Changed my life forever

You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..."
Well this is one of those.

How was this book?
Short answer: Life-changing

Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right?
This is such a poisonous mindset, and this book REALLY elaborates on that.
In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.
I have been completely transformed.
I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all.

I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol.
This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

Example #1:
-I accidentally brush up against someones shoulder while walking in a hallway-

Old me: Sorry about that

New me: *silence*

What the hell do I have to apologize about? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong.

Example #2:
-A friend asks me to help them move-

Old me: I would love to! and you know I would! its just [I am now lying...] its just I have to take care of this thing at 5pm and I can't push it back any further.. Man this sucks, because I totally would help you move, I just can't today.

New me: I'll pass actually, I'm tired and I really just wanted to relax today.

This is now how I actually respond to requests like this.

I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.
I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy.
And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

BUT WARNING:
The steps in becoming this way are VERY uncomfortable at first. Dr.Aziz gives you all the steps you need and outlines all the exercises for you, but you HAVE to do them in order to change. There's no other way. You can't just read this book and become transformed. Not gonna happen.
The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time.
The first exercise, when I did it, I was so incredibly uncomfortable I wanted to hide lol. Now looking back, doing that exercise again seems effortless to me now.
But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever.

This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day.

If there is one thing in my entire life I could change, it would be reading this book much earlier in my life.

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116 people found this helpful

Better than excellent!

I never leave reviews, but this goes to show you what a great impact this book had on me .

Very good, I learned a lot from this book, more so than any other book I've ever read.

I even created my Bill of Rights and I live by those. it is my great pleasure to recommend this book and its author.

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49 people found this helpful

Do a factory reset & get rid of the nice shackles!

I loved the content of this book! A lot of details on our conditioning to become nice and how the environmental pressures start taking us to not be ourselves under the notion of you are not nice! Soon enough we start becoming timid because we don’t want to be perceived as not nice or a-holes.

It’s also very actionable. I listened to the audio book (read by author) and he was so persistent about pausing the audio and writing some things down. Which I personally liked because I often say later and later never comes. Writing down stuff helps with witnessing some serious transformations. Thanks Aziz Gazipura

All in all we are definitely being manipulated on daily basis under the magical spell of BE NICE and NOT NICE book is a legitimate way to break the spell

My key take aways:

1- You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with.

2- Being nice is definitely not being authentic
All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants.
We just want to be nice so agree to things against our personal interests.

3- Voice your concerns openly and clearly.
It is not as bad as you think. As long as you are being objective and not personally attacking people, you will be fine. Voice disappointment, don’t let people INTERRUPT you -all those golden rules about conversational etiquette are rarely followed and people will interrupt you at work, school and personal life.
So if you feel you need to say something then firmly and objectively say it. e.g.:
I am not done yet with my point. Let me finish and then you can speak.


4- What people think of you does not concern you.

People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!)
A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves.

P.S. At the end of the book there is a 30 day boot camp that give you a small daily task to BREAK FREE of your NICE PROGRAMMING.

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2 people found this helpful

Really life changing

I haven’t even finished the book and I feel like it has helped me set my boundaries substantially.

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1 person found this helpful

Such a life changing book

This book was such a godsend for me I've always been a person that struggled with boundaries and have always been called a push over. This book has literally flip the script on my whole thought process behind being nice and I was able to start seeing changes in my life within the first week of practicing some of the stuff taught in this book. Aziz's voice is also great for narration, and he is great at making you laugh and bringing in some comedic relief after some deep introspection. Safe to say I am a fan of his work now. As a matter of fact just bought another one of his. Excited to dive it because this has been a 11 / 10 listening experience 😍

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1 person found this helpful

A Wonder book

before getting this book i had commented myself to self improvement. i had gone through the worst time in my life and felt lower then trash at times, couldn't talk to girls or even guys, so sometime back this year i decided to make a change. i started my journey with the six pillars of self esteem, then how to win friends and influence people moving towards atomic habits and Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others. each of those gave me a piece of the puzzle. that puzzle being my true self, my inner self. not who i want to be or be like. But who I truly am, my goofy fun loving, confidence self, who can be himself without remorse, guilt, self hate, self reflection and even self deprecation in front of others, being easily offended and so on and so on.

