The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
A Path to Peace and Power
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Narrated by:
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Katherine Morgan Schafler
About this listen
Selected for USA Today's Best Books of 2023
Selected as Editor's Pick in Amazon's Best Books of 2023
From psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, an invitation to every “recovering perfectionist” to challenge the way they look at perfectionism, and the way they look at themselves.
We’ve been looking at perfectionism all wrong. As psychotherapist and former on-site therapist at Google Katherine Morgan Schafler argues in The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, you don’t have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy. For women who are sick of being given the generic advice to “find balance,” a new approach has arrived.
Which of the five types of perfectionist are you? Classic, intense, Parisian, messy, or procrastinator? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy!
Full of stories and brimming with humor, empathy, and depth, this book is a love letter to the ambitious, high achieving, full-of-life clients who filled the author’s private practice, and who changed her life. It’s a clarion call for all women to dare to want more without feeling greedy or ungrateful. Ultimately, this book will show you how to make the single greatest trade you’ll ever make in your life, which is to exchange superficial control for real power.
©2023 Katherine Morgan Schafler (P)2023 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“From an emerging thought leader, an irresistible invitation to reclaim your natural state of wholeness, your joy and your life."—Deepak Chopra, New York Times bestselling author of Abundance
"A valuable, much-needed perspective that gives you permission to be more in a world that's telling you to be less.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
"An accessible, actionable guide for how to aim high without overthinking or punishing yourself along the way. This book is a must-read for anxious achievers who want to remain ambitious but could operate with a bit more self-compassion."—Liz Fosslien, coauthor and illustrator of the bestselling books Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings
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the world needs more of this.
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Perfectly Hidden Depression
- How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression
- By: Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
- Narrated by: Eleanor Caudill
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If you were raised to believe that painful emotions are a sign of weakness, or if being vulnerable has always made you feel unsafe, then you may have survived by creating a perfect-looking life - a life where you appear to be successful, engaged, and always there for others. The problem? You're filled with self-criticism and shame, and you can't allow yourself to express fear, anger, loss, or grief. You recognize something is wrong, but you're not sure what exactly - only that you feel trapped and alone. If this sounds like you, you may have perfectly hidden depression (PHD).
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Amazing
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Fierce Self-Compassion
- How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive
- By: Kristin Neff
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- Length: 12 hrs and 34 mins
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Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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Liberal Activism distracting
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Make Peace with Your Mind
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The inner critic is the voice inside our heads reminding us that we are never "good enough". It's behind the insidious thoughts that can make us second-guess our every action and doubt our own value. The inner critic might feel overpowering, but it can be managed effectively. Meditation teacher and therapist Mark Coleman helps listeners understand and free themselves from the inner critic using the tools of mindfulness and compassion.
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Life changing!
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The Codependency Recovery Plan
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You can say no. You can stop people-pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved - without sacrifice - by breaking the codependency cycle. The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.
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Great content, audio not for the neurodiverse
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Mental health is a physical process
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Real Happiness at Work
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How would you like to be calmer, less distracted, more productive, and more content at your job? You might think it would take more hours in the day, a better boss, more support, less interference, a shorter commute - and the list goes on. Most of the things we think would help are either not in our control or simply not realistic. But there is one thing we can do to achieve the qualities we seek, and it can be done invisibly and often: meditation.
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inspirational and totally useful
- By C. L. Campion on 10-21-15
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Trust Again
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During times of betrayal, when we most need support, sometimes the ones we would turn to first are the betrayers. Other times, we’re saddled with shame and fear. But it’s during these times that we need to learn to trust again. This book offers support, comfort, and community to those struggling with feelings associated with betrayal and guides them to healing from painful experiences of it. Listeners will learn about and move through five stages from betrayal to breakthrough and will be lovingly guided with tools and strategies along the way.
