story, but conditionally recommended.
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.
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cool idea ruined by cartoonish narration
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Something festive is growing in the sewer... After last year’s tragedy, Douglas’ parents are ignoring Christmas. But when Douglas finds an eerie strand of lights slithering through the sewer, he unwittingly unleashes merry terror upon his neighborhood’s tacky lights contest. String lights spread like invasive kudzu, turning festive decorations into surreal, predatory nightmares.
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Awesome!!!
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Drunk customers. Shoplifting raccoons. Otherworldly visitors. As night-shift clerk at the 24-hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all. That is, until his best friend reveals the body of a local politician hidden in the trunk of a car, setting off a chain of events with apocalyptic potential. Soon, Jack finds himself entangled in a supernatural conspiracy involving monster hunters, sociopaths, doomsday cultists, and...garden gnomes?
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Mr. CreepyPasta Narration is better
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Moving In Series Box Set Books 1 - 6
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"Iron...and...salt," whispers the old man. The dead old man. "Hurry or it will be too late...." In a bid to escape the stresses of city life, Brian Roy moves his family out into the country, a decision that will forever thrust him into the chilling world of ghosts.... This digital box set contains all of the six thrilling supernatural novels in this best-selling series.
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Well worth the credit!
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After a tragic accident at work, all Grady Miller wanted was an escape. He finds it months later with two of his closest friends. Together, the three of them travel south to Prism Lake for the upcoming holiday, where they plan on spending the sunny weekend drinking, grilling, and relaxing. But when a series of monstrous blizzards cover the Eastern United States in feet of snow, knocking out communications and making the roads impossible to drive on, they realize their weekend of fun could turn into a lifetime of survival.
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I tried.
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The Wrath of N'Kai (Dramatized Adaptation)
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Countess Alessandra Zorzi, international adventurer and thief, arrives in Arkham pursuing an ancient body freshly exhumed from a mound in Oklahoma. Before she can steal it, another party beats her to it. During the resulting gunfight at the Miskatonic Museum, the countess makes eye contact with the petrified corpse and begins an adventure of discovery outside her wildest experiences. Now, caught between her mysterious client, the police, and a society of necrophagic connoisseurs, she finds herself on the trail of a resurrected mummy as well as the star-born terror gestating within it.
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Fantastic story and Pulpy feel
- By C.T. on 02-08-23
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The Haunted
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The Perry family's new house is perfect - except for the weird behavior of the neighbors, and that odd smell coming from a dark corner in the basement. Pity no one warned the family about the house. Now it's too late. Because the darkness at the bottom of the basement stairs is rising.
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You had me until...ugh
- By David Shear on 03-05-13
By: Bentley Little
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House of Hollow
- By: Krystal Sutherland
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- Unabridged
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Iris Hollow and her two older sisters are unquestionably strange. Ever since they disappeared on a suburban street in Scotland as children only to return a month a later with no memory of what happened to them, odd, eerie occurrences seem to follow in their wake. And they're changing. First, their dark hair turned white. Then, their blue eyes slowly turned black. They have insatiable appetites yet never gain weight. People find them disturbingly intoxicating, unbearably beautiful, and inexplicably dangerous.
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Pay no attention to the cover art
- By Kimberly D. Bouchu on 05-19-22
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
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- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
- By K. F. on 03-09-17
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
What listeners say about What the Hell Did I Just Read
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Dan Schmidt
- 10-20-22
I Love These Books and I Love Stephen R. Thorne
I really just have to say that Stephen R. Thorne does this series so much justice in his performances. I love the immature far out sci fi unintelligible mess of a universe Jason has created with this series and I think the narration and the voices Stephen lends to the characters and their conversations just tickles something in me that has me always returning to this series over years. Something about how he plays John and just the delivery of many punch lines is perfect to me and ill return to this series, im sure, always. These stories might not be for everyone, but as for a ride that'll grab you by the shirt and yank you through multiple dimensions, its certainly worth the trip.
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- Richard
- 12-17-20
A middling entry in a fantastic series.
Worth reading, but not near as good as the previous two entries in the series.
I would not hesitate to recommend John Dies at the End or Spiders... but this one just wasn't as impactful to me..
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- Anonymous User
- 05-21-18
just as amazing as all the rest 😊
cant wait for more. i will never get tired of reading these amazing stories! time to go check out the website!
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- Canyon R.
- 06-21-20
Pretty good
These books are the perfect combo of horror and comedy, I highly recommend it for everyone.
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- momtastic
- 11-02-18
Wonderfully ridiculous!
Lots of laughs. If you like off the wall crazy stories, this series is for you! Love all three books, John dies at the end, This book is full of spiders and What the hell did I just read.
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- Emmanuel Godoy
- 02-06-18
Great as always.
Super good and trippy. Love the Cosmic Mystery and Dick Jokes. It also contains scathing social commentary.
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- MPass
- 03-20-18
Hilarious
Story is hilarious & not for the faint of heart. Some cussing but lots of supernatural references & so hilarious!!I’m hooked!!
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- curtis
- 10-10-17
great book
great book another interesting sorry by David wong I would recommend this entire series
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- Cataclysmic_corvidae
- 07-10-18
this is why character voices are SO important
look I love David wong stories. this book was extremely hard to listen to because the reader very seldom did character voices so if john and David talked in succession it was often lost who was speaking. also lacked the performance aspect I found so enjoyable from this book is full of spiders. also just the overall story not as good.
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- brian
- 10-10-17
David Wong can't do wrong! (that rhymes!)
This book has a 100% chance to enlarge your penis size by 200%. Ever wanted to learn how to fly, become immortal, become invisible, read minds, and seduce any man/woman you want? Well do I have a treat for you, learn all that and more from this amazing addition to what literature critics are calling the greatest series of all time. I like big butts so clearly I can't lie about any of those claims.
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