Real Self-Care
A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)
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Narrated by:
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Pooja Lakshmin MD
About this listen
National Bestseller featured by Good Morning America, NPR's Code Switch, The New York Times, and The Guardian
NPR's "Books We Love for 2023"
Forbes' "Greatest Self-Help Books of All Time"
"Realistic and trustworthy"—InStyle
"This isn’t just another self-help book. It gives us a clear-eyed look at the way social systems drain our energy, and a concrete set of principles to rely on as we declare independence from these systems."—Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of The Way of Integrity
"This book is for anyone who’s ever removed a 'relaxing' sheet mask only to realize it hasn’t transformed you so much as your trash can.”—Jessica DeFino, The Unpublishable
From women’s mental health specialist and New York Times contributor Pooja Lakshmin, MD, comes a long-overdue reckoning with the contradictions of the wellness industry and a paradigm-shifting program for practicing real self-care that will empower, uplift, and maybe even start a revolution.
You may have noticed that it’s nearly impossible to go even a couple days without coming across the term self-care. A word that encompasses any number of lifestyle choices and products—from juice cleanses to yoga workshops to luxury bamboo sheets—self-care has exploded in our collective consciousness as a panacea for practically all of women’s problems.
Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin finds this cultural embrace of self-care incomplete at best and manipulative at worst. Fixing your troubles isn’t simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class. These faux self-care practices keep us looking outward—comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection. Even worse, they exonerate an oppressive social system that has betrayed women and minorities.
Real self-care, in contrast, is an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values, and when we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and even our broken systems.
In Real Self-Care, Lakshmin helps listeners understand what a real practice of caring for yourself could—and does—look like. Using case studies from her practice, clinical research, and the down-to-earth style that she's become known for, Lakshmin provides a step-by-step program for real and sustainable change and solace. Packed with actionable strategies to deal with common problems, Real Self-Care is a complete roadmap for women to set boundaries and move past guilt, treat themselves with compassion, get closer to themselves, and assert their power. The result—having ownership over one’s own life—is nothing less than a personal and social revolution.
* This audiobook includes a donwloadable PDF with The Real Self-Care Compass and Resources For Seeking Professional Help.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2023 Pooja Lakshmin (P)2023 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Instead of pushing us to strive–or suggesting a cleanse–Lakshmin provides tools for boundary setting and treating yourself with compassion."—NPR’s Books We Love for 2023
"In her practical guide to self-care, psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin points out that so many elements of life are out of our control—which makes her arguments so much more realistic and trustworthy. Regular massages and manicures are incredible, but if you’re wondering why you still feel so stressed and rushed despite indulging in soothing activities, Lakshmin has the answer."—InStyle
"Lakshmin’s Real Self-Care is a self-help book that aims to offer self-care tips that go beyond telling individual people to buy more expensive face creams, and instead help readers both live within the systemic outrages of capitalism and find ways of changing the system."—Vox
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We all experience stuckness in our lives. We feel stuck in our relationships, career paths, body struggles, addiction issues, and more. Many of us know what we need to do to move forward—but find ourselves unable to take the leap to make it happen. And then we blame and shame ourselves, and stay in a loop of self-doubt that goes nowhere. The good news is you’re not lazy, crazy, or unmotivated. In this empowering and action-oriented guide, you’ll discover why we can’t think our way forward—and how to break through what’s holding us back.
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Mental health is a physical process
- By Meagen G. on 04-18-22
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The Loneliness Companion
- A Practical Guide for Improving Your Self-Esteem and Finding Comfort in Yourself
- By: Shrein H. Bahrami
- Narrated by: Gemma Sun
- Length: 3 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Consider taking time to reflect, regroup, and reconnect with the most important person in your life - you. The Loneliness Companion can help you cope with feelings of alienation and isolation while finding comfort and community in our hyperconnected modern world. Learn how to boost self-confidence and build self-esteem. The Loneliness Companion delivers real, actionable exercises and evidence-based strategies so you can navigate loneliness, heal from past relationships, and gain a healthier, positive approach to dating.
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A completely useless book
- By Anonymous User on 01-26-21
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The Practice of Groundedness
- A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds - Not Crushes - Your Soul
- By: Brad Stulberg
- Narrated by: Will Damron
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Achievement often comes at a cost. Angst, restlessness, frayed relationships, exhaustion, and even substance abuse can be the unwanted side effects of an obsession with outward performance. While the high of occasional wins can keep you going for a while, playing into the always-on, never enough hustle culture ultimately takes a serious toll.
