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This Quest Is Broken!
This Trilogy Is Broken, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Andrew Tell
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By:
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J. P. Valentine
About this listen
The Questing Stones have come to Nowherested, and Evelia Greene is finally ready to receive her life's quest. Perhaps she'll be a great warrior, or a wealthy merchant, or a brilliant mage. Perhaps her quest is simply to live a quiet life, constantly honing a craft to the heights of perfection.
Or perhaps the Questing Stones will grant her the legendary mission of popping over to the next village to pick up a loaf of bread.
Wouldn’t that be ridiculous?
Eve can’t even begin to guess how or why she’s come by such an absurd life goal, nor how a level-one messenger girl is supposed to complete anything labeled as legendary, but at least she can be sure of one thing. No matter how many wolves or goblins attack, no matter how many speeding tickets she racks up, no matter how many bakeries spontaneously combust as she steps into town, one way or another, Eve is going to get that goddamned bread.
There just might be a few side quests along the way.
This book contains game elements, good jokes, bad jokes, worse jokes, and language strong enough to lift weights. Please enjoy.
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Chase Berrymore dreams of adventure, excitement, and getting the heck out of her pastoral halven village. But when adventure finds her, she'll be scrambling to save her family and friends from a necromancer's wrath. Outmatched in almost every way, she'll have to use her wits, charisma, and a bit of divine favor to figure out the path to victory. Even worse, she'll have to figure out ways to deal with the weird and nigh-immortal beings that call themselves "playas"...and she'll have to do it with the most powerful weapon she has available: words.
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Great continuation of threadbear-verse
- By Randall on 08-17-19
By: Andrew Seiple
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My Best Friend Is an Eldritch Horror: Books 1-6
- A LitRPG Adventure
- By: Actus
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 70 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Damien nearly ended the world. Now, his mistake might be the only thing that can save it. Good things come to those who wait. Damien Vale didn’t, and he ended up bound to an Eldritch creature from beyond the reaches of space. It has lived since the dawn of time, seen the world born and destroyed countless times, and wants to be called Henry. Unusual companion or not, Damien was still determined to go to a mage college and study magic.
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Wasted Potential
- By brandon on 09-20-24
By: Actus
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Greenways Goblins
- Resurrection Quest, Book 1
- By: Daniel Schinhofen
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When freakish storms envelope the Earth, people start disappearing without a trace. Wild theories abound: Is it aliens, spontaneous combustion, or perhaps quantum entanglement? The only ones who might know are those who have vanished. An average group of gamers is setting up to start a new campaign. The storms rage across the world, but they only care about the game they are about to start. Little do they know that they would be next to disappear from the face of the Earth.
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excellent
- By Rida Son on 03-13-20
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Circuit World
- By: Daniel Pierce
- Narrated by: Austin Rising
- Length: 8 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
For three years, Rixon Caldwell has been the most lethal gamer online. He is undefeated in international play, and his stream is viewed by millions of avid fans each and every day. When an unsigned email arrives inviting him to beta test the newest, most immersive MMO ever, Circuit World, he discounts the offer out of hand. For him, offers like this one are a daily event. He’s a brand, and charity is not his default setting. When he moves to delete the email, his laptop screen vanishes, replaced with a simple question: Do you accept our challenge?
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they should let you know....
- By Adam Dintelman on 10-07-19
By: Daniel Pierce
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Heresy of Dragons
- By: Erik Reid
- Narrated by: Chris Graves
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Not every man can handle a magitech gauntlet that speaks in floating silver text, or a handful of women with unique...needs. I’m not every man. When a bad blind date got worse - like, interdimensional lightning storm worse - I woke up to a realm of dragon women, magical kobolds, and a playful monkey girl with a painful secret. I also accidentally (totally on purpose) stole an ancient artifact in the form of a black gauntlet that bonded with my body and unlocked various new abilities. So what’s the catch? The glove wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for the fabled Hero of Silura.
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Those low reviews are kooks, seriously you guys
- By Gavin Markowitz on 01-16-20
By: Erik Reid
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Blood Mage
- By: Logan Jacobs
- Narrated by: Rebecca Woods, Daniel Wisniewski
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Milton was your average delivery driver until he had a run in with a dying fairy who imbued him with all his magical power. Now Milton can literally tear the blood out of his enemies with a gesture of his hand, every women he meets is attracted to his magical charm, and the powerful Fae Guild wants to pay him a bunch of money to fight evil.
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Are you computer literate? be prepared for cringe!
