
How We Show Up
Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
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Narrated by:
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Mia Birdsong
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By:
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Mia Birdsong
About this listen
An invitation to community and models for connection
After almost every presentation activist and writer Mia Birdsong gives to executives, think tanks, and policy makers, one of those leaders quietly confesses how much they long for the profound community she describes. They have family, friends, and colleagues, yet they still feel like they're standing alone. They're "winning" at the American Dream, but they're lonely, disconnected, and unsatisfied.
It seems counterintuitive that living the "good life" - the well-paying job, the nuclear family, the upward mobility - can make us feel isolated and unhappy. But in a divided America, where only a quarter of us know our neighbors and everyone is either a winner or a loser, we've forgotten the key element that helped us make progress in the first place: community.
In this provocative, groundbreaking work, Mia Birdsong shows that what separates us isn't only the ever-present injustices built around race, class, gender, values, and beliefs, but also our denial of our interdependence and need for belonging. In response to the fear and discomfort we feel, we've built walls, and instead of leaning on each other, we find ourselves leaning on concrete.
Through research, interviews, and stories of lived experience, How We Show Up returns us to our inherent connectedness where we find strength, safety, and support in vulnerability and generosity, in asking for help, and in being accountable. Showing up - literally and figuratively - points us toward the promise of our collective vitality and leads us to the liberated well-being we all want.
©2020 Mia Birdsong (P)2020 Hachette GoListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Mia Birdsong's deeply personal book calls forth a deeply public truth: that we're all better off when we're all better off. Her search for the meaning of community and belonging will inspire Americans from many walks to show up in a new way." (Eric Liu, CEO of Citizen University and author of Become America)
"This book is a blueprint to being vulnerable enough to love harder, dig deeper and be unafraid to redefine and expand our relationships. A beautiful and helpful piece of work. " (Tiq Milan, writer and LGBTQ advocate)
"This is a the book we've all been waiting for about the 'craft'--and that's what Mia Birdsong so insightfully names it--of creating community. She's a master craftswoman herself--gathering stories of such intentionality, honesty, and reliability that you will immediately start living your life more radically and reaping the rewards." (Courtney E. Martin, author of The New Better Off: Reinventing the American Dream)
"Mia Birdsong is one of our most important thinkers and strategists for how we build structures to support the families that we actually have and the kinds of families we would build if we weren't all so obsessed with respectability. This book gives us both the vision and the blueprint for how to do this in ways that feel sustainable, and quite frankly otherworldly. I left this book feeling something I haven't felt in a long time...hopeful." (Brittney Cooper, author of Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower)
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- Drop the Baggage, Pick Up Your Freedom, Fulfill Your Destiny
- By: Christine Caine
- Narrated by: Jay O'Shea
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Shame can take on many forms. It hides in the shadows of the most successful, confident and high-achieving woman who struggles with balancing her work and children, as well as in the heart of the broken, abused and downtrodden woman who has been told that she will never amount to anything. Shame hides in plain sight and can hold us back in ways we do not realize. But Christine Caine wants listeners to know something: We can all be free.
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Great book, boring narrated.
- By The Book Hound on 05-18-16
By: Christine Caine
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Knowing What We Know
- The Transmission of Knowledge: From Ancient Wisdom to Modern Magic
- By: Simon Winchester
- Narrated by: Simon Winchester
- Length: 14 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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From the creation of the first encyclopedia to Wikipedia, from ancient museums to modern kindergarten classes—this is Simon Winchester’s brilliant and all-encompassing look at how humans acquire, retain, and pass on information and data, and how technology continues to change our lives and our minds. Throughout this fascinating tour, Winchester forces us to ponder what rational humans are becoming. What good is all this knowledge if it leads to lack of thought? What is information without wisdom?
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Colorful anecdotes but tiring after a while.
- By Thumb Guy on 05-03-23
By: Simon Winchester
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The F*ck It Diet
- Eating Should Be Easy
- By: Caroline Dooner
- Narrated by: Caroline Dooner
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian and ex-diet junkie Caroline Dooner, an inspirational guide that will help you stop dieting, reboot your relationship with food, and regain your personal power. Our bodies are hardwired against dieting. But each time our diets fail, instead of considering that maybe our ridiculously low-carb diet is the problem, we wonder what’s wrong with us.
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I cannot believe this actually got published
- By w49859845 on 03-02-20
By: Caroline Dooner
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Belong
- Find Your People, Create Community & Live a More Connected Life
- By: Radha Agrawal
- Narrated by: Radha Agrawal
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s the great paradox of the digital age, what Radha Agrawal calls “community confusion” - the internet connects us to hundreds, thousands, even millions of people, and yet we feel more isolated than ever, with one in four Americans saying they have zero friends to confide in. Where are our people? The answer is found in Belong, a highly energetic guide to discovering where and with whom you fit.
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Short and simple explanation for something difficult.
