
Carpet Diem
Or...How to Save the World by Accident
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Narrated by:
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Matthew Lloyd Davies
About this listen
Fifteen years after losing most of his family to a devastating, pudding-related tragedy, Simon Debovar has settled into a life of self-imposed exile from the stinking, selfish morass of humanity. Content that his daily highlights will include hazelnut coffee, a long bath, and the occasional jar of olives, his life is completely upturned by the discovery that his ornate living room carpet is the deciding factor in a bet between God and Satan.
When mysteriously well-timed carpet thieves deprive him of the crucial heirloom, Simon is forced to leave his hermit's existence behind for a world of angels, demons, witches, and immortals.
And then it gets complicated.
©2015 Justin Lee Anderson (P)2017 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Rose Well Holiday Park needs a hero. This once shining icon of the Great British Holiday Camp is dying and the last residents are more interested in preparing for a zombie apocalypse or fighting off imaginary UFOs than playing crazy golf or bingo. In addition, a foreign bottled water company is attempting to force a sale so they can seize the last asset of Rose Well Park, the Rose Well Spring. What Rose Well Park could probably do without is a hero whose belief in a better tomorrow far outweighs any of his past achievements. But William Fox is all they have.
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Not a total waste of time
- By Amazon Customer on 03-09-25
By: David Luddington
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The Supervillain Handbook
- The Ultimate How-to Guide to Destruction and Mayhem
- By: King Oblivion PhD, Matt Wilson - read to
- Narrated by: Richard Allen
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Looking for a way out of the rat race? Tired of your ho-hum, workaday life? Have an inexplicable love of turning human beings into inanimate objects? Then professional supervillainy might just be for you! With tips from the renowned founder and overlord of the International Society of Supervillains, The Supervillain Handbook is your one-stop-shop for everything evil. Gain invaluable insight on the art of revenge, choosing your evil name, where to find the perfect lair, and much more!
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all time best narrator performance
- By AE on 10-14-20
By: King Oblivion PhD, and others
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage
- Waldo Rabbit Series, Book 1
- By: Nelson Chereta
- Narrated by: Gary Furlong
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage is the story of a young man named Waldo who grows up in a world where monsters, the undead, and dark magic are part of everyday life. He is forced to go on a journey to prove himself and soon discovers that his beliefs don't fit into the wider world.
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Engaging, but has no ending.
- By Ryan on 07-30-17
By: Nelson Chereta
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Spells, Salt, & Steel, Season 1
- By: Gail Z. Martin, Larry N. Martin
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 11 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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By day, Mark Wojcik can be found elbow-deep in engine grease, making cars and trucks safe for the highway. By night, he can be found traipsing through the wilds of Pennsylvania, making the world safe for humans. He's more than just a mechanic, he's a New Templar Knight. He travels the backroads and byways fighting weresquonks, ningen, selkies, ghosts, and . . . gnomes? Is that gnome . . . naked? (Sigh.) Season One collects the first four novellas in the Spells, Salt, & Steel series: Spells, Salt, & Steel; Open Season; Deep Trouble; and Close Encounters.
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Great fun; the Bubbaverse grows!
- By J.R. Snyder on 12-06-19
By: Gail Z. Martin, and others
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You Are Now Less Dumb
- How to Conquer Mob Mentality, How to Buy Happiness, and All the Other Ways to Outsmart Yourself
- By: David McRaney
- Narrated by: Don Hagen
- Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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You Are Now Less Dumb is grounded in the idea that we all believe ourselves to be objective observers of reality - except we’re not. But that's okay, because our delusions keep us sane. Expanding on this premise, McRaney provides eye-opening analyses of 15 more ways we fool ourselves every day. This smart and highly entertaining audiobook will be wowing listeners for years to come.
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Not a lot of guidance
- By A. Yoshida on 02-08-14
By: David McRaney
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A Nameless Witch
- By: A. Lee Martinez
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Lee
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Being born undead can have its disadvantages, such as eternal youth and flawless beauty-things most unsuitable for a witch. Hiding behind the guise of a grimy old crone, the witch is content living outside Fort Stalwart with her unlikely band of allies: a troll named Gwurm, an enchanted broom, and a demonic duck named Newt. She leads a simple life filled with spells, potions, and the occasional curse.
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Early Martinez
- By colleen on 03-31-15
By: A. Lee Martinez
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Cat Core
- Cat Core, Book 1
- By: Dean Henegar
- Narrated by: Andrea Parsneau
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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It was just supposed to be a quick trip to the pet store for some cat food, but the universe had other plans for Florence Valentine. Good for nothing kids and some annoying store employees were giving her a hard time, and then things got worse when she was killed by a delivery truck. Instead of angels, pearly gates, and eternal rewards, a voice in her head keeps telling her that she’s become a dungeon core, whatever that is.
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A fun take on a Dungeon Core! Plus Andrea Parsneau
- By Lonnie-The GreatNorthernTroll-Moore on 10-20-21
By: Dean Henegar
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Plain Heathen Mischief
- By: Martin Clark
- Narrated by: David Aaron Baker
- Length: 19 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Plain Heathen Mischief ups the existential ante, as Joel King, a defrocked Baptist minister, finds life even more bedeviling once he's served six months for a career-ending crime he might not even have committed. Now his incommunicado wife wants a divorce, the teenage vixen of his disgrace is suing him for a cool $5 million, a fresh start in Montana offers no hope for ex-cons of any religious persuasion, and the refuge provided by his sister turns as nasty as his parole officer. Talk about a crisis of faith.
