
Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick
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Narrated by:
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Elizabeth Evans
About this listen
New York Times best-selling author David Wong's Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick is the latest - and arguably greatest - sci-fi thriller in the Zoey Ashe series.
In the futuristic city of Tabula Ra$a, Zoey Ashe is like a fish so far out of water that it has achieved orbit. After inheriting a criminal empire, the 23-year-old finds herself under threat from all sides as a rogue's gallery of larger-than-life enemies think they smell weakness.
On the eve of the world's most lavish and ridiculous Halloween celebration, a steamer trunk-sized box arrives at Zoey's door, and she is shocked to find that it contains a disemboweled corpse. She is even more shocked when that corpse, controlled by an unknown party, rises and goes on a rampage through the house. Speaking in an electronic voice, it publicly accuses Zoey of being its murderer. This is the kind of thing that almost never happened at her old job.
The city was already a ticking time bomb of publicity-hungry vigilantes with superhuman enhancements, and Zoey knows this turn of events is unlikely to improve the situation. Now, she and her team of high-tech tricksters have to solve this bizarre murder while simultaneously keeping Tabula Ra$a from descending into chaos.
“Biting humor and blatant digs at modern society overlay a subtly brilliant and thoughtful plot” (Publishers Weekly) in John Dies at the End author David Wong’s first installment of the Zoey Ashe series, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits. Now, “one of today’s great satirists” (Nerdist) is back with Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick, the second installment in a “Technicolor tomorrowland” (Kirkus Reviews).
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- By Anonymous User on 05-31-25
By: David Collins
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Boom Box
- Duck & Cover Adventures Series, Book 1-3
- By: Benjamin Wallace
- Narrated by: Phil Thron
- Length: 20 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Join the Librarian as he does his best to make the post-apocalyptic world a better place by protecting the weak, fighting injustice, squaring off against a group of former renaissance fair workers who have established a kingdom in the Rocky Mountains, and so on. Can one man make a difference in the face of such murderous cannibals and super smart bears? Probably not.
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great storyline. terrific narrator voice
- By mary green on 05-28-25
By: Benjamin Wallace
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Noir
- A Novel
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
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A Laugh Riot, Inconsistently Delivered
- By Maggie May on 04-18-18
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Forging Hephaestus
- Villains' Code Series, Book 1
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Amy Landon
- Length: 26 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Gifted with meta-human powers, Tori Rivas kept away from the limelight, preferring to work as a thief in the shadows. But when she's captured trying to rob a vault that belongs to a secret guild of villains, she's offered a hard choice: prove she has what it takes to join them or be eliminated. Apprenticed to one of the world's most powerful (and supposedly dead) villains, she is thrust into a strange world where the lines that divide superheroes and criminals are more complex than they seem.
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A Nice Surprise with some Really Fun Characters
- By Small Mountain on 09-29-17
By: Drew Hayes
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Warm Up
- A Tor.Com Original Prequel to Vicious
- By: V.E. Schwab
- Narrated by: Jeremy Arthur
- Length: 24 mins
- Unabridged
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It's been 297 days since David died - and came back. He may have survived the avalanche, but the aftermath has been far worse. His wife moved out, taking his son with her, and a devastated David hasn't left his house since, terrified of the mysterious new power that followed him home from the ill-fated expedition. After months in seclusion, David's ready for a fresh start, and ventures out, determined to keep his power in check. But David's power isn't the one he needs to worry about.
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Too short but great short story
- By Carlos P. on 07-06-24
By: V.E. Schwab
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Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One
- By: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: Jon Grilz
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Drunk customers. Shoplifting raccoons. Otherworldly visitors. As night-shift clerk at the 24-hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all. That is, until his best friend reveals the body of a local politician hidden in the trunk of a car, setting off a chain of events with apocalyptic potential. Soon, Jack finds himself entangled in a supernatural conspiracy involving monster hunters, sociopaths, doomsday cultists, and...garden gnomes?
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Mr. CreepyPasta Narration is better
- By Kelsey on 08-11-23
By: Jack Townsend
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
- By K. F. on 03-09-17
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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Intergalactic Exterminators, Inc.
- By: Ash Bishop
- Narrated by: Scott Brick, Suzanne Elise Freeman
- Length: 11 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When Russ Wesley finds an unusual artifact in his grandfather’s collection of rare antiquities, the last thing he expects is for it to draw the attention of a ferocious alien from a distant planet. Equally surprising is the adventurous team of intergalactic exterminators dispatched to deal with the alien threat. They’re a little wild, and a little reckless. Worse yet, they’re so impressed with Russ’s marksmanship that they insist he join their squad . . . whether he wants to or not.
