
How We Change
(And Ten Reasons Why We Don't)
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Narrated by:
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Nathan Agin
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By:
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Ross Ellenhorn
About this listen
A paradigm-shifting instant classic in the making that challenges our assumptions about change by encouraging us to understand and embrace our resistance to it.
We all have something we want to change about ourselves. But whether it's quitting smoking, losing weight, or breaking some common bad habit or negative behavior pattern, we feel a sense of failure when we don’t succeed. This often sets off a cascade of negative feelings and discouragement, making it even harder to change. The voice in our head tells us: Why bother.
Successful change depends far more on understanding why we don’t change, psychotherapist and sociologist Ross Ellenhorn insists. His decades-long career as a pioneer in helping people overcome extreme psychiatric experiences and problematic substance-use issues - especially those whom the behavioral healthcare system has failed - especially those whom the mental healthcare system has failed - has lead him to develop an effective, long-term method to achieve transformation, from the simplest shifts to the most profound.
In How We Change, Ellenhorn looks to the evolutionary imperatives driving us. We are wired to double down on the familiar because of what he calls the "Fear of Hope" - the act of protecting ourselves from further disappointment. He identifies the “10 Reasons Not to Change” to help us see why we behave the way we do, making it clear that there is nothing broken inside us - it’s how we’re built. By addressing this little known reality, he gives us hope and helps us work toward the change we seek. Ellenhorn speaks to the core of our insecurities and fears about ourselves, with a humor and kindness. By turning our judgments about self-destructive behaviors into curious questions about them, he teaches us to think about our actions to discover what we truly want - even if we’re going about getting it in the wrong way. How We Change is a brilliant approach that will forever alter our perspective - and help us achieve the transformation we truly seek.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2020 Ross Ellenhorn (P)2020 HarperAudioListeners also enjoyed...
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How Minds Change
- The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion
- By: David McRaney
- Narrated by: David McRaney
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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What made a prominent conspiracy-theorist YouTuber finally see that 9/11 was not a hoax? Can you finally have a productive conversation about politics with your uncle at the next family gathering? How does an ordinary person find the courage to leave a cult? Can widespread social change only take place when a generation dies out?
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Fascinating, nuanced, well-written, but…
- By Jason J. Gay on 08-13-22
By: David McRaney
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Learned Optimism
- How to Change Your Mind and Your Life
- By: Martin E. P. Seligman Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Martin E. P. Seligman Ph.D.
- Length: 1 hr and 23 mins
- Abridged
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Psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman, one of the world's experts on motivation, shows you how to chart a new approach to living with "flexible optimism." Dr. Seligman's principles of reasoned, flexible optimism will help you rise above pessimism and the depression that accompanies negative thoughts.
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I ve found the test online
- By Peter Levius on 06-18-05
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The Incomplete Book of Running
- By: Peter Sagal
- Narrated by: Peter Sagal
- Length: 5 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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At the verge of turning 40, Peter Sagal - brainiac Harvard grad, short, bald Jew with a disposition toward heft, and a sedentary star of public radio - started running seriously. And much to his own surprise, he kept going, faster and further, running 14 marathons and logging tens of thousands of miles on roads, sidewalks, paths, and trails all over the US and the world, including the 2013 Boston Marathon, where he crossed the finish line moments before the bombings.
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Absolutely excellent.
- By Ricky on 02-22-19
By: Peter Sagal
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Learning How to Learn
- How to Succeed in School Without Spending All Your Time Studying; A Guide for Kids and Teens
- By: Barbara Oakley PhD, Terrence Sejnowski PhD, Alistair McConville
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Drs. Barbara Oakley and Terrence Sejnowski's popular Online course Learning How to Learn, has enrolled more than 1.8 million students. In this much needed follow-up to A Mind for Numbers, the authors teach kids and teens how to learn effectively at a time when they most need these skills. Learning How to Learn teaches them about the importance of both focused concentration and letting their minds wander, how the brain makes connections between different pieces of information, why procrastination is the enemy of problem solving, and much more.
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Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful
- By Emile on 04-29-19
By: Barbara Oakley PhD, and others
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The Joy of Connections
- 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life
- By: Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, Allison Gilbert - contributor, Pierre Lehu - contributor
- Narrated by: Tovah Feldshuh, Allison Gilbert, Pierre Lehu
- Length: 3 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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When Surgeon General Vivek Murthy sounded the alarm that loneliness “represents an urgent public health concern”—exacerbated by social media overuse, the residual effects of the pandemic, and the lack of meaningful relationships—trusted therapist Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer knew that her unique perspective and expertise could help. Long beloved for breaking stigmas around sexual problems, Dr. Ruth made it her mission to help individuals break free from the bonds of hopelessness and isolation.