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Life changing
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Bad Advice
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In Bad Advice, relationship expert Dr. Venus Nicolino - aka Dr. V - takes a blowtorch to the shrink-wrapped “feel good” BS that passes for self-help these days. Smart and irreverent, Dr. V fuses the brains and insight of a nerdy PhD with the heart of a doting Italian mother and the artful profanity of a Philly trucker. Dr. V’s signature combination of humor, hard science, and heart make Bad Advice an iconoclastic course correction like no other. Bad Advice is a fiercely sharp wake-up call that tackles some of self-help’s most damaging truisms.
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Not my cup of tea.
- By ocean22 on 05-18-19
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What listeners say about The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Loli Olivera
- 11-05-23
Loved it!
As a perfectionist I really like the approach of accepting your perfectionism and working around it so it’s beneficial for you. I always hear comments about how you shouldn’t aim for perfection but those kind of comments don’t help because they feel like going against your essence. Katherine’s approach is amazing. Really enjoyed it!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Samantha J.
- 12-11-23
Best book I’ve read in a decade
Bookmark after bookmark. A staple read for being a better human. Especially if you’re a perfectionist! 🎯
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2 people found this helpful
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- Brandy M.
- 06-20-24
Fantastic book
This was a fabulous book that will benefit so many women. I love her light hearted and funny approach.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-11-23
Fantastic
This book is Incredible. So many parts of it drove me to reflect and learn about myself and how I may be perceived by others, intentionally or otherwise.
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- S. Van Der Sluys
- 08-17-23
Exactly what I needed.
I’ve been a perfectionist my whole life and this is the first book that I felt really understood me and gave me permission to not have to change who I am. A must read.
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- XYZ
- 10-26-23
Best book ever
First, this book is for anyone with perfectionist tendencies, not just women. I’m a guy and I’m on my 4th listen to this book. I’ve read a LOT of self help type books and this , for me, finally identified my issues. Im a perfectionist. Which involves a lot of other things of course.
This is far and away the most helpful book I’ve EVER listened to from any genre. The author is brilliant and has the most wonderful , soothing, professional, kind voice. Seriously. I can’t believe the revelation in my life. Thank God for Katherine.
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- abyssinia hammouri-davis
- 10-26-23
Truly remarkable
Words won’t be able to encapsulate how I feel about this book, but it’s the dictionary definition of a GAME. CHANGER. I have listened to over 60 titles and this is my first review. I’ve never felt so seen by an author and genuinely understood. It needs to be in the hands of anyone who considers themself to be ambitious or an over-achiever, even if you don’t necessarily jive with the term ‘perfectionist’ do yourself a favor and go out on a limb that could change/save your life. Thank you deeply to Katherine Morgan Shafler for this gift to the world.
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- Jammie Peterson
- 05-25-23
Beautiful
I loved every min of it. I’m a therapist myself and sometimes hearing these words repeated back to me is a reminder to don’t forget about yourself in all the chaos. It helped me map my understanding of my own life in small bits. I would highly recommend this book. I have gifted the book to a few people so far.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Simon Brooks
- 03-11-24
Almost perfect, except the exclusionist gender generalizations.
About 90% relatable to any sex, 5% specific to women, & 5% sweeping generalizations about how this couldn’t apply to men, who are “always/never” X & then strawmanning that all males are like some highly lauded media personalities is highly insulting & triggering. I appreciated the inclusive introduction to women & anyone who identified as a woman. As a “beta” male who grew up in a household of women, & having a perfectionist mother, wife & daughter I can appreciate that they have a much harder time of it.
Ex. That dads can’t feel the equivalent of mom guilt, or any of the quandaries of trying to be it all, etc. is pure bunk. The rhythm of enjoying the book & garnering all one can to self-understand was frequently disrupted by a tirade of exclusionist & inaccurate stereotyping. It took a moment after each incident to pause, recenter, & recall she was only speaking from her experience, rather than objectively, but I get there’s a general perception.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Larisa Massey
- 07-26-23
So good!
I’m am SO GRATEFUL for this book! It’s allowed me to reflect on so many personality quirks as well as some of my unseen/unconscious tendencies. It’s just so real and relatable for me; not to mention it’s beautifully written. Highly recommend!
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