
You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
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Narrated by:
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Martin LaGrande
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Mike Berlak
About this listen
A groundbreaking approach for practicing courageous love and resilient intimacy—from the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy
Do loving relationships end because couples lack communication skills, struggle to empathize, and fail to accommodate each other’s needs? That’s a common belief within and outside of the therapeutic world… but what if it’s all wrong? In You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the celebrated founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a new way—a path toward courageous love that replaces the striving, dependent, and disconnected approach to solving relationship challenges.
The breakthrough realization of IFS is that our psyche contains multiple parts, each with a life of its own. Most problems in relationships arise because we unknowingly burden our partner with the task of caring for our disowned and unloved parts. In this book, you’ll discover essential insights and tools to foster healthy dialogue with your parts and your partner, including:
• How to recognize and disarm the cultural assumptions that create shame, guilt, and isolation in relationships
• The Three Projects—why we fool ourselves into thinking we must change our partner, change ourselves, or give up on true intimacy
• Finding and Healing Exiles—transforming the way our most vulnerable parts influence the way we treat each other
• How to reorient relationship conflicts to help each of us grow toward the Self—the center of our clarity and wisdom
• Courageous Love—building resilient intimacy with each other and our parts to create healthy, lasting partnerships
“No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us,” says Dr. Schwartz. “Yet when we begin with Self-leadership, a relationship can become a safe place in which we help each other heal and grow.” Here is an invaluable guide for therapists and laypersons alike to promote connection, trust, and understanding—within yourself and with the one you love.
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“This profound and readable book provides clear guidelines for therapists and clients alike. In ways that complement my own work, clients learn how to unload the cultural and family burdens that block intimacy by keeping them locked in rigid gender roles. Therapists learn an empowering and practical process for treating couples. I enthusiastically recommend this book to anyone serious about improving relationships in the world today!”—Terrence Real, author of I Don’t Want to Talk about It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage
“This highly original book offers critical new insights into obstacles to the dance of intimacy. Most of us have inner exiled parts that carry burdens of shame and abandonment from our past. These interfere with our capacity for intimacy. Dick Schwartz shows us how to use the exiles our partners trigger in us to find and heal the source—our original attachment injuries. This releases our capacity to be fully alive in relationships.”—Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, medical director, the Trauma Center, and professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
“You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For is my relationship bible! The IFS principles and methods shared in this book have offered me direct access to ‘courageous love’ and a greater connection to my husband than I ever thought possible. The book is on my bedside table, and I turn to it as a nightly ritual.”—Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back
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Story
When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood.
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Felt words were given to my experiences
- By Britney on 07-02-24
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I Didn't Sign Up for This
- A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships . . . Including Her Own
- By: Dr. Tracy Dalgleish
- Narrated by: Dr. Tracy Dalgleish
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Couples therapist Dr. Tracy Dalgleish has spent the last seventeen years dedicated to helping hundreds of couples in distress find hope and healing, sometimes by staying together and other times not. Breakdowns in communication, lack of intimacy, infidelity, overbearing in-laws and exes (to name a few)―she's seen it all. Shortly after the birth of her first child, Dr. Tracy suddenly began to see herself in her clients' narratives.
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Inaccurate info regarding affairs
- By M. Nelson on 03-12-24
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The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation
- By: Debbie Mirza
- Narrated by: Debbie Mirza
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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The Safest Place Possible is a journey to self-love and healing. If you have lost yourself in an unhealthy or traumatic relationship and want to find your way back to who you really are, if you have had the rug pulled out from under you, if you are experiencing anxiety and fear, if you are unsure of your future, this is the book for you. This book is both a memoir as well as an incredibly helpful guide to healing through transforming the relationship you have with yourself.
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So grateful for this book!
- By Sunny on 08-03-19
By: Debbie Mirza
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Calming the Emotional Storm
- Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life
- By: Sheri Van Dijk MSW
- Narrated by: Rebecca Roberts
- Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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When you have difficulties managing your emotions, it can feel like you're losing control of your whole life. Anger, hurt, grief, worry, and other intense feelings can be overwhelming, and how you react to these emotions can impact your ability to maintain relationships, succeed at work, or even think straight! If you find it difficult to understand, express, and process intense emotions - and most of us do - this book is for you.