- By David on 01-27-20
By: Logan Jacobs
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Dissonance
- A LitRPG Adventure (Unbound Book 1)
- By: Nicoli Gonnella
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 26 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Felix's life on Earth had become a series of dead-end jobs, ruined relationships, and rotating apartments smaller than most postage stamps. By all accounts, even his own, he was a coward. Too afraid to move forward, to take risks. Yet when given the chance to choose between risking his life or walking away from a deadly encounter, he didn't hesitate. Moments before his untimely demise, Felix was snatched from earth and thrust into a magical world known only as "The Continent". Empowered by the "System", he learns that he can strengthen himself through combat and dedication.
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I don't think my words can do this justice
- By Joseph on 05-09-22
By: Nicoli Gonnella
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Forging Divinity
- The War of Broken Mirrors, Book 1
- By: Andrew Rowe
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 12 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Some say that in the city of Orlyn, godhood is on sale to the highest bidder. Thousands flock to the city each year, hoping for a chance at immortality. Lydia Hastings is a knowledge sorcerer, capable of extracting information from anything she touches. When she travels to Orlyn to validate the claims of the local faith, she discovers a conspiracy that could lead to a war between the world's three greatest powers. At the focal point is a prisoner who bears a striking resemblance to the long-missing leader of the pantheon she worships.
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OK magic system, but everything else is flat
- By osuushi on 03-22-19
By: Andrew Rowe
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Tides of Magic
- By: James C. Williams
- Narrated by: Austin Rising
- Length: 27 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Hal Emden hears about a contest that offers winners the chance to test the newest game from his favorite designer on a cutting-edge, unprecedented virtual reality system, he has to try his luck. Surprisingly, he wins. A full week, all expenses paid, to play the fully immersive game Tides of Magic Online. What could possibly go wrong? I mean, it's not like Elwin, the creator of the game and series, is an insane psychopath intent on trapping them in his virtual world for purposes unknown...right?
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OP'd to the MAX!!
- By Anonymous User on 12-28-20
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Irrelevant Jack
- By: Prax Venter
- Narrated by: Justin Thomas James, Jeff Hays, Andrea Parsneau
- Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jack is violently pulled into a game-like universe and dumped into a seaside town on the brink of destruction. When the people of Blackmoor Cove begin to ask about his combat role, Jack discovers his odd Hero Class and finds that parts of his game interface are riddled with exposed coding errors. He quickly learns that the only way the town can grow and push back the unknown substance threatening to consume it is if brave Heroes venture into an infinitely high, ever-changing tower, kill bizarre monsters for their equipment drops, and then deposit those items into a special chest.
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Tower-climbing, town-building dream game
- By Ben on 10-15-19
By: Prax Venter
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The Adventurers Guild
- The Adventurers Guild Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Zack Loran Clark, Nick Eliopulos
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In one of the last cities standing after the world fell to monsters, best friends Zed Kagari and Brock Dunderfel have high hopes for the future. Zed desperately wishes to join the ranks of the Mages Guild, where his status as Freestone's only half-elf might finally be an asset. Brock, the roguishly handsome son of merchants, is confident he'll be welcomed into the ranks of the Merchants Guild. But just as it seems the boys' dreams have come true, their lives take a startling turn...and they find themselves members of the perilous Adventurers Guild.
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Well written and well read.
- By Reviewer on 05-22-19
By: Zack Loran Clark, and others
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Stolen Lives
- Underhill Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Keith Ahrens
- Narrated by: Angelo Di Loreto
- Length: 12 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Caleb reported for his normal shift, he never expected to go from the front seat of his ambulance to a bloody battlefield in a medieval Fey Realm. Kidnapped and beaten unconscious, he wakes up with a concussion and a fresh tattoo. While this might not be totally unusual for him, having the tattoo project the image of his stats and equipment like an old school tabletop RPG kind of is.
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First-Rate, First-Responder LitRPG
- By Phillip on 09-17-20
By: Keith Ahrens
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Legendary Rule
- Legendary Rule, Book 1
- By: Bruce Sentar
- Narrated by: Brandon Utah
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Ajax Demos finds himself lost in society. Graduating shortly after artificial intelligence is allowed to enter the workforce, he can’t get his career off the ground. He clings to what he believes a responsible adult should pursue, but it just isn’t in the cards. As his last hope for a steady paycheck disappears new opportunities open. Ajax gets a chance to play a brand new Immersive Reality game. Things aren't as they seem. Mega Corps hover over what appears to be a simple game. Two unlikely women hiding their real identities join his party....
