
Getting to Zero
How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships
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Narrated by:
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Jayson Gaddis
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By:
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Jayson Gaddis
About this listen
The counselor, teacher, and founder of The Relationship School reveals the origins of conflict styles, and how to stop avoiding and resolve conflict in relationships with loved ones.
Conflicts in our closest relationships are scary because so much is at stake. If the conflict doesn't go well, we could lose our marriage, our family, or our job, all connected to our security and survival. So we do just about anything not to lose those relationships, including avoid conflict, betraying ourselves or becoming dishonest. Unresolved conflict affects every single aspect of our lives, from self-confidence to physical and mental health.
Jayson Gaddis is a personal trainer for relationships and one of the world’s leading authorities on interpersonal conflict. For almost two decades, Gaddis has helped individuals, couples, and teams get to the bottom of their deepest conflicts. He helps people see the wisdom in conflict and how to get to zero - how “clean and clear” we feel with others when we have successfully worked through a disagreement. We get to a place where there is “zero” conflict.
In Getting to Zero, Gaddis shows the listener how to stop running away from uncomfortable conversations and instead learn how to work through them. Through funny personal stories, uncomfortable examples, and effective tools and skills, he shows the listener how to move from disconnection to connection, acceptance, and understanding. This method upgrades the old tired and static conflict resolution approaches and offers a fresh, street-level, user-friendly road map on exactly how to work through conflict with the people you care most about.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2021 Jayson Gaddis (P)2021 Hachette GoListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“In this compelling guide to approaching conflict in our most intimate relationships, Jayson Gaddis offers a science-informed, practical toolbox for resolving the inevitable tensions that arise in our personal and professional lives. Filled with useful concepts and readily applicable steps to sensing and solving interpersonal challenges, repairing ruptures when they occur, this book is not about trying to achieve a life without difficulties in our relationships, but is about moving toward a receptive state of calm and clarity - a state our author names as “zero” - in which we can engage our inner life and our connections with others with kindness and presence that research suggests are at the core of mutually rewarding, generative ways of living with compassion, connection, and well-being.” (Daniel J. Siegel, MD, executive director, Mindsight Institute, New York Times best-selling author of IntraConnected, Mind, Mindsight, and Aware)
“Jayson Gaddis has written, in our view, one of the most clear and helpful books on this endemic feature of our humanity: conflict. If you want to know what conflict is and how to resolve it, Getting to Zero will give you to that destination. We recommend this book to everyone who has ever felt that twitch which plunges us into darkness. While it is replete with accessible theory about what is happening in your mind and brain, it is even more generous with practical guidance from that will lead you from conflict to connection.” (Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
"As a couples therapist, professor, and relationship educator, I am excited to recommend Getting to Zero to my clients and students. Jayson Gaddis is a magnificent teacher - thoughtful, warm, nerdy, practical, and wise. The approach he offers on these pages is one that serves our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. Dive in! You are going to be so glad you did...and the people you love will be so glad too!" (Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University; author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back)
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Spies, codes, and guerrillas played unprecedentedly critical roles in the Second World War, exploited by every nation in the struggle to gain secret knowledge of its foes, and to sow havoc behind the fronts. In The Secret War, Max Hastings presents a worldwide cast of characters and some extraordinary sagas of intelligence and resistance, to create a new perspective on the greatest conflict in history.
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Better read than listened to
- By B. In -t Veld on 03-25-17
By: Max Hastings
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Traumatized
- Identify, Understand, and Cope with PTSD and Emotional Stress
- By: Kati Morton LMFT
- Narrated by: Kati Morton LMFT
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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We hear the terms trauma and PTSD more and more. Yet many people still believe that trauma can only result from experiences that are particularly extreme. But trauma is an emotional response that can stem from a wide variety of upsetting experiences, leaving us feeling anxious, weighed down by negative emotions or memories, or feeling like we lack security.