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Good for what it is
- By Amazon Customer on 02-26-24
By: Ash Bishop
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A Short Stay in Hell
- By: Steven L. Peck
- Narrated by: Sergei Burbank
- Length: 2 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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An ordinary family man, geologist, and Mormon, Soren Johansson has always believed he'll be reunited with his loved ones after death in an eternal hereafter. Then, he dies. Soren wakes to find himself cast by a God he has never heard of into a Hell whose dimensions he can barely grasp: a vast library he can only escape from by finding the book that contains the story of his life. In this haunting existential novella, author, philosopher, and ecologist Steven L. Peck explores a subversive vision of eternity.
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Beautifully unsettling
- By Ryan on 08-23-14
By: Steven L. Peck
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The Case of the Damaged Detective
- 5-Minute Sherlock, Book 1
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Carol Monda
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Original Recording
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A dance club full of bodies. Cause of death - a mystery. The lone survivor - a man, raving like a lunatic, wearing only a deerstalker hat. Now, the man who calls himself Sherman Holmes is being studied like a lab rat by a top-secret government agency. How is it he can be barely clinging to reality one minute - yet be a seeming genius the next? Within his brain might just be the greatest scientific breakthrough of the millennium, if anyone can figure out how to access it. Enter the agent code named Watson.
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I wish I could chain Drew to a desk and make him write for me 24/7... j/k... kind of...
- By Joseph Gray on 06-16-19
By: Drew Hayes
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The Humans
- A Novel
- By: Matt Haig
- Narrated by: Mark Meadows
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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The critically acclaimed author of The Radleys shares a clever, heartwarming, and darkly insightful novel about an alien who comes to Earth to save humans from themselves. When an extraterrestrial visitor arrives on Earth, his first impressions of the human species are less than positive. But as time goes on, he starts to realize there may be more to this weird species than he has been led to believe. Eventually, the narrator sees hope and redemption in the humans' imperfections and begins to question the very mission that brought him there.
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Light Sci-Fi Fare--You'll Love It!
- By Kathy in CA on 06-29-18
By: Matt Haig
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Constituent Service
- A Third District Story
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 2 hrs and 30 mins
- Original Recording
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Ashley Perrin is fresh out of college and starting a job as a community liaison for the Third District–the city’s only sector with more alien residents than humans. Ashley’s barely found where the paper clips are kept when she’s beset with constituent complaints–from too much noise at the Annual Lupidian Celebration Parade to a trip-and-fall chicken to a very particular type of alien hornet that threatens the very city itself. And if that’s not terrifying enough, Ashley is next up at the office karaoke night.
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Short and fun!
- By Andrew on 10-04-24
By: John Scalzi
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Slow Time Between the Stars
- The Far Reaches Collection
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Kay Eluvian
- Length: 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Equipped with the entirety of human knowledge, a sentient ship is launched on a last-ditch journey to find a new home for civilization. Trillions of miles. Tens of thousands of years. In the space between, the AI has plenty of time to think about life, the vastness of the universe, everything it was meant to do, and—with a perspective created but not limited by humans—what it should do.
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Lovely story! Lovely performance
- By Lisa on 06-28-23
By: John Scalzi
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Columbus Day
- Expeditionary Force, Book 1
- By: Craig Alanson
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 16 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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We were fighting on the wrong side of a war we couldn't win. And that was the good news. The Ruhar hit us on Columbus Day. There we were, innocently drifting along the cosmos on our little blue marble, like the native Americans in 1492. Over the horizon come ships of a technologically advanced, aggressive culture, and BAM! There go the good old days, when humans only got killed by each other. So, Columbus Day. It fits. When the morning sky twinkled again, this time with Kristang starships jumping in to hammer the Ruhar, we thought we were saved.
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WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 01-04-17
By: Craig Alanson
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When the Moon Hits Your Eye
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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For some it’s an opportunity. For others it’s a moment to question their faith: In God, in science, in everything. Still others try to keep the world running in the face of absurdity and uncertainty. And then there are the billions looking to the sky and wondering how a thing that was always just there is now... something absolutely impossible.
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Buyer's Remorse
- By Amy on 03-31-25
By: John Scalzi
The voices of each character, even the villains, feels honest and reflective of real people and viewpoints. They’re treated with nuance and depth. The female protagonist’s voice felt authentic and relatable. I especially like that there are multiple BIPOC people represented in ways that steers clear of stereotypes and standard overused tropes.
I have always enjoyed listening to “David Wong” speak about his viewpoints on society and culture and class and the future and it is so fun to read those thoughts come to life.
Only thing I disliked about this book is the fact that I will now have to wait for him to write the next one in this series.
Fun story, solid sociological foundation
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Great book, hit and miss narration
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Excellent book in a excellent series.
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listen at 1.50
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Great book, great narration!
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I love Zoey…
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All in all I loved the book and in ways it feels better written than the first one but it feels worse because it ignores the progress of the first one.
better and not as good as the first one
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Much better than the first book
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I Love David Wong
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dayum
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