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Don't let title throw you off
- By Allison R. on 02-10-17
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Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual
- Trauma-Informed Treatment for Anxiety, Depression, PTSD & Substance Abuse
- By: Frank G. Anderson, Richard C. Schwartz
- Narrated by: Douglas James
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) provides a revolutionary treatment plan for PTSD, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and more. Using a non-pathologizing, accelerated approach—rooted in neuroscience—IFS applies inner resources and self-compassion for healing emotional wounding at its core. This new audio manual offers straight-forward explanations and illustrates a wide variety of applications. Easy to listen to and highly practical.
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Not Good as an Audiobook
- By Alyssa Joy on 08-03-21
By: Frank G. Anderson, and others
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Confident Decision Making
- How to Make the Right Choice Every Time
- By: Roger Dawson
- Narrated by: Roger Dawson
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Original Recording
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Every businessperson has to make decisions. Here's how to make them quickly, correctly and confidently.
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Excellent Practical Book
- By Amazon Customer on 12-24-14
By: Roger Dawson
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Laziness Does Not Exist
- By: Devon Price PhD
- Narrated by: Em Grosland
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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From social psychologist Dr. Devon Price, a conversational, stirring call to “a better, more human way to live” (Cal Newport, New York Times best-selling author) that examines the “laziness lie” - which falsely tells us we are not working or learning hard enough.
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An Absolute Waste of Time. Not practical at all.
- By Graham Austin on 07-25-21
By: Devon Price PhD
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Workbook: What Happened to You?
- Healing Books, Book 1
- By: Liam Daniels, Alice Moore
- Narrated by: V L COLE
- Length: 2 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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“Workbook: What Happened to You?” not only provides all the powerful ideas, practices, and concepts that Oprah and Dr. Perry discuss in their original book in a clear and concise format, but it also offers interactive exercises, reflective and thought-provoking questions, tools, resources for healing, and supplementary information; all designed to enrich your understanding and help you apply what you’ve heard.
By: Liam Daniels, and others
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Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy
- Awareness, Breath, Resonance, Movement, and Touch in Practice
- By: Susan McConnell, Richard Schwartz PhD - foreword
- Narrated by: Julie Slater
- Length: 12 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Discover the innovative intersection of somatic therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS), featuring 5 core practices to transform modern therapeutic approaches. Enhance your clinical practice and patient outcomes by skillfully uniting body and mind through an evidence-based therapeutic modality—endorsed by leaders in the field, including Richard Schwartz.
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Fantastic book!
- By BDM on 03-27-22
By: Susan McConnell, and others
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Neuro-Habits: Rewire Your Brain to Stop Self-Defeating Behaviors and Make the Right Choice Every Time
- Understand Your Brain Better, Book 7
- By: Peter Hollins
- Narrated by: Russell Newton
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Neuro-Habits gets directly to the root of all behavior: the human brain. We will explore the quirks of the brain that create habits from both a psychological and neurological perspective and what we can do about it. This book also presents an in-depth view of the concept of habits and exactly what motivates us to act.
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Focus on Negative
- By Sheena on 04-04-24
By: Peter Hollins
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One by One by One
- Making a Small Difference Amid a Billion Problems
- By: Aaron Berkowitz
- Narrated by: Michael David Axtell
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Aaron Berkowitz had just finished his neurology training when he was sent to Haiti on his first assignment with Partners in Health. There, he meets Janel, a 23-year-old man with the largest brain tumor Berkowitz or any of his neurosurgeon colleagues at Harvard Medical School have ever seen. Determined to live up to Partners in Health’s mission statement “to bring the benefits of modern medical science to those most in need”, Berkowitz tries to save Janel’s life by bringing him back to Boston for a 12-hour surgery.
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Excellent
- By Alan on 02-07-21
By: Aaron Berkowitz
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Judgment Detox
- Release the Beliefs That Hold You Back from Living a Better Life
- By: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Length: 5 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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The Judgment Detox is an interactive process that calls on spiritual principles from the text A Course in Miracles, Kundalini yoga, meditation, EFT, and metaphysical teachings, allowing us to release the beliefs that hold us back from living a better life. Gabby has demystified these principles to make them easy to apply and commit to.