- By Marina E Kirkland on 12-02-19
By: Radha Agrawal
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Gaslighting
- Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People -- and Break Free
- By: Stephanie Moulton Sarkis
- Narrated by: Suehyla El Attar, Stephanie Moulton Sarkis
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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A mental health expert sheds light on "gaslighting" - the manipulative technique used by sociopaths, narcissists, and others - offering practical strategies to cope and break free. Dr. Sarkis delves into the psychology behind the phenomenon, devoting chapters to specific scenarios, such as gaslighting in dating, in relationships, at work, and in families. With warning signs and examples of the destructive consequences along with practical tips and strategies, Gaslighting will help anyone trapped in a manipulative relationship to break free and heal from this toxic behavior.
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This book helped me through the toughest of times
- By Claudia on 12-10-18
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Homer and His Iliad
- By: Robin Lane Fox
- Narrated by: Steve John Shepherd
- Length: 16 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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The Iliad is the world’s greatest epic poem—heroic battle and divine fate set against the Trojan War. Its beauty and profound bleakness are intensely moving, but great questions remain: Where, how, and when was it composed and why does it endure? Robin Lane Fox addresses these questions, drawing on a lifelong love and engagement with the poem. He argues for a place, a date, and a method for its composition—subjects of ongoing controversy—combining the detailed expertise of a historian with a poetic reader’s sensitivity.
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Masterful!
- By J. C. Weaver on 01-08-24
By: Robin Lane Fox
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You Can't Screw This Up
- Why Eating Takeout, Enjoying Dessert, and Taking the Stress Out of Dieting Leads to Weight Loss That Lasts
- By: Adam Bornstein
- Narrated by: Gary Tiedemann
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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What if the healthiest diet included the foods that were enjoyable and respectful of our stressful, overbooked lives? You couldn’t screw it up! Here’s a can’t-miss plan that will build unbreakable habits by incorporating mindset changes, easy restaurant options, and more from “the perfect person to blaze a better path” (Arnold Schwarzenegger).
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Finally! A magic pill ;-)
- By Dan Y on 05-25-23
By: Adam Bornstein
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The Clarity Cleanse
- 12 Steps to Finding Renewed Energy, Spiritual Fulfillment, and Emotional Healing
- By: Habib Sadeghi DO, Gwyneth Paltrow - Foreword
- Narrated by: David Booth
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on the powerful mind-body strategy Dr. Habib Sadegh developed to help himself recover from cancer more than 20 years ago, The Clarity Cleanse will enable you to help your mind clear and your body heal. A regular GOOP contributor in health and spirituality, Dr. Sadeghi shows you how to turn obstacles into healing and energizing opportunities. Because negative emotions actually do damage on the cellular level, The Clarity Cleanse offers guidance for cleansing both your body and your mind.
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Missing content from PDF?
- By jdja on 02-03-18
By: Habib Sadeghi DO, and others
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Hurts So Good
- The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose
- By: Leigh Cowart
- Narrated by: Leigh Cowart
- Length: 11 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Masochism is sexy, human, reviled, worshipped, and can be delightfully bizarre. Deliberate and consensual pain has been with us for millennia, encompassing everyone from Black Plague flagellants to ballerinas dancing on broken bones to competitive eaters choking down hot peppers while they cry. Masochism is a part of us. It lives inside workaholics, tattoo enthusiasts, and all manner of garden variety pain-seekers.
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I can't recommend this highly enough
- By K. Reay on 12-10-21
By: Leigh Cowart
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Little Things
- Why You Really Should Sweat the Small Stuff
- By: Andy Andrews
- Narrated by: Andy Andrews
- Length: 4 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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The Little Things embodies Andy Andrews' own approach to life and work, detailing for the first time some of the exclusive material that he uses to teach and coach some of the most successful corporations, teams, and individuals around the world. In his unique humorous style, Andy shows how people succeed by actually going against the modern adage "don't sweat the small stuff". By contrast, Andy proves that it is in concentrating on the smaller things that we add value and margin.
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A homerun for Andy!!
- By JustDisGuy on 03-11-17
By: Andy Andrews
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Spiritual Anatomy
- Meditation, Chakras, and the Journey to the Center
- By: Kamlesh D. Patel
- Narrated by: Manish Dongardive, Kamlesh D. Patel
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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When we think of wellbeing, we often think of our physical and mental health—tending to our bodies and minds to find peace, purpose, and connection in our lives. But as Kamlesh D. Patel (affectionately known as Daaji), spiritual leader of the Heartfulness Organization and fourth in line to the raja yoga tradition illuminates, there is a third system we too often overlook: The Spiritual Anatomy.
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Concise, comprehensive, magnificent
- By Olive Oyl on 11-08-23
By: Kamlesh D. Patel
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The Measure of Our Age
- Navigating Care, Safety, Money, and Meaning Later in Life
- By: M.T. Connolly
- Narrated by: Tracie Frank
- Length: 12 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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As tens of millions of Americans are living longer lives, longevity is creating challenges that cut across race, class, and gender. Caregivers help older relatives for “free,” but with high costs to themselves. The institutions built to protect older people—like nursing homes and guardianship—too often harm them instead. And epidemics of isolation and loneliness make older people vulnerable to all sorts of harm. In The Measure of Our Age, elder justice expert and MacArthur “genius” grant recipient M.T. Connolly investigates the systems we count on to protect us as we age.