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Not for everyone
- By Carlos Rangel on 12-30-21
By: Brad Stulberg
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Sit Down to Rise Up
- By: Shelly Tygielski
- Narrated by: Shelly Tygielski
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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The practice of mindfulness is most often touted for its profound mind, body, and spirit benefits. Shelly Tygielski here shows that mindfulness can also be a powerful tool for spurring transformative collective action. In a winning combination of memoir, manifesto, and how-to, Tygielski shares her evolution from a Jerusalem-born child of traditional Sephardic Orthodox parents to a middle-class American suburban youth who questioned her faith to a young executive in corporate America.
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Relevant and Motivating
- By Shelly G on 07-01-22
By: Shelly Tygielski
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Perfectly Hidden Depression
- How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression
- By: Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
- Narrated by: Eleanor Caudill
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
If you were raised to believe that painful emotions are a sign of weakness, or if being vulnerable has always made you feel unsafe, then you may have survived by creating a perfect-looking life - a life where you appear to be successful, engaged, and always there for others. The problem? You're filled with self-criticism and shame, and you can't allow yourself to express fear, anger, loss, or grief. You recognize something is wrong, but you're not sure what exactly - only that you feel trapped and alone. If this sounds like you, you may have perfectly hidden depression (PHD).
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Amazing
- By Kimberly Davis on 10-27-20
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The Courage Habit
- How to Accept Your Fears, Release the Past, and Live Your Courageous Life
- By: Kate Swoboda, Bari Tessler MA
- Narrated by: Kate Marcin
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Courage Habit, certified life coach Kate Swoboda offers freedom from the outdated belief that one must be fearless in order to live courageously. Instead, she defines courage as a willingness to act on what we want in spite of our fears and offers an evidence-based program to help readers conquer their inner critic, overcome worries, increase resilience, work toward their highest aspirations, and make courage a habit every day.
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Let Go of the Guilt
- Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy
- By: Valorie Burton
- Narrated by: Valorie Burton
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Even women who feel fulfilled often struggle to meet the demands of modern life. Both working and stay-at-home moms agree that the expectations of women have risen dramatically in recent decades. As a result, many women overcompensate and over-apologize while the guilt dampens the joy of motherhood, relationships, and professional accomplishments. Let Go of the Guilt helps you peel back the layers of emotional, cultural, and spiritual expectations that make it difficult to navigate your multiple roles, dreams, and daily demands on your life.
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Not meant for non-religious people
- By Anna Amuse on 09-20-21
By: Valorie Burton
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
- By: Deborah Reber
- Narrated by: Deborah Reber
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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Your Turn
- How to Be an Adult
- By: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Narrated by: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Length: 20 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
What does it mean to be an adult? In the 20th century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.
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Not the book that was advertised
- By M. Rogers on 04-13-21
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Trust Again
- By: Debi Silber PhD
- Narrated by: Debi Silber PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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During times of betrayal, when we most need support, sometimes the ones we would turn to first are the betrayers. Other times, we’re saddled with shame and fear. But it’s during these times that we need to learn to trust again. This book offers support, comfort, and community to those struggling with feelings associated with betrayal and guides them to healing from painful experiences of it. Listeners will learn about and move through five stages from betrayal to breakthrough and will be lovingly guided with tools and strategies along the way.
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Life changing
- By KM on 07-27-22
By: Debi Silber PhD
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The Path to Positivity
- Proven Positive Thinking Techniques for Getting Motivated and Living Your Best Life
- By: Caitlin Margaret
- Narrated by: Linda Henning
- Length: 4 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Whether you’re hoping to feel confident at work, create stronger relationships, or complete unfinished home projects - lasting change starts with positive thinking. The Path to Positivity gives you the mental tools to overcome negativity, renew your motivation, and get unstuck from the daily grind - all with the help of positive thinking. Find empowerment through positive thinking with supportive advice on things like goal setting, relationship management, and self-care.
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Excellent book!
- By جحش بن سلمان on 05-14-21
By: Caitlin Margaret
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21 Days to Resilience
- How to Transcend the Daily Grind, Deal with the Tough Stuff, and Discover Your Strongest Self
- By: Zelana Montminy
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 4 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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In 21 Days to Resilience, Dr. Zelana Montminy gives you a practical, concrete toolkit to develop your capacity to recover quickly. Each day of her powerful program, Dr. Montmimy introduces a key concept necessary to improve resiliency and enhance well-being - such as courage, focus, positivity, self-care, and social support - then provides three quick skills to accomplish. Throughout the book she teaches you lifelong skills you can continue to practice and return to as needed to keep your resiliency muscles strong.