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Interesting concept but the MC noob mistakes *smh*
- By Renegadescribe on 10-20-20
By: Bruce Sentar
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I had to return this book.
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Wanted to like it
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Author needs a thicker skin.
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Everyone wants to be the chosen one. The job's perks often involve overpowered abilities, world-breaking equipment, and an eager line of bodacious partners. But due to a goddess' clumsy meddling, a struggling musician named Perry ends up accidentally transmigrated alongside her true chosen one with none of the above. Demanding a portal home or reparations for his bereaved family doesn't win him respect either. Instead, he finds himself thrust into a world of magic, monsters, and a wisecracking System.
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Not much
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Growing up mortal, I only knew a few things about cultivators. They like their hierarchies, they hate disrespect, and if you leave one out in deep space long enough, they'll go homicidally insane.
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Ugh, utterly miserable
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Raysha will do whatever it takes to fix her broken soul, even if it means venturing into the unknown with nothing but her brother, an enchanted water bottle, and her fierce determination. The only one without the ability to cultivate aeon from the world, Raysha has been ostracized her whole life for her weakness. In a world where true masters of aeon have slaughtered gods, Raysha's future in her village is limited to babysitting pre-awakened children.
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Foul Mouth you do not need to cuss so much
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The Nothing Mage
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"There’s nothing there." The words may as well have been a death sentence to young Declan. Without mana, there could be no studying at the sky-piercing Pinnacle Towers, there could be no great monster hunts, and there could be no following in his father’s legendary footsteps. He’d be a cripple. But when a terrible accident forces him to flee, Declan learns the true nature of his mana. Just because it doesn’t resonate at any known frequency doesn’t mean it isn’t magic. Just because he can’t cast the same spells as everyone else doesn’t mean he isn’t a mage.
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I had to return this book.
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Wanted to like it
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Author needs a thicker skin.
- By S.N. on 01-08-21
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The Trickster's Tale
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Everyone wants to be the chosen one. The job's perks often involve overpowered abilities, world-breaking equipment, and an eager line of bodacious partners. But due to a goddess' clumsy meddling, a struggling musician named Perry ends up accidentally transmigrated alongside her true chosen one with none of the above. Demanding a portal home or reparations for his bereaved family doesn't win him respect either. Instead, he finds himself thrust into a world of magic, monsters, and a wisecracking System.
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Not much
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The world called out for a hero to purge it of a great evil. It received Broccoli Bunch: explorer, expert cleaner, occasional ghost-buster, and full-time Cinnamon Bun.
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Tooth Achingly Sweet
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Wasted Potential
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Ryan "Quicksave" Romano is an eccentric adventurer with a strange power: he can create a save-point in time and redo his life whenever he dies. Arriving in New Rome, the glitzy capital of sin of a rebuilding Europe, he finds the city torn between mega-corporations, sponsored heroes, super-powered criminals, and true monsters. It's a time of chaos, where potions can grant the power to rule the world and dangers lurk everywhere.
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Refreshingly different
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As a monster, Shrubley is forbidden from joining the adventurers guild. In a world where essence artists rank up in power and most monsters are feral beasts, Shrubley is among the weakest of creatures and is treated as an outcast. With curiosity essence bound to his spirit, Shrubley might be weak, but he's intelligent and determined. Against all the odds, he discovers a loophole from the Druid that gave him life—but there's a deadly catch. For a chance of ever being accepted as a true adventurer, he must challenge an otherworldly realm threatening to consume everything.
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Whimsical writing and unfocused editing
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It's a simple story. Boy finds proof that reality is a computer program. Boy uses program to manipulate time and space. Boy gets in trouble. Boy flees back in time to Medieval England to live as a wizard while he tries to think of a way to fix things. Boy gets in more trouble. Oh, and boy meets girl at some point.
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Hang in there
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Through Adversity: A LitRPG Adventure
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Juniper Smith was always a creator of worlds rather than the one who walked within them…until now. Somehow, the tables have turned in the most dramatic way possible. Juniper finds himself in a world filled with the wildest fantasies a mind could come up with, and his fingerprints are all over it.
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Easily one of the best litrpgs/rational fictions you will read
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Cozy Isekai Craftsman: Lockwood
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Through no fault of his own, Joe’s life was starting on a downward spiral. Bad things can happen to good people, but this is not much comfort for those who are treading water, trying not to be drowned by misfortune. Luckily, sometimes people can catch a break, a chance to start over. When he's transported to an alternate Earth full of magic, wonder, and light RPG elements, Joe just wants to build a comfortable life. He begins to put down roots and make friends in the port city of Lockwood.