This book was an eye opener in several fields and reteaching me in others. my biggest concern going into this book was "i dont wanna be an asshole" and in the first few chapters he makes a proclamation, hes gonna convince me i was wrong and that not being nice is the opposite of being an asshole. it was being open and honest with your self and others. Keep in mind, I already had a firm ideal of who I wanted to be, how to act and was grounded to where I was heading in life. so i sat back, pulled up my pitch forks and over the course of the next few weeks i listened to this book. and let me say, he held true to that promise 10xs over. being "nice" is literally an insult. "why?". In any situation when your talking to a girl and she says, “your such a nice guy but I have a boyfriend”. what does that make you feel. In a conversation you decide your not gonna tell somebody you cant do something because you know that person would take it badly and you would hurt their feelings, so you endure. Your talking with someone and you dont wanna talk with them so you kinda just blank out and wait for them to leave. Or even vis versa. What is the common ground in all these cases. They are refusing to be their honest selfs and not just that but scared to do so. They are leaving you guessing as to what their truly thinking, In the end only leaving you more hurt then if they were honest. The girl is lying to you cause she doesn’t like conflict, she might have a boyfriend, but from what I’ve experienced, those boyfriends/husbands/kids magically disappear when you become somebody she’s sexually attracted to. Dont wanna talk, say so. Dont wanna be friends, end the conversation or tactfully excuse yourself without voiding or lying. This book teached me your not to take the burden of other peoples suffering. Even if you caused it, specially if you caused it. Think, “Did I do anything wrong”. dont judge by how upset they are, but about was I following my principles in life, and if so and your still really worried about whether or not you truly did something wrong think this, how much is this actually going to effect them. are they gonna be homeless, loss loss their job, go into deep depression. Your words have such weight you can make or break people simply at glancing at them, you are a god that decides how people live or dies. Do you see how arrogant that sounds, these are strong people, your words MIGHT offend them for a seconds, then they will forget and infact still be happy to talk to you, or date you, or work with you and if there not do you really wanna keep talking with that person. This book has taught me these lessons and many more adding another piece to my puzzle

For me I was already trying to talk to people be more confidence and live everyday as tho my life was valuable right here, right now. So things in here at times felt as tho he was talking to the pass me, the me who cried over a girl because she broke up with me. The me to afriad to talk AT ALL in front of my coworkers. So some of these things were just a rehearsal, and I didn’t agree with everything he said as we are two different people and have different ways to live but over all im glad I read this book and would spend a lot more money to have this experience and knowledge. If your starting from ground 0, man or women. This IS for you. And if your starting from a higher level there is still a ton of value for you here. Buy this book no matter who you are or how confident you are, there is value

My parting words
go out and live as tho each second in your life is worth $1,000,000. would you let somebody steel $1,000,000 from you, so why are you letting somebody steel your time that is infinity more valuable. you anit never getting that time back, why waste it being unhappy.

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1 person found this helpful

Great book...and no I'm not being nice ;)

I really related to this book, the stories and the questions he asks. Even if you have more confidence than you think, this is a good book to fine tune it. This book is out people pleasers, people that worry about others opinions, people that struggle with saying no, anxiety about being perfect, and those who say"I'm sorry" all the time. I will definitely be reading it again.

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Parece muy largo Y vale la pena!!!

Si, son muchas horas, pero está cargado de historias que ejemplifican perfecto el sentimiento de sentirte culpable o presionado y los pasos a seguir para dejar de ser tan Nice. tardé mucho en terminarlo con una mudanza de por medio y muy poco tiempo para mí pero nunca sentí que perdí el hilo del mensaje. muy recomendable!!!

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Worth the time

His narration is excellent he is very pleasant and personable to listen to. I enjoy his stories as he gives actual examples from his life to show you what things look like. He does an excellent job of teaching how to use the tools to stop people pleasing and to meet your own needs. I did almost all of the exercises in the book and I found them meaningful and insightful. I do think the book is geared a little more to men, but the author is a man so that makes sense. I would like to give a warning and this is the reason I did not get five stars. If you are coming to this book with a trauma background or PTSD and fawning has been a safety response in you be aware that doing the exercises can bring up some big emotional responses and if you are not working with a professional a book alone is not going to be enough. He does provide some grounding and his peace process to help though. All in all this is an excellent book and I would highly recommend it if you struggle with meeting your own needs because of people pleasing Behavior.

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Read multiple times

This book changed my life! It has revealed the ways I have been my own worst critic all a long and has taught me the way out of oppressive guilt. Thank you!!!!

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