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trauna
- By kathrin johnson on 12-07-22
By: Kati Morton LMFT
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To Sanctify the World
- The Vital Legacy of Vatican II
- By: George Weigel
- Narrated by: Steven Arthur
- Length: 10 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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The Second Vatican Council (1962-1965) was the most important Catholic event in the past five hundred years. Yet sixty years after its opening on October 11, 1962, its meaning remains sharply contested and its promise unfulfilled. In To Sanctify the World, George Weigel explains the necessity of Vatican II and explores the continuing relevance of its teaching in a world seeking a deeper experience of freedom than personal willfulness.
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Fails to see how Vatican II broke with tradition
- By Amanda S on 12-20-24
By: George Weigel
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Odd Girl Out
- By: Laura James
- Narrated by: Lucinda Clare
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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From childhood, Laura James knew she was different. She struggled to cope in a world that often made no sense to her, as though her brain had its own operating system. It wasn't until she reached her 40s that she found out why: Suddenly and surprisingly, she was diagnosed with autism. With a touching and searing honesty, Laura challenges everything we think we know about what it means to be autistic. Married with four children and a successful journalist, Laura examines the ways in which autism has shaped her career, her approach to motherhood, and her closest relationships.
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Narration is not my favorite
- By Linden on 03-01-21
By: Laura James
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The Story of You
- An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self
- By: Ian Morgan Cron
- Narrated by: Ian Morgan Cron
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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With this powerful tool, Cron shows us how each type can shed their broken stories and harness their unique power within to become who we are truly meant to be, shedding the unhappiness we accumulate by trying to live out of the wrong story. Filled with examples from people whose lives have been transformed for the better, Cron maps out a guide for using Enneagram wisdom to reauthor your life and experience deep inner transformation, healing, and happiness.
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Good but miss the mark
- By TJ on 01-11-23
By: Ian Morgan Cron
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How to Get Unstuck
- Breaking Free from Barriers to Your Productivity
- By: Matt Perman
- Narrated by: Stu Gray
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Matt Perman has spent his career helping people learn how to do work in a gospel-centered and effective way, combining theological substance with practical self-management. In How to Get Unstuck, he will walk you step-by-step through the core principles that free you to be more effective in everything you do. Drawing on the wisdom of the Bible and on the best of today's research, How to Get Unstuck shows believers and non-believers alike how to live productive, integrated lives and develops a poignant portrayal of true effectiveness.
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Don’t remember God being mentioned in sample
- By Matt Galster on 04-21-23
By: Matt Perman
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The Likeability Trap
- How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are
- By: Alicia Menendez
- Narrated by: Alicia Menendez
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Relying on extensive research and interviews, and carefully examined personal experience, The Likeability Trap delivers an essential examination of the pressure put on women to be amiable at work, home, and in the public sphere, and explores the price women pay for internalizing those demands. Rather than advising listeners to make themselves likeable, Menendez empowers them to examine how they perceive themselves and others and explores how the concept of likeability is riddled with cultural biases.
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Not for me
- By ksmith525 on 01-22-20
By: Alicia Menendez
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The F*ck It Diet
- Eating Should Be Easy
- By: Caroline Dooner
- Narrated by: Caroline Dooner
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian and ex-diet junkie Caroline Dooner, an inspirational guide that will help you stop dieting, reboot your relationship with food, and regain your personal power. Our bodies are hardwired against dieting. But each time our diets fail, instead of considering that maybe our ridiculously low-carb diet is the problem, we wonder what’s wrong with us.
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I cannot believe this actually got published
- By w49859845 on 03-02-20
By: Caroline Dooner
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I'm Just a Person
- By: Tig Notaro
- Narrated by: Tig Notaro
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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In the span of four months in 2012, Tig Notaro was hospitalized for a debilitating intestinal disease called C. diff, her mother unexpectedly died, she went through a breakup, and then she was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer. Hit with this devastating barrage, Tig took her grief onstage. Days after receiving her cancer diagnosis, she broke new comedic ground, opening an unvarnished set with the words, "Good evening. Hello. I have cancer. How are you? Hi, how are you? Is everybody having a good time? I have cancer."