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Dr Ruth’s Goodbye message to the lonely
- By JustMe on 11-17-24
By: Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, and others
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Better Than Before
- Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives
- By: Gretchen Rubin
- Narrated by: Gretchen Rubin
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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The author of the blockbuster New York Times best sellers The Happiness Project and Happier at Home tackles the critical question: How do we change? Gretchen Rubin's answer: through habits. Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. It takes work to make a habit, but once that habit is set, we can harness the energy of habits to build happier, stronger, more productive lives.
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Don't Waste Your Money
- By Stacie M on 04-23-15
By: Gretchen Rubin
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The Road Less Traveled
- A New Psychology of Love, Values, and Spiritual Growth, 25th Anniversary Edition
- By: M. Scott Peck M.D.
- Narrated by: M. Scott Peck M.D.
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
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Perhaps no book in this generation has had a more profound impact on our intellectual and spiritual lives than The Road Less Traveled. With sales of more than 7 million copies in the United States and Canada, and translation into more than 23 languages, it has made publishing history, with more than 10 years on The New York Times best seller list.
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Revised Edition Highly Recommended
- By John on 12-10-03
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Get out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior
- Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior
- By: Philip Goldberg, Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: Mark Goulston
- Length: 4 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Practical, proven self-help steps show how to transform 40 common self-defeating behaviors, including procrastination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, rebellion, inaction, and more.
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Nothing new
- By MsJulyswimwear on 07-25-20
By: Philip Goldberg, and others
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The Organized Mind
- Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload
- By: Daniel J. Levitin
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 16 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Organized Mind, Daniel J. Levitin, PhD, uses the latest brain science to demonstrate how those people excel - and how readers can use their methods to regain a sense of mastery over the way they organize their homes, workplaces, and time. With lively, entertaining chapters on everything from the kitchen junk drawer to health care to executive office workflow, Levitin reveals how new research into the cognitive neuroscience of attention and memory can be applied to the challenges of our daily lives.
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Finally a book about productivity that delivers!
- By Oliver Nielsen on 09-16-14
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Chatter
- The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
- By: Ethan Kross
- Narrated by: Ethan Kross
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Tell a stranger that you talk to yourself, and you’re likely to get written off as eccentric. But the truth is that we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. When we’re facing a tough task, our inner coach can buoy us up: Focus - you can do this. But, just as often, our inner critic sinks us entirely: I’m going to fail. They’ll all laugh at me. What’s the use?
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Chatter is Great
- By Mark on 02-13-21
By: Ethan Kross
What listeners say about How We Change
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- Tamara K.
- 05-15-24
Loved it
Very thoughtful, well-rounded, and compassionate approach to personal growth and change. Really enjoyed this work.
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- J'aime Rothbard
- 06-14-21
Embracing the tension
A refreshing guide to examine and perceive the forces that co-exist as we contemplate change.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Erin
- 02-14-23
Comprehensive
This book took ideas I was familiar with and spun them on their head. It was incredibly relatable and exciting to hear my own issues explained in a new way. My only complaint would be that it is low on action items but that’s my preference only. Definitely worth listening to!
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4 people found this helpful
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- Neal
- 10-19-21
love to read
it was good some really great thoughts that are life changing stuck in between some political views that should have been kept personal.
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6 people found this helpful
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- VFP
- 10-11-22
Good points but verbose
The author has some good points but I am afraid it gets lost because he goes on and on. Stories are too long and he doesn’t get to the point. I wish he would summarize better because it was hard to listen and to and focus on his key messages.
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- debbie
- 06-18-21
It just doesn't get any better than this !
My words can not express how this book/author / narrator has touched my heart and mind. Push forward and change and when you just can't anymore, pick this book back up read/listen and press forward again. Although I would have to say change also has a partner and/both to it, and it would be grow. This book makes you feel better about how hard things can be and why in your particular case, and makes you feel strong and truly feel you can carry on with your change and growth.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Michael L. Uyyek
- 01-19-21
A Game-Changing Look at Change
Facilitates self-compassion with personal growth by illuminating the forces pulling at is as we change.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Eric Johnson
- 06-20-21
Breath of fresh air!
Great insights with meaningful anecdotes that aren’t insufferable, as most are in this genre. Change is possible, but thinking differently about the nuances of how is arguably imperative.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-28-24
Wonderful insights
Some better and worse chapters. But the most relatable stories felt like I was in my own therapy sessions, hearing a detailed explanation about how my own thoughts and mind work
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- Jessie
- 11-11-20
So worthy!!! And refreshing
This book is a blast of fresh air and a welcome addition to many other excellent resources for making peace with oneself. for me, “the body keeps the score” and “how we change” are my “go to’s” to use when I need a little more self compassion and self-discipline
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8 people found this helpful