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Helpful insight
- By Schase on 07-08-18
By: Zelana Montminy
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Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
- Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve
- By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, Wendy T. Behary LCSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Linda Jones
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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If you were raised by a narcissistic mother and are struggling with the lingering effects of a toxic upbringing, this is the road map you need to heal the past and thrive in the present and future.
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I really needed this!
- By Rachael E on 01-28-23
By: Stephanie M. Kriesberg PsyD, and others
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Becoming Super Woman
- A Simple 12-Step Plan to Go from Burnout to Balance
- By: Nicole Lapin
- Narrated by: Nicole Lapin
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It's time to stop putting yourself at the bottom of every to-do list and start taking care of yourself first. It's time to leave Superwoman in the movies, where she belongs, and say hello to being a super woman - the best, most productive version of the hero you already are.
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Easy Listen and advice that is actually useful
- By Sean E. Huie on 10-21-19
By: Nicole Lapin
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Onward
- Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators
- By: Elena Aguilar
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 13 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Onward tackles the problem of educator stress, and provides a practical framework for taking the burnout out of teaching. Stress is part of the job, but when 70 percent of teachers quit within their first five years because the stress is making them physically and mentally ill, things have gone too far. Unsurprisingly, these effects are highest in difficult-to-fill positions such as math, science, and foreign languages, and in urban areas and secondary classrooms - places where we need our teachers to be especially motivated and engaged.
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Narrator is a real dud!
- By Paris Granville on 08-11-18
By: Elena Aguilar
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Social Justice Parenting
- How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-Racist, Justice-Minded Kids in an Unjust World
- By: Traci Baxley
- Narrated by: Traci Baxley
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
As a global pandemic shuttered schools across the country in 2020, parents found themselves thrust into the role of teacher — in more ways than one. Not only did they take on remote school supervision, but after the murder of George Floyd and the ensuing Black Lives Matter protests, many also grappled with the responsibility to teach their kids about social justice — with few resources to guide them.
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Inspiring, motivating, practical
- By Heather Janetzko on 03-18-24
By: Traci Baxley
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Excellent insight into how to change your mindset to get more enjoyment out of life
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Do your impulsive thoughts and actions bring only trouble? Do you often grab your head muttering, “What was I thinking?” There is a reason: Our first, instinctual thoughts and actions are usually irrational and self-sabotaging. Discipline Your Thoughts will tell you why and also how can you correct it.
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Think smarter, better, and faster. Clear thinking is the key to truth, wisdom, and knowledge. Whether it’s from ourselves or others, we rarely see the world as it really is. We aren’t able to think clearly. We build our beliefs on lies, assumptions, and deceptions. This ends now. Practical methods to never be fooled, stop making mistakes, and avoid traps. The Art of Clear Thinking takes an in-depth look at the everyday illusions we come across, and how to defeat them once and for all.
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Self-care is everywhere - but sound bites on this trendy subject tend to focus more on face masks and bubble baths than on its key objective: mental health. Formerly at BuzzFeed, Borges helped popularize the self-care movement in the first place, and her book distills the “self-care internet” into an A to Z list with over two hundred entries - from soul-searching prompts to simple pick-me-ups. Listeners can tailor their own routines by choosing among Borges’s strategies, which cover four distinctive realms of self-care: physical, mental, social, and spiritual.
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Attached pdf
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This is not a typical investment book. It is an experiential guide on cultivating the mindset and behavior necessary to weather inherently uncertain and unpredictable markets. It doesn’t just tell you how to invest but how to think better about investing. Referencing studies on psychology, decision making, and investment behavior, Jennings provides a no-nonsense analysis of the financial markets and a road map to navigating its inevitable twists and turns.
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Through their popular blog Marc & Angel Hack Life, Marc and Angel Chernoff have become go-to voices in the area of personal development, reaching tens of thousands of fans each day with their fresh and relatable insights. Now they're writing the book they wish they'd had when they needed it most. Getting Back to Happy reveals their strategies for changing thought patterns and daily habits to bounce back from tough times.