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An Amazing and Real Story
- By Brian on 06-22-16
By: Tig Notaro
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Springfield Confidential
- Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons
- By: Mike Reiss, Mathew Klickstein
- Narrated by: Mike Reiss
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Four-time Emmy winner Mike Reiss - who has worked on The Simpsons continuously since episode one in 1989 - shares stories, scandals, and gossip about working with America’s most iconic cartoon family ever. Reiss explains how the episodes are created and provides an inside look at the show’s writers, animators, actors, and celebrity guests. He answers a range of questions from Simpsons fans and die-hards and reminisces about the making of perennially favorite episodes.
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Story was arrogant and the delivery was terrible..
- By Tyler on 06-20-18
By: Mike Reiss, and others
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The Extended Mind
- The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain
- By: Annie Murphy Paul
- Narrated by: Annie Murphy Paul
- Length: 11 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Use your head. That’s what we tell ourselves when facing a tricky problem or a difficult project. But a growing body of research indicates that we’ve got it exactly backwards. What we need to do, says acclaimed science writer Annie Murphy Paul, is think outside the brain. A host of “extra-neural” resources—the feelings and movements of our bodies, the physical spaces in which we learn and work, and the minds of those around us— can help us focus more intently, comprehend more deeply, and create more imaginatively.
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Must Read for Artists, Designers, Strategists
- By Cassie Phillips on 05-28-22
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Ordinary Mysticism
- Your Life as Sacred Ground
- By: Mirabai Starr
- Narrated by: Mirabai Starr
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Life, Starr reminds us, is holy ground. Lyrical and tender, filled with profound wisdom and mind-opening insights, Ordinary Mysticism is about finding wonder in regular life, grounded in lessons from spiritual teachers across the centuries—from Julian of Norwich to Ram Dass. Starr combines their ancient wisdom with the story of her own personal and spiritual journey—from surviving the heartbreak of her fourteen-year-old daughter’s death to growing up amid the 1960s counterculture that introduced her to mysticism to her self-made spiritual practice of today.
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Mirabai has a true gift in reaching my soul
- By Thomas Fanelli on 10-05-24
By: Mirabai Starr
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Persians
- The Age of the Great Kings
- By: Lloyd Llewellyn-Jones
- Narrated by: Lloyd Llewellyn-Jones
- Length: 18 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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The Achaemenid Persian kings ruled over the largest empire of antiquity, stretching from Libya to the steppes of Asia and from Ethiopia to Pakistan. In Persians, historian Lloyd Llewellyn-Jones tells the epic story of this dynasty and the world it ruled. Drawing on Iranian inscriptions, cuneiform tablets, art, and archaeology, he shows how the Achaemenid Persian Empire was the world’s first superpower—one built, despite its imperial ambition, on cooperation and tolerance. This is the definitive history of the Achaemenid dynasty and its legacies in modern-day Iran.
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Good History and Historiography
- By David A on 04-19-22
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Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction
- By: Christopher Canwell
- Narrated by: Christopher Canwell, Jackson Parker
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In Atomic Attraction Christopher Canwell takes us on a journey through the dark waters of attraction. What turns women on? What makes them choose one man over another? And how can you become truly desirable and attractive? This book answers these questions by combining the latest scientific research with real-life case studies to show you, the listener, how to ignite the fires of attraction and captivate those around you.
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Disappointing.
- By Rose Conley on 01-19-20
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Vibrate Higher Daily
- Live Your Power
- By: Lalah Delia
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 4 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Too often, we feel pulled down by circumstances or the negativity of others. We think we have no control over the things that are hurting us and holding us back from realizing our truest selves. But for Lalah Delia, we have more power within us than we know. Listen to your unique inner voice and trust your instincts: by doing so, you’re already experiencing the transformative power of vibrational-based living.