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Gabby Bernstein's Breakthrough
- By Posinerd on 01-05-18
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No Self, No Problem
- How Neuropsychology is Catching Up to Buddhism
- By: Chris Niebauer PhD
- Narrated by: Charlie Varon
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In this groundbreaking audiobook, neuropsychology professor Chris Niebauer explains how after decades of research on the brain, Western science may have inadvertently confirmed a fundamental tenet of Buddhism: anatta, or the doctrine of "no self". Niebauer shows how findings in neuropsychology suggest that our sense of self is actually an illusion created by the left side of the brain and that it exists in the same way a mirage in the middle of the desert exists: as a thought rather than a thing.
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Everyone should be reading this!
- By Mary Lou on 01-02-20
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Brain Hacks
- Life-Changing Strategies to Improve Executive Functioning
- By: Lara Honos-Webb PhD
- Narrated by: Rebecca Rogers
- Length: 4 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Filled with actionable strategies proven to improve focus, increase productivity, and promote well-being, Brain Hacks will help you transform the way you work, live, and feel by tapping into the power of your executive functioning skills. Modern life requires a lot of our brains. We need to stay organized, manage our time wisely, and make important decisions. These essential skills - known as executive functioning - affect every aspect of our lives, from how we function at work and home to how we manage stress.
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Brilliant! Wish it had an accompanying PDF
- By Jordan Todd Woods on 12-29-21
What listeners say about You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
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- Ramona
- 10-06-24
Clear examples of parts work
I read the van der Kolk book but wasn't sure how to implement. This book demonstrates how to implement.Should we passionately pursue or dreams or be more zen? Neither. We should listen to our exiles as soon as they speak up, before they need to shout or send a hasty email. Improves intimate and work relationships.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Marty Erickson
- 08-17-24
A unique and very helpful approach for couples/relationships.
I’m a PhD, LMFT. This is an excellent approach for couples therapy, and I’m also impressed that couples could get some very initial framing and help from reading this book together, as long as they are both very open to it, and very willing to try out, experiment with, and implement the ideas as outlined in the book. And I would guess most, perhaps the vast majority, of couples will need a therapist to help them through this process. Over the past 10 years, IFS has become one of the most popular leading approaches to individual as well as relationship, couple, family therapy work in the United States. It’s been amazing to see how popular this has become. I’ve known of the ideas for 30 years, and I think the cultural conditions of our nation and the state of relationships, couples and families is incredibly ripe for this kind of intervention.
To me, IFS is bridging, the very best of: Jungian, cognitive, narrative, systemic and relational theory. I love that IFS has social justice underpinning to it and the sociocultural explanations of couple relationships early in the book are superb. I would like to see IFS more deeply integrative of affective/emotional and somatic work.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Christopher Ledford
- 11-23-24
Make ourselves happy first
This book was suggested by my therapist. I’m so fortunate that he did. His stories hit home
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1 person found this helpful
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- Celina Cook
- 01-22-25
everything
Love the way Dr Schwartz teaches people to identify their inner voices and create better relationships.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Wally weinbaum
- 03-10-25
helpful theory
I love the ideas as Applied to my life and to use with callers on hot lines
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- Malonie Carre
- 03-27-25
Amazing
Every couple should hear this! Very easy to listen too and enjoyable, thank you for this. This book will change lives
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- Kim Quintero
- 02-06-24
Ground Breaking
This book was truly a breakthrough. It can be an unconventional way to relating to yourself, but the science is there and so are the results. A must-read (or must-listen!)
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2 people found this helpful
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- Seattle Reader
- 05-10-24
Key Insight
This is one of the best and most helpful books I’ve listened to for me and my relationship. (And I’ve listened to a lot.) The author narration is excellent.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Patricia Marie
- 04-01-25
Brought me to tears multiple times
This is work that we all need. It might seem esoteric and strange to some, but you won’t regret it if you really give it a shot.
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- Ericka
- 04-24-24
ifs
i love that there are prompts/ exercises/ reflection points. i also listened to no bad parts and having all the examples in this book, as they apply actively in partnership, was a helpful next step.
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