Desire Audiobook By Lauren Fogel Mersy, Jennifer A. Vencill cover art

Desire

An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships

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Desire

By: Lauren Fogel Mersy, Jennifer A. Vencill
Narrated by: Samara Naeymi
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About this listen

A radically inclusive, sex-positive guide to managing the inevitable libido differences in our relationships, authored by two certified sex therapists who are passionate about good sex

2024 Distinguished Book Award Winner, selected by the American Psychological Association’s Division 44

Desire invites listeners of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures to shed the shame and misinformation that surround the topic of sex and instead learn from 2 certified sex therapists about how libido really works. Desire differences are one of the most common relationship issues, yet, with fewer than 1,100 certified sex therapists in the country, it can be difficult to find help. This essential book breaks the mold of the sex self-help genre, which typically focuses only on cisgender women.

Through the authors’ expert guidance readers will learn about

  • embracing a more expansive definition of sex,
  • identifying various factors that can impact libido,
  • managing anxiety around sex (one of the biggest libido killers),
  • the structural oppressions—from cisnormativity to heteronormativity to compulsory sexuality to minority stress—that affect our libido,
  • and much, much more.

It rejects the narrow, heteronormative, “staircase” model of sex—a way of thinking where many relationships get stuck. It integrates evidence-based relationship therapy techniques for better communication around sex.

Included are dozens of techniques, exercises, checklists, and journal prompts for listeners to use at their own pace to fit their needs, including mindfulness, body mapping, and sensate focus. Whatever your identity, sexual practices, or reason for picking up this book, Desire will help you reach your personal sexual health goals.

©2023 Lauren Fogel Mersy and Jennifer A. Vencill (P)2023 Beacon Press
Love, Dating & Attraction Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Sexual health Mental Health
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Critic reviews

“Fogel Mersy and Vencill’s advice is grounded in clinical experience, delivered in accessible prose, and backed by a sex-positive attitude that accounts for a host of sexual orientations, preferences, and other factors . . . Those seeking to strengthen their sexual connections will find this a comprehensive place to start.”—Publishers Weekly

“An incredibly comprehensive, thoughtful, inclusive, and encouraging book for anyone looking to understand sexual desire or improve their relationship with their partner.” —Dr. Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction

“Essential, comprehensive, and inclusive. . . . Guide[s] the reader not only to understand the complexities of desire but also to implement changes that will hopefully lead them to their best sex life yet! . . . Once you read this book, you will never think of desire in the same way again!” —Alex Iantaffi, PhD, SEP, CST, CST-S, LMFT, coauthor of Life Isn’t Binary

All stars
Most relevant  
There are so many good things about this book that I cannot list them. I want to re read it and take notes.

Excellent

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Felt very basic. I would have liked more research and evidence based suggestions. But maybe it’s the field that is lacking vs the book.

Nothing special

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Great book on sexual desire and how to manage libido differences in a relaionship. This is transformative, will definitely listen to this again as there is a lot of good material in this book. Thank you!

Transformative

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So much important information, real advice to help couples. Love the inclusivity too. Addresses many issues not discussed in other books.

Fantastic

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If you want to listen to a better book that is less politically motivated and more informative read “come as you are” it is a better read with more information.

Unoriginal

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My husband and I have been going to couples sex therapy for 2 1/2 years now. This book is awesome and provides an excellent crash course in many of the things we have paid thousands of dollars to learn. I recommend it to everybody!

Excellent Crash Course in Understanding Desire Differences

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The first chapter or so has some interesting information. However, the continuation is very clinically oriented, and there is a lot of info on possible medical issues, social conditioning etc. In addition the author uses a lot of acronyms making the understanding difficult if you are not familiar with them. I did not complete the book.

Technical and uninspirering

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this is mostly for a lgbtq+ public. the rest of the material is rather an overview of the desire topic. such information can be found online. some considerations around the libido topic were interesting.

mostly for a lgbt public

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