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Too Robotic No Compassion
- By Re J on 08-14-20
By: Lalah Delia
What listeners say about Getting to Zero
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- anonymous
- 10-28-21
My husband noticed a change in me immediately!
I got the Audible version and could not stop listening. The tools and skills taught in this book are a MUST for everyone to learn. I wish they would be taught in school. Our world would look a lot different if we all knew how to deal better with inner and outer conflicts. My husband even mentioned: "I don't know what you did, but I love the change in you." GET THE BOOK NOW! It will change your relationships forever.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Heather
- 12-02-22
This book may have helped save my marriage
This is an absolutely amazing book. Everyone should read/listen to. Had I had this book years ago before I left my husband it might’ve helped save our marriage. The tools in this book are like nothing I have ever seen or heard. The style is something you can apply throughout your whole life and all of your relationships! This book is changing my life, the corresponding podcast is a wonderful pairing with the book as well. Jason is out there doing other amazing work helping other people! He offers workshops for both personal/relationship growth, as well as if you want to become a trained relationship counselor! The potential for true personal growth is really infinite and certainly some thing I think most people strive for but had not really known how to do without spending years in therapy.
Like I said, I wish I had found this book years ago, but I am blessed to have found it now! I have shared it with all of my friends and family, too!
Thank you so much, Jason! I love hearing your wife and daughter on the podcast as well. It definitely brings a personal touch to your show / podcast.
The narration is great, it’s easy to understand, and can be applied immediately, even if you might be in the middle of a conflict. Matter fact, I shared it recently with my current partner he listened to it, and we were able to resolve that issue and move forward in a new way.
I can’t thank you enough for this amazing work you’re doing Jason!
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- Anonymous User
- 10-13-22
Wow.
Everything the world doesn’t know it needs yet. Amazing. Game changing. So excited for this to move into the collective consciousness.
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- lauren BOIROS
- 10-31-21
Amazing contribution to the human experience
Amazing read-both in hard copy, as well as listening to Jayson Gaddis in this audible. The tools he presents are constant “ah ha’s” to a more aware ‘you’ in relationship to yourself and an intimate partnership. Transformative!
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- Anonymous User
- 03-26-22
Worth the work!!
Wish this was mandatory study for all and we held eachother accountable to going the binaries practiced here.
It’s a counseling book for counselors. Diagnosis isn’t really mentioned but unhealthy, out of balance attitudes and actions are given practical actions to turn into healthy relating, whereby diagnosis wouldn’t be applicable anymore anyway (tendencies/propensity vs. active/inactive character habits).
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- Lauren Niles
- 12-14-22
A must read
I am on my second time through Getting To Zero. It is extremely helpful and truly life changing. I have struggled with conflict my entire life and just one time reading it I have implemented parts that have allowed me to handle conflicts in a calm way that I have never been able to.
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- JV
- 01-31-24
Gave me the words I needed
The tools are solid and delivery is on point. The book is practical and profound. My marriage has been challenging and this was a key asset in my understanding of repair. Ownership and empathy.
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- Michael Stevenson
- 03-13-24
Amazing!
A truly helpful text in learning to navigate conflict in high stakes relationships. I wish I knew this before now. Looking forward to trying to heal the relationships most important to me using this method!
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- Live love learn
- 03-11-22
The Conflict management and self-awareness bible
This book is absolutely amazing. If you have challenges when interacting with others during conflict or others have problems interacting with you, read this book! I plan to read and reread this for the rest of my life
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-15-22
Beautiful
I really enjoyed listening to this book. It was pretty heavy at times so I did take my time through it. I was impressed by the amount of detail he went into when writing about our nervous system, our scared animal, and behavior patterns that all contribute to how we deal or don’t deal with conflict. It was well structured and organized. I liked his use of acronyms that gave step by step directions to communicate, listen and resolve conflict effectively. Great book, I will probably end up referring to it later and re-reading when I need to.
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