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A “must read” (or listen)
- By Amazon Customer on 04-11-24
By: M.T. Connolly
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Uneducated
- A Memoir of Flunking Out, Falling Apart, and Finding My Worth
- By: Christopher Zara
- Narrated by: Christopher Zara
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Boldly honest, wryly funny, and utterly open-hearted, Uneducated is one diploma-less journalist’s map of our growing educational divide and, ultimately, a challenge: in our credential-obsessed world, what is the true value of a college degree? For Christopher Zara, this is the professional minefield he has had to navigate since the day he was kicked out of his New Jersey high school for behavioral problems and never allowed back.
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interesting
- By Leda Adams on 04-28-25
By: Christopher Zara
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Hunger
- A Memoir of (My) Body
- By: Roxane Gay
- Narrated by: Roxane Gay
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health. As a woman who describes her own body as "wildly undisciplined", Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care.
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Dark, thought provoking, sometimes frustrating
- By River Holmes-miller on 06-21-17
By: Roxane Gay
What listeners say about How We Show Up
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- Gabrielle Mish
- 12-26-21
Great read!
Great book, I think I learned a lot. Views that I didn't see before, or didn't realize I was seeing. Very well read. I will definitely recommend!
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- Tim Scott
- 12-07-22
Amazing
Hopeful, grounding, and inspiring. A must read for coping with the ever changing world. Community is key.
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- Anonymous User
- 07-16-22
Life changing in a difficult world
this is a book that is the ultimate elixir for lonely people to do better for themselves and the world through the power of community. must read for the times we are in...
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1 person found this helpful
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- Victor Jones
- 10-03-21
What America Needs
As a mental health therapist and trauma resilience educator, I can become bogged down with experiences of human injury, even though I love the people, the work and the science. How We Show Up is the blast of courage and authenticity that I need to inform and fortify my soul. This book is where I want to live. Birdsong called me to task so many times I lost count. How Birdsong shows up certainly authorizes her to do so. Gotta go. I'm about to read it again.
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- DragonMama
- 01-05-23
I want everything in this book in my life
I started recommending this book to other people I am loosely connected to about a third of the way in, and now that I have finished I am eager to start implementing some plans to manifest this in my local & virtual community spaces.
My only complaint is the audiobook format, being narrated by the author instead of a professional voice actor, made it hard to distinguish which of the many people being quoted were "speaking" when it wasn't the author. This confused me several times when I had paused the audiobook near when a perspective change was happening. With as much weaving in of other ways of being that there were (and done expertly from a writing/storytelling perspective), the skill of distinguishing the vocal nuances that identify the different speakers to a listener is NOT one of this authors many high-level competencies. I wish the audiobook had been done more similarly to "You Are Your Best Thing" by Tamara Burke & Brene Brown, where many (I don't think all) of the essays were read by people with the vocal skills that really brought the stories a fullness even better than reading words on a page. The emotiveness of Mia Birdsong's voice makes it better than reading as a text, but there would have been added layers to the effectiveness if at least the parts when she was speaking for someone else had been performed by another person. Michael Schur accomplished this excellently (in a way I think this audiobook would also be improved) in his collaborative audiobook effort on "How to Be Perfect." "How We Show Up" as an audiobook would have been itself perfect in my opinion if it had the voice distinction aspects - it is pretty darn awesome and absolutely "life goals" worthy as it is.
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- MW
- 01-08-23
Loved every minute
This book is grounded in a bold liberatory future while not being so idealistic that it might overwhelm you. Her stories and personal reflections are inspiring, encouraging, and practical. Thank you Mia for these invitations and for showing us what we could gain in embracing the imperfection inherent to building a more accountable, known and interdependent existence.
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- Fischer
- 03-16-22
GET THIS BOOK
This is by far one of the BEST nonfiction books I've ever heard! It's a dream of mine to open a community/retreat center and so I've been looking into people who build better communities and I know this book with stick with me. I plan to buy a physical copy so I can relisten and take notes. Not only is this book insightful, it's inspiring and heartwarming. I teared up a few times and I've reached out to people. GET THIS BOOK.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Justina H.
- 10-19-21
Amazing book
Thanks Mia for reading this book to me! Her passion were in her words! Great listen!
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- Kimberlee Johnson
- 06-08-23
Thank you for sharing this story.
As a person who is intentional about creating and maintaining healthy relationships, I have an appreciation for this book. Simultaneously, it challenges me to consider the depths of some relationships and the ease of releasing myself from others. While many of the connections in this book are not very relatable to me personally - it gave me space to see things differently.
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- Pen Name
- 01-11-24
Impactful
It has challenged and inspired me to show up in more considerate ways to my community and in society. I am working towards de colonizing the way I do relationships. This is an important book. Important stories
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