Avoidant
How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner
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Narrated by:
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Joe Farinacci
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By:
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Jeb Kinnison
About this listen
Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.
People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.
The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).
Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.
©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb KinnisonListeners also enjoyed...
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- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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The Happy Stepmother
- By: Rachelle Katz
- Narrated by: Gayle Hendrix
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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You found the love of your life, and you vowed to have, to hold, and to stepmother. You always thought that in time you'd grow to be the perfect, loving family. So why does it seem that the harder you try, the more unappreciated you feel? As a stepmother, therapist, and founder of the popular stepsforstepmothers.com, Dr. Rachelle Katz knows all too well how challenging stepmotherhood can be. Based on thousands of in-depth interviews and the latest research, she's created a powerful program to help you.
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horrible
- By Marcia R on 02-07-17
By: Rachelle Katz
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Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man
- Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom
- By: Scott Wetzler Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
- By Dew on 12-29-17
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Soar Above
- How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain Under Any Kind of Stress
- By: Steven Stosny PhD
- Narrated by: Michael Quinlan
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Success in work, love, and life depends on developing habits that activate the powerful prefrontal cortex when we need it most. Unfortunately, under stress, the human brain tends to revert to emotional habits we forged in toddlerhood: blame, denial, avoidance, reacting to a jerk like a jerk, and turning our connections into cold shoulders - or worse. In Soar Above, renowned relationship expert Dr. Steven Stosny offers a groundbreaking formula for building new, pressure-resistant habits.
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Life changing/planet changing!
- By rowing girl on 10-02-16
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The Breakup Bible
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- By: Rachel Sussman
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
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Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
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How to Love
- By: Gordon Livingston
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The internationally best-selling author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Dr. Gordon Livingston here helps readers discover fulfilling happiness. By recognizing and understanding particular character traits in ourselves and others, we can all learn who best to love - and who best to avoid.
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Honest and right to the point
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
- Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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Why Does He Do That?
- Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
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He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship.
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I needed this.
- By james p weiss on 09-07-17
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Dealing with Toxic People
- A Survival Guide to Deal and Heal from Toxic People, and Empower Yourself to Achieve Big in Life
- By: Chris Genson
- Narrated by: Maria McCann
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
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Dealing with Toxic People is a solution-oriented book that throws light on one of the most important issues in today's world. Listeners will be able to learn every possible technique to help get rid of toxic people in the best possible manner.
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AMAZING, Great Book!
- By Elise Whitehouse on 04-18-23
By: Chris Genson
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Prodependence
- Moving Beyond Codependency
- By: Robert Weiss
- Narrated by: Corey Gagne
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
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In Prodependence, Weiss presents a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence, accepting and even celebrating human interdependency in ways that are healthy and life-affirming for each person.
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Great content but horrible voice
- By Amazon Customer on 03-23-21
By: Robert Weiss
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Excellent!
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Attachment style researcher Alex Kingsman provides a complete list of exercises that help listeners overcome the challenges of being avoidant. As an avoidant himself, Kingsman understands the difficulties and self-blame many that avoidants experience on a day-to-day basis. This workbook, born from years of research, offers a new approach that will lead you towards nurturing fulfilling relationships, without losing your sense of self.
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Eye Opening, Must Read!
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The Art of Fear
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We all feel fear. Yet we are often taught to ignore it, overcome it, push past it. But to what benefit? This is the essential question that guides Kristen Ulmer's remarkable exploration of our most misunderstood emotion in The Art of Fear. Once recognized as the best extreme skier in the world (an honor she held for 12 years), Ulmer knows fear well. In this conversation-changing audiobook, she argues that fear is not here to cause us problems.
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Lacks efficacy and contradicts herself...hard no!
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What listeners say about Avoidant
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Michael Stewart
- 04-18-20
Informational and Well Organized
I really enjoyed this selection. My partner is an avoidant and it really helped me see how different we are at handling confrontation and left much to consider regarding whether or not I will continue seeing him romantically.
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3 people found this helpful
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- NalasMom
- 03-27-23
The Painful Truth About Avoidants
I have lived a 25 year relationship with an avoidant partner. I have a primarily secure attschment in romantic relationships, but have both avoidant and preoccupied behaviors when triggered. This book both validated and demystified much of my experience with my husband.
It would have been great to see some other resources like specialized counseling or support groups referenced or listed, but it was very enlightening nevertheless.
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- Buyer
- 08-30-17
Don't Even Think About Dating an Avoidant!
Save yourself some heartache. Learn how to spot these individuals and steer clear of them. This book helped me understand that it's really NOT me.
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12 people found this helpful
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- Ruzette Nicolas
- 11-06-18
excelent
despite it was not my first book on attachment. I really found it interesting and useful for me and for my practice as a psychologist
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- Jeremy Q Wilbanks
- 08-31-19
Great Read?
For anyone looking to understand themselves better as well as the closet people in their lives from an attachment stand point this is the boom for you. The author does a great job explaining concepts and ideas. It helped me a ton as I broke up with my dismissive-avoidant partner. I can now see how we co-mingled for so many years. I can finally move forward opening myself up to a more secure attachment style.
Buy this book, trust me totally worth it! No 🧠 er
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2 people found this helpful
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- Katherine Snow
- 01-03-16
incredibly helpful!
This really helped me understand my partner, and why her behavior made me so crazy jealous. understanding both of our attachment styles has really helped improve our previously difficult to understand relationship.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Tina C
- 08-22-20
Real insights and answers!
Abundantly helpful for someone confused about their partner's inconsistent and defensive behavior. At 49 and divorced after a long marriage, I thought of myself as very grounded, secure, and pretty good at relationships, until I moved in with my boyfriend. He pulled away abruptly, causing me to become confused, hurt and anxious. It still hurts, but now I know why, have some tools to deal with the behavior, and understand that this happens to a lot of people. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to attachment styles and for providing answers and guidance!
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- Candace Harris
- 11-25-22
Good Information
This was a good book on avoidant & anxious attachment styles. It had some useful information. Gave me some insight into my own relationships. I do feel like it was a bit unempathetic at times. Some of the things said could make someone feel worse about themselves. other than that it was good info.
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- popeye
- 09-16-24
very good read
must read for anyone looking to learn more about their or their partners attachment type
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- TravelnFam
- 12-26-17
Helpful, but could be more so
This was a good book to listen to, particularly after determining the attachment styles for myself and of the important people in my life. I did not think the narrator was very engaging, but it wasn't too bad. This book seems to be one that might be better in print, but I got along fine with the audio version. Though the information was helpful, I did get the impression that the author is a bit too judgmental and critical of avoidants, even though my purpose for going through this book was to determine next steps with the avoidant(s) in my life. I do recommend it, but maybe not enthusiastically.
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