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In her latest groundbreaking book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins—New York Times best-selling author and one of the world’s most respected experts on motivation, confidence, and mindset—teaches you how to stop wasting energy on what you can’t control and start focusing on what truly matters: you. Your happiness. Your goals. Your life.
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Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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Liberal Activism distracting
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American Detox
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Better, stronger, healthier, whole—we’re an America obsessed with self-seeking and self-perfection. We've bought into the idea that with enough intention, dedication, and green smoothies, “wellness” is ours for the taking. But despite a $650 billion industry and infinite good vibes, we don’t feel good. We aren’t happy or healthy. We’re isolated, unwell, and inequitable—and the myth of wellness is making it worse. In American Detox, yoga activist, wellness disruptor, and CTZNWELL founder Kerri Kelly sounds a wake-up call.
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too much problem not enough solution
- By Amazon Customer on 09-10-22
By: Kerri Kelly, and others
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Kleptopia
- How Dirty Money Is Conquering the World
- By: Tom Burgis
- Narrated by: Tom Burgis
- Length: 10 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In this real-life thriller packed with jaw-dropping revelations, award-winning investigative journalist Tom Burgis weaves together stories that reveal a terrifying global web of corruption. Glimpses of this shadowy world have emerged over the years. In Kleptopia, Burgis connects the dots. He follows the dirty money that is flooding the global economy, emboldening dictators, and poisoning democracies. From the Kremlin to Beijing, Harare to Riyadh, Paris to the White House, the trail shows something even more sinister: the thieves are uniting. And the human cost will be great.
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Lazy Journalism in long narrative form
- By Jeremy on 02-14-21
By: Tom Burgis
What listeners say about Real Self-Care
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- M.E.
- 03-29-23
Helpful information for REAL and impactful self-care
After chasing wellness via many forms of “faux self-care”, this book served as a catalyst for getting to the root of what true and lasting self-care looks like. Thank you, Dr. Lakshmin!
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1 person found this helpful
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- pspin
- 04-30-23
Great book!
I really enjoyed this book and found the information very helpful. I also really enjoyed the author’s narration.
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- L.E.
- 05-13-23
Awesome
This book was much appreciated and needed. It will change your life and your family.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Lucas Martinez
- 04-26-23
Helpful and Insightful
This book is very helpful in answering why when I seemingly do self care things am I still feeling burned out and exhausted. This book resonated with me deeply and also helped me plan and exercise agency and implement true self care going forward. I cannot recommend this book more.
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- Barbara
- 05-16-23
Vocal fry made this audiobook unlistenable
I believe this book has much to offer in rethinking what self care actually means and looks like based on our experiences and identities. Unfortunately, this is a case where the author should not have narrated their own book. The author's near-constant vocal fry was so irritating that I couldn't get through chapter two. I'll buy a physical copy of the book.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sunshine4ever
- 03-31-23
inspirational
I loved her down to Earth approach to complex life problems and unapologetic candor in sharing personal experiences. An eye-opening, must read book!
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- Karen S
- 03-18-23
A True Game Changer
This book is the real deal. It’s a beautiful guide with many real life examples on setting boundaries, being aligned with one’s values, and finding a personal way toward real self care. As a huge proponent of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I was pleasantly surprised at the way Pooja utilizes those techniques in her teachings. If you are looking for a way forward in creating positive change in your life, listen to or read this book.
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- Tish
- 03-24-23
Amazing for Indian women!
TY Pooja - I’ve been seeing an amazing therapist but listening and reading your book has also given me answers to help with my own life experiences - especially being in the medical field as well - we have many parallels - and yet this book has also given me the faith and beliefs of being my own self care and being open to gratitude is something taught - so thank you
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- hope wells
- 04-03-23
Hit me like a ton of bricks!! 1000/10👏🏼
The best book I have read in a long time. Really dives deep into modern day “self-care” & the guilt we feel when we feel blah because we didn’t practice enough “self-care”
Self-care is drinking green juice, working out or cleaning the house - instead it’s aligning your life to your values & making space for what makes you feel fulfilled. This book breaks down how to get there. ❤️
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- BH
- 03-21-23
Exactly what I needed to hear from start to finish
I'm an anxious perfectionist working in the mental health nonprofit sector and this book was life-changing. I've spent so much money and time on "faux self-care," while never understanding why I wasn't getting better or moving forward and still felt burnt-out all the time. This book answered those questions and then some. I cannot recommend this book enough to all the women in my life and anyone working in the helping/ caregiver field.
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