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Brilliant!
- By squishy on 02-05-20
By: Martin Clark
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Always Greener
- General Buzz Series, Book 1
- By: J. R. H. Lawless
- Narrated by: Matthew Lloyd Davies
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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A smash-hit reality show is offering a lifetime of luxury to the one person living the world's worst life, and now everyone is out to prove just how bad they've got it. Want in? All you've got to do is accept ocular implants that let the whole world see life through your eyes, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Fortunately, there's still one person who hasn't lost faith in all humanity. The show's ever-smiling host is determined to wring some tiny bit of meaning out of this twisted competition and your unhappy existence.
By: J. R. H. Lawless
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64th Man
- Starring John Cena and Anna Chlumsky
- By: Bryan Tucker, Zack Phillips
- Narrated by: John Cena, Anna Chlumsky, Jane Curtin, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Original Recording
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In sports, everybody loves redemption stories, the underdog who no one believes in but through sheer hard work wins it all. But no one tells the stories of the players who work hard and don’t make it. In pro football, 53 guys get on the roster. Ten make it to the practice squad. And then there’s the 64th Man - that’s Billy Logan (Cena), who seems to always be one spot from glory.
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I LOVE YOU JOHN CENA!
- By Victoria on 11-15-19
By: Bryan Tucker, and others
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Purgatory Gardens
- A Novel
- By: Peter Lefcourt
- Narrated by: Noah Michael Levine
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Sammy Dee is a mid-level Long Island mafioso in witness protection. Didier Onyekachukwu was the corrupt minister of finance of the former Upper Volta. Both men find themselves in middle age, living in the Southern California version of genteel poverty in a down-market condo complex called Paradise Gardens. Enter Marcy Gray, a "mature" actress barely getting by on a meager SAG pension.
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Ugh
- By J. Hoover on 11-25-21
By: Peter Lefcourt
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Paranormal Real Estate
- Dirk Cooper, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
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really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
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Shingles Audio Collection Volume 1
- Shingles Series, Volume 1
- By: Robert Bevan, Rick Gualtieri, Steve Wetherell, and others
- Narrated by: Cassandra Myles, Cal Wembly
- Length: 13 hrs and 40 mins
- Original Recording
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The collection begins with "The Ghost of Hooker Alley," which introduces listeners to 10-year-old Sarah and six-year-old Tommy. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, Sarah and Tommy think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley.... "The Monkey's Penis" features Chris, a teenage boy who receives a birthday gift unlike any other. In "Gary's Children," a man's quest for stress relief leads to terror, and an unexpected kidnapping takes place in "Aliens Wrecked Our Kegger."
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From most of the creators of Authors and Dragons!
- By Greg Hill on 10-23-18
By: Robert Bevan, and others
What listeners say about Carpet Diem
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Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- John Williams
- 03-05-17
Enjoyable ride
I quite enjoyed this absurdist comedy. The story is satisfying and the humor will bring a smile to your face. The story circles around a man who has absented himself from society until one day an angel and a demon show up on his door step demanding he pick one to give his living room carpet to and thus decide the fate of the world. After that, the story starts to get strange. This wont be your book of the year, but it is fun.
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- Debbie
- 10-23-20
Entertaining with Great Narrator
Very unique story with lots of humor. The narrator did a fabulous job bringing each character to life.
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- BRR
- 02-01-23
Super funny!
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was funny & irreverent & a great story. You will not be sorry you used a credit for this.
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- Audra
- 02-09-23
Bizarrely fun
While I admit more than wondering, “what on earth is this book talking about,” it’s bizarre strömt line kept me wondering what would happen next. By the end of the book, I truly liked all the characters. The resolution is worth it.
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- Tatiana
- 02-19-23
Taty
Wonderful pass time for all nerds😃.
Fantasy about nothing serious but also about the most important stuff in life.
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- Andrew L. Carter
- 04-02-19
a good but long story.
an enjoyable but at times too wordy story. good for a long road trip .
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- Tamera
- 11-03-24
Brilliant!!!!
Perfectly written and narrated British wit and cynicism. This is a throughly enjoyable read, in the vein of Neil Gamon.
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- Courtney A. King
- 02-05-25
engaging and hilarious read
if you like silly and a great story just listen. you should be happy.
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- David Krzywicki
- 12-03-20
Incredible
I absolutely, one hundred percent love this story. It is unique, quirky, witty, funny, and just all around fun! Not a dull moment from start to finish. I won't go into details because I don't want to spoil anything, but if you're on the fence about getting it, just get it. You won't regret it.
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- C C Johnson
- 05-19-23
Devilishly Good
This is a fun romp! A wealthy hermit, a pirate, a ninja, a man who spends 12 hours of each day as a faun and knows everything~except the future, angels, demons and those who used to angels and demons. What more would you need for a fun read? How about a tele-porter and an island paradise complete with youth and beauty spells? This race to prevent the end of the world hinges on ownership of a living room carpet which was stolen and must be found so it can be turned over to the angel or the demon ~ or so it seems.
The narrator does an excellent job of handling all the different characters’ very different voices.
I highly recommend this audio book!
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