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A good story that just wasn’t for me.
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Great voice work
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Deep within Heroes of Mythian, a game world where retirees exchange their physical bodies for an eternity of adventure, Howard learns a terrible secret: The game is glitched, and it’s killing its mightiest players forever. Desperate to save his friends and countless innocents, he hatches a plan to fix things. Doing so will require skill, determination, and help from a number of unlikely heroes along the way.
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Was loving it until mc made a deal with the devil
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Steel Foundations
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Leon Jäger, a stoic and unyielding knight, lives by a simple code: repay kindness with a river of ambrosia, and slights with total destruction. When an unexplainable force pulls him into a foreign world where magic flows and monsters roam, his creed will be tested like never before. Struggling to comprehend powers beyond his imagination, Leon must master the mystical art of Qi cultivation while hiding his abilities from those who might exploit them.
By: Jay Krauss
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Tower of Somnus Omnibus, Books 1-3
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The Galactic Consensus arrived on ships as large as skyscrapers, crafted from glittering alloys that no human scientist could even begin to understand. They followed the trail of century old television transmissions to welcome us into the galactic community… only to recoil in horror at what they found.
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preachy as hell
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Eden's Gate: The Reborn
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When Gunnar Long is transported into the first fully-immersive virtual MMORPG, he finds himself in a new world filled with magic, mystery, and adventure. No more 9-to-5 job. No more studio apartment. No more reality TV. Finally, he's in a place where he can call home, a place with people he can call friends. But as more people want to trade their real world lives to get inside Eden's Gate, the government of the outside world wants the "game" shut down at all costs.
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Good start
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What listeners say about This Quest Is Broken!
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- Randall
- 05-24-21
Hilarious adventure with a great story
This book was hilarious, fun, and awesome! It was a great adventure with lots of jokes and puns, and I loved the characters. Going right now to get the second book.
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- Damien
- 12-09-21
Really good!
Thought I’d take a chance on a new author and a new narrator in the recent sale. Premise sounded fun.
It was most excellent fun. Charming and enough innovation to keep you hooked. I’ll be finishing this series. Has stats but isn’t heavy-handed about it.
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- dori
- 04-20-22
Good audiobook
I loved it! Thought it was a little weird a man was narrating when the main character is female but I really enjoyed his preform.
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- Kathleen
- 12-19-22
Thoroughly Enjoyed
I like this type of world where there’s a game system in place already. So you don’t have people coming in from another world, trying to figure out the system. Instead you’re learning about characters who’ve grown up with the system and are trying to work it to their advantage
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- j d
- 04-08-21
never knew a fetch quest to be so hard.
loved it, eve is the punky little sister we want to root for, and cant tell you how i enjoy being continuously surprised by this book.
voice acting was strong and they did a very good job humanizing the characters.
good plot and great jokes.
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7 people found this helpful
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- James K
- 06-29-21
good book
its a good book and good start to a series but people are right like why is everything in the book super gay lol like everything
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1 person found this helpful
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- FOSTERBDAV66
- 07-02-21
Fun and Moves Along Nicely
A quest for a loaf of bread. A legendary quest for a loaf of bread. What's so difficult about buying a loaf of bread? Everything, when everywhere you go, something conspires against you!
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- Kirill Borzov
- 12-22-21
Cinnamon Bun meets The Prince has No Pants
I jumped to this book after listening to The Prince has No Pants and it was right up my alley! If you enjoyed listening to the absurd and funny Prince then you'll probably also enjoy this book. The narrator did a fantastic job with this book, making it fun, engaging, and emotional throughout the whole journey.
I saw a few negative reviews about the humor and unusual swearing. And I feel it's like any comedy you'd either hate it or love it. The story mostly takes itself seriously, so don't take those reviews close to heart, you might enjoy this book so give it a try!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Gramma
- 02-16-22
Love it and hate it
I really really enjoyed the story, the performance, the character bu8lding but...
If you are a Christian, this book made me cringe so many times with the God's da* . I'd rather read swearing than that [which there is plenty of]. But the God's Da**it. So so often ruined the book for me and I won't be buying the second one even though I liked the story.
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- Steve Reif
- 09-21-21
Quirky and fun (no spoilers)
Occasionally, I like a book where I can just take my brain out and laugh, this is one of those books. The writer is great at the "cheeky", "pun" and "groaner" humor along with some good old fashion banter. I found the world created to be quirky and fun. If you like a D&D world with characters that know they live in a D&D world this is for you.
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